Traveling with a broken heart good or bad?
 

I have recently ended a four year relationship and I feel like a long weekend by myself would be helpful. My mother says no, that I will be miserable and it will not help me. What do you think?
Audrey in NC

I can think of nothing better for a broken heart than planning a trip. You need something to look forward to. Go for it!!

Plan something very active. No sitting around the hotel pool.

After a 22 year marriage ended, I did it. Actually, not immediately, but within the first year after- I went to Italy Amalfi Coast area all by myself.

It's a terrific idea. You will find your heart will not remain broken long- if you respond to people positively and love yourself enough to pamper yourself big time.

Speaking both personally and as a clinician (social worker)I think you can trust your instincts! Hoping your time away is therapeutic, and that the healing process for you begins soon.
Good luck!

HI audrey--while I agree w/the substance of my fellow clinical social worker above, I cannot completely disregard the input of your mother who has the advantage of a lifelong relationship w/you. What is her knowledge of you that makes her say you will be miserable? It may--or may not--have relevance. However, in general it is best to trust your own feelings....

Whatever happens~deep reflection, weeping,distraction and/or a few good nights of sleep,you should give it a try.
All the anguish and fear to goes into deciding to end a relationship is over now. Make some room for the next "phase" of feelings. Make some room for your self.

My opinion would be to GO! I did a week on a cruise ship after a breakup and I had the time of my life. If you are just thinking of a long weekend, how about pampering yourself at a spa? Maybe your Mom would join you? Best Wishes

socialworker's question is an interesting and reasonable one - would be interested to get your take on the possible answers, Audrey!

Moms often do have special insights into their kids' emotional lives, but sometimes their instincts aren't so good when it's a situation they haven't experienced themselves.

Since you'll probably be miserable if you stay home, I say take a chance and follow YOUR instincts rather than Mom's. Go someplace that has no connection to your closed relationship, and keep very busy.

I think it's a great idea, Audrey. Something at or new a spa would be wonderful. Pamper yourself with a facial and massage at least. (Sounds pretty good - I may do the same)

JJ5 - I'd love a trip report of your the solo Amalfi Coast trip. I have a milestone birthday coming up next year and "we" planned to go to Tuscany. You may inspire me to go alone. My best friend from high school (and that was MANY years ago) is willing to go, but maybe a solo trip would be good for me.

Let us know what you decide, Audrey. The spa at Grove Park is pricey but wonderful. The grotto pool is amazing.

You know that saying, "A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work"? I think the same applies here: Even if you have a few lonely moments on vacation, better to have 'em where you can distract yourself with adventures or sight-seeing or a really strong maragarita. :)

Go for the trip and go fabulous! After all, if you didn't end the relationship, you wouldn't be on such a fabulous trip!

I know it is painful but everytime that pain hits, ride it out and remind yourself that it will pass.

Good luck and my heart goes out to you!

My Mom has been correct in all of my relationship woes. I am currently attending Grad school (M.S. in community/agency counseling go figure). It seems like the places that I want to go are places we have been together and I know I can't go there. I have a good support system with my family and especially my friends. I am scared but I know this is the best thing and I know I will survive it. I will turn 30 in a few months and I think I have attached a stigma to that. Not married, no children. But hey I have the world at my front door. We (boyfriend & I) just returned from a long weekend in memphis. I can't get up enough courage to pick the film up from having them developed.

Well, a volunteer weekend would get you "away from yourself" so to speak but you would be with others and accomplishing something at the same time.

I picked up a book a B&N - "Volunteer Vacations" with index listings of projects by length of time, costs, locations, etc. I bought it to investigate options to get me out of my funk as well.

Another option would be a activity vacation - bike trip, etc.

Good luck - and go. Take a journal with you.

can you go somewhere or do something that you really like, that he would never do with you? Like he hates museums or gardens or some such? I think then you can go out, have some fun, and feel like you are doing something you never would have done if you were still together.

definitely no going to places you went together. You want to look forwards, not back!

When you said "traveling" I expected a more major venture than a long weekend near home.

