Dining alone
 

Let's get the list going again with some tips for people traveling solo for the first time or getting used to eating alone in restaurants while on a trip.

Please join in below with your ideas to help make solo dining feel more comfortable!

Eat at an earlier time within the dinner hour.

Make a reservation for one for the more high-end restaurants, rather than arrive unannounced.

Carry a paperback or magazine if you enjoy reading at meals.

Eat at the bar, lounge, or sidewalk tables for more casual setting.

My tricks:

The fancier the restaurant, the earlier the meal - I'll eat dinner at a casual place, but I'll do lunch at the fancier places. Fewer couples so less conspicuous "being alone" and usually less expensive.

Sit at a corner table where you can look out into the room and people watch, but you don't feel like people are pointing at you behind your back.

Bring a book, journal, word puzzle book, magazine, newspaper, etc. to enjoy while you eat. Check out your travel book for sightseeing ideas later.

Enter the restaurant with confidence! None of that sheepish, apologetic "just one" when asked how many are in your party :)

Yes, if you have to, reinvent yourself, make yourself exotic in your own eyes at least and sweep into the restaurant. If patrons look at you, give them something to look at. Don't let the staff put you off, if you enter like you are certainly entitled to dine alone, they will follow, most likely.

Years ago I watched an "older", ha, now probably about my age, woman come into a restaurant in this way and she has been my role model since then.

If you have to, then scope out the restaurant the day before when you make reservations so you will know where you want to sit and what time you will want to eat.

Be cordial, yet firm, don't let them seat you by the kitchen if you don't want to sit there. It is mostly attitude but some places still may be haughty to a lone diner, just be aware of that beforehand and get your confidence outside the door and relax once you get your table.

I don't believe that the patrons are "looking at you".

When I started doing things alone, that was the hardest "belief" to get out of my head - the belief that others are talking about you.

When you are sitting in a restaurant with friends, do you notice the other people entering or leaving and say to each other "Oh, look at that poor sad thing. Having to eat alone, how dreadful! I'd just die rather than eat alone. I wonder what's WRONG with her/him."

Of course you aren't, you're busy enjoying your meal and your friends.

So is everyone else. Even if they happen to make eye contact, it's not because they recognize you as some "poor old maid" or "lonely old man", they just happened to catch your eye while looking around.

Once you realize that everyone else is too caught up in their lives to spend their meal thinking about that "poor sap", then you'll find it's not that hard to dine alone (or go to the movies, or shop, etc.).

As for the wait staff, if they say "just one" in a mocking or derogatory manner (although I've never experienced that), simply reply with "oh yes, I'm afraid I couldn't convince any of my friends to come here." It will give them something to think about... :)

That is a good line, Toed, I like it.

I also think it is a good idea to practice eating alone in your own hometown before you even leave for the trip.

At times the other patrons look up and around and I do catch them looking at me but it doesn't bother me, but the point of the thread is if it does bother a person. I know a woman in her 50's who will not eat in the office dining room alone! Now that is sad.

Another poster helped me come up with this suggestion recently... If you plan to go to an extra nice restaurant, pack a special outfit for the occasion so you will feel that you belong.

In a casual place I like to write out post cards or read a local paper or entertainment guide.

I used to take a book, maybe a guidebook, and sometimes my journal, but I bought an iPod for my last trip and started taking that. I found that even better than a physical book (I loaded books and podcasts) as I could look around the restaurant, and at the view, if any, while I was listening.

If you want to eat somewhere without a reservation, going a little early as a single can sometimes get you a table when a larger party would be turned away.

Go to that nice restaurant for lunch rather than dinner. It's cheaper, and whatever stigma or discomfort might be attached to eating alone is absent or significantly reduced. Then have a picnic dinner from the local supermarket. Save money, calories, and discomfort!

An alternative is to arrive at that nice restaurant the moment it opens for dinner (say 5:00 in the United States, later elsewhere). The staff might genuinely welcome a solo diner at at what would otherwise be an empty table, even when they'd normally discourage a solo diner from wasting a perfectly good two-top.

Well, that may work for you, JBH, but a long, leisurely dinner with wine is my evening fun when I travel. Plus, depending on the country, a slow lunch can eat into sight-seeing time - wouldn't be a problem in a siesta country, but takes too much time in England, where sights are often only open 10:00-5:00. And I'm certainly not going to eat at 5:00 pm!

Interesting thread. How, where, and when to eat out at night is the aspect of travelling alone that I find the hardest.

You are in a strange place and you want to savour it, and enjoy dinner. Especially if the nightime meal is your big meal (I don't do lunch at home). You also want to sit over it, and, in my case, you don't want to spend too much money.

I keep an eye open while I'm out during the day for places that look welcoming. Local eateries. I'm not interested in a gourmet experience.

Then I go back and swan in, and, as they are a place with no pretensions, I have no problems with feeling I shouldn't be there.

As someone else has already said, the other diners couldn't care less.

And it's stating the obvious that you need to have something to occupy you. A book is good. And that book may just initiatate a conversation.

Not always, but sometimes, and that really is the difference between travelling alone and seeing what happens, and travelling with a tour group.

