Only to play devil's advocate, I'll stick up for the husband.

Is this "my darn daughter's" first wedding?

Second?

Third?

If she gets married every other year, I agree with the husband.

There's got to be more to this story than what we're reading.

If this is his daughter and there is no reason for him to behave this way other than his being a tightwad, I'd say, divorce him, take all of his money and go to Kauai in style!

Laughing my ass off at GoT and TTess..
Love you girls!
((D))

Oh, twoteachers, you need to be with your daughter when she gets married.

Judging from you previous posts, you live in Raleigh, NC...correct?

There are lots of ways to cut costs. Let us help you.

March must be a pretty inexpensive time to go to HI. Start shopping for deals now. I did a quick check and found deals on Expedia from San Diego in the middle of March for under $700. I don’t know where you live but surely it can’t be that much more expensive.

Are you two teachers? As in you both work?
If you have a job then you have money and can find it for something this important.

From your other posts, it seems like you really want to travel but don’t get out as much as you’d like. Maybe this will be a great first step for you. Have a wonderful time in Hawaii.

Gosh, guys, I don't know where to start, but thanks for all the replies. Yes, my husband is her father. She was married once before, but after losing 2 babies,one micropreemie who lived 47 days and one miscarriage, the jerk walked out. She would kill me if she ever knew I said that. She is a super responsible, educated, loving, cool person. It is also his second marriage, and they just decided they would rather scuba dive than have a fancy wedding.

His family has grown accustomed to his paying for everything in his bachelor years, and his mother just died, so they just decided to go off on their own.

My husband is basically totally preoccupied with buying a farm when he retires in a couple of years, so he never wants to spend a lousy cent. We have been married for decades, and I should have left long ago, but I stayed home for years w four kids instead of building a career, so I don't make much. I have no interest in the farm idea because we have done that before, and it took every penny. He says when he retires, it doesn't matter if he makes any money with farming, but I know it will cost plenty. I say I would rather have a life and do things like go to my daughter's wedding.

I did look up the couch surfing site (thanks for the info), but I couldn't seem to find any listings for Hawaii, much less Kauai All the owners of the couches seem to be young and cool. What would they think of an over the hill grandmother type on their couch?

Oh, and I will be flying from NC, so that doesn't help with costs.

I actually enjoyed some of the comments about my weird husband (I promise he does have some good qualities, just not enough)because he always acts like my desires are so absurd, but I would rather there be a more occasional reference to. yes, he is a jerk and more info about how to actually pull off a trip. I am not defending him by any means; it just doesn't help me get there.

I am a part-time teacher at a private college. He is not a teacher. My daughter and I traveled together in 2006, and she is a teacher, and that's where the name came from. He works for the federal gov't and is educated and professional, but when you have a farm for 22 years, you start all over at the bottom of the career ladder. He is also oblivious to the continuing legacy having the farm has had on our resources.

OK, enough, I might regret being honest, but, hey, y'all won't tell anyone, right?

Oh there must be more to this story....

I agree with Dusty and Tess ....

"darn daughter?"

Also, can I ask WHY your daughter chose Kauai and how far from there do you live and did she ever even take into consideration you getting there?

Your husband is just going b/c he is the "epitome of tight?" or is there more to that?

She is gettin g married on her spring break - is she in school or a teacher??

Inquiring mind wants to know....

Sorry, with the limited info given, daughter sounds a tad selfish to me.... getting married far away, something it seems you weren't involved in - not wanting you involved in any way after the wedding - even for a few days before they begin the "honeymoon?" .....

Does she live far away? could she get married at home and then go off on her honeymoon to Kauai and if she wants to , she can do a barefoot redo on her own?

OR if you want to go alone or with a friend are you on a tight budget b/c that is just the way it is, which is one thing or b/c he has plenty of money and doesn't share, in which case you have far bigger problems.

if you really can't afford it, and your daughter knows this, then shame on her -

The first thing I would do is go to a travel agent and see what kind of deal they can put together for you. A couple of times we have had good packages from Blue Sky tours, only available through travel agents. You can get some idea of what they offer at their website http://www.blueskytours.com/

I have used VRBO twice with good results. You can see Hawai'i rentals here http://www.vrbo.com/vacation-rentals/usa/hawaii Rentals range from studios to large houses.

I would try to spend a few days on Kaua'i as it is a truly lovely place. One idea would be a budget hotel, such as Kaua'i Sands http://www.kauaisandshotel.com/ It is in a great location next to Coconut Marketplace, which has shops and restaurants. The beach there is pretty (not really swimmable) and sunrises are gorgeous. You will need a car on Kaua'i to get around and see the sights.

