sandi_travelnut

My 16 year old son is still trying to convince me to let his girlfriend come with us to Europe for Christmas. "She can stay in my room!" he said, and she hardly eats anything...

such a funny, funny boy.

kswl

Have done this before and regretted it. The problem was not money---that was settled long before departure (child's parents paid airfare/ spending money, we paid room/board/transfers, etc.) I have three teenagers, and understand. But I wouldn't take a friend unless you know and like the child VERY much. You may otherwise encounter surprise room service charges, Nintendo, pay per view (R, thank you) charges, and general whining about the sightseeing program--in which your own child may join.

If you do take someone else's child, type up a medical authorization for emergency treatment and have the parents sign & notarize it, and take a copy of the front/back of his or her medical insurance card.

But on the whole, I wouldn't take a friend again. To the beach, yes. On a European vacation, no. Travel is supposed to broaden. Traveling with peers takes the same environment along with you. Why not try to do things your daughter would enjoy? Churches and synagogues the world over have youth groups and events, and there are soccer matches and concerts in every major European city. Make it fun for her!

SiobhanP

I would never assume anyone if I had a kid that the person taking them would pay for their airfare. Maybe I am too proud. It's a tough one.

My mother took my brother and his pal for a month to the midwest but it was driving and accommodation was provided by ourselves and relatives so it was of little cost. My mum paid for food and small expenses and the boys paid the rest i.e. pool and pizza in the afternoons.

Just make sure the other parents are not pressurised as not everyone is in the same income bracket and it could create a stressful situaltion for them.

ssachida

Got me thinking about when I was 16... I would have loved a European vacation, with may parents or not. Just getting to go would have been a big deal. And kudos to the parents whose kids have the luxury of whining about a trip to Europe (I'm not being sarcastic, just congratulating you on being able to give your kids so much that even a trip to europe is not an ultra special treat). Don't get me wrong, I have wonderful, hardworking parents (who don't and never did embarrass me, annoy me - yes, embarrass - no), but living in India, travel anywhere was far too expensive for us.

That said, I'd expect the parents to pay for the airfare and give their child enough spending money for some museums and souveniers. Lodging, food and most sight-seeing would be the hosts expense.

Judyrem

Tallulah, how very gauche of your friends parents...I would have been mortified if I were your parents! That idea of communicating befroehand seems to be the thing. Sandihut, gee, kids say the darndest things !!!!!! LOL.

bardo1

lucky,
Of course you offer to pay all expenses. The friends' parents may insist on defraying some of the expense. Then again they may not. If it is too expensive to invite the friend, then don't invite her.

cmeyer54

after reading this post, I think that perhaps the way the offer is extended may also influence the way the costs are split; eg - we're thinking of a trip to europe next summer and were wondering if your daugther might have an interest in coming as well" vs - we're going to europe and would your daughter like to come along". Most parents I know would (hopefully) offer to help with expenses on such a trip even if its only a small gesture. entrusting a child with another family shouldn't be taken lightly

Joelleinitaly04

"As to paying for everything when inviting someone, I have this thought for you: If it is free, it is worthless"

Wow. So if I invite you for dinner at my house, I had better serve you with an itemized bill at the end of the evening, otherwise, the party was worthless.

Joelle

Ronda

In general, if you give an expensive item to a child, they don't appreciate it or take care of it as well as if they had to save up for it and spend their own money and dream about it. I wanted the girls to take an interest in the trip and it not end up being Mommy and Daddy dragging the girls to europe - whoop tee do - and in general them end up being a pain in the the you know what. We've all read those trip reports.

We knew the parents of this child well, our children had done things together in the past, and communication was very open. When I told them I was thinking about taking the child on the trip, they immediately offered to pay for her so it wasn't as if I waited to get home and surprised them with a bill. We also discussed a possible amount beforehand so there were no surprises.

Joelle, I'd bring a really nice bottle of California wine

amelia

Folks, in addition to medical form, medical treatment waiver, and notarized "permission to leave the country", I now have the parents sign a liability release.

I did so because a friend of mine was sued because the guest dove off his balcony into the hotel pool.

I have not had any parent balk at signing. The reason?: with it goes a list of safety rules the kid has to sign in order to go on the trip.

