Slick as seal squeezings.

In the service long ago:

"You wouldn't make a pimple on a dimple on a real Marine's ass!" - screamed by my Drill Seargent many times each day.

S.O.S. we have defined before on this thread, but creamed chicken on toast was called, "Puke On The Running Board".

Balogna (on sandwiches)was called "Horse Cock", while Salami was termed "Pony Pecker".

You do the work of two men, (pause)
laurel & Hardy

An Irish friend used to say 'Up she flew and the cock flattened her' no idea what that meant.

Geordie

Something I caught myself saying yesterday:
"now then, now then.."

When my mother (the daughter of Danish immigrants) was threatening to spank you but didn't really mean it, she would say, "I'll take you over my checkered apron." Has anyone ever heard that expression?

Also, I am told there's a Spanish proverb that says, " 'Take what you want and pay for it,' says God." Has anyone ever hear anything like that one? No Spanish-speaking person I've asked is familiar with it.

Pegontheroad, here is my second translation for you, the saying is:

"You pays your money and you takes your choice."

"dumber than a bag of hammers"
self explanitory, I think...

what a great string of offerings you have elicited. How about a couple more from Australia -
He's as useful as a pocket on a singlet!
Mad as a cut snake!
I'm flat out like a lizard drinking!

My mother used to use the expression "I'll take you over my checkered apron" in the same way and she was of mixed Germanic descent and from south Mississippi. I don't know where the expression comes from sorry.

Baldworth

his cheese has slid off his cracker!

and

a taco shy of a combination plate.

These are great. Heard most of them too. How about-
-Going to hell in a hand basket. Huh?
and
-Misery loves company.
This makes perfect sense now but when I was younger I just didn't get it. :-)

mrwnrfl:

I've always assumed it meant that there's always a price you have to pay for your actions...

Fun and interesting thread. A few more we use around the Philadelphia area:

-don't sh*t where you live
-not the brightest bulb on the tree
-2 cards shy of a full deck
-3 sheets to the wind (inebriated)
-raining cats and dogs

-circling the drain (when someone looks like they're about to die). Also, -death eating crackers.

Hmmmmm.

A legitimate word, but one I haven't heard since I left the South: flibbertigibbet, meaning frivolous.
And now that I'm in the upper midwest, someone who is frivolous, scatter-brained or just can't make up his mind is like "a fart in a windstorm."