Wedding suggestions-12/31/02
 

You've all been so helpful before, I thought I would try this question.<BR><BR>My son and his fiance were both married before so they don't want the typical first time wedding with all the trimmings. They would like to do something special with just parents and a few close friends. They live in Los Angeles and all of the parents live on the East Coast so all location suggestions are welcome. Thanks.<BR>

ttt

December 31st is a Tuesday. Since the wedding will be small, it could be almost anywhere, but I'm guessing that it would be easier to get married somewhere in the US then say, a Sandals Resort. The couple won't have to deal with residency requirements and tons of paperwork. I'm guessing that the couple will be content with a civil ceremony instead of a religious one, but it might be impersonal not to have the family minister or rabbi officiating.<BR><BR>Where did your son and future daughter-in-law meet? Possibly at that location or where they had their first date. You could look into Las Vegas, I don't think its as tacky as it sounds.<BR><BR>I think you might want to arrange an afternoon or morning ceremony, only because of the specific date and most restaurants would have New Year's Eve festivities going on in the evening. <BR><BR>Also, you need to take into account that the guests will most likely have to take Monday off to get to the location. This may or may not be a problem for anyone that has year-end work commitments.<BR><BR>Wherever the couple decides to get married, make sure that they have all of their I's dotted and T's crossed. They will need to get a license in the town they get married in and blood tests. I'm guessing that they will also have to bring notarized paperwork proving that they are single. So, whatever town they get married in, make sure that a call is made to the town clerk well in advance to find out what all of the requirements are.

Callaway Gardens, GA - absolutely beautiful - even in winter!! www.callawaygardens.com

Thanks Leslie,<BR><BR>They nixed Las Vegas. They were thinking of a 3-4 day cruise. They don't want any gifts and hope their friends and family could use the gift money towards their own cruise payment. <BR><BR>I was hoping to get some other suggestions. Thanks

Hello, any other suggestions?

Leslie,<BR><BR>excuse my ignorance. Blood tests? Never heard of anything like that. What are they for? HIV tests?<BR><BR>Thanks for filling me in<BR><BR>Europe

Only about a dozen states require a blood test. I think the test is to see if you are genetically incompatible, but I'm not sure.

Blood tests are a requirement to determine whether either the bride or the groom has a venereal disease, eg. syphillis, gonorrhea, etc. I don't know if it is a requirement to have a blood test in all states, but I know that it is a requirement in NY, MA and ME. It may go back to puritanical days to prove whether or not the bride is a virgin, but you can still have premarital sex without having contracted VD. I don't know if this specific blood test checks for HIV.<BR><BR>Myrna, have your son and future daughter in law considered getting married at the town hall where they live, and then having another ceremony onboard the ship or somewhere else? That way they won't have to deal with any of the messy paperwork and legalities.

You do not need a blood test in ME - don't know where you are getting your information from Leslie.

the blood test requirement is to make sure diseases aren't passed to offspring, I think.

In Mass., the test is strictly to determine whether either party has syphillis. If they do, they can't get a license. <BR><BR>Doctors who are filling out the medical certificate are also supposed to discuss AIDS andadvise women to be tested for rubella (AKA German measles, which can cause birth defects if caught early in pregnancy; brides who are found not to be carrying antibodies are advised to be immunized).

Possibly the requirements in Maine have changed, however, when I was married in Portland 7 years ago, I was required to get a blood test.

I have two suggestions:<BR><BR>Try New Orleans. Not anywhere in the French Quarter, but there are many beautiful places for small weddings on St. Charles Street. Also try Dugas House. <BR><BR>The other is the carribbean. St. John is a beautiful place to be married and ceremonies can be simple if that is what they want.

I hope their friends (and family for that matter) are well off. Paying for a cruise is a lot more than I usually spend on a wedding gift.

Married in Portland 2 years ago - didn't need a blood test.

That's a wide open question. I'd start by asking what the interests are of the few attendees. What would their plans be for the few days before and New Years Eve and Day? Is everyone interested in skiing/cold weather activities? Or do you want to head for warmer weather? Are the bride and groom heading off by themselves right away? Is everyone going to stay together to celebrate New Years? Answers to this should start narrowing the options.<BR><BR>Why the blood tests? Initially many states required them to screen for various STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). They need to find out what the requirements are for the locale they will getting married in. We got married in Florida 14 years ago; no blood tests were needed, but we both needed the dates the each of our divorces were finalized.

