Additional thought: Your campus tour guide is a great source for insights into the student experience but might not be the best source for statistics and other reliable info about the admissions process.

Parents clearly find the college search and application process daunting, so it's no surprise that students are even more intimidated. For students who are too lazy, disorganized, afraid, whatever, to start the search process: Instead of focusing on paper and choices, just get out there and visit a local college. Doesn't matter if it's one the student might actually attend, get get him to experience the idea of visiting a college. Use bribes (concert tickets, etc., looser curfew -- "you're going to be on your own next year") if you must to get the process going. During the first visit, pay special attention to college campus life, rather than academics and classrooms. The idea is to get him to picture himself living as a college student. After the regular tour, visit dorms, cafeterias, athletic facilities, student newspaper, whatever is the equivalent of your guy's current interests. Unless he attends a really unusual high school and you're a gourmet cook-on-call, this is going to look good to him. Try to visit when students are on-campus, but NOT all stressed-out taking exams. Good luck!

Went through it last year with twin girls. One was easy, the other long and painful. The long and painful one decided to attend her second choice college as her first choice waitlisted her. Her second choice has been okay but she still wants the first choice and has re-applied there again this year with a few other's tossed in for good measure! I'm afraid nothing will ever match up to her ideal standards!! With any luck she'll end up where she want's to be next year as a sophmore and will be able to sit tight. This will be just in time for the other twin to start looking for a college to attend for her third and fourth year as that one had chosen a two year community college.
I don't think it will ever end!!!!
Three straight year's of looking at college's for two kids is way beyond anything I can handle!!
Sympathy to all!

Giggle...

And I "wonder" why my 6'4 son ran into the bathroom and locked the door...

We moms are soooo funny. We did "none" of this in our day to get into college, high school or kindergarten...

I now know that a good number of you went through this same process and more when we selected the right(let's list them):

THE RIGHT:

* Infant Exercise Class: GYMBOREE!!!
* Two Year Old Class
* Preschool
* Kindergarten
* Lower School
* Middle School
* High School

All of these process were at a minimum 16 month process per juncture!
We had our lists, folders, color pens, glasses, check books and even once our credit cards... and we took no prisioners!

Let's throw in all of the RIGHT summer programs, Spring Breaks, Winter Breaks, Clubs, volunteer activities and so on...

{still TRAVEL related}

What are we going to do after we take these next 6 months to make sure that our kid goes to the RIGHT college?

You know you will not be "sure" until after our first Parent Weekend in the early fall...LAUGH!!!!

Whew!

I say we travel or plan travel or dream of travel if the tuition will leave you taking that second job at Fresh Choice or McDonalds or Walmart(do we get discounts?)

Why are our darling hubbys immune from all of this cummulative TIME that we have invested in our darling kids...not counting the field trips, class parties, hours and hours of homework, attending sports and other performances, chaperoning dances, PTA, board duties, room mom duties, fundraising, school clothes shopping, parent-teacher conferences, report cards...

What on earth are we going to do now?

Now see...I am working on the Senior Ball, Grad Nite, Graduation and Senior Gift Committees where not ONE of us wants to say that these ARE our "last days" of doing these things for our darling children...

Ok, CRY with me: We-are-SO-fired!!!!

Don't know about you BUT...I am going to work these next 6 months for all their worth...just how can moms and MOB members get involved at the college level...NOT!!!

Ha-HA!
Oaktown Mommy

Oaktown Mommy: But this is what I don't understand. Where did I go wrong (other than not draw than darn circle on the map)? I sent my kid to the nursury school where they didn't "learn" anything--a total play, learn no letters one. We were Gymboree drop-outs--couldn't stand it. Delayed getting a computer in the house for years. Never asked for my kid to be tested for the Gifted Program. In fact, when one teacher suggested it, I said, "Keep her here in your classroom; she'll be less confused." Never "paid" for A's. Heck, I never asked if their homework's done. I was never a Homeroom Mother--thought the kids should be having a life at school without me. Attended one PTA meeting when the kid was in kindergarten. Couldn't stand it. Never went back.

So how in the heck have I ended up with this anal retentive, "need to get all A's", child is beyond me. I keep telling her, "Go out! Have friends! Enjoy your youth!"

I did read to them at night. I attempted to have (gasp) Family Dinner Hour with conversation. Did travel a lot, mainly because we just flat out enjoyed the kids. That led to this trial by college tour?

I'm going back to the standard, "You birth 'em, they come out that way, and nothing you do changes 'em."

Hmm, she is a lot like my mother. I'll blame her.

OK, amelia, I'm ready to buy into your "born that way" concept.

