Your going alone!? Are you crazy!?
 

Hi Fodorites! This is my first post, though I have been ghosting for awhile! Everyone always has such wonderful and kind advice. I'm a 19 year old sophmore in college and have the opportunity to study for a semester in London. I plan to take many weekend trips throughout the semester around the UK and then this summer I want to backpack around Europe by myself. I'm sure I will be back with many questions later! But for right now I'm having some trouble. All of my friends and most of my family think I'm crazy!(my father, who has always taught me to be independant, is excluded from this list) Why do you want to go alone? they say. You'll get raped, killed or both. Even beyond safety concerns some people feel sorry for me! You'll be lonely, they say. One friend is fixated on the fact I won't be in any of my photos!One person went so far as to say that there was no point in going if I was going alone!

I would never let any of this talk prevent me from following my dreams to Europe. Life is too short for me to wait around for someone to want/have the means to go with me. I've worked hard to do this and I'm ready for my adventure!

My question(finally!lol) is how do all you solo travellers out there deal with the barrage of negative reactions and questions? I also wonder if this is because I'm a woman? Or do solo male travellers get this same reaction?

Thank you all!

Sarah

WOW! Please excuse all of my typos! Lack of sleep from midterms!

Sarah

Ignore them. If I had ever listened there's alot of places I would have never seen. My first trip overseas was at 19 as well. I went solo, spent part of the time visiting a friend at semester abroad in Nottingham. Had a blast. Go and have fun!

Hey Girl, There is HOPE And good karma. When I was 19 (alooong time ago!) I was an exchange student in England and did a 3 week eurail trip through Europe, with no previous travel exp. and no language skills. It was a blast. There are definately things to watch out for that I can fill you in on. I studied at University of Bath, about an hour outside London. In 3 weeks abroad I did Paris, French Riveria, Switzerland (all over) and Italy (Venice and Florence). I met great gals at the youth hostels who showed me the ropes and we'd stick together at night to stay safe. Good luck with your journey, and if it is your passion nothing will stop you, That was my first bite of travel and once I started I could not stop...let to many years of travel adventures all over the world, with non-profits and working on cruise ships and just fun vacations.
Let me know your questions, happy to help, and this forum is the best place to start!
gipsyali :0

Hi Sarah,
If you search under concernedparent you will be able to see all the wonderful comments/advice/insight our son and I have rec'd about this same topic. The post is 'europe college son wants to backpack wander'
I encourage you to read ALL of the replies I rec'd from my post - they have been instrumental in altering my initial parental shock at our son's desire to one of parental acceptance and exitement for him. We have raised him to be a responsible, independant, and curious individual....he needs to find his way and I wish you the best of luck on your adventure.
Regards, concernedparent

I've travelled almost exclusively alone a lot in Europe, but I'm a guy, so maybe there's not the same stigma. I think there are many advantages to it.

Studying abroad sounds like a fabulous opportunity for you. Don't let it pass by.

I've encouraged both our college-age kids to do the same. It's an unbelievable experience. You may go alone, but you'll meet other students you may want to travel with. Go for it!
:)>-

I'd guess women will get this more than men - but yes, many people just can't imagine traveling alone.

You will love, LOVE being in London on your own and don't sound to me like someone who would be lonely. You are bound to make friends at school. But even w/o there is sooooooo much to see and do.

I travel solo probably 60+% of my trips - some as long as 6 weeks. Sure, there are times you'd like to share something w/ a traveling companion - but if you are comfortable in your own skin you will be comfortable in Europe. it is easy to start conversations most anywhere.

And generally - you are safer there than in big cities in the States. Pickpockets can be a worry - but you can walk around day or night and not fear being mugged or attacked. I would never walk alone at night in the downtown of my mid-sized US city. But Paris, London, Munich wherever - I have no problems at all.

wow - we all jumped on this one at the same time!

sarahsmiles: As you can see it is pretty unanimous :)

I spent five days last week alone in Nice. I shopped until I could shop no more. I ate dozens of eclairs, crepes, and gallons of ice cream. You can do just what you want.

I did leave my handbag in the room when I was out after dark-just to be safe.

