Travel Anxiety, what is going on????????
 

We are finally leaving for Rome on Tuesday. Then we'll go back to where we lived for 5 months in France. We haven't been back since our almost 3 year old was born.
I am having full on panic attacks ALL WEEK! I am dreading going, and I have NEVER been like this before.
I don't know if it is the 11 hour nonstop first leg of the flight, or what?
anyone else with small children felt like this?

When we had small children we could hardly afford to drive to the next town. If you ask your average Sudanese, your problem may assume its proper rank in the great scheme of things. You are a member of a privileged, wealthy, spoilt minority that can afford to travel: I urge you to count your blessings and stop whining.

Thank you for taking the time to be so rude. I didn't know people with genuine anxiety disorders were just 'whining'.

If posts like this bother you, maybe you should find another forum that would better suit your interests.

You might like to know (or not) that we have SAVED for over 3 years to actually afford this vacation and are able to do so ONLY because we won't be staying in hotels: we are staying FREE with friends.

Wow, I really didn't think I needed to justify my trip, but you got me on a bad day.

Have a good one!

I need to rephrase, "I have never been like this before a much anticipated trip."

Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have a great time! I love to travel and plan travel so much, but always get a twinge of panic for about a week before. Have I packed everything, what have I forgotton to do, will the hotel be OK, will I like the place, etc, etc. Usually once I get on the plane, I switch into holiday mode and all the worries are forgotton. My partner just sits back and lets me do all the planning - and the worrying ;)I'm sure with young children in tow there is a lot to plan for. Just think, soon you'll be there having the time of your life!

Funny that you should mention this anxiety thing. That is how I felt for the first time before my trip to Spain in February.
Never before did I feel so jittery.Could be because I was going by myself.Leaving Spain was the same thing.Couldn't sleep the night before.Worried that the taxi wouldn't pick me up in time ,that I would miss my flight.So, when I finally got home I swore that it was my last trip...but, you guess it, 2 days later I was already planning for next year.
So just go with the flow. One thing at a time.Don't fill your head with "what if..." and have a good time.
I will try to follow my own advice next time.
Bon voyage et bonne chance!

if you are:

<<<<<"having full on panic attacks ALL WEEK!">>>>>

that are part of a "genuine anxiety disorder" then you should see a doctor as this can be very serious, especially considering that you have small children in your care.

Hi t,

Make a list of all the things that you should do before leaving.

Post your list to see if you have left anythng out.

It will keep you busy.

((I))

I have always LIVED to travel- and when my kids were small I felt exactly like you. I remember several times actually being in tears on the way to the airport- not because I was worried about missing my kids- it was more of an intense free-floating anxiety. The minute the plane was in the air, it went away. Every time.
Hang in there- make lots of lists when you feel out of control, and know that it will pass, and you will have a blast.
I'm sorry that sometimes there are such hostile responses to innocent questions. It happens on every board, I don't know why.

I'm sorry to see the insensitive response by a few here. If you're having anxiety attacks as you say you are,it's nothing to trivialize.I suggest you talk to your doctor before you go.

>Wow, I really didn't think I needed to justify my trip, but you got me on a bad day.

You most certainly do not have to justify your well earned holiday to Neil or anyone else. I think your question is perfectly justified.

Your anxiety may be related to the expense and how long you've been anticipating the trip. You want everything to be perfect. Try to relax and concentrate more on relaxing during your well earned break rather than trying to cram as much value as possible into your trip. You may then be able to breathe a little easier.

