Senior Travel-Some Mobility Issues
 

Now that I have an apartment, my tickets to fly, and two cameras, please permit me to ask your advice again. Since I am going to be living in Rome in an apartment for one month, I am trying to talk my sister into joining me there for a week. She is not in a wheel chair, but she is 74 years old, has a knee replacement like me, and has an assortment of other joint problems that make her walking, stamina, and endurance rather limited. Otherwise, she is in fairly good health. Also, my niece (her daughter, who is also a nurse) IS going to join me for a week, and I thought this would give my sister the reassurance of someone to travel with her and assist her.

This woman has worked very hard all of her life and always has looked after others. And...she has never traveled outside of the states. She doesn't even have a passport! Now I want to do something generous and giving for her by bringing her to Rome, but she is too afraid! She thinks that she would be a burden, that she might fall, that she couldn't do the type of walking required, etc.

I have read articles on other sites that many disabled people enjoy the pleasures of travel, to whatever degree they can manage, but I have never experienced accompanying someone with these issues. I don't want to overpressure her, have her come, and then have the whole thing be a miserable failure for all of us.

So, I guess I am seeking encouragement and advice. Have any of you ever traveled with someone who had similar issues but still managed to enjoy a European city? From my one-week experience in Rome, I know that it can pose some challenges for those with limited mobility. I would appreciate any ideas that might give me some credible backup when urging my sister to take this trip. My mother passed away before I was able to get her to Ireland. Now it would give me great joy if I could take my very religious sister to Rome. Please help me if you can. Thanks. jg

What a thoughtful brother you are! The first question that comes to mind, assuming she'll be staying with you, is: where is your apartment located? And is it a walkup - if so, how many flights of stairs? - or is there an elevator?

I sure can't give you any specific tips but I want to encourage your efforts - good for you! I wish you the best of luck.

On the other hand, your sister may not feel the same need to see Rome as you do on her behalf. I just tried to convince my girlfriend (mother of three kids) to join me in a free hotel room in Paris for a week and she doesn't want to do it - I was amazed at first but she's coming from a completely different place than I am (I have no kids) so I have to respect her wishes.

I hope your sister makes a perfectly informed choice and I love that you're helping her do that! Again, good for you.

You will find a great deal of information at www.slowtrav.com.

This page lists the travel notes about accessibility in Rome written by a regular poster on the SlowTrav message board who is confined to a wheelchair and spends at least one month a year in Rome:

http://tinyurl.com/uag8k

assuming she has an interest in going to Rome: Be sure you know what floor your flat is on - and if there is a lift. LOTS of places are walk up. And if it says 2nd floor it is on the 3rd floor "American".

Look into getting a private guide for a day or two. That way you will have easy transport, and a tour guide for the major sites.

plan on using taxis a lot - so trips are door to door instead of having to take buses or subway.

Having a flat is great for folks that might have health/mobility issues. Some days she may just want to "veg out" and a flat gives you more space and a "real" living room instead of having to sit around a smal hotel room.

Hope she want to go . . . .

I seem to find your posts without even trying, lol!

Anyway, I just want to share a story that you can pass along for encouragement. Over 35 years ago, my grandparents went on a trip around the world for 2 years. They were retired. They also had their daughter with them, who was confined to a wheelchair as she was a paraplegic. This did not deter them at all. I truly think so much of traveling is in our minds...whether we think we can or not. We are taking my mother to Paris in June, and she has never been overseas. She said she thinks it was out of her comfort zone, so maybe that is what your sister is feeling. My mom said that since we have traveled there already, that she is comfortable with us being with her. I hope some of this helps with your situation and that you all have a great time together!

That is so sweet jg. I spent part of my last vacation with my 80-year-old friend -- pre-trip I enticed her with a beautiful book of pictures and a couple movies set in the city.

We started slowly with one small trip a day; she got inspired and of course overdid it; stayed around the apartment all the next day; and so on. We laughed like crazy, she was never a burden and I'm pretty sure she believed that.

I'm probably not a lot of help, but just encouraging you. I hope your hard worker will let you spend some money on her. P.S. Be sure to buy her trip insurance, force yourself to read the awful fine print to get a suitable policy. It's a small price and might help ease her mind.

