I have to ask so please don't flame me...
 

Regular posters here that I "talk" to know that I hate to fly; more like terrified. I've flown twice since 9/11. I cancelled our trip to Italy this summer and opted to stay on US soil, although we're flying across the other ocean to HI in July. Next month my husband and I are taking the trip to Martha's Vineyard that we were to take on 9/13/01.

We've all heard the latest news about an attack on US soil. Sorry folks, some people are afraid of spiders; I'm afraid of airplanes so please no one be snide. Please help me be rational about this or I'm afraid I'm going to chicken out. DH refuses to lose any more travel deposits and is tkaing the kids to HI with or without me (I don't THINK he'd go to MV alone).

Jayne, please go talk to a professional.

This phobia seems to be impeeding on your life and nothing should stop you from enjoying life.

I too had the same phobia and educated myself about flying. I talked to pilots, FAs, mechanics, and anyone in the biz.

I also watched a lot of documentaries.

One of the biggest contributors to fear of flying is lack of control.

I wish you much luck and understand what a painful thing fear of flying is.

For what it's worth, I now LOVE to fly.

I worry about flying...but not so much about terrorists. My husband keeps telling me that it's safer than riding in a car. At any rate, I grab onto his arm and hold on for dear life when taking off and landing. I hope you'll conquer your fears and go on your family trip to Hawaii :-)

Best,
Sandy

Jayne, think like a gambler.

The odds are with you in a huge way on this thing. The chance of you buying the big one on your infrequent flights are infantisimily small. Of course, if it's your time.....

My advice? Drink copious amounts of alcohol prior to walking down the plank...er..umm.. I mean the ramp/walkway thingy!

Don't try to out think your fear, and ignore reassurance based on stats. The fear isn't rational, and trying to make it go away with rational arguments isn't going to work.

See a therapist and talk about it - find out what triggers the fear. Your fear probably goes beyond flight. And ask about a small ativan, dramamine and a glass of wine mid-flight. Yes, alcohol, but only one.
But just one.

Accept that your fear is not about flying or terrorists, but perhaps about lack of control, or some such related issue. See a therapist, and start to find out. You'll be able to convert the fear into some other emotion.

I agree. The alcohol will calm you down. That was a funny one by "placeu2"

I'm not sure if you are more afraid of flying in general or the threat of terror attacks. There's nothing wrong with being a fearful flyer - lots of us are, I don't ever fly without a small dose of valium. Talk to your doctor. I highly recommend it. As far as terror attacks, please consider the thousands of flights every day all over the world. The odds that any one person (you) would be on a plane that is attacked on any one day must be incredibly tiny. Believe me, I really do understand your fears, I share them with you. But you have to be realistic - the chances that you would be harmed in a plane mishap are so tiny as to be not worth worrying about.

Joy

Terror isn't funny, and isn't solved by funny. Someone else suggested professional help, and look what occurred in their case. The same can happen for you but don't delay in seeking counselling.

Go Travel,

I'd had my fear conquered for the last ten years(as much as you can conquer a phobia) via some professional help (fear of flying class--graduation included a round trip flight from Tampa to Miami)lots of reading and talking to the people in my life who fly a lot (including two friends, one a Delta pilot and the other a UPS pilot). Since then I'd flown 4-5 times a year including Europe twice. I did alright the first time after 9/11 but the last flight I took (Feb.)had the worst turbulence I've ever experienced.

Now with all the talk about an "imminent" threat, the US may still be at yellow, but I'm at red.

I suggested taking separate flights to MV, but DH knows there's a good chance he'd end there alone.

Sandy--I'll grab my husband or the closest person to me if needed. I don't sit with the kids because I don't want my fear to affect them. My boys think it's funny anyway and LOVE turbulance.

Jayne, I was exactly like you about flying until a beloved relative came down with a lethal cancer......... As I watched her lose her battle, I said to myself, "now THAT is something to be afraid of." I have never been afraid of flying since. The truth is that planes CAN crash, but almost never do! That's a fact of life. If you don't stay awake worrying about driving your car to buy groceries, then you certainly shouldn't worry about flying! I'm very much of the school that when it's my time, it's my time, whether I'm flying or stepping out of the bathtub. Good luck, Jayne. I hope you will talk to a professional if you can't reason this out on your own........... But don't keep cancelling your trips. (And I say, don't let this latest terror warning undo you! Something COULD happen anytime........... terror warning or not....... Don't let it rule your life!)

I don't think you particularly need counseling, we all have our worries.I just tell myself that I have a similar chance of winning the lottery as I do crashing in an airplane.

Kalmia, your age?