I'd consider myself now to be a well seasoned traveller, as a 28 year old unnattached Australian living in Europe. I've been back to oz on holiday twice and have made many shorter intra-continental flights. However, I still suffer from the type of anxiety you describe. I cannot sleep the night before a flight. My biggest fear is that i'll miss the flight. I constantly have nightmares where I show up late to the airport and they won't allow me to get on the plane. As a result of this, I try to schedule afternoon or evening flights. That I can sleep the night before!

just to clarify, my response was not meant to be hostile or insensitive. it seems the last two posters read multiple hostile responses so i'm assuming i was lumped in with those (especially strange since messagediva says exactly what i said!).

perhaps this is a cultural thing but if she is communicating her condition accurately then she really needs to speak to someone fast. but if "full on panic attack" is just a local expression for being nervous then that's another thing. I know that it is the vernacular of some cultures to be hyperbolic and to over-dramatise everything so we can't be sure what the true meaning is.

I think travel these days is more stressful than it has ever been, it used to be fun, breeze through the airport, enjoy the flight, enjoy the new sights, sounds, the food, experience and so on. Once at your destination things are fine as long as you don't have a mindset that everything 'has to be 100% perfect', that doesn't mean that things won't be perfect. It is often said that whether you enjoy your vacation or not does not really depend on others but yourself. If you have things to do, do as someone said and make a list, cross them off and you can visually see that you are all prepared. Get to the airport early, relax, don't worry yourself if there is any delay, just take things easy.

I don't know anything about panic attacks, but I've had the experience of feeling differently about some trips just before departing than I did when I booked them. It's a passing thing and I'm never sorry I went. In fact, it disappears by the time I board.

But with respect to this post and some of the reaction noted by massagediva, I have to agree 100 percent. MANY of us here have had the unpleasant experience of not even being able to talk to some people about travel experiences because of the "Oh, it must be nice..." reactions we receive. We've done the "different priorities in life, etc." discussion to death here, but the point I'm trying to make is that this board -- OF ALL PLACES -- absolutely MUST remain a supportive environment. It HAS to be a place where people can ask questions and share information about without having to deal with that kind of response. Really, if someone toulousaine can't come here and share a legitimate, travel-related concern without getting what is an all-too-common response from people we sometimes run across in other circles of our lives, then I think we would really be failing each other as a community.

If someone has some sort of "vendetta" against anyone who can afford to travel, I wonder why on earth they would come here. Neil_Oz, this sounds so unlike you. Having a bad day in Oz?

Toulousaine. I'm not a psychologist, but I suggest you sit down and think a few minutes about what you are really afraid of. The logical thing is that it has to do with the child or children. Is there some fear that something will happen to them? Is there something at home that worries you? I must admit I have often felt this way as I was about to leave on long trips -- and finally decided it had to do with family members remaining at home who were not well. I finally decided I had an unrealized fear that something would happen to them while I was away, and I'd never see them again. I'm not sure how I got over it, or maybe I haven't. I've just learned to live with that anxiety.

There are about a million products out there for anxiety. I suggest you talk with your doctor immediately about getting one of them, if your anxiety is as great as it sounds.

Flyboy,
i agree 100%. with all due respect to some of the posters, "making lists" is not a proper solution for a mother of young children who has been experiencing "full on panic attacks" that have persisted for over a week.

my support was geared toward getting the help that is needed. this is not a travel issue. worry about the travel after you get the panic attacks sorted out. this is nothing to fool around with.

toulousaine,

If you feel like sinking to his level and having a little dig at Neil_Oz, just head over to the Australian forum and say something nasty about Canberra =)

You've got the pre-departure jitters. Lots of people, those with or without small children, report having some form of anxiety just before they leave. Chances are it will dissipate as soon as you board the plane or at the latest, arrive at your destination.

Now, consider that whatever happens, you'll handle it. You don't even have to stop feeling worried, you just have to go ahead and do whatever it is you have to do. You've successfully raised a child to the age of 3, so you've already proven you've got lots of skills. You can, and will, manage this!

Neil, is that really what you meant to say? It sounds most unlike you. While it's true our problems are small relative to those of many in the world, don't forget that fear has little to do with rational thinking. You can't fix fear with guilt or shame, since being afraid/anxious is often a source of shame in the first place.

