mebe

I'm leaving my three kids and husband for a week (to Rome and Florence) on a solo trip. Yippee!

I'm starting to worry about how they'll cope without me and I without them, the later part may not be so difficult....

I have a few nervous-nellie questions. This is the first time I've even been away from the kids (unless you count the two nights in the hospital giving birth to the twins)

--how do I prepare the kids for a week without Mom. My boys are a little young to know (18 months), but my daughter is 3.5 and already knows I'm leaving and not happy about it.

--how often should I keep in touch with them and should I call or just email?

--what important info does my DH need to make the week run as smoothly as possible for him? I've told him how I schedule the day (when to feed them, get daughter to preschool, what she eats for lunch)

But I know there is something I'm forgetting so I'm looking for tips or suggestions or personal stories from parents who've left their kids.

Thanks
~M

highflyer

A few little suggestions.

Ask your daughter to 'help' Daddy to look after her younger siblings if you think this might help her.

Leave treats for Daddy to dish out and praise her for being the big sister.

Arrange a break for DH by having a friend take your daughter for a playdate or even just an icecream.

Do NOT call at bedtime (tired kids...!)

Do call and speak to your husband first... he might provide you some insight into your daughter's mood and something to prompt a conversation like "how was the preschool outing?" rather than a more open ended "how are you".

I'd email every day and plan to call every day or every other day depending on how it goes but keep the calls short.

LAwoman

I traveled a lot on business when my kids were very small. A lot depends on the personalities involved & how capable your husband is. In general I would say follow your instincts and call when you feel you should, leave the written instructions you know he'll need, etc.

For your little girl, ask her what kind of present she wants. Yes, bribery! And do call her every few days. She will need to hear from you, and maybe will cry on the phone (try not to feel bad when she does).

Don't worry too much. They will survive.

lincasanova

i provided "mail treats" everyday for my kids when i left them behind.

the care provider "brings in" the surprise treat envelope everyday from the mailbox.

they were a highlight.

there was a calendar also for them to know when i was coming back.

i suggest FEW phonecalls to your house when they are awake.

if you create tears.. you will be miserable.

enjoy your trip!

mebe

highflyer -- I like the treat idea.

Perhaps I could leave her a little card or note to open everyday, so she knows I'm thinking of her? Or wrap the "treat" as a daily gift from me? Is that too much?

And no calling at bedtime. I worry that will be the hardest time for my daughter. Her routine includes cuddling with me...

My Mom helps me out during the week, so I'm sure she can watch the kids and give DH a few hours break.

~M.

mebe

LAwoman -- posting at the same time with the same idea - lol.

mebe

oops, I meant lincasanova

LAwoman -- I'm lucky to have very involved Hubby who always takes the kids when I need a break.

And the crying on the phone is what I most worry about. I already feel a bit guilty for leaving...

And yes, the bribery idea. Always good

ellenem

Don't talk to your daughter about how you will be away for a week and that she might miss you. Making the suggestion will make it the truth.

Don't tell her that you will call every day. If you end up calling every day, that's fine, but don't begin with the expectation or every day will become a waiting game.

Instead, talk about how you will be away and you will know that she will be at home having a great time with Dad and her brothers.

The suggestion that she should help Dad take care of the brothers is good--also that she can help take care of Dad by doing such-and-such for you (telling him "I love you" each morning since you can't be there to do so, reading a book with him, whatever).

Stress what a great and wonderful time she will be having doing unusual things while you are away.

mebe

ellenm -- we've talked about how lucky she is because Daddy is to stay home for a whole week and not go to work and she will have so much fun. And she laughs and agrees. But we'll see.

Okay -- I have to get back to the cleaning while the boys nap.

Thanks everyone! I'm starting to feel a bit better already.
~M.

LAwoman

Mebe - you know your kids best! My daughters needed to talk to me. They still do! And, even at the age of 3, they liked to think about & discuss what I might be able to get them at my destination, what sorts of toys and dolls there might be at the stores there, etc.

pittpurple

My parents went away for a week when I was little and they left postcards for us for my grandparents to give us each day... my grandparents would read them to us each night with our bedtime story. I still remember that! It took us years to realise they weren't really sent from England each day

GranthamMommy

Poor Me. I HAD to travel to Australia for two weeks for work.

Like the others, I left a small present each day for my son to open. Worked like a charm.

Time zone could play into the time you plan to call. But if bed time is stressful, maybe that's the bribery....Let's get in our jammies and tucked into bed so we're ready for Mommy's call....

My son made a game of calling me in Las Vegas every morning before he left for school. He thought it was funny because it was only 4am for me! I was on a work trip. He would tell me all the new things he learned the previous day (kindergarten)

mebe

pittpurple - I love it

My Mom wen to Sweden for three weeks when I was three, and I still remember the moment when I couldn't picture what she looked like in my head.