It seems to me that most of the people who advise you otherwise would be to scared/insecure to do so. You will have the time of your life and feel very safe I am sure.

I'm a 44 year old woman who travels alone, with my husband and with my husband and kids. They are all fun and rewarding in different ways, but the most completely relaxing way to travel is alone. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I try to get away about once a year for at least a few days.

My friends think I'm crazy. They also think I'm crazy when I go out to dinner or to the movies by myself in my hometown.

I think some people are just not comfortable being alone. It is beyond their comfort zone.

It is less safe travelling alone. Take extra precautions - sometimes it's better to spring for a taxi ride than to walk by yourself late at night. Trust your instincts at the hostels. Try not to be in a situation alone with someone you don't know well. If I get a creepy feeling, I trust it. I'll stop and look in a window to let someone walking behind me pass. Maybe let the elevator with one man in it go and take the next one with a group of people. Speed up to walk just behind a group of people late at night. Be aware, be cautious and trust your instincts.

I hope you go and have a great time!

P.S. Also better not to drink too much when by yourself.

I'm travelling solo this November to Europe, my first ever!
I invited my sister to join me but she could not go because she didn't have VL. My girl friend told me that they'll wait till their children are old enough to travel Europe.
I thought life is too short to wait for those things. What if those lovely places in Europe are no longer there when we're ready? Or what if we became sick/weak that we can't go there or explore those places anymore? So my advice to you is - JUST DO IT!
Just keep your radar up and running well while you are out there. Have a wonderful and safe trip.

travelgirl2 said exactly what I was thinking. The biggest problem is not having someone who can "look for you" if you go missing.

So, although you may want to "wing it", you should have some kind of planned schedule and email off to school pal or mom/dad. Make sure you check in every other day or so. Because if you do go missing (a 1 in a gazillion chance, IMHO), they need to know where to start to trace your steps.

This is why you should be cautious when out at night and drinking. You need to have your wits about you because you're the only one that can get you "home". :)

That being said, GO!!! Your father apparently knows you best, and he obviously trusts you to do this. I think most of us parents trust our kids and hope we raised you smart. If anything encumbers you, it would simply be your age. Sometimes youth makes people feel "indestructable".

I have a feeling you're pretty smart! :) So, have fun and just be aware of your surroundings. Don't volunteer too much information to strangers and you will have a rockin' good time! (I might even tell people, if asked, that I'm traveling with a group and today is an "on your own" day. That way, if they do have less-than-honorable intentions, they'll then think someone is waiting for you and would miss you.)

I agree with posters that traveling alone can be SO relaxing and rewarding. You get to see exactly what YOU want to see. I've been traveling alone for years and I love it! :)

I'm really excited for you! Good luck!

Paula

I'm thinking half of them are worried or jealous that while you may go alone, you won't be alone ...!

It's not unlikely that by the time summer rolls around you'll have friends from London and elsewhere either joining your for legs of your backpacking, meeting up with you here or there, or even setting you up to meet friends living around Europe.

Sounds great, and for those who are still worried about you, the great thing is if you do end up lonely you can always get on a plane and go home. It's great to be free.

Our son spent a semester in Madrid and did pretty much what you plan or what to do. First, the school will have a number weekend activities and trips planned so you will not be alone. Second, most of the students will want to do the same thing you want to do and you will find a group of new friends to travel with. At the end of the spring semester, a group of six of them took off -- either 3 and 3 or 4 guys and 2 gals. They traveled together for about four weeks and slowly one by one they dropped off to return home until just Jon and one girl were left after two months. But it worked out very well. Unless you are really committed to traveling alone, you will find plenty of friends wanting to travel with you.

I am so excited for you and I only wish I were in your shoes. Yes, because you are a woman you will get those kinds of replies.
You don't have to reply or respond to other people's negative reactions towards you. But if you prefer to respond you can always tell the truth that you are seeking a great adventure, one that will perhaps make you a better person. Or you can always have fun with people, make a great story why you are going (ie meet your husband, etc and get creative with it!)Finally, accept the fact that people are going to think in a negative way, no matter what you say. Just choose to remain positive and look foward to your trip. Happy travels!