This is a difficult situation to be in. In addition to your own fears, your 8 year old is also expressing fear of flying (I read one of your other threads). If you are experiencing physical symptons of anxiety or panic, you should see a doctor.

Although you may feel "better" once you arrive at your destination, the trip itself may cause you discomfort. You need to feel okay and confident so that your children will be secure on the flight.

How you are feeling is real and nothing to be embarrased about. I wish you all the best for a wonderful trip.

Funny someone should mention dreams of missing planes, mine is that the taxi arrives to take me to the airport and I haven't packed. I'm one of life's born worriers, which is why I find it difficult to book last minute deals. I like to have things planned, checked and double checked and lists do help me. It's natural for a mother to worry about travelling with small children - mine are grown up now and I still worry. If Toulousaine is just seeking reassurance that others worry about such exciting events as holidays, then I think she is quite normal.

First, why on EARTH do people feel compelled to put down others' posts?

That was rhetorical, of course -- we know why.

Second, I get anxiety attacks all the time about travel -- the longer the distance and duration, the worse the problem BUT!: the worst always seems to be 5-7 days before departure. You'll settle down, I promise, by the weekend, esp. as you begin to focus on what needs to be done. One step at a time. If necessary, Xanax helps sleep (so see a doc); and sleep helps you stay functional during the day even if you don't want to take Xanax by day to stay alert for your kids.

Third, I think you gave away the basic source of anxiety in your last 2 sentences: you're worried about traveling with small children and about having them and you confined for 11 hrs. There's a big difference between cocooning yourself up for 11 hrs. and then navigating a long vacation by yourself and having to be non-stop responsible for kids whose reaction to the whole experience is unpredictable. If you are treaveling with your husband, share your concerns with him and ask him to be somewhat more on deck with the kids than would normally be the case, just in case you need extra "time-out" yourself.

I have panic attacks every time I travel, because I'm terrified of flying. If I mention it to others (rare), I do so in a poking-fun-at-myself way - joking about the irony of a passionate traveller who hates aeroplanes. What I don't do is bleat about it, because that would come across as a self-indulgence from someone who should (in many people's view) consider themselves lucky to be able to travel at all. Maybe that's what Neil Oz was getting at - he (like me) comes from a part of the world where it takes not 3 years but a life-time to save for a trip to Europe, so we who do it are regarded as lucky indeed. (Of course fodorites know that it's nothing to do with luck - it's just that we prioritise travel ahead of the things that other people prioritise.

twoflower, if you get panic attacks, you know they aren't a matter of choice, but apparently you think they nonetheless are shameful, as does Neil Oz.

I don't think toulousaine should be ashamed of her post, not only because that shouldn't be what happens when a Fodorite issues an appeal for help but also because trying to shame people out of anxiety is unhelpful, ineffective, and a bit cruel.

And for what it's worth, you have no way of knowing whether toulousaine had to sacrifice for this trip or not - and why should that make a difference as to whether she's "entitled" to ask for help over travel anxiety or not?

Toulousaine - I think Patrick hit the nail on the head. You have the same symptoms as I did for years after I had my children. I never feared travel before. Something changes in your brain when you have your first child. The first time I made plans to bring the baby to Grandma and Grandpa I was so excited. Only 5 hours and they could see their first granddaughter! My husband did not go and panic set in on the way to the airport. Of course, everything was fine when I got to my destination. For 18 years I found it hard to leave the kids - I would die in a plane crash. Or they would die or get hurt for a million reasons. If I brought them, we ALL would die. My husband really didn't want to go places with me, I was so crazy. I've conquered many fears now (with the help of my doc and meds) and continue to travel with and without my family. But I ALWAYS regret my trip a few days or so before I go. I am beside myself with anxiety. Maybe I should cancel, I'd pray for sudden snowstorm to ground the planes, earthquakes, volcanoes, anything so I would have an excuse not to go. But I still go. My kids are all teenagers, one in college. The key for me was her leaving for college. I realized I could no longer have my child in my "control" 24 hours a day. I think maybe it's the loss of control issue with you, also. A sudden realization of the responsibility of keeping everyone happy after all the planning. It's because you're a Mom who cares deeply. Don't let anyone trivialize it, but do see a doc who can help. Start taking anti-anxiety meds today - small doses so that you can function but calm some of that panic. I've made plans to go to Europe with just my Mom next month. I'm so excited about it now (her first trip to Europe, my fourth) but I'm sure I'll be regretting it on the way to the airport! My sister-in-law with two children reacts the same way. Please let us know how your trip goes. Once you're there I'm sure you'll be fine. My heart is with you all. Have fun.

