This would be for first week of November this year for 6 nights from NJ (EWR) or JFK for easier direct flights.
Budget-7 to 9K
overwheleming with all the choices so need help to narrow it down
2 boys-10.5 and nearly 8 at time of trip.

priorities
love water-great pool/beaches
water activies/land
good local food-not chain or AI unless they're known to have good food
kids activities to keep kids amused for few hours while parents relax

NOT Beaches resort-already stayed there and found it very overrated.

Do you have any islands or specific resorts in mind? I've done a half dozen Caribbean trips over the years but not family resorts like you are seeking. Hopefully other will chime in soon.

If you narrow it down to a couple choices, over on Trip Advisor the Destination Forums are very active and might be able to help you make decisions or finish planning.

Narrowing it down to Barbados so far.

Aruba has a large Marriott resort and we have stayed there a few times. They have timeshares attached so there are several pools. A long time ago we used a service where the kids had a group dinner and movie for about 3 hours and we had dinner without the kids. They were about your kids ages at the time.
There are all kinds of water sports activities to do and the restaurants in Aruba are great.

Were the restaurants walkable from the resort, or did you have to drive?

We took cabs to most restaurants. We did walk to a breakfast place. It’s been a while since we went to Aruba, 2011 was the last time but it was a great place to go with kids
We took our now adult kids with a grandchild to Bermuda in 2023. We stayed in a townhouse at the Pompano Beach Club. Breakfast and Dinner are included and housekeeping cleans up. So it was truly a vacation. Resort was kid friendly but not overrun with kids.