G'mommy - poor you, so sorry

JulieVikmanis

When our daughter was just a little older than that, she stayed with her regular day time sitter while we were both away. When I'd call, they'd call her in to talk to us. She'd say hi and then say, I have to run now, we're playing xyz. that's the best answer you can get from a child IMO. You might just be surprised, especially if there's a lot going on while you're gone.

julia_t

Hello Myra - long time no contact, for which I apologise.

How wonderful that you are getting away for a few days. Don't over-worry, they will be fine without you, and the pre-trip anxiety is always worse than the reality. Just be careful and try not to transfer your anxieties on to Ada. She will miss you, but you have had some good advice here already. The boys will barely notice you are gone, harsh though that seems right now.

Be thankful they are so young - on my last solo trip to Croatia and Bosnia I booked my 3 teens into boarding school for the week. My youngest twin had some serious bullying issues that week, I was desperately trying to calm him over the cell-phone each evening, trying to contact his housemaster, and one day I was in Montenegro and every town I was in, do you think I could find an internet cafe to send frantic emails? Not a chance. But even dealing with that did not spoil my enjoyment of my week away travelling alone. At least you won't have to deal with that sort of thing, and anyway your DH is at home to solve problems.

Can I suggest sending a postcard every day? Maybe more than one if you see a great place in the morning and another later in the day. You only have to write a few lines, and I know they won't arrive until you get home but it gives you a lovely reminder when the postcard arrives and a lovely surprise for Ada and lots to talk about.

By travelling alone, you will inspire your children to most likely do the same, so prepare yourself! My eldest daughter, not 19 for another 10 days, is in Hong Kong right now. She left 3 weeks ago for Bangkok, but had a really bad experience with sexual harrassment on a beach in Ko Samet, so she fled to my cousin in HK, but she plans to return to Thailand, visit Chaig Mai and Cambodia, and then go on to Vietnam for May when she has her visa. She plans to do some voluntary work in Ho Chi Minh City with orphans I think. It is really scary as she is now travelling totally alone as her friends have all disappeared off to other places and meeting up with them will not be easy now.

The thing is, you bring up your children to have roots to grow and wings to fly, so when they do take off, you have to let them.

Good luck Myra, you are a brave and confident woman and you and your family will be fine and stronger for your travels.

lauraallais

Hi Mebe,

I do not have children of my own yet, but I can remember some of my parents' tactics when I was a small child.

My mom used to sing to me at night, so she recorded herself singing some of my favorite songs. My dad and I would play the songs to "listen to Mommy singing."

And I got to open gifts every day. This was such a big hit!! I can still remember some of them, and I am now 29. One was a stuffed pegasus I had long coveted, and another was a soap-making kit. There were some other small things also.

And of course, I got lots of souvineer presents at the end of the trip.

It's funny to remember this because my parents were not big on giving lots of presents in general (compared to my friends' parents). But I can tell you that it helped me out a great deal as a small child.

Also, make sure your husband knows how your daughter likes her hair fixed and can do it. I remember much frustration with my dad because he couldn't do a ponytail or braid. Otherwise, have fun beforehad trying easy styles like headbands.

Have fun!

SeaUrchin

I agree with not suggesting that she will become sad and miss you. Make it positive for her. Also I would not dwell on it so much beforehand. I wouldn't start talking about it until a few days before the trip, otherwise it takes on enormous proportions.

I used to have postcards already made out to give my son on a daily basis, usually at bedtime and that worked fine, I was told.

I had him make out a list of what he wanted me to buy for him and when I called I would mention the list and how I was coming along on the purchases. He would instruct me again and it was a nice connection.

Have a great time and give your husband some credit! He will enjoy being with the kids too.

mebe

Julia -- it's nice to hear from you!

Your advice during the pregnancy and early days was always very appreciated.

I'll have to email you (is it the same address?)a picture of the boys -- they are huge! And like you said, it did get easier. They are an absolute joy.

Can you believe I'm going back to Rome? It was Aaron's idea. Such a lovely man

My first solo trip was at age 19. My mother was worried the whole three months. It sounds like your daughter is having quite the adventure.

~Myra

Kellye

I like the letter ideas. My kids are older. When I go, they have email so I send daily trip reports and updates to their own email address, with pictures. My oldest is going with me this summer to Europe and she and I will send those reports together. I'm also investigating Skype as an option to use with her laptop which has a webcam in it. Then her father and sisters can see us and talk to us.

julia_t

Yes, same email address and I'd love to see how they have grown!

What a wonderful husband you have. I salute him.