Aggiemom
I could have written your post. It actually made me feel better reading it and knowing others feel as I do. I fear flying and always see the plane crashing. I fly only because if I want to travel I have to but always wish there was another way to get there. :-)

walkinaround- I didn't say your post was hostile or insensitive,I said a few posts were insensitive. A few others showed ignorance-if you have a real anxiety disorder,making lists and keeping busy will not relieve it. This is a little out of our league as peer travelers (or whatever we are!)

Hey cd - Have you ever read the book "Ask the Pilot" by Patrick Smith? Published in 2004 so it deals with current stuff. Could help quiet some fears. What helped me greatly was having friends who are pilots and living near a major airport (luckily not in the flight path!) I see all the planes coming and going and I can't help but think that the majority of flights are trouble-free (crash-free). Also, I have a friend whose parents are both pilots - 20 yrs + for each of them. She has told me how afraid to fly she was - even when one of her parents was piloting the plane! Even after all this help I still get crazy a few days before flights. I don't let it get out of hand, because the fun of seeing new places outweighs the anxiety. I try to allow myself the opportunity to be panic stricken only if, and when, an emergency happens. Until that moment I try to keep my worry in check. Haven't had to go into "emergency mode" ever. My pilot friends have related stories of how they go and re-certify for various airplanes and how the flight simulator simulates every bad thing that COULD happen. They spend up to 10 hours straight dealing with potential catastrophies so my faith in them is getting greater all the time. Hope this helps.

You migt have anxiety since you are going back to where you used to live for 5 months. Just a thought...

I hope you feel better before your trip.

WOW EVERYONE! Thanks SO INCREDIBLY much for being so supportive and wonderful! Truthfully, I'm only halfway throught the responses, but I just had to stop to say this.

Ok, I guess it really does boil down to the kids that I'm worried about. My almost 3 year old son is a handful. He is very active and of course, I imagine all kinds of horrible scenarios in my head of worse-case. (getting lost, running into the street, blah blah blah).

As far as my condition, I do have panic disorder, diagnosed by dr. My panic attacks are of the racing heart kind. My heart races for hours upon a time, while I try to think through everything. I just can't calm my heart or thoughts down. Nothing dangerous, just that. (I don't FLIP or anything).

The dr. gave me 10 Xanex for the trip. However, being the mother of two, I have worries about taking something and being out of it incase I need my full faculties. AHHHHHHHHH...see???? ;)

One other major point: The last time we travelled internationally was on the way back from our 5 month stay in France. We left from CDG where there was UNUSUAL security and commotion. We were puzzled as security was tight even as we boarded the plane. They were checking passports as we were boarding, and detaining several people, of Arab race. We just figured they were looking for someone in particular. We arrived back in the States 3 hours before the first plane hit the WTC.

So........., I suppose that has something to do with my anxiety....A LOT to do with it.

I'm going to continue to read the posts.

You guys are great!

aggiemom, you nailed it! everything you said I identify with. Thank you so much...I thank everyone and regret I can't personally reply to each one (remember, the active 3 year old? haha)

And to all the 'moms' who understand my feelings as well, it made me feel so much better knowing that it really is normal for a mother to feel this way. That is when my panic disorder began, the morning after my daughter was born.