Ups and downs; pros and cons; etc.

Now I think about it, if you're traveling in some parts of Europe with an American tour group you'll likely get many more stares than if you're on your own. They generally get so loud!

One thing I do that helps assure the waiter I'm not going to be a dud, is order wine immediately. Of course I'm looking forward to the glass or carafe of wine, it helps me relax and get comfortable, but also signals that I'm not going to be a "tap water and side salad" type of female solo customer.

Thanks to everyone so far for contributing their views, tips, and expertise on the topic!

I lOVE dining alone.

Fine wine and fine food -or fine wine and causal food I'm easy - to relax with and savour with no chitter chatter distraction. A good book is a great companion.

If other people in the restauant have a problem - that's really THEIR problem.

Give them and nod and a smile, or a haughty stare if they're that bad then dismiss them and go back to your book. On the other hand, I've often struck up very interesting conversations with other diners.

The thing about travelling, no-one knows you anyway.

that sad looking couple at the table next to you probably envies you your solitude!

Righto, you never know what the other diners are thinking. I have dined with people where I wish I were a lone diner. Too bad we can't nod like Barbara Eden and poof boring people away and then dine solo.

have fun!
take a notebook and scribble away madly after each bite!

Does anyone wish to contribute a story about a time when reading a book while eating alone lead to a meeting that you will always remember?

You mean that time in south america when a handsome stranger stopped at my table to ask "What are you reading?"?

I think it is easier to meet people if you are not reading a book. Maybe if you are not intensely reading but just glancing at a guide book? If I take something to read it will be a magazine that I can flip through and look at the pictures. I often buy fashion or home decorating magazines in Europe.

OK, suze, tell us!!

Oh, I was just kidding ;-)

I am not hoping to meet people or strike up a conversation with strangers when I'm eating dinner out solo in a restaurant, so imo reading is not a bad idea in that regard.

I *do* in fact use a book on planes and trains when I don't want to get stuck chatting with my seat-mates.

I've done so much solo that I don’t think twice except that I think it makes me seem more exotic and interesting (echoing SeaUrchin there!) than the rest of the patrons. I've never had a waiter or waitress be rude to me or look down at me--or if they did it went right over my head.

If nothing else, 'fake it till you make it'. In other words--act confident and eventually you simply are confident.

I have to admit my eyesight isn't that great to be reading a book in a low-light restaurant. I would need a miner's hat.

In the US, I have been escorted to a lousy table when I arrive alone, but I politely ask for a better table. So far this hasn't happened in Europe.

I eat alone frequently when I travel for work. At first it was kind of strange and I would do a lot of take-out or ordering in at the hotel.

But now I take the opportunity to see what the area has to offer. I think open kitchens are fun since it is interesting to watch. I also like to eat outside for the people watching, or where I can see a good portion of the restaurant. I always bring a book, magazine, or newspaper.

It generally works out well and I have a fun time. Once in awhile I get a snooty server, but usually people are cool. I always figure the snooty server is just shooting himself or herself in the foot and don't worry about it - then I adjust my tip accordingly.

I love to eat alone -- I am a natural introvert and so treating myself to a good dinner and a chance to read my book alone is a good way for me to recharge my batteries. So, I look forward to grabbing dinner once in a while by myself and I have a few restaurants around my hometown where I feel very comfortable doing that.

This may sound a little wierd, but one trick I've learned so as not to appear like a "poor sad thing" is what I wear -- if I can, I avoid t-shirts and ratty shorts, or sweats, flip flos. I've noticed that I am treated very nicely and that I don't get any wierd looks if I dress nicely while dining alone.

I like to eat at the bar and chat with other patrons and the bartender. I love to meet other folks.

Eating at a counter that overlooks the kitchen can be fun if the restaurant has a counter/bar. I love to watch the cooks cook the food. And often there are other single dinners at the counter/bar.

I have never been able to figure out how to eat and read a book at the same time, lol. I do enjoy reading a newspaper while enjoying morning coffee and waiting for my breakfast.

And yes, dressing nicely is a good idea imo. And like suze I always order wine and more than just a salad. I order the same as I would if I had someone dining with me.

When eating alone I like to be at a table and seated at the side of the table that gives me the view of the restaurant/cafe. People watching is fun!

When I went to conferences and had to dine alone, I would ask the host/hostess to ask if another person dining alone would like to share a table with me.

At one conference, I had an opportunity to meet someone from another company whom I probably would never have met if it wasn’t for sharing a breakfast table. At another hotel, there were two conventions going on. A person from the “other” convention joined me and we had a wonderful conversation.

I would always bring a book or reading material as a backup.

SeaUrchin - now that is a really good point - about the lighting, I mean. No point in planning to read in a dimly lit restaurant!

Suze .. I got all excited but you were just joking! Like someone mentioned I don't go looking for company either, but it does happen and often it's the book that does it that opens up a really interesting conversation.

Happy travels all, and happy reading.

I think as a solo traveler, you really have to be comfortable in your own skin. Each time you travel alone, you become more confident, and relaxed. I rarely am without a book, and a journal. These are my companions when I am on my own. I tend to dine early, so getting a table is easier. After dinner, I like to walk, and later find a cafe, pub, tavern, etc. to have a drink or a coffee and do a bit of people watching.