Unfortunately, "whining" is not a safety hazard. Darn.

sojo

When our kids take a friend with them on vacation, it is always a very close friend. Since it's always a close friend, we know the parents pretty well also, so we can talk frankly about the situation. Here is what we've done with our teens and it has worked very well for us and also for the parents of our kids' friends. When we fly somewhere on vacation, the friend pays for his/her own airfare, gifts and souvenirs, and some meals. This is all agreed upon in advance. We take care of the lodging, some meals and incidentals. Likewise, when our teens go somewhere with close friends, my husband and I pick up the tab for our own kids. All concerned are comfortable with this.

I realize this may not work for everyone and some may not agree with this approach, but in our case, it has worked very well. I think the key is having an understanding worked out in advance.

Frances

I feel there are some useful replies here because the question is not just "who pays". Soon afterwards you realise that especially if you have a small family,not all children enjoy being with friends for 2 weeks solid. They may get on exceptionally well with friends on a day to day basis and seem to be living in each other's pockets but they do not appreciate the value of being able to go to your own room and spend time as you like.
Also important is the expectation on both sides of what the main part of the holiday entails. For us its eating out every day and the consequent cost.A friend who is not interested in food and unused to the cost of it would find that part of a holiday too expensive if asked to pay for it.
Finally most definitely get a medical authority. I didn't have one but the medical practice were willing to accept her mother's consent over the phone- we could have been talking to anyone!

Joelleinitaly04

Ronda, I have no objections to how you
handled your trip with your kids and their friends. I do object to the idea that all things being free being worthless. But then I'm a Lutheran and believe in free grace

The whole thing is academic to me, I'd never take my kids friends because, a) I could barely afford to take my kids b) my trip was for my kids and I to get closer. And I didn't make my kids pay for it - except for the spending $ they earned to bring along and I have to say, I believe they appreciated it as a gift from their loving ma.

Joelle

kismetchimera

To be honest I would not want the responsibility to take another young child, other than my own, to Europe.

Besides I would not let a 10 years old child dictate and tell me what to do..
No way..

Ronda

Joelle, free things aren't worthless if they are appreciated. Getting kids to appreciate what they are being given is my point. Evidentally you were thinking of something else. I understand now.

RufusTFirefly

Man, it was bad enough when we had to travel with our own teenie brat--no way we'd pay to take someone else's along.

Tallulah

amelia: You ARE joking aren't you? I've never heard anything so cold and cynical as 'liability release', 'medical treatment waiver', 'permission to leave country' and 'safety rules'. Is this what the world has become? It's horrific. Sorry, I'm not having a go at you personally but what happened to old-fashioned trust and friendship? To be honest, I'm not sure that I'd want my child to go away with their friend's family if I was made to sign 101 forms, I'd much rather that they went away with people who would welcome them as part of their family, not as a contractual agreement.

Parker

We've take our children to Italy three times, each time with either friends or cousins without their parents. Each time, we went into the arrangement asking the parents to pay for transportation which includes airfare and train (this because once we were traveling exclusively by train for three weeks and that can get expensive), plus spending money. We assumed the cost for lodging and food.

When taking very close friends and cousins, the parents insisted on paying for all expenses for their child as they were very greatful that we would give their child the experience of going to Italy. In these cases, I estimated all expenses and they gave me a lump sum - that way, I didn't have to keep up with how much was spent on/by the friend/cousin. Otherwise, we covered lodging and food ourselves.

We have never regretted taking a friend. In most cases, we really got the know the friend/cousin much better and still have a long-lasting deeper friendship with them as a result. However, on one trip, we did regret the choice of friend. She was just not a very considerate person and it threw off the whole dynamics of our group. That's the only caution I would give you. Make sure that you really, really like the friend, and that you have a close enough relationship with the friend that you feel comfortable treating the friend just as you would your child (i.e. can call the friend on behavior you don't like just as you would your own child).

Leona

I find it interesting how often this subject comes up. I guess it seems rather foreign to me because a) I went on family vacations with my parents & brother for many years without either of us bringing a guest; and b) as a parent, my children were subject to the same conditions. I don't even remember either of them asking to bring a friend on a family vacation. That was our bonding time. I think we were all better off for it.

ssachida

Tallulah,
I agree with you in spirit. However, the 'medical treatment waiver' maybe something needed by hospitals/insurance in case of a medical emergency in lieu of the next of kin.