“Drop my single potato by the doorstep, thanks.”
Times are tough. It’s good to remind yourself that we’re not alone and that if you really need something, chances are high that it can be delivered straight to your front door. And astoundingly, if that “something” is a book of spells or counterfeit money, rest assured: you’re in the clear. Here are a few other peculiar effects that can be shipped straight to you (or to your friends), no need to grab your mask and run to the store.
Top Picks for You
For the Craft-y
A personal favorite from this list, a subscription to Box of Shadows will have you receiving one package every month to your doorstep that includes everything (or almost everything) a new witch or Wiccan could dream of. The service has three tiers of boxes: The Initiate (essential supplies, altar decor, intro books, and basic rituals), The Priestess (a box with necessary tools to aid those who are looking to continue their new age exploration), and The Supreme (which is “curated to follow Sabbats, Esbats, astrological occurrences, festivals, and other celebrations”). Offerings start at $24.99/month.
For the Date Night
When one is in one’s dwelling for an extended period of time, levels of activity can fluctuate. Among those activities is sex. Because it’s not entirely safe to venture outside, you have to work with what you got. That’s where the Mystery Pleasure Box comes in. Self-dubbed the “original monthly adult novelty and sex toy subscription service,” Mystery Pleasure Box doesn’t go into too many details when informing customers of what will be in their box upon arrival, but they’re not shy in reassuring them that it will be pleasurable. Available for purchase are boxes for same-sex and opposite-sex pairs, and solo boxes for individuals. If you’re curious, “The Girl/Boy” couple box “is jam-packed with two premium toys, an arsenal of potions, lotions, bonus sex toys, and bedroom accessories picked by industry experts to ensure quality and spice on a monthly basis.” There are three pricing plans: $59 for one month, $177 for three months, and $354 for six months. Knock yourself out!
For the Chicken Mama
Having eggs delivered today so you can whip up a big breakfast tomorrow morning? No big deal (well, usually). Having eggs delivered today so you can incubate them until they hatch and then slowly but surely build your own flock because you love little chick babies and want the best for them? You know what, you might find yourself with a lot of time on your hands in the coming days, so…sure. An order from Murray McMurray Hatchery—we’re talking anywhere from just one egg to more than 100 depending on the type of fowl (chickens, turkeys, ducks, geese, etc.)—will help you do just that. Each shipment is transported in custom-made, reinforced boxes straight to your door, and the company’s site also offers plenty of materials and resources, including coops and winter accessories, to help you in caring for your bird friends.
For the Lover of (Potato) Jokes
Yup, you read that right. With Anonymous Potato, all you have to do is choose a potato on the store’s site, add the text you want, and the company will mail said potato to the recipient of your choice (anonymously, of course). Additionally, for the cool price of $16.99, you can put a photo of your face on a potato and send it to someone.
For the Car Buyer
OK, now might not be the most convenient time to splurge on a new whip, but know that when this all blows over, if you feel so inclined, NowCar exists. The service allows you to sidestep dealerships (and their aggressive salespeople) altogether. Literally, their website exclaims, “No Pushy Sales People,” and delivery is free, which is reassuring because the site also suggests it will save you thousands. While you are required to put a deposit down, it will be applied to the final purchase of your vehicle.
For the Cat and Kitten Moms
Calling all you cats and kittens out there! Here’s a little service called CatLadyBox. A monthly subscription gets you such “cat lady items” as cat-themed shirts, jewelry, and cat butt pillowcases. A Standard CatLadyBox will run you $34.99/month and includes 3-4 items for cat ladies. A CRAZY CatLadyBox—the more indulgent of the service’s two offerings—includes 3-4 items for cat ladies and two items for the cats! Each month has a theme (like, “Meowloween”), and the service even donates every month to cat rescues and charities!
For the Prepared
If you’d have signed up for this subscription six months ago, you would have probably been told by your neighbors to calm down. But now, your neighbors might be calling out to you from their balconies, asking where you got that handy package of survival tools. They’d be talking about your Apocabox—a subscription-based service that provides customers with a different collection (each month) of survival gear and information, like wild edible guides, a rechargeable lantern, and bonefish hooks. Each box will run you $50 along with $10.95 for shipping.
For the Vengeful Monopoly Player
This spring, give the gift of not money. While it’s theoretically most beneficial for those working in film and T.V. production, an order from Prop Movie Money will land you a delivery of cinematic fake dollar bills “specially designed by highly-experienced professionals.” You can also custom design your own money (with your face on it!) and have it sent to your sibling who, when you were kids, had the nerve to move the Monopoly board around to their benefit when you weren’t looking.