Teen trip
 

My 18 year old daughter announced recently that she and three of her friends want to go to South Beach for "Beach Week" after graduating from high school, so mid-June. My first reaction was, "Oh my God, no!" Then I remembered that I had done beach week a "few" years ago and roasted dinosaur ribs on the beach. I also remembered that they all will be going away to college next year and they do need some experience travelling alone - without parents. Compared to Ocean City, Maryland, where most of the seniors from Washington DC go, South Beach is very much upscale. If we insist that they stay in a nice hotel near the beach they should be fairly safe, right? They still are not legal drinkers, provided they do not have fake IDs (no idea), how easy is it to drink there? Will they be carded, admitted to clubs or turned away? Will mid-June be less crazy than Spring Break? All three girls have travelled widely, one around Europe by herself. I picture them sunning, shopping, eating out and generally sashying around in their cutest outfits. Am I living in la-la land? Will they be partying until 5am with sleazy older guys who slip them GHB? Any guidance from people who have been part of the "scene" will be helpful.

I was there a couple of years ago in July and I got carded everywhere even though I was 26 (and definitely do not look younger). I believe there is 18+ clubs there that do not serve alcohol so there is definitely a scene. I'd say let her go and enjoy it.

I don’t envy your position, but in my mind it depends upon the kid. If she is the Girls Gone Wild type then I am sure that she will find what she is after.

If she is mature and responsible then don’t worry. At some point in life they have to fly on their own, it is not an easy process for any involved but you manage.

If as you say you see them enjoying the sand and the surf then I think all will be fine.

This is really not a call that any of us can make. You know your daughter and from that you should be able to come to some conclusion as to what her time there will be like. Best luck and I hope that what ever your decision is that you have peace in it.

On South Beach and in the Miami area you can find and get anything you look for.

Suggest they check carefully with hotel - some require one person in room to be 21. (Not specific to South Beach, just something college-aged son discovered in several places).

RedRock - and her dtr could probably find and get anything she looked for at her high school as well.

There are a couple of pretty nice hostels in South Beach, as I recall. The Clay is right in the heart of Clubland Central at Washington and Española Way:

http://www.clayhotel.com/hostel/index.htm

I recently found out the Atlántica has become the Jazz South Beach Hostel:

http://www.jazzhostels.com/jazzsouthbeach_new.html

I think these would be the best choice for these girls. The nicer hotels on South Beach are decidedly geared toward adult vacationers.

As far as clubs, the 18+ scene exists, I suppose, in certain clubs on certain nights. But the clubs make their real money from liquor sales and cover charges, so they will probably find the teen clubs very thin on the ground. Still, there are galleries and shops and beaches and all sorts of things to keep them happy.

I say let them go for it.

The adult clubs absolutely do card - since they can;t afford to lose their liquor lic when almost all their business is of age. But - if the girls have good fake ID they will get in.

As for GHB - a lot of that is their own radar - since it can be found anywhere - and IMHO less likely in the more upscale places (since they don't want trouble and watch for problematic people).

Thanks for all the info. Yes, I will check on the ages for check-in. and I was thinking of the four star end of the spectrum rather than a hostel. I would LOVE their next door neighbor to be a blue-haired lady who would complain about noises at all hours of the night. I have no problem "buying" safety in this situation or taking advantage of the fact that they may not know that the fancy hotels are more for older guests. Yes, they can get into anything (trouble-wise) if they want, here or anywhere else, I am just trying to make an informed decision and I figure that, like NYtraveller, an upscale area will self-police more than a sleazy area. This sounds better than a Daytona "flash your breasts" extravaganza.

gail - Thats probably true but on SB things are out in the open and advertised. I would not say SB is the best place for teen girls..

dflawless,I do not envy you. When I was in your situation I said "No". My kid was/is very responsible..."A" student, makes good decisions, etc. But there is just "something" that happens when a group of 18 year olds get together. I know that many of you will say "But next year they will be in University & away from home, etc, etc." Yes that is true. But a University environment where you have to get up & go to class, study & stay on track is totally different from a week in SOBE or anywhere w/ a bunch of teens & nothing to do but party for the week. I also know that there are lots of "success stories" where teens like your daughter go away & everything is fine. Only you know what is right for you. And, about carding. Most kids have fake ID's. They do card but they can easily get in w/ the fake ID.
If you are interested in getting a cross section of opinion, you may want to post this in The Lounge in addition to your post here on the US Board.