My hyper-conscientious one spent 6 years at an ungraded, unaccredited open school (modeled after John Holt's "unschooling" ideas) where everyone marched to their own drummer, and my laid-back one went to 6 years of parochial elementary school complete with uniforms and worksheet homework.

Like am1pm2, we haven't visited any colleges during the April campus visits. I doubt we'll be able to visit anything unless it's local in the spring.
Any other advice to those of us who just can't get to a campus at this time of year because of other commitments? Is it still worthwhile to visit colleges during the summer months?

Like am1pm2 I have a HS junior who hasn't been able to visit any campus this spring.
Can anyone give advice as to whether it would be worthwhile to visit colleges during the summer months? It's the only time we will be able to get away.

Advice for those whose kids are juniors and have no idea where, what, etc.

Take 6 deep breaths - now try to think of any adult you know whose life is now what they would have predicted at age 16. Probably zero, or close to it. Most of us have taken very winding paths.

As far as college selection - instead of thinking "what do you want to be when you grow up" - realize that there likely ARE some easier decisions. Varies by kid - but city or rural; big or small; climate; part of country - distance from home. If s/he can answer even one or 2 of these type questions, then the search narrows instantly. Also, there are various websites which ask a bunch of questions and then print out a list of potential colleges - most guidance departments can head you in this direction.

If you are traveling anywhere, stop by and see whatever college is nearby with your kid - even s/he has no chance of going there. Just seeing a few colleges in action can help refine the search.

I told our son early on that where he went to college was a family decision (meaning parents and him) - he had a large say in it, but we were not accustomed to letting 16 year olds make decisions on how to spend over $100,000 alone.

Last point of wisdom - if you think selecting colleges to apply to is difficult, wait until you have to do the eternal nag to get the applications in.

Three comments:

1. Being the eternal nag to get the applications done may not work half so well as sitting down once, looking the student straight in the eye and saying: "This is absolutely the last time I'm going to bring this up. You are planning your adult life and this is the first step. I'll give you any help you want, but I'm not going to drag you kicking and screaming toward that deadline. If I have to, then you aren't ready to go to college. Just think of how you'll feel, however, next April when all your friends are opening their envelopes to see where they'll go and think how you'll feel next fall when they're all leaving and you're not. Now, think about how I can help, and let me know. But the deadlines are your problem, and I suggest you make a list of them right now so you know how much time you have, because this is the last time I'm going to mention it. Period. Full-stop. Guaranteed. Have a cookie." Then hold your breath, cross your fingers, and stick to it.

Second comment: Expect your wonderful child to become insane in unexpected ways from end of junior year to Christmas vacation of freshman year. Sweeties become monsters; independent souls become clingy; hyper-responsible ones become flakey. Once they've gotten through their first set of college-level finals, they'll settle down.

3. About the far future: The first year after college is actually worse. Applying for college is a crazy time for American kids because all they've ever known is 18 years of getting ready to do that, but at least they've known the rules -- it's just a scary matter of put-up-or-shut-up and parents are still part of the process (for better or worse). After college, esp. if they aren't going directly to grad school, it's like going into free fall for many -- with the social cocoon of college dorms gone, daily routines completely changed, expectations now very murky, and no support systems in sight. Statistically it's a dangerous time for many.

So the more "in charge" AND the less stressed you can get them to be for this first passage, the better shape they'll be in for the later one. Just keep telling them you can help when needed but they CAN do it and there are no terminal mistakes -- it'll all be fine. YOU stay calm; they're already stressed, whether they look it or not.

Amelia: GROUP HUG!!!

You did everything just right like the rest of us moms and MOB members!

Visit campuses all year round...you never know who you/your teen might meet.

Gail: We blew that financial decision thing long ago...son went to BS(Boarding School) that cost $45K per year...he did have a major say in that decision.
His college choices do not cost nearly that much...matter of fact most of his choices will cost us a little over $45K in TOTAL after 4 years including us giving him miniscule pocket change.

Cassandra: You must have a girl! You know that Charlie Brown voice that they give the teacher...the wha-wha-wha one?
Well, that is what that sounds like to some teen boys...giggle.

As of today...I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHO ACCEPTED MY SON!!!

He has however called both sets of Grandparents so my guess is HE is deciding based on their input...
This means he got into all 4...I meant to say South Carolina not North...oops.

He told hubby "if" he did get into his 4 that he would talk with the grandparents and then "let-me-know" his choice!

I have a bias towards the Boston one and the Atlanta one. He really loves the South Carolina and Virginia ones.
Hubby does not care(roll-eyes).

