Loveitaly, I'm trying to think when travel is a bad thing...

Rome!...Audrey go to Rome! :)

tpatricco, I agree, travel is good when life is bad. Travel is good when life is good. Travel is just plain GOOD! But be careful of what souvenier you bring home. ;;)

With my therapist hat firmly on top of my realist's hat - as Yogi Berra is alleged to have said (am I really quoting Yogi Berra? time for some extra supervision!) "wherever you go, there you are." Point being, if your mind is made up to be miserable it won't matter where you are. The grieving process is much overrated and over played - there's nothing mysterious about it, people have been doing it for thousands of years. Only in the last several decades has it been "packaged" with the unforunate effect of creating expectations that are not realistic for many people. If your feelings are reaching the point of clinical depression then that's the priority and travel is not a treatment. But if you are simply feeling sad in proportion to the situation, a change of scenery (to a place NOT previously visited with the ex) can do wonders.
The office is now closed.

Along those lines (sort of) if a long weekend away is simply a pity party it won't help.

I believe why many people have suggested a more major trip such as foreign travel, is because it is mentally challenging, takes all your focus so can serve as a huge and pleasant diversion while the healing process continues.

Suze, again I agree with you. When I lost my husband about ten months later friends in Italy insisted I come to visit them. I did it because everyone "said I should". Thank goodness I did. Planning the trip, packing. flying etc. got me out of my blues. And I, the first part of the trip, spent two weeks in Agordo which is in the Dolomites. Thankfully I had loving friends. They didn't push me but I went to cafes, visted friends of theirs, went with them to some other areas further in the mountains for daytrips, dinners in the evenings etc. And spent time on their terrace surronded by the beautiful mountains reflecting on life, the past, the present and the future. Wrote in a journal which was healing too. I was so blessed to have this opportunity. Travel can soothe the soul IMHO.

First of all, go pick up the film!! You don't have to look at them but at least go get them before they toss them or get lost. Later on, you'll be glad to have them. 2nd, a trip sounds great and if your worried about being alone, take your mom. There are probably thousands of places you and your X haven't been. So GO! Go somewhere exciting, perhaps adventurous so you'll run to the photo lab and get the pictures much quicker!

Go, anywhere you have never been before because you will have to read about it and become insecure and worry about it instead of wallowing in a lost love.

machin, how unkind! do you not remember waaaay back in the old days when you lost a girfriend?

Hey Audrey,
Hope you are following up on this post...I am one more 'yes' vote!

I read your post and could completely relate. When I was 29, I took my first solo vacation following a breakup. Like you, I had been together w/this guy for about 3 1/2yrs and was pretty upset. Getting away was a GREAT thing for me. I didn't have a lot of $ so had to do things on the cheap, but it all worked out and did give me the break I needed. It helped not to see all the places 'we' hung out for a little while. Actually that summer, I went away 2x (being a teacher, I had the time). On the 2nd trip I spent a few days visiting my college roommate in Atlanta and two nights in Charleston. Ended up moving to Atlanta about a year later...

Oh, and I took several more vacations by myself the following couple of years. I found out in that first trip that I could travel by myself and have fun. It also gave me a ton of confidence in myself because I did stuff I didn't think I could do.

I am now married and I think all those experiences helped me to become the person I am. And not to sound stupid, but I think all these events led me to finding the right relationship.

Good luck. It does get easier!!
OWJ

I think you know better than your mother what is best for you.((f))

Don't overlook the advice to pay attention to what you come home to.

Traveling without a broken heart is much better than traveling WITH a broken heart; but IMHO traveling with a broken heart is better than staying at home with a broken heart.

But the idea that you have to think about "today is the first day of the rest of your life", and there will be life after the trip. So I think it's a great idea to make sure you have something new and positive to look forward to when you get back.

I vote for getting away from home too even if getting away isn't more than a 20 minute drive!

I too had gone through the ringer and opted to go to a hotel near my home and rented the jacuzzi suite at a mid-priced hotel chain. I brought my cd player with me and had the best bubble therapy on a budget!

I don't know if your city offers things like mine, but we have flyers at the grocery store called "Leisure Learning." You can take a one day course or a many week one that will give you a great change of scenery and be a tourist in your own town! I've gone for a cooking class in Chinatown and I'm considering taking the salsa dancing class next.

Audrey, I think only you can decide that answer for yourself.

I imagine that you, like the rest of us, have a list of the places you've always wanted to visit. If you are traveling there to savor the locale, fulfill a dream, experience something new, etc., then GO.

But, if you are traveling only to escape from your situation at home, I'd say re-think it. You don't want to waste precious money on a trip-of-a-lifetime if you aren't going to enjoy it to the fullest.

My suggestion for you right now is go somewhere busy and FUN - Walt Disney World, Vegas, New Orleans - for a long weekend. Brooding about your situation won't change it in the least.

And, above all, (hope this doesn't sound heartless) remember life's too short to not enjoy it! Take that from someone who's been in your shoes.

I would recommend a trip, but DO NOT go by yourself. Find a good friend, relative, whatever, somebody uncomplicated that is willing to listen when those moments come and have fun as well. I took a trip right after my father died because I just wanted time to myself so bad. My huge mistake was that I went by myself and that was not good.

Audrey, your head is in the right place, move on, bare with the grief the best you can because that two shall pass. The best is yet to come, sweetie!!:-D

Another vote for traveling but not to places where you went with the BF.

It's good to get away from the memories. But recommend you go somewhere with built-in activities where you are forced to socialize, possible some group travel thing.
When you meet new people, you'll be to forget about the past, at least temporarily. That was one of best things for me, giving my mind some respite from the grief. And the sheer effort of meeting people and socializing made me so exhausted, I was asleep before I could cry myself to sleep.

But a word of caution, don't do anything that involves a lot of risk. I did this and nearly killed myself because my concentration was so off.

What did you guys think about my thought about possibly running into happy couples and honeymooners?? Will that make the trip even more miserable??

I think being in the company of a lot of miserable people is more likely to make a person miserable. Being around happy people cannot be a miserable thing, IMHO :)

I think NYC would be a great weekend destination for you; people are very carefree, and there are more things to do in that city alone than there days of our lives that would be a good distraction for your broken heart. Even when I had a boyfriend, I always wish that I were single when I was in NYC :D

I had gone through what you did: my college sweetheart and I split within a month after our graduation. I didn't travel though, I went to the gym and dropped 2 sizes :) - I think I was looking for something to vent my energy in. Either way, what you need is time alone for yourself, whether you opt for a far away destination or a coffee shop with a great travel book, that's up to you!

Well Audrey~here's another point regarding the responses to this post: as you can see many folks have endured the same heartbreak(some of us a few times over). All of us know, in time, things look so very different.I shudder to think how my life would have turned out if I'd stayed with any of the folks I'd been with before meeting the LOML in my mid 30's.

Thank you for all of your advice.I picked up the pictures and did not have an emotional breakdown. I have decided to join the gym. Also I have found a part-time job (along with my full-time job and Grad school). I feel I need to stay busy and meet new people. I do feel better this week and I thank all of you for your advice. I will be going to Germany in August to visit my friend and her husband. Having a broken heart so to speak is one of the worst feelings in the world but I think I will survive.
Audrey (Eden, NC)