As far as O'ahu, if you stay in Waikiki you can walk everywhere, and the beaches are great there too. The Bus is pretty easy to use for sites outside of Waikiki, even around the whole island. You could also rent a car for a day or two to see the rest of the island at your own pace. My brother stayed at the Royal Grove this summer and they liked it. It seemed a great deal to me, very clean. It is a great location just a couple blocks from the beach and there are convenient restaurants with decent prices.

Do you think you would be able to spend any time at all with your daughter and her fiance, other than the actual ceremony? Do you know where exactly the ceremony will be--which side of the island?

twoteachers:

I would gently explain to your DH that you plan to go to the wedding and you would like him to attend as your husband and father of the bride. He owes you something after all these years of putting up with him running the show.

If he says "no interest" I'd come back with you have "no interest" in the farm but have gone along with his plans and it is time for him to give in to you on this issue and consider your feelings for once.

If he still won't say "yes" please do go ahead and go. In this situation I think you will just have to put it on your charge card and pay it off monthly from what you earn. I am assuming DH controls his money and won't help you with the expense.

Good luck and keep us informed of how it all turns out. Oh and if you don't have a charge card get one immediately and establish your own credit. It is easy to do.

Sandy

Sympathize more than you might know, but still think your daughter has a role here, too. Enlist her help in a direct plea to her father 1. to come to her wedding because, after what she's been through, this represents hope and a new beginning and she wants Dad to be part of that and 2. to help you come to the wedding.

If Dad is still an immovable object after her request, ask her to help you with finding a place to stay -- tell her you want to honor what you both believe will be the beginning of the best part of her life but need help, especially if Daddy-O-E-I-E-I-O thinks Farm trumps Family.

Methinks daughter may have PLANNED it this way, because of Dad, etc.

Mom, I say that if you want to be at the wedding, go to Kauia for the day and enjoy a vacation in Hawaii on your own on another island. Leave dad/hubby at home.

There is a small possibility that when you get away from your status quo, you may see things differently and this may be the start of a bigger change in your life. Has happened to others as well. :-)

If daughter planned wedding to be away from Dad, all the more reason she should give Mom a hand.

Aren't families wonderful?

sorry twoteachers I must have been writing as you were in my last post.

Sorry to say I know a few women in your situation and I hope it works out for you.

I wish your daughter had thought to make it a tad easier for you knowing the situation as she must -
where does your daughter live? couldn't she get married closer to you, have a night of celebration and day with you and then take off to scuba?

and frankly, if she has been married before and likely with this guy for awhile, I would think if you fly all the way to hawaii for her wedding, they could spend 3 days with you - it's not like they'd be sleeping with you in the same room for heaven sakes, and help you out to get there and spend some time with you

good luck however it works out

is there such a thing as Craigs List in Hawaii?
My friend found a great apartment share for one week in Paris thru Craigs list - you might look in to that one too

Good luck with this two teachers.

Remember, it isn't HIS money it is both of yours.

Spend the money and go.

Don't forget to peruse priceline and hotwire.

Spend time reading www.BiddingForTravel.com and www.BetterBidding.com

You think that the "couch people" wouldn't welcome you because they are "young and hip". Once they hear your story you would probably be surprised how accommodating they may be.

First a travel agent. Then a very good divorce lawyer. Unless you really want to end up dying on a farm never having lived your own dreams.

Honestly, it sounds like you REALLY need and deserve a SOLO vacation in Hawaii. I'd do whatever it takes to make that happen.

Partly to attend your daughters' wedding, but also to recharge your own batteries, get some relaxation, sun and scenery, and away from your dreary husband for a week or so.

I've been several times solo to Waikiki. It does not have to be terribly expensive. You don't need a car. If you get a hotel room with a kitchenette or frig you can keep daily expenses quite low.

Of course you'll have the cost of flying from Oahu to Kauai for the wedding day, any change your daughter could pay for that part if you had all the rest all pulled together?

you could always stay in a yurt in Kauai - one of my friends did and loved the experience
you dont say what part of the island she is getting married at
but here is a link to staying in a yurt

http://www.vrbo.com/103099

sunbum~ looks fun!! but wouldn't staying somewhere like that require having a rental car to get around on Kauai?

That's part of why people were suggesting Waikiki, i think, because you don't (necessarily) have the expense or hassle of renting a car.

suze- I am sure if you stayed in the yurts it would require a car - but then I just assumed they would need one anyway.

It does look like fun - I think there are several places on the island that have yurt rentals