I agree 110% with wow. I just had that same conversation with my daughter, age 17, who wants to go to South Padre for Spring Break with all her friends - who are 18. Sorry, but things are wild there, 24/7 (as they are in Miami) and she is just too young. I'd say the same thing if she were 18. Yes, she's going to college in August in NYC, but being smack dab in the middle of a 24/7 partying scene is different.

Remember Aruba or Natalie Hollaway? 18 year olds can be incredibly stupid targets.

18 year olds don't need practice travelling alone. And an upscale hotel just means they will be "sashaying" around richer, more experienced men.

And yes, we did dumb things and survived back in the dark ages, but South Beach for 18 yr olds would not fly with me.

My (now 23 and 20 yr old) daughters asked about a graduation trip. We said, "only if you'll have enough cash left over to pay for college."

wow-

I don't know any university where you have to get up and go to class unless you want to . Once there the kids are completely on their own - they can go to class or not, stay in their rooms (or other people's) or not. The university does not act as a babysitter or keep track of them in any way. (Of course, if you never go to class you'll flunk out - but a quite large number do at the end of the first semester.)

My (registered) roommate (and this is 30 years ago) spent the last 2.5 years living in her boyfriend's dorm suite (he had a private suite since he was the Resident Assistant). Her mother would call and leave messages with me and I would pass them on to her. Finally it got to be just too much trouble and she had her own line put in to her boyfriend's suite.

And on-campus parties are every bit as exuberant as what you will find on South Beach. Granted there will be fewer transvestites in the parties - but I don;t think they're much of a risk to your daughters anyway.

They're 18 and they are who they're going to be. If they can;t deal with the world now - they really need to learn fast.

If I were you I would never let your daughter to South Beach. South Beach is all about parties, drugs and sex. My wife lived here and knows exactly what goes on South Beach.

Will

"If she is the Girls Gone Wild type"

Cardinal rule #1 -- No parent has girls gone wild.

LOL. Does mom know that South Beach is a topless beach?


Let's face it, if kids were planning on just chilling in the sun they'd go vacation with their parents. (Oh, silly me, thinking that kids would be trying to save money...)

Kids go on spring break for two reasons - to drink and have sex. Or at least they hope that's why they're going.

It is generous though to rent a really fine hotel, sort of a premature honeymoon suite if you will.

South Beach (like South Padre Island) might not be the best location for a few young single girls, but I wouldn't object if they wanted to go somewhere more sane. My son and his friends (girls and boys) went to Costa Rica the week after graduating from high school and had a great time. There were no hordes waiting to rip them off, seduce them, ply them with alcohol, etc. It's just a different atmosphere. Not saying there was no drinking or sex....

By the way, who's paying for this trip? I think you've got a lot more say (e.g. "NO") if she's expecting you to pay for anything. If she's planning to pay for everything, then I guess you can only say, "I'd rather you not go there and here's why...." and let her make the decision.
(BTW, I've been through a similar situation, but it was a driving trip, not South Beach or South Padre, and she paid for everything. Am I lucky or what?)

nyt: In a University environment the option to go to class is there if you want it...not so in SOBE.
Listen.... I really don't want to get into this w/ you. I have stated my opinion & that's all it is...an opinion. Yours differs from mine. Fair enough.

dmlove - that would be a COOL trip.

shoefly - "a premature honeymoon suite"? "to drink and to have sex"?

are you speaking from personal experience? you can't (OK, maybe YOU can) lump all teenagers into these two categories!

Obviously dflawless is a worried mom, why do people feel compelled to make such sarcastic/mean replies?

Dflawless - I too have daughters, 17 and 20. I wouldn't let mine go either. Not because I don't trust them- but because of all the fruits out there. Yes, mine is also going to college in Sept., but there are certain colleges I refused to pay for too.

I'm not saying at all they shouldn't go alone, just somewhere a little less "taa daaaa!"

Sounds like you have some leverage in the fact that you're paying for the hotel. This is one case "He who has the money wins." I would do what I had to do.

And before anyone rips me a new one about the last comment - I don't care. As a mom I'm not trying to win popularity contests - just to shield them from some of the nutcases out there while I still have the opportunity. College is coming and these chances will most likely be over.

Then a whole new set of games will begin.

morgiesmom - no ripping from me.

I have 5 daughters, one that is your daughters age, the others are 20,22,24 and 33. I see no good reason to allow her to go and several reasons to say no. If something happened, I bet you would be saying to yourself - " I should have followed my instinct and said no." There are better ways for her to celebrate her graduation. Hoping that one of my daughters is "fairly safe" just wouldn't cut it for me.

dflawless - I empathize with your situation, as I have a dtr about the same age, also off to college in the fall. I am sure that no one here raised concerns you have not thought of yourself. And you probably remember scary things you did at that age, as I do.