I travel a lot and as such also dine alone.
In Europe and especially in Paris and France in general, learn to understand some of the important cultural points.
1. Understand some of the simple restaurant and cafe language terms that can avoid you being taken as a naive tourist.
2. Research and understand food (in the local language) to a degree you understand the dishes and their basic ingredients and process.
3. Research and have knowledge of wine and liquers and do not order wine before ordering the food - only an aperatif or a good water.
4. In the smarter restaurants try to visit them at lunchtime to introduce yourself and book a table from the next day onwards.
If you phone for a booking and they are full, then visit them the next day, explain the situation and make another arrangement - this they like and hardly ever fails unless you turn up like a tramp or drunk.
5. Initially order only lunch in the smarter restaurants - it is cheaper and allows you to get to know the layout, staff etc.
6. Dress appropriately.
7. Carry a range of suitable reading matter - Economist, Financial Times, up-market travel magazine, and best of all a City or regional restaurant guide book - this when openly shown can suddenly change a beligerent maitre d's attitude.
8. Make friends with the wine master - he/she has greater influence than is commonly believed - and make sure you take their advice and give a verdict on each wine drunk - if you return to the restaurent he will come back to you with suggestions.
9. Be aware that a person used to dining alone will always rearrange the dining table - this is good for when displaying the guide since they may take you for a food critic.
Remember in Europe that FOOD and WINE is KING, and the more knowledge and understanding you have and show will overcome all other barriers to you enjoying your meal.
OH I forgot - show respect in a quiet firm manner, and support focal points in the local economy as they also report back on you.

Really? I can't order wine before my meal?

I had a wonderful experience in paris about 6 years ago. Someone had told me about a great new resturant with a great new up and coming chef. While I was sightseeing during the day I saw the returant and went back and asked them when they opened, and told them in my college french that I had heard about the chef. They treated me like royalty, gave me a free hors d'oevre and dessert. It was a wonderful experience. The name of the the resturant was La Dinnee with an accent over the e. Don't know if it is still there.
Just walk in with confidence!

I can't turn up like a tramp or a drunk! Darn!!

Eating alone at dinner was the hardest thing for me to get used to on a solo trip. I used to take reading material but one night the light was so low it was impossible to read. That's when I figured out I should take a journal. It's a lot easier to write than to read in low light! It's also a great time to collect your thoughts from the events of the day. If I travel with someone I hardly ever find time to keep a journal. Also, I have been asked countless times about what I'm writing. It's a great conversation starter which just adds to what you can write about later. I also usually eat earlier when there are fewer people and you can get more personal attention from the staff. Many younger wait staff seem intrigued by the fact that a single woman can actually travel (and eat) alone so that helps in feeling more comfortable. I always try to engage the server too. I think they appreciate the fact that you interested in their opinions. I love the ipod idea and many of the other thoughts expressed here. Thanks! Next trip I'll try some of them out!

I know - geez. Tramp and drunk are my old standbys for when I go out.

I still want to know about why I can't have wine before my meal!

Honestly I have never heard that 'rule' before. I'm older, fairly well-traveled, and worked in the restaurant business in my youth.

It is news to me.

a glass of wine as an aperitif, maybe, but otherwise the wine you drink would be ordered after you order your meal, so that you can get a wine that goes with your meal.

Have you ever watched a travel video and wished you could just disappear inside it and join the diners or travelers? I have. This is how I see the solo travel experience, and this is how I overcame the intimidation factor of being alone.

You’ve all provided wonderful tips. Toedtoes asks how we’ve viewed solo diners while we’re with a group. Often, I view them with envy. No chains. No boring chatter. No disagreements over how to split the check. But the one I like best is from SeaUrchin.

Would anyone scoff at James Bond or Anjelica Huston entering a restaurant alone? Of course not, they project an air of confidence. They are in control from the moment they walk in. I also like the idea from Suze, busying yourself with post cards to friends back home. I wasted an entire evening in Paris once, writing post cards. Also, I occasionally bring a book – but something with an intriguing title, not self-help or personality improvement books.

Researching the menu and knowing what you want in advance also hints to other patrons that you might be a regular and that they might be the strangers in town. From the moment a Food Network personality once recommended the Crab Omelet at the Café de Flore in Paris, I knew that’s what I wanted when I went there. You should have seen the reaction when I ordered it with confidence without looking at the menu. Other diners smiled and copied my selection. (BTW, it was wonderful.)

Here’s a funny story about being confident. One night (around 2:00 a.m.), I was strolling back to my hotel in the Latin Quarter and heard a solo jazz guitarist entertaining sidewalk café guests from curbside. One small table was vacant, and I took it. The waiter arrived, and I ordered: L'habituel, s'il vous plaît (the usual, please). He brought my Heinekin, just what I wanted. The funny part was that I had never before been to that café. Try it.

Last, don’t be afraid to start conversations on the Metro while enroute to a tourist destination. Who knows when you’ll meet an exciting person to share that experience with at, say, a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Versailles.