My mom will not tell me a thing (he IS her favorite grandchild she states...).

My dad claims ignorance and changes the subject...means no Boston...no Atlanta...possibly...

The Paternals keep stating that their Grandbaby (their ONLY grand child) is completely capable of doing this alllll by himself!

It is driving me CRAZY! I "get" to pick son up after school today...got to get a plan together...

Plotting,
Oaktown Mommy

O.T. -- Why do you think my son is a girl?

Cassandra...I was asking in jest.
Now that I know...lucky you!

He sons like a dream.

My Best,
Oaktown

sigh!

gotta stop drinking mommy cocktails while I post!

That should read s-o-u-n-d-s not s-o-n-s

Oaktown

GBelle,

We went looking at colleges during the summer months, and it was just fine. There are always people there & you get a good idea of what the campus is like. Go on-line to whatever college you're thinking about, and there is usually a place for visitors to go to set up an appointment. Each campus that we visited had someone to show us around. They were all very informative & helped us rule out a few of them. Good luck!!

We did things a little differently. We waited till daughter got acceptance letters from all the schools in January of her senior year, then visited. This way, she was choosing, rather than hoping for a schools that might not accept her.

It worked well, and then when we were done, she had 2 "YES"s and two "NOs". I called the two yeses and asked for more financial aid. One added significantly more money, and she went there. She's finishing her sophomore year and still very happy with her college.

"got2travel2", in some ways you did it exactly right, but one needs to have an idea of the differences in feel between large and small, urban and non-urban campuses before applying. A summer visit can give a student an idea of what it would look like to be walking around a given campus and how hard it would be to get off campus (which may or may not be desirable). Most colleges keep some undergrads around working for the Admissions Office to give tours, group discussions, etc., exactly because many people take their first pass at the college tour over junior summer. So it's fine to do that -- just don't assume the February weather will look anything like it does in July!!!

We did some college visits last year over April vacation and other visits last summer. My daughter now says that the summer trip was a waste of time. I disagree; I thought we learned a lot about some schools and had a nice trip, but my daughter says she could not get any idea of how she would feel about a school when the students weren't on campus.

She has now spent a night at two of the schools that accepted her and has found that to be the most valuable tool for deciding where to go.

I'm just checking back to the subject and see that I certainly, if unintentially, hit a nerve with my original post.

Are summer visits worthwhile? Even though we have been lucky enough to have the school time off in spring to visit them when the students are there, I still think summer visits are helpful. I agree totally that having a child see the size of the campus, get a feel for the dorm arrangements, etc. can make a difference. For my kid, the physical "how close am I to a city?" probably is her first concern.

The student tour guides frequently have more time in the summer, too. My daugher actually visited 12 campuses through another program last summer. Often she was the only person on the tour. She would offer to take the tour guide to lunch or a snack and pump his/her for all her tiny questions (I know, I know--she's nuts. We've established that).

So if summer is all you can do, I don't think you're at a huge disadvantage. The weather point is great, but you can deal with that. We visited Northwestern on a sunny day with 81 degrees. Told my daughter, "If you're the least inclined to go here, we are gonna have to come back on January 15 when the wind chill is -45."

Oaktown, now you're going to have to keep all of us posted on your son's sloooww release of the vital information. Thanks for sharing that story.

We planned to split the difference - for the past few years whenever we were on vacation near any college, we would at least drive by to get some sort of idea of types of campuses - urban, rural, etc. Then his junior year during April vacation (during which college was in session) we visited his top 2 choices (both air travel away). Had visited UMass (live near Boston) for soccer tournaments and knew enough people who went there - so not a formal visit, but enough to get preliminary impression of the place.

Had planned to revisit top choices when acceptances came in, but by then he had made up his mind. So off to Savannah he goes.

Amelia:

Son says...next Sunday he will call me and tell me...I will be out of the country...love that boy.

SUMMER CAMPUS VISITS: Yes, do them, again, you never know who you might meet. We got face time with top administrators who had some down time.
I think this "helped" lots.

Now, our son had that many more hand-written thank you notes to write but, from all of the buzz around me now I think it did not hurt.

Every student who took time with him got a follow-up thank you note...these kids reported that back to the admissions and other staffs at the colleges we visited.

Call me kooky but, at Christmas I even sent the colleges (15 at that time) Christmas cards from us...not the one with the family newsletter, just a nice and classy "Crane" kind that we do not even send our family.

Finally, I was a kid who worked at her college during the summer...in the admissions office. I took families and prospects around AND what I had to say afterwards about them totally mattered with the admissions folks!

So, VISIT!

Happy College Travels,
Oaktown