Though - uh, let's just say several - years older and of different gender, I relish solo travel, and have all my life. I have also enjoyed trips with my spouse and with some selected friends, but that is a different sort of travel. When I was much younger most folks simply assumed (incorrectly) that it was a case of enjoying a "dirty weekend" or so away from home. Even at my age I still get a number of stares and am frequently asked if I am really serious about traveling solo, especially if it is international travel. Almost invariably the people who respond with the most horror are the ones who would do well to buttress up their personal boundaries. Others express surprise and perhaps a bit of interest, as it is something they had not previously contemplated but find somewhat intriguing. To all of them I say - thanks for any sincere concern, I'll send you a postcard (or these days, a link to my trip photos.)

Please don't let your friends talk you out of going to Europe solo. People are friendly and you'll find lots of folks to talk to. Do be cautious of your funds -- use a money belt.

And follow the advice of others above and check-in daily with your folks via email or Skype at the internet cafes.

You'll have a blast!

How sad to have to travel "alone".

fmpden beat me to it-I was going to say the same thing as she did. My daughter spent the summer in Italy when she was 21. She spent the first 4 weeks in a college summer school class not knowing anyone when she started. Her plans were to then travel through Europe the rest of the summer. When she left the US she didn't have a real specific plan except she knew she would visit Ireland and Scotland to see some friends and end up in London to meet me and her sister. When she left the class she traveled through more of Italy with girls in her class. She then went to Switzerland by herself, met up with another girl in her class in Belgium and Holland, traveled to Ireland where she hung out with a French girl she met at the hostel. Then she went to the other part of Ireland and Scotland to met up with friends from home. So as you can see, she ended up not traveling alone most of the time. She had no problem when she did travel alone and actually enjoyed it in Switzerland but I think she felt a little safer in some areas being with another person. There are so many college students traveling around Europe in the summer. When my DD was in Florence, one of the first people she saw was a girl from her college drama class and then later on saw another student from her college. It was not chance they saw each other.

I think what you want to do is wonderful. As others have said, just be smart about going to certain areas alone and also be careful about drinking-not only yourself but others around you. You will have such a great experience.

meant to say it was just pure chance they ran into each other.

sarah -
Before you set out on your trip:

I highly recommend that you read
Without Reservations (The travels of an Independent Woman) by Alice Steinbach.


It will address many problems and joys you will encounter on during your travels.

If you can't read the entire book I recommend that you read Chapter 14 Titled Spanish Steps.
It discusses an important encounter with a stranger and what to be aware of.

She also has wonderful advice as to why you should "seize the day" and go for your dreams.

Also they are right about always letting someone know where you are just in case. My daughter usually would get on line a day or two in advance to make a hostel reservation. When she did that, she would send me a copy of her reservation so I'd know where she was heading. She also would sit down every few days and send off a e-mail to her friends and family like a diary of her trip. It was great for everyone to hear about her adventures and she had the e-mails to keep when she got home. My friend's son did the same thing last summer when he took a backpacking trip through Europe. That way, too, your family doesn't worry much about you. Most hostels have a computer to use and if they don't you can find internet cafes everywhere.

Paula - I agree, generally parents/family are worried because they feel they won't know what is happening when they don't hear from their children and they are concerned for the worst.
You gave good advice regarding staying in touch and providing a itinerary.

thanks nanabee.

PAGO.. I think you presumed that the OP has nobody with whom to travel. She didn't say that. She said she was <i>planning</i> a solo trip. To me, that implies she doesn't mind going alone. And, as stated by several other posters, including me, some of us LIKE traveling alone and plan our trips as such.

If people don't like traveling alone, and have nobody that can go with them, then planned tours with a tour company may be the way to go.

Paula

Sarah, this is the part of your education that can never be taught in a classroom. It is important to read the book recommended in another post on this thread, so please do so. It's vital to use the same safety precautions you would in any large, densely populated urban environment like NYC, and use good common sense. That being said, you will have fun!

I went to school abroad for a year and loved it. I do travel alone most of the time and really, really enjoy it. The respite away from others helps re-charge my batteries. I have had female friends my age say &quot;I could never do that!&quot; and frankly I just don't get that--you can do anything you set your mind to, once you make your mind up.

