66 - there's a lot of good advice here. I second Betsy's idea of a few counseling sessions just to teach you some ways of dealing with your parents.

You know, when you're a child your parents seem like giants. Even when you have become an adult it can still seem like that. The idea of getting them angry (or being punished) is really unpleasant! I think that a counselor could help you see your parents from a more realistic, adult perspective, helping you realize that they're just people who only have a hold over you if you allow them to.

And gail's right. If your parents see you as a child without decision-making abilities, they will probably blame your husband for any changes in your behavior. Just be prepared for that.

This similar thread has a post with a technique that might help you. Look for the post about the "broken record" technique. Good luck. http://www.fodors.com/forums/threads...p;tid=34770126

Best of luck.

Hi 66 mustang,

Where is it that you visit in Florida- Dysfunction Junction? I say this with love- your parents have some kind of hold on you- and girl you got to let it go.

I can't believe you have a husband that puts up with this sh*t. What a saint! My husband wouldnt put up with a canine wake up call for one minute- nor should he have to!

I too have parents that could not possibly care less about my beautiful son. Yeah, it hurts. But it is what it is- I don't expect them to be Grandparents of the year and they can't expect me to be running to them on my precious vacation time either.

I am sure you and your husband are hard working people and your one week vacation should be spent doing enjoyable things and making memories with your children and you should not feel guilty about this at all.

Time to make a stand for yourself for your husband and children's sake.
Good luck.

dsquared: Thanks for referring me to the thread about the broken record technique. I read it right away and found it very helpful. I can't believe how understanding and thoughtful the people are on this web site. This has truly been a godsend to me.

I learned early in my marriage that it was better just to not tell my mother any of my plans. It was easier in the long run than having to listen to her go on and on and about my plans.

So, don't mention that you are going, don't bother to tell her when you get back. If she finds out and gets her panties in a wad, and doesn't speak to you.....well, that's her loss, not yours. Ignore her enough and SHE might make a change for the good. AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!

Just because they are your parents, they don't have the right to intrude in your lives. Nor does it make their behavior toward you and your family acceptable. Rudeness is rudeness. There is never any excuss for it.

Hang in there. It will be worth it.

Ask your parents to come to your house for a weekend. You one and only week needs to be your family and nobody else. Your parents are being selfish. If they don't do anything with the kids then how about you go there for a weekend. I can't stand when relatives make your vacation plans. You really need to nip this in the bud. If they do this, who only knows what else they will pull if they keep telling you what to do. I know you are the adult but you don't want to hurt there feelings, but what about yours. I have relatives who live here in town, can you just imagine what I deal with on a daily basis. Take care make they right choice for you and your family.

Hey 66...for what it's worth..on the mentioned thread we never knew what happened. On another thread vicki said she followed the advice and drove. She was very happy :) Go for it!!!

66mustang, the process is not going to be easy - but what a difference when you get to the other side! One of the biggest blessings this year was establishing a relationship as an adult child with my parents. I NEVER thought we'd get where we are now. We would have NEVER gotten here if I had continued to let status quo remain.

Counseling is wonderful. Invest in it.

Broken record method is priceless. Use it.

Funny, I have just been planning a milestone birthday party - and realized I wanted my parents to be there in the midst of my friends and other loved ones. A year ago, I would not be able to conceptualize that.

But, whatever steps you take, take them not only for you, but for your children. REALLY. Please. (And I bet your marriage will benefit as well! :-) )

I just read through a lot of messages. I can't believe how common this is. Is there a message center where we can continue this about our families. Since this is about travel. I am really glad I read this post. I am going to print all of them out for my husband. Because we have this problem on a daily basis here. I mean from daily phone calls, cell phone calls and on and on. I think just becuase they don't work that we should be up the same time on saturdays and sundays. I can go on and on. I do wish you well.

Well, mustang, i just read your post and a few replies. Everyone is urging you to be an adult, "just say no," and take your own damn vacation.

Good advice if there's nothing to inherit, but it's idiotic to alienate your retirement fund. Just being honest here, 2tired2prevaricate. At Yale the phrase "when I get money" used to translate into "when Mother dies."

Spare me the moans and screams. Everyone who needs to understand this does.

I always say to myself, would my dad do this (whatever the situation is) at this point in HIS life? He's from the WWII generation, a great guy, and a man's man - he would never have let ANYONE manipulate his family time.

It's your turn to raise your family and have your vacations. Your parents have had theirs. Now is their retirement time. Let them manage that time without manipulating you.

LoL, 2tired2night. That'd have to be one h*ll of an inheritance to put up with this for the rest of their parents' lives! :)

Only the good die young.

In the movie Aviator, when Howard Hughes asks Ava Gardner to marry him, she replies "You're too crazy for me, baby."

We used to go to the in-laws' lake house every summer. Being there is Hell on Earth. We don't go anymore. Sure, we went up for the 50th anniversary party; we'll go up for a family wedding next summer.

So what if the parents get angry? They're 1000 miles away!

By the way, you and your husband need to get jobs where you each have more than one week of vacation a year!!!

This brings back bad memories of my FIL. He was very controling and manipulative.
It started when we were dating when he would constantly make derogatory comments about me. He did not get fitted for a tux for our wedding and said he was not coming. He did come in a nice new suit.

The thing that got me through all this was that my boyfriend/fiance/husband ALWAYS took my side and stood up for me. My point is that YOU need to stand up to your parents - for your husband as well as your children.

I loved my MIL dearly, but I count NEVER understand how she could stand by and watch her husband treat their kids so poorly.

As time went on, I began to be the advocate for my children. I refused to allow him to treat my children as he had treated his. There was no physical abuse, the the mental and emotional (witholding of love and attention) are so damaging.

There is nothing in the world that would make me not love my kids, and I can see you feel the same way.

Besides, two months of the silent treatment sounds like a vacation!

Why do you put up with them? Just plan a nice family vacation that will give you wonderful memories and a relaxing feeling...and ignore them. Why do you think they deserve your time?

In a nutshell, you do need to grow a backbone unless you want your children growing up thinking it is acceptable to treat you and your husband without respect.

It’s important for you to seek out a good counselor so you can discuss why you are willing to sacrifice your DH and children to appease you parents. You deprive your family of a decent vacation and those attendant memories they should have. You are a very selfish person to require that your family put up with that so that you don’t have to grow up.

Ever see Seinfeld? I'm picturing George Castanza's parents.:)

It's your vacation, you should go where you want to go. I don't know whether they have a sense of humor but you might want to tell them that you are thinking of doing a week at Hedonism in Jamaica and that they are welcomed to come along. Once the premise of Hedonism is explained to them, they may stop badgering you about blowing your vacation in central Florida.