Go to http://www.molvania.com/

Its located in southeast Europe, between Legullible and Laclueless.

Zlkavszka Gardyloo

As far as I know, the Molvanîan Warthound is sadly now an endangered species, and you will have difficulty finding any for sale, even on the grey market. There are a couple of breeding pairs in the Vajana zoo, and the zookeeper, Zrki Wrcsanti is known to slip animals out the back door for the right price (US dollars only!).

I know that they are not comparable to the magnificent warthound, but did you consider importing either the Molvanîan Sneezing Hound or the Zuti herd dog? As you know, the latter are routinely slaughtered for their meat by the mountain shepherd-folk, and establishing the breed in the US might prevent it from going the way of the Warthound.

Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo!

For those who love cats, I saw photos of the elusive little Spritzlkat who although wild, takes to domesticating very easily.
With their tri-color fur and pink eyes, they are definitely adorable and no one can ignore their plaintive screeches when they want to eat.
I would definitely look into bringing back a breeding pair. Just be sure their cages are solid and have their own air supply, when they are worried, the emit an odour that might be offensive to most humans.
Glaadidah to you!!

BREAKING NEWS:

The Ryanair flights from Luton to Lutenblag West (which simply circled Luton airport, then put all passengers into the back of a 7 tonne minilorry for the short 3-day drive across Europe) have now been suspended because of typical nanny-state interference by the EU Directorate-General for Innovation Discouragement.

Flights now go to Lutenblag-Tirasopol (soon officially to be renamed Lutenblag South East), in not-quite neighbouring Transdniestr. Ryanair provide a convenient 37-hour connection to central Lutenblag using the new 56-stander, all-Molvanian, Vulkan buses (widely admired for their uncannily accurate resemblance to Fiat 500s)

Since Transdniestr voted against the Molvanian entry in the Eurovision Song Contest, border crossings have become slightly tricky, with all traffic originating from Transdniestr now required to pay €1000 per head (used notes only: no receipt available) on entry. Transdniestr imposes a matching fee for the return journey, but requires it to be paid in unused Russian roubles, the only currency accepted in Transdniestr.

In his press release about the new service, Ryanair chief Michael O'Leary said the company's pioneering of Tirasopol-Lutenblag South East was "a further step in the company's plan to transform the costs of European travel"

Is it true that you have to UNcover your arms and legs in Molvanian places of worship?

After receiving dishonourable discharge from the Societe des Aspirateurs, a vacuum cleaning regiment headquartered on the Rue Cler in Paris, I now wish to enlist my spouse in the Molvanian Foreign Legion. Please, I need the address of the recruiting office.

All of you silly people are just tourists, not travellers. I, on the other hand, bought the book in Britain before it was available in the US and rushed off to Molvania before it was overrun by the inevitable rush of American tourists in white sneakers. Thank goodness I got there early enough to absorb the genuine Molvanian feel and smell. From what I hear, Lutenblag is no longer what it was, since Rick Steves called it "the next Prague" and Dentists Without Borders sent over a shipment of drills and scrapers.

All of you are my heroes - my incredible, informative travel heroes.

Which one of you posed for the cover of the guide book?

what books can I read to prepare for my upcoming trip to Molvenia.

I plan to go to Lutenblag, spend some time hiking in the alps and the a side trip to laclueless in search of of my mising brain cells.

Balderdash ! Who cares about all that stuff? I just want to know where to shop and what to bring home.

Bob---
One of my good friends highly recommended Vripuff off the main square of Lutenblag. (Look for the statue of Commandant Klink and then walk about 15 steps. The door is poorly marked but is next to the donkey stalls.) Vripuff is one place with interesting native Molvanian crafts. I was told the salespeople are eager to help you and take care of the VAT but double check their math. Full blooded Molvanians only have 9 fingers so counting higher than that sometimes poses a problem.

Debbie

In the current edition of Molvania Through The Back Door (p.7), it advises that if you stay at the Four Seasons Lutenblag, you will build a cinderblock wall between yourself and the genuine culture you came to experience. Your $1 will only buy dentally-challenged smiles, but it will only be an illusion and not the real thing.
I just hope by the time I get to the Pensione Spazibo near the train station, I won't be seeing everyone else standing in the lobby with copies of the "Back Door", demanding their name-dropping discount.

Has anyone married a Molvanian sweatheart? If so, was it hard to get them past the animal control folks at the airport here in the USA? What shots and pest paperwork will they need?

Wow. I just got a great deal on a 4 night package in South Molvania's coastal paradise Dentrifica! Has anyone stayed at the Best Western (oh no, not the US chain, it's through that partnership with Novotel) Anyway, I get 4 nights for the price of 3 and tickets to the State Opera's production of Novocania. All this and free non-motorized water sports! I'm so pumped up! (It IS warm enough there in March, right?) Travelzoo comes through again! wheeeeeeeee!

how much do I tip the donkeys?

One carrot.

How much do you tip the donkeys? Depends how strong you feel and how steep a slope they're on.

Zlkavszka busted

I hate to break it to you, but you've been scammed! Molvanîa is a land-locked country, and the south is actually quite mountainous.

If you've been told that your resort is in the south, it's probably on Lake Debrizca, which is quite nice so long as you avoid the area wher tour buses dump their holding tanks.

As an alternative you might consider man-made Lake Skrotul in eastern Molvanîa where thousands of Molvanîans spend their holidays. You should be aware though that because of drought and uncontrolled irrigation practices, the lake level has dropped, so that the resort towns are now 3km from the water's edge.