But Kalmia, some of us buy lottery tickets! :)

My (similarly unhelpful?) advice would be to think that a plane to MV is probably pretty low on terrorists priority list.

Jayne, retake that class.

Years from now, do you really want to look back at your life and regret what you didn't do because of this phobia?

Blacktie put it best; it isn't a rational fear so trying make it go away with facts won't work.

Thank you for all the kind responses and encouragement--the positive reinforecment does help.

I do "medicate"; My family doc is also a good friend and she's been great helping me come up with a combo of meds (she's my neighbor and called my husband yesterday to tell him to hide the morning paper!)--she strongly discourages mixing alcohol with med, but a glass of wine hasn't killed me yet, but only one glass.

I'm pretty worthless by the time we reach our destination but DH props me in a chair while he gets the rental car.

Blacktie--you are correct, it is not funny but I understand how humor can help in these situations.

Oh thanks...I just bought a lottery ticket.

Have you seen Meg Ryan in that film where she is afraid to fly to Paris, until her boyfriend dumps her for a French woman? The name escapes me.
I hope you can see someone to help you or you may lose out on some wonderful moments in your life.
I wish you luck and overcome.

Blacktie--the guy who gave it was a retired pilot and has passed away (of natural causes, not--you know).

I think I just need to listen to the Democrats who are saying that this latest threat is a political tactic!

Ohmygosh cigalechanta--you WOULD NOT believe how many people kidded me about the opening scene in that movie! Was it French Kiss or something similar?

Yes, it was "French Kiss." Great movie that I just watched yesterday for the umpteenth time.

Best wishes, Jayne. Trust me, many of us have been right where you are right now. LOL, my plane departs in 5 hours. I think you're showing a lot of courage and class, so do try to make the trip, and then post when you get back, Tell us how it went, we'd be very interested. Perhaps you could take some notes during the flight. Seriously.

There was a thread on the airline forum about fear of flying, after which I Googled for "fear of flying classes", and printed out "a book" which I read a few pages at a time. There are also several checklists - what to do before and during the flight. I hope it will help me with my fears. My first flight after a long break will be in a month.

By the way, it says there every 3rd airline passenger is a "white knucle flyer" so it's nice to be a part of a crowd!

For me it's not terrorism, I was always afraid to fly, and now when the children grew up and have their own trips there was no need for me to force myself to fly. Add to this fear of hight and motion sickness. I used to take Dramamine and slept through. This time I'll take a short flight and try Bonine, I heard it's not drowsy.

Jayne, the times that you have flown despite your fear, have you experienced the same degree of fear anticipating your return trip??

Don't know if you saw the discussion about tension before a trip. I thought I was more or less alone with that, but it seems to be very common...people regretting saying that they'd go away and getting quite uptight until they are actually out of Dodge. In my case and reading between the lines of others' accounts, it has nothing to do with fear of flying, only the stress (I guess) over preparation for the trip and some unnamed anxiety about being away...safety of the house, are the pets OK, will my plants make it without me, and who knows what else. Just wondering if that may be a part of your problem, not necessarily fear of flying?

You are gonna do this. Focus on how beautiful MV will be, how cool, how nice it will to be away from this humidity, feel those breezes, picture New England chic shopping. Now...can I come too? :D

Jayne, I re-read my post to you above. I didn't mean to sound preachy..... I definitely understand, as I used to lose sleep for weeks before I had to fly!!! And wonder, can I really get on the plane???? But my experience with my sister's illness did put things in a different perspective for me. I wish you the very best, and hope your flights will be easier for than you're anticipating. (And this latest warning could be a political move... Whatever, I don't need anyone to warn me about the possibility of terrorism. After 9/11, how could anyone NOT be concerned, at some level, forever after?)

Faina, one mg. ativan! and the dramamine - 30 minutes beforehand. Lots of water. The aisle. Get up and stand occasionally. Eat lightly. Take comfort you're with other people. Hope it goes well. Post and tell us.

OO, my husband and I always get in a fight right before we go out of town.

That stress always hits me.

Jayne, I completely understand how you feel, and am the same way. We travel a couple of times of year, but never by plane the last few years. But where there is a will there is a way and we've been lucky enough to go to such places as Bermuda, New Mexico, and Montana, all without flying. Now I find myself having to fly for a trip we are taking with my husband's family in October. We are flying from the northeast to meet them on a cruise ship in Florida. I have always hated flying. The terrorist threat only adds another element of fear for me. I was so upset booking the tickets yesterday, that my husband found a direct flight which cut about three hours off of our flying time by leaving from an airport which is 3 hours from our house. I'm afraid, but I'm going. When I must fly somewhere, What I do is, look at the people around me on the plane. People are sleeping, reading, working on laptops or whatever and all that normal activity seems to calm me down because I always seem to be the only person who is panicked. Take your travel books with you, read them on your flight and just think about a wonderful time you have when you arrive! Oh, and that glass of wine can't hurt either.