I think I will go get my Xanex rx today and take a half of one to see how i feel.

Hey, toulousaine, good for you, good luck to you, and a *hug* to you!! You CAN do this!!
Practicing to see what dosage level for daytime Xanax is good (be aware that it builds up in your system, so your second 1/2 does might hit you more than the first), and practice deep/square breathing.

Have a good trip, and drop us a note from a cybercafe or somewhere to let us know how it went.

Just a question: What flight from CDG brought you back into the United States three hours (!) *before* the first plane hit the World Trade Center. The first plane hit at 8:46am that means if you arrived on the East Coast, you would have landed at 5:46am? I didn't realize there were flights from CDG (or anywhere in W. Europe) that arrived at that hour! Not trying to "stir the pot" just curious.

To those who think I am spoiled, privileged, etc:

Someone said it right; you don't know how much we sacrificed for this trip.

First of all, I do consider my self privileged. ANY TRAVEL WE CAN DO AS A FAMILY IS A PRIVILEGE.

Neither my husband nor I grew up going to exotic places for vacation, like some of my peers in school. I dreamed my whole life of traveling. My parents did take us to Disneyland every few years if they could, but that was close to where we lived.

After my husband and I got married, we have lived a different life than any other couples in our age category. We are not into the fancy SUV's, big house, latest clothes, etc. We are not content to have a huge mortgage and 2 new vehicles in the driveway and stuck in the house because there is no money to go anywhere.

We have old cars (read "no car payments"), we own a SMALL house (850 sqft)but with a big yard for the kids. I love clothes, but I am VERY restrictive with myself. Although I'd love to, I rarely by new clothes. I just by classics so they last me a long time and I'm still "in style".

We do multiple other things to put travelling as a priority, rather than material posessions. Travelling is what we like to spend money on.

Oh, we are also budget travellers. I spend lots of time researching to get the best deals. We paid no more for our tickets to Europe than we would have for tickets to Cabo San Lucas (4 hour flight from us).

Not staying in hotels drastically reduces the money needed for the trip. Plus, French culture is that people feed you in their homes; they rarely go out for a meal.

Well, I know I didn't have to justify our trip, but I guess I feel compelled to defend myself ;)

We are on the West Coast and we had significant delays in our flights when we were trying to get through two layovers in Canada to get back to Portland, Oregon. That put us very late in the night, much later than we were supposed to have been.
So the actual flight from CDG didn't put us into the states 3 hours before, but our missed flights and layovers within canada and us.

Cassandra, thanks for the note about Xanex building up. I didn't know that...I will take caution! ;)

toulousaine- I feel real empathy for you as I too know that dreaded feeling which is indiscribable to people who have never experienced a "panic attack".
I lived through 3 years of hell before finding a doctor who gave me Neurobin injections every week for months. That was my turning point. The very strong Vit.B's help you cope. I have never looked back. Just remember, it's not a long flight and you can get medication for your child to slightly sedate him/her just for the trip - don't feel guilty. It's better for all of you.

Gotcha... that was very confusing.

Sorry to confuse you ;)...living on the West coast and then having to stop in Toronto and then again in Vancouver BC, missed flights, then flight delays from vancouver to portland made for a SUPER long travelling day. Then with NYC 3 hours ahead, we had just a bit to snooze until my dad came and woke us saying planes were hitting buildings....being super jet lagged and exhausted, I thought it was a nightmare. It was.

tod....unless i missed something, she didn't say anything about the children having any panic disorders or hyperactivity or anything like that. so why would she sedate the children???

tod,
I can't give my son benadryl or anything that would normally make a child sleepy, because it wires him. So, since we are leaving at 3 pm, I'm hoping he'll fall asleep around 9pm our time to sleep the rest of the night.
Thanks for your concern and empathy. Panic really is something no one can understand unless they have experienced it, like you have.