I have a few comments. I agree with the previous poster to choose a location all people would b einterested in and maybe plan some group activities too. Another coomment on the wedding as I got married at a destination wedding as well. Definitely check into the state where you will marry's requirements. Not only do some require blood tests but there may also be a waiting period as well. Where we got married there is a 48 hour waiting period after arriving in the state and purchasing the maririage license. Many require the 3 days waiting period. <BR><BR>Some suggestions, if skiing if a hobby, look into renting out a small inn or lodge in a ski area so that guests will have something to do. The cruise is a good idea also. What I really like is New Orleans though. You might look into Maison Dupuis who does garden weddings and the catering has a creole New Orleans twist to it too. Then the bride and groom ride off in one of the horse drawn cariages.

Leslie,<BR><BR>excuse my ignorance. Blood tests? Never heard of anything like that. What are they for? HIV tests?<BR><BR>Thanks for filling me in<BR><BR>Europe

FYI, destination weddings are usually sparsely attended, esp. if the family members aren't well off. Also, many folks at that time of year will probably use their vacation time around Xmas to spend time with family. So having a destination wedding anywhere on new Years eve might only draw the very closest family and friends (Which, to me, is perfect) - if they can afford the trip and time. <BR><BR>Also, I would advise never saying anything like "Instead of a gift, I was hoping you would come to the wedding instead." Guests are in no way expected to bring gifts. (Sorry if you already knew that...)

klam: I have to agree with you. On average, I spend $100 - $200 on a wedding gift. Asking guests to spend $$ on airline, hotel, car rental & meals is asking a LOT.

Airfare and accommodations might be a moot point anyway, because guests frequently do have to travel to a wedding and stay over for 1 night, unless it is local to them. <BR><BR>The bride and groom are on the west coast and the parents are on the east coast. Where are the friends and the rest of the relatives? <BR><BR>The bride and groom should pick a location where they want to get married. It really isn't up to the guests to decide, but I think the date, in general, although romantic, is a bad date. Besides year end obligations that some people have for work, most people are tapped out financially at the end of December after buying holiday gifts. Also, a lot of people travel long distances to visit family members over the holidays too, which may incur additional airfare, etc. Now the guests will be further burdened to pay for travel and accommodations to a wedding destination for most likely more than one night. And then there is the gift ... Just thinking about this is giving me a headache.<BR><BR>Go with small, intimate and elegant, either on the west coast where the couple lives (and probably where most of the friends are), or the east coast where the parents are.

No blood test needed in NY either. Just and FYI. MA is the only state that still requires one.

Some suggestions: Lake Tahoe, Maui on the beach, Key West, Bahamas...

My sister and brother-in-law got married on New Year's Eve. And while it seemed romantic at the time, they've been celebrating their anniversary a few days early or later for the past several years. To celebrate on their actual anniversary would mean dealing with large crowds and more expensive dinners. So while it seems like a good idea for the wedding, in the long run it may be a lot less romantic.

Remember, Myrna already said the attendees would be only parents and a few close friends. They're talking a small, intimate wedding to begin with.<BR><BR>Europe, the blood tests were initially done for a venereal disease. Today, they would probably include a test for HIV just to be on the safe side. But each place, no matter where it is, will have their own requirements. I have friends who got married in Scotland 10+ years ago. They had to determine the requirements ahead of time to be appropriately prepared. The same would apply anywhere. The couple will have to do their homework to make sure they are adequately prepared.

Thanks everyone for the replies. Let me clarify the question. They do want something small with just parents and close friends. When my son was married the first time in LA, only my husband and I, my parents (who are now deceased) and an uncle, who is now 90 and cannot travel, came to the wedding from the east coast. My brother and brother in law and their respective families did not go because it was cost prohibitive for them. Therefore, I am assuming only the parents, and maybe her siblings will go to the wedding this time. That is why I asked for any location. Someone is going to have to travel. The bride and groom don't care about traveling because they would do so anyway for a honeymoon. The family is going to have to travel where ever the wedding is also.<BR><BR>From being attendants in weddings before, and knowing that shower gifts, wedding gifts, brides maids gowns, bachlor parties, etc is costly, they were hoping the guests would spend that money on themselves and put it toward the vacation/wedding trip. <BR>Basically, they wanted a little vacation for about 10-15 people where they could also get married. <BR><BR>Thanks for the advise on the blood tests and the divorce dates. I'll pass that on. But I still need location suggestions. Thanks everyone.<BR>

I agree with some other posters - if it is really important to them that East Coast relatives attend, then how about forgetting the vacation part and finding a driving-distance resort type place or very nice hotel near parents. Could be more specific if I knew where on east coast. I genuinely believe their intent is wonderful, but family, no matter how close, might not feel as warm and fuzzy towards a wedding vacation, even if the cost was the same. I have learned the hard way that vacations are an extremely personal choice and when shared (with other than spouse and perhaps minor children), rarely live up to "family reunion" expectations.