If it's any consolation, you're not the first to fall for this particular scam. You should probably deal with a travel agent who specializes in travel to Molvanîa, who would be aware of this and many other common scams.

Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo!

Hi laverendrye
>I hate to break it to you, but you've been scammed! ...
If you've been told that your resort is in the south, it's probably on Lake Debrizca, which is quite nice so long as you avoid the area wher tour buses dump their holding tanks.<

We have reservations (paid for in advance in cash because we got a 25% discount) at the Hotel Krokystrokiskiaskya Notrilly. Is this in the area you are referring to?

Zlkavszka Ira

I don't know the Notrilly, as I always stay at the Vajana Ritzzz Hojtl when in the area. However it sounds like you have a good deal. I only hope you were careful to pay your deposit in Strubls.

Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo!

Thanks L,

We paid the whole amount in USD so as to get the discount. Did I make a mistake?

How used and greasy were your dollar bills?

Hi Patrick
I was wondering why they told me "only please used dollar bills $1".

I guess that that is the usual procedure?

Ira

Having paid in US dollars, you will find that you will be subject to a very flexible floating exchange rate which will at the very least cancel out your 25% discount. This is assuming that the hotel acknowledges your deposit, which reputable establishments will do in some cases.

Next time you travel, you should get strubls in advance. You can get them from any overseas branch of Bankja Molvanîa. The U.S. branch is in Dubuque, Iowa, to service the large expatriate community there. I understand that you can also get them at a Molvanîan restuarant/grocery/cultural center in Paterson NJ, which serves the greater NYC area.

Don't forget to get your whooping cough vaccination as you sure wouldn't want to ruin your trip coughing the whole time!

I'll be leaving for Molvania in 2 weeks. I'll spent most of time in Lutenblag, but with day trips to the forest of Shilemblum for bear watching. I can't decide between renting a cell phone or buying one there. I was told that the international calls are expensive (in excess of 200 shokapeks per minute). Does anyone have 1st hand experience on this subject?

Gosh -- thanks for all the advise. So it is a lake and not the sea. That means it's probably not salt water and not being a swimmer will be a problem. I'd like to know more about the bear watching, though. Do you think we could do some trekking with a guide from our location on Lake Debrizca? Are there some good wineries to tour? (We like to visit wineries).

Zlkavszka!
Anyone who thinks this forum is not funny any more post-registration should be thrown into a Molvanian prison (which I understand are slightly more comfortable than a Molvanian 4-star hotel).

What to shop for, you ask? The tiny painted dolls made from dried donkey dung are internationally prized, as are the traditional local drinking mugs made from recycled boots.

>...the traditional local drinking mugs made from recycled boots.<

I've been told that the boots from which the drinking mugs are made are themselves made from recycled truck tires. Any info on this?

Sadly, communications are impeded by the accumulation of vehicles without tyres at the various border posts. Stranded drivers are, however, occupying themselves harvesting the donkey dung with which to make tiny painted dolls to sell for food. And so the great wheel of commerce turns. Or not, as the case may be.

Are there beaches in Molvania? Nice lakes to swim in?
How are the temperatures in winter, would it be a good Christmas destination?
Tanks~

PRICELESS!!!!!!!!

Absoulutely priceless, I think I will suggest this very special destination to some very some "special" relatives.

Do the floods in Molvania get very high? I intend to bring my own donkey and he is scared of water. My sister tried to get him to cross the Danube and he bolted . She fell off and died. Since she was alone a thief stole her body and we have not heard from her.

laverendrye,
I know I should refer this to Ira because he usually knows the best transportation routes within countries but I was hoping you could clear something up for me since you've been there. When taking the donkey trail up from Lutenblag to Rootcanalis is it advisable to pack Carrots as an incentative to the animal or is this service provided by the Assenfleigel?

Be very careful of the Molvanian gypsies. They will steal your harmonica every chance they can.
The locals will love you to sell them your kahkis, white sneakers and baseball can. I exchanged my T-shirt(a Bush photo) for a Molvanian top. They shocked me when they turned around and burned it. I shall not go there again!

Cingale,
Was that a Burning Bush?

Back in college I wanted to study abroad. My parents wanted to send me to London, but I chose Molvania. The main thing that attracted me to Molvania was that it was the only country in the world where I could be the best-looking person there.

I went to the University of Greater Lutenblag Youth, or UGLY for short. It was quite a mind-expanding experience. I learned to enjoy all of the local foods, but when I came home I had to re-learn how to use cutlery, as it's considered rude to ask for it in Molvania. I brought a good supply of toothpaste before leaving home, but dental floss was impossible to find. Thank Heavens I had long hair in those days, it sure came in handy when I needed to floss.

It's not the coughing I mind so much as the whooping.



White sneakers are sooooo 2002.

~Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo~

Hi johnthedorf
>When taking the donkey trail up from Lutenblag to Rootcanalis is it advisable to pack Carrots as an incentative to the animal or is this service provided by the Assenfleigel?<

I lost the link to where I found this, but I have in my notes:

Travel by Donkey:
It is not advisable for first-time visitors to attempt to drive themselves, as the road signs, where they do exist, are usually painted over.

It is customary to ride backward on the donkey, beating it on the haunches with a short, thin rod held in the right hand while holding a carrot suspended from a stick over your left shoulder in front of the animal.

Seat belts are not required in Molvania, but travelers have often reported police (or people claiming to be police) demanding a 500 sbrukle payment as a "fine" for not wearing seatbelts while on a moving donkey.

It is advised that you do not pay the CDW (Molvanian for Carrot and stick) charge, but obtain your carrots and sticks from local vendors.

Hope this helps.

(Great line about the Burning Bush.)