I'm not sure a weekend would make a difference, but planning a trip for a couple weeks in Europe would take my mind off any piece of bad news and put things more in perspective to get on with your life and future.

As suze said.

Everybody's different, but I think you really may need a "stretch". You know enough, I know you do, not to bog now. Think of the possibilities.

Forget about picking up the pictures and if school is out- give yourself a week or two to plan and then- go. Do not introspect. You know you are and what you prefer to do.

Perferable is somewhere totally different that keeps you on your toes and requires a whole bunch of movement.
You know what you like, do something with that. They may be skiing in New Zealand right now!

Don't know your money limits, but I would pick my one of the places on your "life list" that is the hardest and make a definitive plan for lodging or trains etc. You are young and it is April in Paris, girl.

And I would tell you more about Rapello/Formia/Italy etc. but would not want to hyjack a thread.

What you really need is a challenge and not sympathy. You lucked out. So did I.

You also know from your schooling that all that family sympathy and friends co-misering reinforces the thought patterns. It's time to start thinking about something else and having some real fun.

wow Audrey, your idea sounds like a great one! 2 years ago my boyfriend of 2 and a half years and I broke it off and I was so heartbroken, I didn't know what to do with myself. I think a long weekend lotta good! Even now I have to see this guy with his new 16 year old wife at church every darn week. Seeing as I'm still single and he and his very immature wife are still around, I think I'll steal your idea and go off by myself somewhere! I need a break from them. If u decide to do it, don't forget to post your experience and let us know how it goes!

audreyh1-

Wanna come down to NOLA? I'll go party and wander the city with you and help you forget your troubles.

I feel for you. I am in the 30+1 category - not married, no kids, BF of 5 years and wonder daily if we are "the one" for each other or not and how much I wouldn't want to be "out there" if not. I just keep thinking, better to be alone again for a while than "alone" forever if it doesn't work out.

I always imagine that if he & I break up, I would want to travel somewhere alone, too. I just feel like I would be establishing my new-found independence and celebrating making decisions that would be best for me.

I applaud you and wish you the best.

I agree with everyone....go for it! For me, taking a nice trip by myself would be perfect!! But a lot depends on where you go and if you're certain you can handle it by yourself. Sometimes, traveling with someone is the best way to deal with a brake up. But I also knew someone that was in the same situation and took a solo trip to Hawaii to get over it. Well, she saw so many happy couples and honeymooners and stuff that it was just miserable for her. So you have to think about that too.

I'd go for it. You say you think it might help and you are the best judge of your needs. Sometimes getting away for a bit gives one a new perspective. Even if all you do is mope, it may be what you need to do.

I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there!

If for no other reason, it will get you out of the house and thinking about something else.
Travel is good for you in so many ways. You can always have a good cry in a hotel or on a beach..but at least, you won't be seeing people or places that you know.
Not just mothers but sometimes people say what would make <b>them</b> happy and perhaps not what would make <b> you</b> happy. That is something that only you can figure out.
Good luck and as time goes by, you will see that everything happens for a reason and someone else will be there for you.

Truly I do not want to sound harsh, and I know this is going to...

You are almost 30 years old. I think you should ignore your mother's advice &amp; quit mooning about your ex-boyfriend and GET OUT and DO SOMETHING.

For me planning a trip and taking it would be the best medicine. If that's not for you, you really need to figure out what is. And please, don't pick up those photos &amp; do put some distance between you and your mother are my best suggestions for getting on with your own life (which I believe will help you the most in the long run).

I agree with suze...lucky for me my Mom would of given me that advice, to get on with it and never miss an opportunity to &quot;go&quot; and &quot;do&quot;...I think you will feel better and more independent...I always have these &quot;life changing&quot; conversations with myself while on vacation solo, and always come home with a new plan... have fun !

What suze said again.

WOW It souds like evryone is on the right trip and you should already have that trip planned.We have all ben there.Take off and have fun.