Here are some suggestions: New York City, Quebec City, Vancouver, Charleston, SC, Key West, Vermont, Chicago.

Sandi,<BR>Do you have any specific recommendations for the cities you suggested. Other than the obvious appeal for sightseeing, is there something specific you can recommend for the wedding celebration. Thanks everyone who are answering.

Myrna-If you want me to give you more information and plan you wedding I will be more than happy to for a fee. You can contact me at the above email address.

Sandi, I'm curious. Are you actually a professional wedding planner, or are you just tired of Myrna's ongoing questioning?

As with any wedding, the question to start with is whether the couple's needs and desires come first or whether they want to be thoughtful of guests. Nine times out of 10, the couple gets an attack of "it's OUR day, everyone else has to dance to our tune" and if your son and fiance are thinking that way, why bother to make suggestions when they are going to do what they want to, anyway?<BR><BR>HOWEVER, if they are serious about trying to be thoughtful about their guests, consider the following points:<BR><BR>1. Any Tuesday wedding means travellers will have to stay over the previous or following Sat. night. <BR><BR>2. It's Xmas/New Years/Hanukkah, etc. That means travel over the entire period will be horrendous. And a New Year's Eve wedding means dealing with New Year's Eve. Frankly, I'd MUCH rather be at a wedding on NY's Eve than at some stick-it-out-til-midnight brawl --no problem with that, sounds nice -- but there's still the question of traffic, accommodations, etc.<BR><BR>3. Someone's going to have to travel, no matter what. Who should it be? Turn the question upside down: for whom would travel be the most difficult? Take into account age, number of connections needed (going through Chicago or Denver or Ft. Worth in the middle of the holidays in the winter is a very dicey proposition), as well as whether anyone would like to spend any "extra" time in the area of the wedding.<BR><BR>4. Where is the honeymoon? If the couple is willing to have the ceremony on the East Coast, it's an easy hop to the Caribbean or Europe. If they are committed to Hawaii or Tahiti, best stay in L.A. but ...<BR><BR>5. They don't have to have wedding and family "reception" the same day in the same place, esp. since it's the 2nd go-around. They can get married anytime and then have the family celebration at a time when travel is less onerous and at a place everyone finds convenient. <BR><BR>This is what we did. We were married in our own city in Oct. with close, local friends around and my mother (for whom travel is easy), and had a New England honeymoon. Then we had a family reception in my husband's midwestern hometown on the Sat. after Thanksgiving for those who couldn't make it to the wedding, esp. his grandmother, who was frail. We had a great time but didn't feel we'd had to give up our own wedding-honeymoon plans. <BR><BR>They probably won't listen to you, let alone a "Helpful Hannah" stranger, but you might run that by them.

Judy-I was being facetious. I am tired of her endless questions. There are tons of sites on the internet for wedding planning or talk to a travel agent who specializes in destination weddings.

Sandi, no one is forcing you to read this thread. Don't read it. A destination wedding is travel-related.

Leslie-Myrna has had more than enough suggestions here. She keeps asking questions for locations and other things that only a wedding planner can help her with. Her constant nagging is grating and pushing the legitimate travel questions down to the bottom.<BR><BR>This is not a wedding site! There are tons of sites on the internet for planning a wedding. Brides magazine has one as well....

Hi Myrna: We got married at a B & B in Calistoga, CA. It was perfect: small, intimate and very personal. We then went to a great restaurant for dinner. Wine Country is a great place to get married because there are so many things for visitors to do there if they make the long trek, and so many great restaurants. You could also try San Fran.

ttt

My vote is for Las Vegas. You can go as fun, tacky, or elegant as you want. We had both a traditional family wedding and a Vegas wedding. Hands down the Vegas wedding was our favorite. Planning was ultra easy and we had plenty of choices.

Suggestions: New York City, Napa Valley, Palm Springs, Carmel, San Diego, Florida Keys, Kauai, Maui, Aspen, Breckenridge, Vail, Las Vegas.