Anyone else been shunned by friends after you return from a great vacation?
 

My mother warned me about this... Don't be suprised if some of your friends have no interest in hearing about your vacation. My parents used to travel after they retired. They found that some friends had no interest in hearing anything about their adventure or seeing their photos.

Sure enough she was right. It has happened to me a few times. One friend told me "All you have to show for that money you spent on your vacation is a bunch of photographs". I couldn't believe he said that. I am not the bragging type and was just showing my vacation photos to him. Other friends through the years have acted this way.

A few years back I passed on this advice to a friend who had spent many months living and working in Scotland. Sort of a work/travel thing. He loved his experience very much and he is a very personable guy who would never put something in your face. A few weeks after he returned home he emailed me and told me that he didn't believe what I had told him about this and that in fact some of his friends didn't want to hear a word about his trip.

Has this happened to any of you?

Oh yes- it has happened to me. And I used to live in Hawaii and folks back home did not want to hear about that either.

I am happy to talk travel with people who truly are interested. But I learned a long time ago that some people (particularly non-travelers) often have no interest because it's something they just can't relate to. When someone asks about my vacation, I limit my narrative to 5 minutes, max. If they start asking questions and show interest, I will talk all they want.

As far as pictures go, I usually send a few of my better ones around on the e-mail. If someone asks to see all of them, I will be happy to comply.

I think that this is one of the reasons the Fodors Travel Talk site is so active ... Discussion amongst those who love to travel, and like to talk about their trips and hear about others' trips. I have often found that since many people I know do not share the same enthusiasm and "wander lust" for travel that I do, they are just not as interested in hearing all the details for a variety of reasons (both personal and financial). So I try to be sensitive about this. It's always fun to get together with other "travelers" and share and compare travel stories ... However, many of my friends, and most of my family and co-workers don't fall into this category.

Even though I love to travel and experience places first hand, I don't always enjoy listening to every cough of belch of someone else's trip (sorry :-] ) Interestingly, reading about it here in trip reports is more interesting to me than hearing someone talk about it and show photos for some reason. I never show any pics unless people ask and I do keep descriptions brief.

Yes, some folks have no interest in going ANYWHERE (how sad).

Ken

PS - Tell them you don't JUST have the photos, you have the MEMORIES. The photos are just there to REFRESH the memories.

Anyone who is childish enough to react like that after a vacation is not a friend. Unless they are tired of the bragging and showboating after a vacation.

Jorr, when I first started traveling more, my feelings were hurt a couple of times by someone's lack of interest in my trip details and photos. Then I began to realize that that attitude was the norm ... now I bring a few little souvenirs back for those close to me, tell them we had a wonderful time (few details,) and if they ask to see pictures, I show them but that's about it.

However, I LOVE hearing people's trip details ... what they ate, were the cabbies friendly, where were the best Mai Tais......? :-d That would be why I spend WAY TOO MUCH TIME at Fodor's!

I'm not interested in talking about football or golf or real estate like some people so I "get" that others don't care a hoot about my travels.

Yes, that is true to some extent, jorr. But overall my experience has been that some WONDERFUL friends just hate travel or travel talk. And ahhnold, they are true friends in every sense of the word. They would listen politely but I know the interest just isn't there. Although I don't think shun is the word in my case at all. It is a kind of avoidance right afterwards maybe, but it's not me as much as they don't hold any value or enthusiasm for the experience.

My parents, on the other hand, have traveled very little but love to hear my stories.

Actually, I am a very good listener, so when friends do take some time away themselves, I pry every detail out of them. This has "changed" one person, especially. Now she is very apt to want to hear the details of my trips, as well. AND she and her husband are getting much more adventurous.

But for the most part, I just don't relate much about travel to anyone other than the few who may be interested. And I do not take any photographs or videos or anything at all any more. They are all in my head to remember in the brightest "lights".

And I do not buy any souvenirs or bring home souvenirs for anyone. We have enough junk and I would rather spend the money on value somewhere else or on times together (like my upcoming Wicked experience with my 5 girls).

Sorry jj5, a TRUE friend would not act like that. If they listen politely, they are not SHUNNING. Big difference

My reaction is: So what!
So some people don't want to hear about your trip. Get over it!
Echoing what a previous posted wrote, there are subjects that I don't care to hear about as well.

Yes, but even if a friend did shun me or the talk for awhile- I still wouldn't take humbrage and think it reflected upon the entire friendship. I just wouldn't.

We are all too different to understand what is in anothers's skin.

They might be shunning because they would LOVE to do the same, but can't for many other reasons- more instance.

I just don't take those kinds of choices or responses personally.

I agree with Cher that this is the beauty of this site. You can post a trip report and people can read it or skip it.

I would never assume even my best best friends would be particularly interested in my trips.

Also, I have friends who have traveled the entire world (literally) bird watching. Even I get tired of hearing about their trips!

LOL, poor jorr, after reading some of these responses, some people don't want to hear about how noone wants to hear about your vacation!
I agree with Cher .. there are some people ( I know a few myself) who are really not interested in traveling so they really can't summon up the interest to listen to someone elses travel stories. That is fine, I won't listen to sports stories.
Find the friends who are like minded and enjoy them, like those in Fodorland.