Thanks Blacktie, that's very kind. I will let you know when (NOT IF) I get past the MV trip!

FainaAgain--I'm going to do the same google and fill my mind with positive stats--at least I learned years ago to only visit sites like airsafe.com for feedback about safety records etc. Ten years ago I could quote stats for crashes from the last 15 years!

Actually everyone--I do know what triggered this fear. My late brother-in-law survived that air crash in the Everglades many years ago. He was fearless and never had a second thought about getting on a plane after that--but I think his story scarred me for life. He died five years ago from complications from Chrone's (sic) disease.

Jayne, have you looked in hynosis? I have a friend who is a hypnotherapist and she has had incredible successes with anxiety parients, including fear of flying, most often in only one or two sessions. You sound like a good candidate because it sounds like consciously you realize that the fear is irrational and you have tried to overcome it, but your subconscious takes over when you board that plane.

She has often told me that phobias are often related to some other unreolved issue, in your case perhaps a loss of control over a situation, and not a result of the actual event, e.g. flying itself.

Good luck with this and let us know how this turns out for you.

Get your dr. friend to prescribe some Xanax. Take one 15 minutes before you take off & have a glass of wine during the flight. You seem to want to conquer the fear, as you plan vacations to places you need to fly to. That is probably 90% of the cure!

I have a fear of the water, more like a phobia. But I love to go to islands & do boating things. I'm scared while I do them, but I also have happy memories of them!

OO--my closets are never as clean as they are the morning I leave on a flight!

Bonnie--I do not find you at all preachy--just very kind.

I hate hate hate the take off and the first ten minutes of the flight. I LOVE to land even though I know that statistically that is a high risk part of the flight--that's what makes phobias irrational, right?

Thanks everyone--you have all made me feel better.

Leona, I agree with you about the Xanax. I only take a tranquilizer for earth-shakingly stressful situations in my life but if I'm going to take one............. at least for me, I think Xanax is the most calming!

Jayne - not sure this has been mentioned yet...but personally, I think the chances are very, very slim that any sort of terror attack will happen on an airplane. With beefed-up security and passengers who are not only more aware, but more likely to thwart any sort of terrorist on a plane, I personally think the terrorists are going to "Plan B". So if your fear is a plane, I'd say not to worry. The US has put so much time, effort and $$ into protecting our airlines, that there are so many other weak links out that that are much easier targets.

Here today--YES--I have considered hypnosis. My sister-in-law tried it for weight control and lost 20 pounds. There is an excellent hypnotist is Sarasota. Most of us probably think it could never work for us but my SIL thought the same thing! Everytime she started to eat she felt nauseas.

Leona--been there done that! I'm a two Zanex flyer.

Austin-

I think you're right.

NO ONE will ever be able to bring down a plane with only a box cutter ever again.

Jayne, whatever you decide to do, don't let people try to shame you for how you feel. In my experience, the people who don't get anxious about something are often the people who are less likely to think out broader consequences of things -- sometimes that's a good trait but sometimes it isn't.

I don't think it's necessarily nuts to worry about what will happen this summer, but you have to consider the odds, as some others have pointed out. Compare it to a lottery -- if the odds of winning were as poor as the odds that you'll get caught in some kind of attack, you probably wouldn't bother to buy a ticket.

Finally, scared as I might be, I'd rather with with my family in case of catastrophe than left behind at home worrying about them.

You can do this - Xanax helps -- but don't be embarrassed about worrying. It's not 100% irrational to worry, as long as you are 100% paralyzed by it.

Well said, soccr. I totally agree. Don't let anyone shame you Jayne, as many feel exactly the same way. But many are loathe to let down their guard, even in cyber space.

You are obviously a thoughtful, caring person who realizes the scope of reality. Even if the odds are in our favor, I too, am very squeamish about flying.

Xanax is a blessing, use it and enjoy your trip.

Thanks, hope it's obvious I meant "NOT 100% paralyzed by it."

You have more to fear in taking advice on this forum than flying.

... ahhnolld, I have to agree, and chuckle at your comment, and believe it applied to 99% of what one reads on this site ... but we're actually trying to be supportive, and the ideas being offered pose no danger to Jayne. Many of us, or so it would seem, have ben right where she is, so we can empathize.