Good Travels,
BC

Don't hesitate Sarah! This trip will change your life.
Nearly 30 years ago I went to Finland for a year as an exchange student.
That was long before the internet had even been invented.
An airmail letter took 2 weeks to get home to Australia, so it was 4 weeks before I got a reply, even if my family replied immediately! International phone calls were so costly I was only allowed ONE 3-minute call each month!! I spoke no Finnish and had never seen snow. There were no other foreigners in the little town I stayed in.
Sure I was homesick at first, but not for long.
More importantly, it was one of the best years of my life. Apart from being THE BEST FUN I EVER HAD, I made friends for life and it helped me develop empathy, self confidence and courage I would not have had otherwise.
(I often think now how different the experience must be for an exchange student today. Even if they're the only foreigner in that same little town, they can chat by Internet or SMS every day with friends and family back home. I wonder if they get homesick at all?)
Incidentally, I am middle aged now and when I travel overseas alone, people STILL say &quot;are you crazy?&quot; (I think they're just envious really).
Age 19 is a great age for your first solo trip, and the added security of studying while you travel will give you time to develop friendships you wouldn't otherwise make.
A trip like this will leave you with memories that last a lifetime.
Believe me, 30 years from now you will NOT look back and say &quot;gee I wish I hadn't done gone&quot;.
cheers!

You won't have to wait long for &quot;..someone to want/have the means to go with..&quot; you. There'll be a few more adventurous souls waiting to join you in London and if not you might well meet them along the way.

Travelling alone is the best of both worlds as it's easier to meet people when travelling solo but you still get to call all the shots and tailor the trip.

Good luck! Show this thread to the people that are calling you crazy. :)

Have to admit I didn't read all the posts, so I may be repeating myself: Don't you figure some of those naysayers are jealous? Of your courage? Your opportunity? Your life?
Have a great time! I travel solo, love it and wish I had been brave enough at 19 to do it! You go, girl!

Go and enjoy!

There are a few people I know that just don't understand why I like to travel alone. I've only done this a few times now but I will enjoy lots more solo travels. For one person, she just can't imagine me being in a foreign country alone. I've traveled many times with either my husband, mom, cousin, or friends but traveling alone allows me to really enjoy the places I'm visiting at my own pace and without having to worry about my travel mate.

If anyone asks me &quot;how can you go alone?&quot; I politely give my answer as brief as possible and move on to another subject. Going in to a lot of detail won't help them change their attitude so why keep the conversation going?

I'm off to Rome in 6 days - going solo and will be going on a 2-week cruise. I have friends that will be on the cruise, but I plan to have a lot of time on my own while in the ports.

Monica ((F))

Sarah,

Kudos to you for doing this! I would imagine the nay-sayers probably fall into two camps- the &quot;haters&quot; who are envious they don't have the nerve to do it and your loved ones who are admittedly worried (and rightly so) for your safety. You can't really do anything about the first group, but In this day of advanced technology, I would think the best advice for the latter group is just to keep in touch and let them know where you are on a consistent basis. A quick text or email should do the trick. Might be a good reason for your parents to buy you one of the new European iPhones before you go. ;o)

In any event, many years ago before the advent of email and cell phones, one of my best friends backpacked through Europe for over three months by herself without the luxury of a home base as you will have. She's now a very successful architect. That trip without a doubt, shaped her entire life and career.

Go for it- I can't imagine that you'll regret it! Good luck!

Another big vote in favour. Another BIG putdown for those of your friends and relatives who say you shouldn't do it.

Another big question mark over American (I assume you are from the US) attitudes to Europe. I mean where exactly do they think you are going? It's not dark Africa, or unstable Asia. It's friendly old Europe - friendly UK - you know, the one that supports you in your idiot venture into Iraq. (God knows why).

I'm not getting at you Sarah. You sound eminently sane. But here's what I would like to say to the nay-sayers. &quot;Thousands of young single people from the US, Australia, and all over the world come to London every year. It's a rare one that goes missing. And most will have a fantastic time and learn a bit, and return home the wiser&quot;.

There.

