When somebody is "down in the dumps" they may be "so low that when you look down, your looking up." In other words you are lower than being down. Or how about "Your luck is so bad that you finished second to last" Meaning that last place usually even gets some type of recognition but second to last gets you nothing.

Mad as a hornet

Mad as a wet hen

A month of Sundays

A coon's age

Whipped cream on sh*t

"Never dip your nib in the office ink"
as in don't date your coworkers!

My grandmother's favorite: "Slow as creeping Jesus on crutches"....

Not sure what that's supposed to mean...

I am from the south and we like to say someone is "as slow as molasses in January"

has anyone ever heard the phrase: "it's a horse apiece" ?

Kate - here we say, "I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers"

Christie - AMEN. nuff said.

Hi,
As an Australian I am used to making others go Hmm.
It happened when I said "He scrubs up well" referring to a fellow tourist who had dressed up for dinner in France.
Some others I like are
He can put his shoes under my bed any day
Flash as a rat with a gold tooth
(think minor crim in a smart suit)
Slow as a month of Sundays
Rosemary

Ally, your anecdote on the Worchestershire sauce had me rolling on the floor! That is typical of the British to get out of sorts because of a trifle. When I go home for a visit, my entire family goes to pieces because I drink ICE TEA. You would think that I called Her Majesty a "slag" by the reactions I get. What a savage, they say. They actually tell all the neighbors.

Another British-ism: He's as thick as a plank.

Never heard it as a reference to heat, but the old folks here in Southside Virginia used to say of a stingy/miserly person, "he's as tight as Dick's hatband."

Someone told me that the French have a saying akin to the American "I have bigger fish to fry"; theirs is "I have other cats to whip".

About someone whose ego is larger than their ability: "There goes a hundred dollar hat on a ten cent head".

Texas variation on the above: "He's all hat and no cattle".

Advising someone to mind their own business: "You don't want to lift the flap on that tent".

My favorite from when I lived in Honduras:

"El amor de lejos
Es el amor de pendejos."

It loses a lot in the translation....

thingorjus--I'm familiar with that iced tea reaction! (although my British friend now can't get enough when he comes to the states now!)
Rosemary--I know the phrase as "he cleans up real well!"

Where I live, our version of the cow is "Raining like a cow pissing on a FLAT rock."

A company/organization with too many managers/officers is "Too many chiefs; not enough Indians."

Said a few years ago about an NFL quarterback: "Million dollar arm; 10-cent brain."

Really cold weather is "like a witch's tit in a brass bra."

A persuastive person "could sell hams in a synagogue" or "could sell ice to an eskimo."

Ones I don't care much for:
"I didn't know him from Adam."
"Everyone and his brother was there."
"It's raining pitchforks." (one friend says this during heavy rains -- huh?)

One that I've always loved from my grandmother (it goes with the "bless her heart" lines...). If a child is misbehaving she asks to feel their forehead because "you must be feeling ill to act that way."

Another is calling a child a water bug when they take to water and swimming at a young age and calling them a worrysome child as a polite way of telling them to leave the adults alone for a minute. I was both a water bug and a worrysome child :)

The proof is in the pudding?

I guess in the days before instant Jello, you would put strange things together and hope it worked?

And the 'butter wouldn't melt in her mouth' is a COLD person. Not literally cold, but someone with a cold spirit.

I've always liked southern sayings. A friend of mine, from Alabama, has the best, sometimes funniest, sayings. He was telling me a story about his wife who came in the house mumbling angrily and was getting out a gun so she could take care of a copperhead that startled her in the wood shed. He described her as, 'madder than a two-dick dog". I still laugh at that.

On donkeys - an old boss of mine used to say, 'when donkeys fly ...' meaning it's never going to happen - like when I would request something/anything.

She doesn't know tit's address - small chested

Colder than a witch's tit - wonder where that one originated

Her butt's not big as a fart - small butt I guess (My husband uses this one) give me strength

Friend from Louisiana was visiting and had encountered a nasty old woman neighbor. Next thing we knew he was feeding the birds in the side yard, somewhat close to where she parks her car in her driveway. Apparently, he figured out that the birds would crap on her car if he fed them there. Sure enough, her car was covered in the stuff. She came over and asked/told him to stop feeding the birds which, of course, he ignored. I asked why he continued to feed the birds there - He leaned back in his chair with this funny grin and said 'You can't kill 'em but, you can antagonize the s*&t out of 'em.' Don't think it could be considered a saying, though anything's possible down here.

After a night of heavy drinking, my Aussie friend would say, I didn't know if I was Arthur or Martha......
You're a real treasure, who dug you up.....
you're a flower alright-a blooming idiot.

Elizabeth Reed, it must be a difference in geography but your version of the cow & the rock make better sense.

NCGrrrl, yours makes better sense as well, although any time someone would walk past with a big plastic smile on her face, someone who was known as being "fake", then invariably someone would mutter the butter wouldn't melt in her mouth line. I never did understand what they meant. I suppose they equated fake with cold? Hmmmm...

Another thing my grandmother would say is that we were lazy as young stirks, which, of course, being new to the south sounded very ominous, about as bad as you could get. It sounded very arcane, and we didn't know what a young stirk was so it would always get our attention.

And my grandmother & her sisters, good old-fashioned southern pentecostal holy roller women that they were refused to say "Oh, Lord", as some other women in the South do. Instead they would always say "Oh, Law!". I suppose this was so they wouldn't take the good Lord's name in vain, something we were continually cautioned against!! :) LOL

mrwunrfl,
Thanks for the Kennywood's open reference!! I still say that after all these years and no one knows what i'm talking about!

One my Dad used to say to me when I was a kid:
You're getting longer than a wet day!

BeatChick,

A variation on the "Oh, Law" phrase used by holy rollers is "I swannee" instead of "I swear" -- uttered frequently by my mother-in-law in response to practically everything that her son and I do... :)

ncgrrl

I think the full expression is "the proof of the pudding is in the eating", which often gets shortened various ways so as to lose its proper meaning.

As for the "butter wouldn't melt" one, I think this used to mean prim and proper but I have heard this being used to mean many different things by different people and your one sounds a good one.