Very good, JJ5. You must make a good friend:-).

I guess my response to this thread and my "friends" who would shun me would be the utmost polite...whatever.No sarcasm,no motives,no jealousy.

Whatever.

I think this thread title is misleading - to say your friends shunned you after a vacation implies that they cut off all contact with you, not just that they didn't want to hear about your vacation. If they truly shunned you, they're not friends. But if they just weren't interested in hearing about your vacation, that's a totally different thing and completely acceptable. I don't expect my friends to want to see my pictures and hear my stories, unless they ask.

As P_M said, if someone asks about my vacation, I'll tell them a little bit and gauge their level of interest before going into more details.

I never had this happen either! But my friends are all well-traveled. Also I don't go on and on about it - just give them a few highlights and direct them to my online photos if they wish to see them.

My best friend, however, does get shunned! She said that she's practically berated for traveling overseas when there's "plenty of better ways to spend her money". Sheesh. I wonder if they mean better ways of spending money to "show off", like buying a new car or a designer outfit? Some people want material things, others want experiences!!!

It doesn't take much to get TIRED of hearing someone talking about their trip, or their wedding, or their favorite football team or grandkids or whatever. If your friends are interested in hearing a lot about your travels, or wedding, or football game, they will ask you. So, the problem may be that some people just don't know when to shut up.

and NO, I don't particually like to hear someone go on and on about places that I will never be able to go. It's a touch of sour grapes with some of us when it comes to viewing such places. You can only say "beautiful, wonderful, fantasic," so many times before you gag.

My dad lives in a small depressed town where people don't travel. So when he tries to share a story about a place he's been to his comments are met with little excitement, even jealousy. So now he just shares his stories with me, which end up being 1 hour telephone conversations!:)

2 of my oldest friends still live in that small town and I don't share my travel experices with them either, it is something they cannot relate to. And I do think my one friend gets a little jealous or hurt when I talk about it because her life is so different than mine. They can afford to travel, but they are happier living day in and day out in their comfortable contained environment.

That's what makes this board so great, we all share the same love of travel. I love to hear about everyone's experiences!

Friends - no, they always want to hear!

Co-workers - I don't care, I just talk, they always HAVE to hear :)

My family is a different thing... out of all people on Earth, my father doesn't care. And he's the one to pass on the travel gene to me and my kids!! And some other family members, but I am bad - they still get their ears full at each family gathering :)

Yes, sometimes a question of money is brought up, so depending on the way I'm ask I have 2 types of answers:

1. it's all a matter of priority, and here is how you can save...

2. why does it bother you if I don't ask you for financial help?

I only tell others about my vacations if they ask. And to be honest, I'm not particularly interested in hearing about others' vacations unless I've been there, too, or am planning a trip there.

It's nice to share a little with friends/associates about a trip, but I hate when someone shoves 300 pictures at me and I'm forced to ask "who's this, what's that?".

Let's face it, no one but you is interested in where you've been & what you've done!

This hasn't been a problem but I'm not actually that interested in telling people about my trips except for a real highlight or a funny story or wierd event. Of course, some friends are honestly interested in every detail, mostly those who travel as well. I feel pretty self-conscious, though, every time I hear myself start a sentence with "When we were in .....". It sounds so show-offy to me when I say it but I don't hear it that way when others say it.

JJ5, I am like you in that I never bother to take my camera anymore. I used to take pics on vacation and have tons disorganized in boxes. Then for years I packed the camera but never took any pics. Now I just don't bother at all. If I really need a picture I buy a disposable camera and if I'm traveling with friends or family they always email pics to me anyway.

You know, this may have an aspect that is quite different for the big city dwellers. Maybe/maybe not?

Friends in general: Yes mine are totally NOT in the same socio-economic groups; nor do their lives' experiences with travel tend to parallel mine.

I wonder if that is just as true in a large coastal city with great mobility as it is for/in a small rural or suburban town where 75% of the people have life-long multi-generational ties to that one place.

So jorr, it may not be you or jealousy or any of that.

I never tell people about my travels unless they ask. I am more interested in hearing about other people's travels. I already know about mine. I don't know anything about there's, which makes there's a more interesting conversation to me.

I start my travel stories and then if I see their little eyes glaze over, I politely wind it down. Or if they flip through the photos and say "nice", I quietly take back my album.

I think it is because some of my friends just can't relate to another country. If I show them photos of local places more of them show interest. I guess it is because maybe they would travel there, but not to Europe or Asia.

I am a sucker for other's travel slide shows, videos, etc. I can (and have) watched them late into the night. So if you ever want a good audience for your travel memories, invite me over (and serve some wine!)

I learned my lesson long ago. Someone would ask about my vacation, I would say "Great . . ." and while my mouth was still open to go on, she/he would say, "Let me tell you what you missed while you were gone!" After the second or third experience like this, I just say it was great. If anyone wants to ask details, I'm happy to tell them.

