Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

Enjoyable way to start my day. Thanks for sharing.

My dear Q,

If you are going to post someone else's work, you should give credit to the author.

See http://www.lucero.com/english.html

Loved it! Thanks.

I have read bits and pieces of the same, but enjoyed reading it never the less!!

We park in a driveway and drive on a parkway!

And don't flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

I've thought about this myself..not quite as eloquently however. I have heard from some people that were not native english speakers that because of many of the things listed, that english is a difficult language to learn. Lots of exceptions to the "rule".

Can I be "whelmed"?

Yes, SuzieC, you can be whelmed.

Hi Suzie,

When would be convenient?

I have Friday afternoon off.

> English is a crazy language.<

Bomb
Comb
Tomb

Now I am over-whelmed >

I volunteer teaching adult English as a second language, and I wish my students understood enough English to read this - I think they would enjoy. By the way, I'm one of those people who would hurt a fly.

I'm not ept enough to hurt flies.

I'm struggling to learn a little Turkish, so I got a really good laugh from this wonderful piece!

Although it seems so "different" to English speakers, Turkish is certainly consistent in its pronunciation rules--try explaining how to pronounce the "ough" combination found in these English words: Though, through, cough, tough, slough, thought, etc.

I'll keep on practicing, hopeful that the words I learn will be understood!

Ah! Golden Oldies from the internet...can I post the lyrics/verse from <i>The Sunscreen Song</i>?

Ok, I won't...but here it can be viewed --

http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/graduation.htm

It's nice to read this once in a while.

Our local radio stations have been playing that sun screen song to death!
I liked it the first time i heard it,but now.....

Plagerism is not a good thing and Ira is right to be disgruntled.

I'm just not sure if I've ever even been gruntled.

mm

A lot of people hurt flies in their attempts to kill them.

How about German?

http://www.kombu.de/twain-2.htm