In this month’s "Dear Eugene," we ask experts what to do if your bridal party is bristling at the idea of getting down in a red state for your bachelorette.
Inspired by our intrepid founder, Eugene Fodor, Dear Eugene is a monthly series in which we invite readers to ask us their top travel questions. Each month, we’ll tap travel experts to answer your questions with the hopes of demystifying the more complicated parts of travel. Send your questions to [email protected] for a chance to have them answered in a future story.
Dear Eugene, I’ve always wanted to throw my bachelorette party in Austin, Texas, but a few of my bridesmaids are unwilling to travel to a red state in this current tense political climate. I don’t feel I should have to sacrifice my bachelorette party destination because of politics, but at the same time, it’s important to me that my bridesmaids attend. What is your advice for navigating this tricky situation?
Who would have thought a destination bachelorette party would become fraught with ideological minefields? Alas, this is the world we live in at the moment. Some Americans want their travel choices to reflect their values, and with the country so politically divided, even a celebratory girls’ trip can pose a moral conundrum.
You could probably guilt-trip your Texas-averse bridesmaids into going to Austin, but that would feel icky for everyone involved. Don’t give up on your dream bachelorette destination just yet, though; with the right mix of conversation and planning, you might be able to strike a balance that keeps your vision intact while easing their concerns.
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First, Hear Your Friends Out
Having an open and honest conversation with your bridesmaids is the best place to start. Are their concerns related to safety considerations? (This might be particularly relevant if any of them are LGBTQ+ or pregnant.) Are they making a stand because they don’t want to support the economy of a state with laws they vehemently oppose? Are they concerned about judgment from their wider community? Once you get to the heart of their reluctance, it will be easier to address it.
Reframe Austin for Them
For what it’s worth, I agree that Austin is a brilliant choice for a bachelorette party, regardless of your political persuasion. It’s creative and quirky, with excellent drinking, dining, and entertainment possibilities. It’s also famously known as a “blue dot” in a red state. One of the Democratic Party’s rising stars, State Representative James Dell Talarico, is based in Austin. It might be comforting for your friends to know that while Texas is traditionally conservative, the state has more Democratic voters than some of the smaller blue states.
“Texas is full of warmth, hospitality, and diverse communities. Austin, especially, is a vibrant, inclusive city that embraces people from all walks of life,” says Olivia Juliana, a progressive activist from Texas. “There’s so much culture, kindness, and tolerance here, it just doesn’t always make the headlines. If you do choose to go, chances are high you’ll encounter more allies than you expect.”
This reframe might help remind your friends that there’s much more to a state and its residents than legislation.
Offer a Values-Aligned Itinerary
If supporting the Texan economy is the issue for your bridesmaids, it might help to highlight how their money can flow directly towards communities and causes they care about. Jot down a values-aligned itinerary that supports, for example, local artists, LGBTQ+ and women-owned businesses, and cultural spaces, like museums, galleries, and bookstores.
If you have time, you could even suggest that the group spend a few hours volunteering. If that’s not an option, perhaps you could dedicate a portion of the trip budget to a local non-profit doing good work.
“The most powerful thing you can do is show up with curiosity and respect,” says Juliana. “Engage with the community, listen, and learn. Sometimes being a good guest is the most progressive thing you can do.”
Be Willing to Compromise
Hopefully, by this point, your bridesmaids are all on board with the Austin plan, but if it’s still a no, you may have to compromise. Make Austin your main bachelorette but plan an additional low-key, local celebration. That everyone feels included and your friendships remain tension-free.
Good luck! And if you make it to Austin, promise me you’ll go swimming at Barton Springs, dancing at Broken Spoke, and place a bet at The Little Longhorn Saloon’s famous chicken s–t bingo.