twoteachers, my advice stands. Get out and take your half of the money before he buys that stupid farm and you die of boredom (and he bleeds your joint retirement dry---farms are VERY expensive).

Hurry and get a moooove on!

twoteachers, you are entitled to half of the money/ assets if you do decide to divorce. Don't listen if he tells you otherwise. You may want to consult an attorney "just to see" what your options might be.

Don't let economic reasons be the reason you don't investigate your options.

Do plan this trip to Hawaii. I think going solo will be a great option - and you will very likely have a new perspective when you are on the other side of the globe, having a good time (without babysitting the DH) and watching your DD marry).

Good luck - and no matter what else you decide to do, GO to Hawaii.

Whatever you decide to do and my thoughts are with you that you are able to release any fears and live your life. Be assured that you don’t have to worry about being so honest, it seems like the people responding to this are on your side and in the vast sea of the internet it‘s hard to identify one person just by a simple story.

On a silly note, someone told me that 2008 is, in numerology, a 1 year; a year for new beginnings. I hope it’s a great new beginning for you. Good Luck, go and love Hawaii, you just never know what might happen.

The couchsurfing people are extremely sincere. Your age and circumstance would be a plus for many of the participants.
I think it is also adds the element of a wonderful adventure.
This program is more evolved in Europe and there are people of all ages participating.
I am registered, but I have not had the opportunity to participate in the project.
I am trying to talk my daughter into doing it in Europe before she gets locked into a job.
Consider it. Email the people listed for Lihue and Princeville and see what they say.
You may have to register...

Wow... this is so sad! Please twoteachers, do what's right for YOU! Don't let his misery become yours -- you will feel like a million bucks (without needing a million bucks) if you do this! Let us know how it's working out.

I think the yurt or more isolated island cottages are fun with a couple or a group, but when I travel solo I much prefer to be somewhere with lots of people around so I don't get lonely and can find stuff to do if I am bored with my own company. That's why Waikiki suits me, and I think would work for twoteachers too.

suze, what's the name of the hotel that you used to stay at in Waikiki. I thought it was "Hawaiiana" or something like that. There was construction in the area last year. Smaller hotel a couple of blocks from the beach with a pool in the middle of the several story complex.

Just joining in to say that I too would want my mother at my wedding. I hope that you are able to find the magic to attend.

Starrs~ The hotel I like best is "The Hawaiian Hotel" on BeachWalk. The Breakers right next door is also nice.

I guess the Trump Tower is going up somewhere, but the Lewers Street "remodel" has been completed so I believe construction is not currently an issue.

That's the one!
2T, take a look at that option.
Thanks, suze.

www.hawaiianahotelatwaikiki.com

I was worried The Hawaiiana might be more expensive than twoteachers hoped for. Standard rooms are $125/night but do include kitchenette, and it's a lovely hotel.

The Royal Grove is quite a bit less $$ and down at the other end of Waikiki. www.royalgrovehotel.com

Hi there

Here's my little story which, almost, fits your predictament.

My MIL's oldest grandson was getting married in a distant state and she "really" wanted to go. FIL said "No way", "Too expensive", and "I'm not wearing a monkey suit (tuxedo)" so forget it.

MIL thought about it for a week or so and realized she should be at this wedding. So, she took the bull by the horns (FIL), and said that she was attending the wedding with or without him. He griped, hemmed and hawed, and 3 days later agreed to go. After the wedding he told us that MIL had made the right decision and he was happy to have been there (monkey suit and all).

I would go even if it takes creative financing but I would be there. You'd never forgive yourself if you stayed away but then he won't forgive himself if he stays home.

2teachers~ Hold the phone! You have been INVITED to the wedding, right?

I realized in your OP you didn't really state that. Only that YOU wanted to go, and that the honeymooners had no interest in your company after the wedding.

One think to consider, also, is that a rental car is really necessary to get out and see anything in Kauai.

However, I would recommend a different island for you as a single person. I'd recommend Oahu or Maui. You could get around on the bus on Oahu quite easily, and not have to rent a car. Maui has much nicer beaches than Oahu, I think, and there is a very limited bus available to the Lahaina area.

Forgive me, I haven't read every single response here, but a few thoughts/questions.

Does your daughter WANT you to come? Will any of their friends be there? If she wants you to come, you can figure it out.

Do you have the time to take a vacation at that time? Do you have a girlfriend/sister/cousin etc. who would be willing to go with you?

If you don't really have the time for an all out vacation, do you want to go badly enough to spend the money to fly that distance for a day or two or three?

Do you know what part of the island the wedding will take place?

I'm trying to get some info for you but it would be good to know what area the wedding will be.

The concept that a bride would feel free NOT to invite her mother is at the very least bizarre -- but in this case it would get into the realm of downright cruel if daughter had discussed the wedding with twoteachers and then said "don't bother to come."

(Suspect some of you may not be hearing the regional accent in this post, e.g., "my darn daughter" actually may be the equivalent of "my daughter is getting married far away, darn it!" Ditto the "no interest in my company" is the equivalent of "it would be silly for me to stick around for the honeymoon and I know it.")

Hopefully that's all true, but she didn't say she was invited as I went back to re-read the post.

twoteachers --

Plenty has been said about your hubby's (and daughter's) possible motives, but like you said, you have a cheap trip to plan!! So with that said...

Why not base your trip on Oahu? Here are a few reasons:

1. CHEAPER AIRFARE: You can usually find better deals flying into the larger HNL airport. Since you're flying from RDU (right?) I'd check Northwest, US Airways, and ATA. You should be able to find fares for just under $500.

2. MORE SINGLE-FRIENDLY: If you're planning to give your daughter some 'alone time' post-wedding, I feel like bustling Oahu is more geared towards solo travelers.

3. CHEAPER HOTELS: You can stay in Kauai on the cheap, but your hotel may be in East Bumble ;) On Oahu, you can get dirt-cheap single rooms right in Waikiki at Royal Grove or Queen Kapiolani.

4. EASY ISLAND-HOPPING: For $80 round-trip you can just hop over to Kauai for your daughter's wedding and fly back the next morning (or possibly even on the same day, if she happens to be getting married in the morning!)

Island-hopping may not be the most ideal or relaxing setup, but it could save you some costs. It's nice that you want to be there to share your DD's happiness after everything she's been through :)

P.S. Perhaps your daughter would be kind enough to send another guest to pick you up at the Kauai airport, to save on cab costs?