When I was 20 I went to Uganda. And survived and never regretted it, and that was in the days way before the internet, when making a long distance phone call was for emergencies only and cost a bomb. Like no mobiles. The only point of contact was poste restante.

So I hope you pass this on, and I hope you go, and I wish you all the best.

&quot;My question(finally!lol) is how do all you solo travellers out there deal with the barrage of negative reactions and questions?&quot;

Simple, don't tell people your plans. It's none of their business anyway.

Sarah, I want to recommend a godd little French film for you: L'auberge Espagnole is about a group of &quot;exchange&quot; students from all over Europe living together in an apartment in Barcelona. Very funny and also a peek into the international mood of Europe today.

Naturally when the French hero arrives it turns out that English is the most common language to all, but there is a lot of bouncing back and forth lingually. And culturally - when the Englishwoman's younger brother shows up for a visit, he turns out to be completely ignorant about all European cultures (including his own, perhaps) and can barely open his mouth without insulting one or the other roommate, thus proving that not ALL have developed a multicultural view.

You may not want to recommend L'auberge Espagnole to to the scaredy-cats - until you're on your way, that is!

Hi Sarah,
I did something very similar just after college (worked in England, took weekend and longer trips all over) solo. My decision to head over there for a considerable amount of time was inspired by a trip I took to Ireland, Scotland, and the Netherlands that I took with another friend. I spent much of that trip on my own---and loved the freedom of those times so I knew I would like the challenges (and joys) of traveling solo.

I come from a family that feels that there's always so much to see still in the U.S. They balked at the idea of me going to Ireland, they balked again when I graduated when I said I would be heading back to Europe (for good, for awhile).

My main advice-- start reading, watching, and listening to anything that inspires you to go. Your passion will speak loudly (hopefully) to those who haven't been encouraging you. Be firm and say things like &quot;I appreciate your concern that's why I'm doing so much research&quot;. Just be confident!

I couldn't get over how many &quot;gap year&quot; students I met traveling around---some around 18 who were taking several months to &quot;see the world&quot;. While it might sound romantic to your parents, it really isn't a far fetched dream.

You'll meet so many interesting folks along the way. The communal nature of hostels are great for solo travel.

And, finally always have a plan B (and the inkling of a plan C).

I'm not sure I answered your question---just want to throw my support on to this thread.

Sarah -

Go to London ..... pronto!! As a female, I travelled solo after university for 5 months through Europe - a little bit older than you are now (that was over ten years ago). It was a life changing trip for me in many ways. I gained confidence through taking care of myself in strange cities, I learned to listen to my inner thoughts and I had some of the most wonderful experiences in that time.

I had the same reaction from many of my friends and other adults. Some people do not understand the desire to branch out and experience new things. Please disregard all the naysayers regarding your trip - you will have the time of your life!

I loved the fact that when I travelled I had the choice to continue on alone or stay with a group of people I had befriended. Without some of those friendships I never would have seen Morocco, Ischia or a bullfight in Spain!

Enjoy - listen to your intuition! That's all I did and it carried me safely through my travels. I am envious of the adventure you are about to embark on - I hope you have a wonderful trip!

I travel solo often. No one says anything anymore because I am older &amp; have been doing it for years now. Also my friends are all big-travelers themselves, so they would be thinking things like you'll be &quot;raped, killed or both&quot; because they know that is totally absurd.

Sure you do have to be careful when you are alone. Both for your physical safety, but also for keeping your paperwork and money in order (as you don't have anyone to fall back on should you lose your wallet or whatever).

Some people are just not meant to be solo, like the friend who says it's not worth going if you go alone. I actually PREFER to travel solo because it's less stressful to my mind. You just do what you want, you don't have to compromise and plan with another person.

For the friend worried about photos, I take a disposable or cheap camera. People always offer when they see me taking pictures alone, to take one with me in it.

sarahsmiles~ There is also a Solo Traveler forum here on Fodor's. It is less active than the Europe board, but we've collected some nice threads you might want to read there, of tips from both men and women, new and experienced solo travelers.

oops, they would NEVER be thinking...

One more thing for sarahsmiles, Yes, you will likely be lonely at some time along the way. But that's hardly a deal-breaker or reason not to go.