Audrey
I have no credentials on giving advice, but I feel if you have not grieved, a few days on the beach, just grieving is what I would do. I would pick up a few good self help books, a bottle of vodka and find a sandy beach. After the grieving period, I would go somewhere really cool that I have never been before. Good luck!

Go for it!!! I think it will help you. A beautiful new place would be distracting in a good way. And if you want a little no-strings romance or fling, it might make things feel better - as long as one knows it is a vacation-only encounter and uses precautions if sex happens to be involved (though it certainly doesn't have to be). I say this last part because that once helped my self-esteem on a post-breakup trip. I realize it may not work for everyone.

Hi Audrey, I think getting away is a great idea. When my oldest brother divorced he was despondent--he will tell you, one of the best things he did was fly down to stay with us for a few days--the change in scenery was exactly what he needed. Good luck to you.

Audrey, a trip would be a great change of scenery &amp; give you other things to think about than life at home.

If it was me I'd head for Italy. The men there make every woman feel beautiful. I can never hear &quot;Ciao Bella!&quot; too many times!

Good luck to you...forget what Mom says. Moms don't always know best. Trust your own instincts. Definitely take along a journal. I can just imagine drinking a leisurely coffee or glass of wine in a cafe, people watching &amp; writing. Sounds fun!

I can't think of a better cure...go for it. From what part of NC do you hail from ?

Whether home or away, you'd presumably still feel the same. If so, I'd suggest getting away and exploring someplace or doing something you like to do is a good way to create a mental diversion.

audrey,

Just a long weekend... can you make it a week or two? A trip would be great for the soul... think out of the box. ;)

travelling with a broken heart...wouldn't you be better with a suitcase?

If you feel like traveling, by ALL means travel. A great, healthy idea -- far better than staying at home with chocolates and DVDs. Don't let Mom tell you that you'll be miserable -- if you let yourself think she's right, I guarantee you'll manage to be miserable. Don't. Consider it a mega-treat for being such a brave lady.

One suggestion, though: figure out a way to make your home look inviting and different to you when you get back. As wonderful as the trip will be, you may get hit with some delayed grieving once you're back in the same old haunts.

Get Mom or someone to move furniture, buy some new items, change the look, so when you come back to your new life, it'll actually look new.

Just wanted to add my voice to the bunch saying to go for it. :) A few months after I broke up with a long-term BF, I went to Ireland (with my mom, actually) and we had a blast. It did me a world of good to have that to look forward to while I was trying to sort out my life.

Hi everyone and especially you audreyh.
Getting away sure worked for my dear precious daughter. A traumatic divorce. She went to Italy, with my blessings, to recover her soul and spirit. She know has a beautiful husband from Rome! I sure don't want to disagree with your mother audeyh but I sure agree with the other posters that encourage you to do what you know you need to do. You do not need anyone elses permission. Your mother is given her thoughts, but that does not mean her thoughts are right for you, with all due respect to your mother. I am sure she is doing the best she can to help you through this painful crises.

If I were you, and only if it appealed to you, I would try to get away for a week or even better ten nights. I would go somewhere that as someone else said here, believe it was BigJim, not to a location that is popular with a lot of honeymooners. Don't think that would be a good thing.

If you can't get to Europe (London, Rome, Paris etc.) how about NYC or SF?

Have no idea where you live, but I would go to someplace that is not familar to you. Big cities have lots of singles. And even though some honeymooners go there too it is not obvious like say Hawaii.

And if you can only get away for a few days at this time then I would choose somewhere like a spa or something. A place where you will be pampered and fussed over. And then later you can take a longer trip. Best wishes to you. And whether you believe this or not, you will survive this terrible time in your life.

Oh boy, after reading LoveItalys post, I think you should definitely go to Italy LOL
((F))

Hi Scarlett, you got it!!! When people here ask what kind of souvenier they should bring back from beautiful Rome I always smile to myself. Did I raise her right or not? LOL.

And he just reinforced my love and respect for him today, due to a couple of decisions he just made.

Travel when you have a broken heart can be a good thing. Good grief, I do not want to sound like Martha! Cin,cin.