Kids that age do have a way of "announcing" their plans. And the blue-haried lady next door in an upscale hotel probably does not exist during Beach Week.

At times like this, bribery is often the only way to win. A different location at a different time often is more attractive when parents are footing at least part of the bill. (My dtr is going to a ski condo this weekend with a bunch of friends and agreed to a helmet and lessons since I would pay for that. She also agreed to certain other restrictions if I paid).

You can also enlist support of the other parents if you know them well enough. When our son at age 16 wanted to go to a Metallica concert in NYC and sleep in their cars, having already bought tickets, I enlisted the support of 2 other parents and we agreed to pay for a hotel and have my husband sleep in the same hotel on way from business trip if we paid for hotel room.

And while SOBE is "upscale" it is affluent in a different way than say Palm Beach - the money is spent on clothes, drugs, partying.

Maybe this plan will go the way of a dozen others my kids have had and never materialize, morphing into something else after they give it more thought, check out the cost, etc.

Good luck. I remember having babies that cried all night and thought there was never going to anything tougher than that.

A million years ago, we went for spring break to Ft lauderdale Fl. I was 18, 19 years old at the time. The drinking age was 18 so it was wild.
Yes, many girls would get hosed down happily in order to win a free shot glass. I could never understand that. I think it all depends on the kid. I was surrounded by absolute mayham and I didn't take off my top, have sex or go totally wild. I did drink and have fun though.
South Beach is a party town. I was there this summer and the kids in front of us were smoking pot and my teens said what is that smell and I said pot. Now that you know what it smells like, stay away from kids that smell like that. LOL.
Anyway, I don't envy your decision. The world is very different that when I went...a little over 20 years ago.
I do see the pics of Natalle Holloway every now and then and think that could have been any one of us as teenagers. Not that I would have gotten in a car with three guys alone, but if I had my drink spiked, who knows.
Good luck. I am a few years behind with daughters as well.

dflawless,

I think it's commendable that you trust your daughter enough to consider letting her go. Nobody on this board knows her better than you do, so if you're comfortable with the idea, don't let others' opinions affect you. Whatever you assume your kids are doing (or not doing), you're probably right. You know, mother's intuition and all ;)

For starters, I think you can take it as a positive sign that your daughter and her friends chose a U.S. destination. Kids aren't dumb -- they know they can get plastered in the Caribbean without a fake ID. If they're choosing to go somewhere with a strict over-21 drinking age, they may not be planning on a lot of drinking.

It's always sensationalist to invoke Natalie Holloway, but under that reasoning you shouldn't let her go to high school, the mall, the movie theater, college -- all places where people have been kidnapped, drugged, or murdered.

Entrance to clubs in SoBe is tight even if you do have a valid ID. There are enough pretty people over the age of 21 to fill a club. Most owners will have no desire to risk their liquor license for some 19-year-old.

Last time I was there, it was for a long weekend. Grand total: Two margaritas. There was just too much tanning and shopping to be done. ((#))

Is there someplace else they could go besides South Beach? Not sure where you live but there has to be other beach destinations that are not so wild. I have two daughters (24 and 20) and I doubt that I would have let them go someplace like South Beach when they were 18. I live in So. Calif and if they had wanted to go to Rosarita Beach in Baja Mexico I would have said absolutely NO. I know that's a little bit of a different situation being in Mexico but the same type of atmosphere. If they wanted to do a long weekend in Santa Barbara or maybe up to San Francisco, then I would have been OK with that.

Concerning fake ID's. My youngest daughter has one although I just found out about it recently. She is almost ready to turn 21 so maybe that's why she let it slip. Obviously I don't approve but she is away at college and pays lots of her expenses so what could I say. Anyway, she told me that bouncers at clubs can spot a fake ID a mile away and some of her friends had theirs taken away. So about the only place she used hers was at small neighborhood hangouts. So I don't think your daughter and friends would get into the clubs but there is still plenty about South Beach that I wouldn't like.

I think many adults here think things have changed tremendously - and either they're looking at the past through rose-colored glasses - or they have bad memories.

I was in college 30 years ago. And everyone drank, tried drugs and had sex. There were well-known drug dealers on campus that could provide anything you wanted. Fake IDs were rampant. Co-eds would often go off with a boyfriend for a long weekend or a week or even more - and while her friends would know - her parents - and certainly the school wouldn't.

More than once we had to rescue friends who were left places by guys they had gone off with after having drunk or smoked too much. (ANd while some were ditzes, some were A students just out to have a little fun.)

