Spaarne, before registration I use to sometimes click on Fodor's and read some of the posts. I thought "good grief", I guess you could say I was a lurker and I never posted as I didn't have the time to spare. I rather forgot about Fodor's until way after registration took place. I do remember the preregistration days, lol.

Wholeheartedly agree with the OP.

Many responses have claimed that Forums are about opinions and you have to take the useful and supportive posts along with the selfish and offensive. Greg probably said it most succinctly (I'm going to use this one, Greg);

"It is difficult to gain extraordinarily useful inputs without encountering extraordinarily offensive inputs.

How can I agree with both statements? Well, I think there is a big distinction between someone who is ASKING for an opinion or critique on an itinerary, destination, etc., and someone who has come to ask for specific advice on a trip that is already planned, or something with clear parameters that they must operate within.

If somebody wants an opinion, let 'er rip. I don't care if you say you hate some place I would like to go to die. I find that fascinating and it is part of what makes us so interesting. It is also very useful to a third party, if it comes with some reasoning, because they can place their own likes, dislikes, and hopes for the vacation into the context of the response. For, example, if I express that I like like half-timber framed buildings and you simply think they look stupid, then you have some context for processing my opinion on places to visit that I find fascinating because of those buildings. On a related note, I really really don't like Paris.

What I find offensive is when an OP asks a specific question - something with their plans grounded in place and time, either through necessity, or desire. Something where it is clear that they are not asking for a critique, or a recommendation. It is very easy to identify the distinction between opinion requests and specific queries. What invariably happens is some posters chime in suggesting something entirely different. Most times kindly, but often dripping with condescension. What on earth makes people think that directing someone to have the vacation they want them to have rather than the one the OP really wants baffles me. They can broadly be classified as the;

"Know It Alls" - whether they have been to the area once, live there, or have experiences somewhere in between, they are going to set you right because you just don't know right, they do, and you will enjoy yourself more if you listen to them. These folks are closely related to the "Meddling Parents" - those grandparents who offer all the wonderful advice to their children, without being asked, about how their grandchildren should be raised.

"Do What I Dids!" - those who need the validation of their personal choices by encouraging others to do what they did, and love what they love. This forum becomes the online equivalent for those folks of having the neighbours over to watch their home movies or flip through the photo albums with them.

I know, I know, everyone is just trying to help and has good intentions. Unfortunately ,egomania and the seeking of validation all to often use good intentions as a cover for their ultimately selfish goals.

Again, if responders would recognize a request for an opinion as different from a request for some specific logistic advice, and respond accordingly (we don't want to answer what was asked, right? That serves the OP best) we would see fewer people feeling the need to complain about steamrolled by "good intentions"

I do think that most are trying to be helpful but there are a few who always seem to have a bit of an attitude with a lot of their replies.

I hope that people don't need to berate others for not knowing (that's the point of the posts). Ignore the ones you think are rude. No one wants to tongue lashed for asking a question. (Steve Martin saying Excuuuuussse Meee, comes to mind )!

One drawback to trying/reading, is there is no way to know someone's intent; even if it is meant to be funny or tongue in cheek, when it's just back and white words, it can come across differently than intended.

It's not that difficult. There are people with no knowledge about a place, getting advice from people with very limited knowledge about that same place, which they may have visited a number of times and believe to know. When in fact they are not even able to spell its name. LOL

It's only a very small number of areas and towns around witch the threads revolve.
People will not visit or even care to visit other maybe even more interesting places. So there is basically no exchange of real info in the forum.

Only very infrequently you do find something new that another fodorite has discovered, like a free campground in Franconia,
a area unknown to 95% of Fodorites due to lack of interest.

There are so many places I could take this logos......

I love these forums, the people and all the great info I get. The info has made many trips much better and far more successful. If it doesn't suit- go elsewhere.

Wow - I LOVED reading all of these responses...you guys are great!! Aramis, I think you clarified something for me that I knew but somehow didn't verbalize before:

"Well, I think there is a big distinction between someone who is ASKING for an opinion or critique on an itinerary, destination, etc., and someone who has come to ask for specific advice on a trip that is already planned, or something with clear parameters that they must operate within."

Aramis - Your descriptions of the various "posters" were both humorous and dead-on.

Feda - thank you I plan on enjoying - "touristy" or not.

I understand that many of you feel that the same questions are asked again and again. Who knows? Perhaps the people don't understand how to type key terms into the search forum. Perhaps they weren't impressed with previous answers and decided to conduct their own inquiry. Again, I am not sure. But I love the people who jump down the OPs' throats and tell them that these same questions have already been answered a thousand times. I wonder how necessary that is?

Adrienne - you have to remember that many people on here live in their safe suburbs in anywhere America. Cities are scary to them. I hate to admit this myself, but I felt really stressed out on a recent trip to San Fran because I am not used to clutching my purse so tightly and using public transportation. I live in your stereotypical bedroom community and I drive everywhere- having to worry about losing my purse or miss a bus is uncomfortable to me the first few days of a trip. So when you write that OPs who ask if something is "safe" is condescending, I am not sure I can agree with that. I think in many cases they are legitimately concerned. I will say, in fairness, that I have yet to encounter overly stupid posts. I usually read the ones that inquire about time frames/cities.

The point of this post was just to see reactions to my thoughts. It was mixed as expected. I am just glad to see I am not alone in my perceptions. I am very grateful to the people who are willing to provide so much information with grace. I guess I will just continue to laugh and roll my eyes at the more supercilious posters.

Thanks again for all the feedback!!

ERAY

PS - I was pondering on another post about the irony of rude Europeans and their feelings towards "ugly Americans" but perhaps I will save that for a column and get paid for my thoughts!

