I think in South America they slit your throat for rude behavior. ((b))

First thing to do, is complain because no one speaks English.

First thing you do is not travel with the perfect, self righteous people on this thread...one faux paus and they'll toast you!

But it is very interesting watching them act like euros as they make fun of their own fellow Americans!

Ah yes, to be erudite and perfect once again, the sheer joy of it!

uS

Just to depart from the American in Europe theme for a while:

1. Visit the USA for the first time, and plan to spend Saturday in NYC, sunday in Washington DC, Monday in San Francisco, and Tuesday at the Grand Canyon.

2. Take a trip to Mexico. Brush your teeth with bottled water, but demand ice cubes in all your drinks.

Humbug, uncle sam. Have a glass of Chateauneuf and lighten up. This thread is great spoof. ((b))

Now, just hold on a minute.

Outside of the UK, I'm not supposed to order tea in the morning, because that contradicts the edict of respecting European customs, to wit, that they don't as a rule drink tea. I'm also told on another thread that it is equally incorrect to order Cappuccino in the afternoon, and now on this one, to order American coffee at any time.

At this rate I'll wind up drinking wine. Drinking wine gets me drunk, getting drunk makes me loud, getting drunk and loud makes me in desperate need of a sobering shot of caffeine...

Folks, you're going to have to help me out here, or you'll have only yourselves to blame when a loud woman is heard demanding, in slurred words that may or may not be English, a coffee mid-afternoon on the Piazza Navona....

RE: sue_xx_yy

I may have seen you last year - are you the big blonde gal who fell in the fountain and they needed a tow truck to get her out?

Sue, you sound like you'd be fun to travel with. Have another glass of wine. ((b))

Fill your water bottle from the water on your table - which happens to be the same water that comes from the tap - then ask for more water.

1) Wear your baseball cap backwards to look more like a local.

2) When on the bus, get up suddenly, lean WAY over the people seated opposite you so you can get a better view out the bus window and yell out in your sweetest voice: "HEY, HOWARD! LOOK! There's the Eiffel Tower [or the Vatican or whatever]!" Do not forget to bonk a local on the head with your very large purse as you are leaning over him.

3) Carry only essentials in your large purse, like your hair dryer. Make sure that when you plug in your hair dryer in those "old Europe" wall plugs that you can blow every fuse in the hotel.

:) Happening every day, folks...

Always be rude and dismissive when dealing with the "little people" - cab drivers, hotel employees, waiters, etc. After all, you're an Amrican/Candaian/German, etc, rich enough to travel and these people are lucky to serve you.

Poor little Degas..you just don't get any respect from the help, do you?

And dont forget to shout :Garcon , garcon I want my bill, in a quiet, classy restaurant in France...

RE: Intrepid

The best luck I had getting some serious respect from the hired help was when I taped a $20 bill to my forehead.

I found out real quick they could all speak English, smile, and find my check in record time.

Tips for the Great Unwashed:

1. DO NOT stand up in a pub in Surrey, no matter how much the bet or how many pints of Newcastle, and loudly announce, "Her Majesty does the Nasty with the Earl of St. Andrews whilst the Duke of Edinburgh takes lovely photos."

2. DO NOT have dinner at Taillevent in Paris and ask the waiter, "Are there free refills on the Coke?"

3. DO NOT query loudly to your husband whilst walking through the Gucci shop in Milan, "Why should I pay 300 Euros for that handbag when I could buy the same thing from the black man on the corner for 10?"

1. After a good sneeze into your hand, squeeze all the fruit, until you find than ONE piece that seems perfect...
2...Then pay for it with a 100 euro bill.
3.Since the food is so plain in Italy, get a very large bowl from the waiter so that you can mix the pasta, vegetables and meat all together.

1. Be incensed when the shopkeeper doesn't take American money. After all, we would certainly understand being given lira or francs at home!
2. Grow very impatient when the waiter doesn't bring the check as quickly as at Denny's.
3. Don't even try to speak the local language. You would probably just muck it up, and besides, they should be speaking yours!

1. Order Fettucini Alfredo and Ceasar salad in every Italian restaurant. Just because they are American/Mexican dishes respectively, does not mean you should not be able to order them when abroad.

2. Carry your own NO SMOKING sign to rest upon your table.

3. Eventhough Almaden is not on their winelists does not mean they aren't keeping the good stuff for themselves.

I have but one question...why is Uncle_Sam reacting as though all of you were spying on him while traveling?? :)

>> 2. Grow very impatient when the waiter doesn't bring the check as quickly as at Denny's

Don't they make you pay upfront? ;-)