I get to talk about my travel experiences every single day, because I'm in the travel business. And most people's eyes don't glaze over either, because I don't tell them every single thing I did...saw..ate. Just the interesting stuff. But your mother was right: it happens to all of us at some time. Not everyone is interested in the same things, so I wouldn't take it personally. I don't want to look at (or hear about) football games or motorcycle racing or quilting bees. To each his own. And you can always talk about your travels HERE! We love to hear about them.

As much as I LOVE to talk about travel, I sometimes know how your friends feel. Imagine being "treated" to viewing 5 hundred slides of underwater scenes taken by a new diver who wasn't a very good photographer either...along with the f-stop info and the latin names of all the fish!!! I remember drinking a LOT that night. (was years ago...now I'd develop a migraine and leave. And I'm a SCUBA diver and love fish.) Or looking at 200 photos of the "kids" experiences at WDW...I shudder to think about that one.
((S))((*))

I have never been "shunned by friends" but not everyone is intersted in traveling therefore in hearing about your trip.

In my experience ANYone who loves to travel themselves likes to hear about other people's trips.

I've gotten shunned by sheltered friends who just can't understand exploring new places. I can handle that. What really floored me was one of my brothers (not PPC) who travels a lot, who seemed to refuse to acknowledge some of my trips. I literally had JUST gotten back from my last trip and saw him, and he didn't even say "Welcome back" or "How was your trip?" I made reference to being back, and he just looked at me with this blank expression.

So sometimes it's not just for people who travel/don't travel. I think it depends on people and how they feel about themselves and/or the other person?

Whenever someone I know goes on a trip, I get really excited for them. When they come back, especially if it was their first time to the destination or if I hear they've done something really special (like hike part of the Alps), I sit down with them and make them tell me EVERYTHING. I want to relive it through their eyes.

Yes. I wasn't warned, so I was caught quite off guard. I was able to take the trip of a lifetime, and the only emotion I got from some was jealousy that they weren't able to go. They completely missed the fact that I had saved up for years to do this thing!

I use the experience as a reason to become a better listener. My best friend's daughter is living in Paris for the year and I encourage her to tell me all about it! Now, my own daughter is traveling through Africa for 3 months. I want to know every last moment.

Even now, I catch some "flack" from certain friends. If I say I can't do something because I am watching my budget, some of my acquaintances will remind me of my travels. I've really grown weary of defending myself.

Thanks for asking this question and giving us a chance to explain ourselves. Now I can go on traveling and discussing it here without reluctance!

oh, p.s. while I'm venting: Whenever that same brother travels, I go through all of his photos with him and/or his wife and ask about the story behind most of them. So it's not like I'm not interested! Oh, well.

It must be like when I'm traveling with my boss for work and he starts telling me all his hunting and fishing stories. Even though I'm not really listening I soon find myself looking out the window for deer, hawks and bunny rabbits.

When I get back from a trip I will innocently invite all of my friends over for cocktails and a movie. As soon as everyone has arrived I bolt the door shut, pull the shades, and kill the lights. They think I'm just eager to start the movie, but NO! Now I've got a captive audience for my 3 hour digital photo slide show! So far no one has ever asked why there was a podium set up in my living room.

The best part is I make them BYOB.

Melissa,
I have a brother like that too--he's never been to Europe and I've lived there and have been back several times. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe we have the same genes! He's in another city and I rarely even mention our travels anymore.

I only share my photos and adventures with friends who are fellow gypsies at heart. And of course, fellow Fodorites.

DH has been studying in Italy for the past 6 months and comes home in 8 days (I'm counting, doubt if she is) and I have a strong feeling she's going to go through some weirdness with some of her past friends who have never been to Europe.

IMO true friends would be happy for your happiness.

Many excellent reasons here to conjure
up a GTG in your local area, or travel to one of your choice. Let's see, before the end of the year, there's a
Yountville GTG (Nov.25)~shameless plug~
New Jersey, Atlanta and North Carolina
also planning fun. Did I leave anyone out ?
Sorry, I've been TRAVELLING !
:))

R5

PS: Photos and stories welcome at
your GTG.

Well I too know that a lot of people in my life are not interested in my trips. So I don't even comment on them unless they ask and then I say something along the lines of "oh, I had the most wonderul time" and say something like "oh that is great" and then start talking about their jobs, the redecorating of their house, their pets, their scrapebook project etc, LOL.

But I am fortunate that my daughter and stepdaughter want to hear every little detail and will ask lots of questions so that is fun. And they share their trips with me which I so enjoy. And my dear neighbor/friend who has never been out of the country will ofen ask me question and take quite an interest in my answers or stories. When she went to St. Louis last year she brought me back photographs that she had taken especially for me. That was very special as she knew I had never been there. I wish she had the financial ability to travel more, I know she would love to.

I note that the people that are not interested in my trips really don't seem to talk about theirs.

I love hearing about other people travels. Which I why I love Fodor's. It is wonderful to read all the trip reports...except it makes me wish I could travel 365 days a year!

OOps -traveLing, I mean, it's the cold medicine talking...
~sigh~
R5