This is all part of growing up. And, if you're sensible you stay away from it most of the time and go to class and graduate - and have learned a lot of life lessons.

I can't think of anything they could do/see in South Beach any different from almost any place kids go on vacations. In fact, I think it's one of the more sensible choices (esp versus some of those towns in Mexico).

Either they're sensible or they're not. (Sadly, many aren't - but 18 is awfully late to be sorting that out.)

True 'nuff NYtraveler -- LOL -- but the difference is that when I was young (don't know about you) our parents would never in a million years have PAID for us to go on vacation with our friends. Yeah, we did some bad stuff, but they weren't about to support those decisions!

I guess I'll just never get over the fact that parents pay for this stuff. Like, "Oh, OK, sure. You can go party yourself into a drunken coma for a week or two instead of working and here's my Visa."


When my eldest graduated we shelled out the $$$ for all four of us to go to Europe. We knew it was pretty much the last of the family vacations. Not one us would have traded that trip for the world - my kids included. They worked the rest of the summer, suckers that they are.

This thread is funny to me b/c my parents paid for senior year high school trip to Cancun. I went with 8 of my close girl friends. For the life of me, I don't know how they agreed to do this. I also don't know how we came back alive.

If they are attractive and friendly girls, they will attract the attention of older men. They will be offered alcohol. Only you know your daughter and can assess how she will behave under these circumstances.

I think as many have said, in that trouble can be found anywhere. 90% of getting in a bad situation, has to do with decision making. If the girls are responsible and cautious, thinks things should go well.

That being said, South Beach is not what it was 5-8 yrs ago The scene has changed for pop glam to a more seedier venue. You may want to read this article for a more updated look "SOBE".

http://floridabeachblog.com/content/category/15/38/82/

<i>The scene has changed for pop glam to a more seedier venue. </i>

Not one thing in that article said that South Beach had gotten &quot;seedier&quot;. it said it has lost some glamour, but &quot;seedy&quot;? That's a stretch.

Thirty three responses to this one post in order to debate opinions on whether to allow 18 year olds to go to South Beach after graduation.

On 1/27 I asked for some travel advice on planning a trip to Hutchinson Island or suggestions on choosing a different beach in Florida, and I didn't get one response.

Interesting.

dflawless, you already know the answers. This is your daughter, you know her better than anyone. Do what is in your heart, do what you know is best as her parent.

SR, its probably just that this an issue that many people have faced and can bring up a lot of emotion. I know I didn't see your post yesterday and many others may not have, it being the weekend.

Just curious nytraveller, why were fake ID's rampant on college campuses 30 years ago when the drinking age was 18? For what it's worth, I have a daughter graduating from high school this year and there is no way that she'd be going to South Beach on my dime. She'll get her first taste of &quot;independence&quot; on a college campus among her peers, not in a place such as South Beach.

KathyK: B/c kids always drink b/f the legal age. If the legal age were 15, you'd have 13 year olds w/ fake ids. That's just the way it is. So, when the legal age was 18, there were 16 &amp; 17 year olds w/ fake ids.

Thirty years ago the drinking age was a patchwork - not 18 everywhere. I lived in northern NJ where drinking age was 21 (in 1970s) but we all had fake IDs to go to NY to drink where the age was 18.

And then I was off to college in RI and the drinking age there was 21 - so college students did in fact need fake IDs 30 years ago.

I also grew up in northern NJ in the late 70's early 80's, the drinking age was changing from 18 to 21. I missed the change every year. I was always legal in NY and like gail, we traveled back and forth. I had a fake id too. Which was easier when we all had paper licenses and no picture ids.
I also paid for my own trip down to Florida for spring break at 18 or 19 or whatever I was. I had a job.

It is a tough call on what to expect for your daughter no matter how well you know her. I would think if she is a small town girl that may be an issue as well. Being naive is more dangerous than anything else. I often think of my own daughters striking out on their own someday and how they live such a sheltered life.
Good luck on your decision.

Hi, just my 2 cents, but South Beach is not the place for teens to be... definitely a more risky venture without parents around. It is not all what you see on TV about glitz and glamour. Yes, it has that, but also A LOT of seedy places and individuals too. As for a comment that someone else posted that SB is a topless beach, well NO, only one small portion of it is, not the entire beach. However, the tiniest swimwear is still worn by those who should and should not wear it! LOL...

A teen can get whatever they want if they are resourceful... If they are still going to come, I would opt for the Ritz (at the end of Lincoln road) or the Loews. High End would be the Setai, the Delano or the Shore Club.