PS- we have a school teacher in our family also and suffer many a hot trip. I dream of the day we can go in May or Sept or anytime but July and August!

Italyagain - you have no idea! I suppose I could get away over spring break at the end of March, but it's a week and I hate to be gone longer than that. I just try to be grateful that we still have a summer vacation at this point. Plus, I am a Floridian, so I am sure I can handle Italy's heat more than most 100 degrees? No sweat! (well, actually...)

I think one of the value of this site is enabling people to ask seemingly same questions again and again. What is then the thesis? Should the seemingly same question be give the same answer every time? I think that would diminish the value of this site.

The same question can be answered emphasizing the different pros and cons of approaches. The sequence of the responders influences a particular aspect of the question posed. The same responder can also post a different approach to the same question at different times perhaps prompted by how others responded. Same questions posed at different time of the year can be relevantly responded incorporating the special events taking place at the time or the diminished activities at certain destinations. A single answer covering all conceivable angles would likely to be too voluminous to be useful as well going out of date as soon as it gets posted.

This has been an interesting discussion, and I love that it has been a discussion, sharing thoughts and ideas in a back and forth manner, without digressing into a bashing of any particular comment. That is a testament to the value of this forum and accepting the not so useful along with the useful.

In reference to the topic of repeat questions, that is going to be the nature of the beast. While many here are regulars and fish the forum for knowledge on an ongoing basis, there are going to be "newbies" and others not familiar with the search technique. Some will simply not have the time to sort through pages of threads covering 3 years of experience just to find the specific information they need, or sometimes to not find the info they need.

As so well put by Greg, maybe by reasking the question, a new respondant can add something new to the subject. Simply a case of the right person at the right time sort of thing. Along a similar line of thinking, I sometimes see a question that I have an answer for, but if my response would be simply a duplicate of info already given, I see no need to repeat it.

This forum is a wealth of information--and opinion. I enjoy and appreciate both.

E_Ray13, Aramis, and greg,

Blah, blah, blah. When someone comes on this forum and doesn't know where Paris is they deserve to be told to get a map and a guide book. How about questions like what is the *best way* to get from CDG to an un-named hotel in *downtown* Paris. I roll my eyes. That statement comes up once a week. People should do some homework before becoming a fool in public. Maybe you should coach the newbies instead of lecturing those who know what they are talking about. Do not be envious of Fodorites who have been there and done that, know more than you do, and are more than willing in a vicarious manner to help people who also help themselves with some inkling of what they want.

spaarne;

We rest our case.

E_Ray - I'm laughing about the "safe suburbs!" I also live in the suburbs and one day I'm sure that I'll be run over in the supermarket parking lot by some woman driving an SUV and talking on her cell phone. It's been close quite a few times!

And there's trying to cross a street in the "safe suburbs" - another entire topic. It's safer to cross a street in Rome! Maybe that's why I think it's so silly to ask if a place millions of tourists visit is safe, especially since the posters never mention what they're worried about.

out of the many, many posters here, there are only a few with 'attitude" who give newbies a hard time.

you are right, cigalechanta, many posters are nice. I just remember planning a trip to London around Christmas time last year and getting some feedback from frequent posters about how stupid it was to travel to London on Christmas. it turned out to be an excellent trip, but I spent quite a few days beforehand worrying about it and dreading the consequences of my decisions because of what some posters said.

<i>adrienne on Jun 7, 11 at 10:41pm
E_Ray - I'm laughing about the "safe suburbs!" I also live in the suburbs and one day I'm sure that I'll be run over in the supermarket parking lot by some woman driving an SUV and talking on her cell phone. It's been close quite a few times! </i>

I am not laughing. A woman in an SUV nearly sandwiched me between her monster and a Pontiac in the local Ace hardware store on May 13. She said that her foot got stuck on the gas pedal but she must have been going 40 MPH. My Guardian Angel saved me again.

Again, I do think a lot of this has to do with mis-interpretation.

When someone posts - I am going to London or Paris or Rome or even better Italy or France or Germany for 2 weeks - what sites should I see and what should I do?? - I usually pop on and very efficiently ask them to put in more details (interests, where they come from, why they chose the place budgets etc) and that they have to give us more to work with if they want help. Also, they should get a good guide book and research what interests them - then we can help them organize their time.

Now is that snappy? curt? helpful? I mean it to be helpful, to get them to post info that will help them get the help they want - but I am not going to spend a lot of time composing an answer. If they dont put the time into researching what they want to do then why should I spend my time doing it for them??

Same with repeat questions - if they are new, usually someone points them to the search buttom - rude? I think its helpful for them to learn to use it. Maybe tone doesnt come across right...but they will find a wealth of info if they just search. Like I said, I've stopped posting on repeat questions that ask the same thing. If there is something specific that differs in their situation or request I have no problem helping out, but if its a standard question that has a standard answer now I just let someone else respond.

I think its actually a very small percentage of posters that can come across as rude.

What I think is mysterious is when a poster embarking on his first trip to anywhere says he wants to travel "off the beaten track." That track is beaten for a reason!

I can go to Italy any month and often choose June - the weather is reliably sunny but not as hot as July or August, and the greenery is still fresh.

Jamikins wrote :
> Again, I do think a lot of this has to do with mis-interpretation.

I tend to agree. For example : I read the thread by RainyDay09 "London for Christmas & New Year". I didn't see anymody called her or her trip to London during that period "stupid". Posters gave lots of informations (difficuly with transportion, closed sites & shops, etc). Did she intepret those as "stupid"??? Or maybe I read the thread too quickly and missed something. On the other hand, she did not thank (maybe that's her style - as she says she is young ... - maybe i'm too old fashioned to care about such trivial matters?) nor gave any report later.