Hello jgarvey, if you go to the Search engine here, click on Italy and type in Statia (the screen name of a very fine Fodorite) you will see on the left hand of the screen where she gives information when she had her mother in Rome. Her mother had mobility problems also. Statia gives the website of a private car and driver they used so her mother could see a lot of Rome. Best regards.

Thanks as usual to all of the experienced and helpful travelers. To respond to a few of the contributors:

Holly, I am a "sister" not a brother, but thanks for telling me that I am thoughtful. I know this suggestion to my sister could create a little extra work and inconvenience for me, but she's worth it. And I'm more than happy to do anything I can to repay her for all that she has done for me over the years. She is 12 years older than I and has been like a second mother to me all of my life. Also, my apartment is on the Europen first floor, and I know she can handle that much. Again, she is not in a wheelchair and doesn't even use a cain. And she even still works part-time as an interior decorator!

Val, very good point and thanks for reminding me. I really don't want to put unnecessary pressure on her because this might me something "I" want her to do for my sake. Sometimes it's hard to know when we are actually just being selfish and pushing people past their comfort zones. Thanks. I need to keep revisiting this idea and listen really carefully, with respect, to all of her concerns.

Eloise, thanks for pointing out that website on SlowTrav. I have looked at it already, but the writer is in a wheelchair and that is not a factor here. However, she really does give some very helpful information that even mildly handicapped people would find useful--or those of us who accompany and assist them.

Janisi, the idea of the private driver and guide is the best! I will certainly look into that. Also, I already figured that we would be taking lots of taxis. My apartment has a very nice and beautifully furnished living room and kitchen and would be a very comfortable place for her to veg out for a day or 1/2 day if she wanted to rest while the niece and I go out. These are the kinds of solid ideas that I can tempt her with, the things that might make a real difference in her feeling brave enough to tackle this adventure.

mms--you are so right! Either I'm the neediest poster around or just have too much time on my hands--with my DH in the Caribbean and all! I myself am a pretty anxious traveler, and discovering this site has meant so much to me in preparation for my own first solo adventure. You guys (Y'all) have all been a true inspiration that I too can do this--and maybe even encourage my sister to do the same! And the story about your grandparents, your aunt(?) and now your mother to Paris?! Well, I am really psyched now! These are the kinds of stories that I want to tell my sister about, to give her encouragement and convince her that she too can do this. Also, there is my daughter, who lives in Rome and is fluent in Italian!

C'mon--the time could not be better, and all of the pieces are in place to make this the right time and the right place for her to make this choice NOW! I even called the airline to inquire about penalty if she has to cancel. The penalty is $200, and you get a one-year credit to use anywhere for domestic or international travel. If necessary, I'll pay the friggin $200 myself if that would make her feel better if she has to bow out at the last minute (another one of her concerns).

My thoughts boil down to this: If I can convince her to get a passport (which everyone should have anyway), book her on the same flight as her daughter (there are still seats available), inform her about all of the good news I have discovered on this forum, then just maybe she will find her old spunk and we can get this family show on the road!

Thanks again to all. Will keep you posted. jg

I have limited mobility, probably much more so than your sister, and had a great time in Rome a few years ago. I second the suggestion above to hire a private driver for a tour. I wish I could remember the name of the service I used, but the cost was reasonable and it was the highlight of my visit. Also note that the major museums have wheelchairs available if you find the need.

Zoe, thanks for mentioning the wheelchair availabilty, because that was a question I forgot to include. Do many of the major sites (St. Peter's, Vatican, Borghese Gallerie, other museums) have the availability for those little motorized scooters(?) that can assist the physically-challenged to get around, if they can't stand or walk for long periods? I mean, is there anything available (or for rental)for some of the more-trying exhibits in Rome, such as those motorized scooters? Thanks. I meant to inquire about that too.

Sorry about that, jg. Don't know why I thought you were a guy. Let me rephrase my original post: What a thoughtful sister you are!

That's OK, Holly. Really not much you can tell about the initial "j". Just thanks again for being willing to help me along in this journey. Joanna

jgarvey--LOL, no, not needy at all. I guess I can just relate to your posts:) Yes, it was my aunt. And to add to that, she stayed in Germany for almost a year and got her Masters degree in German. I am still amazed at all she did. She did much more than many able bodied people! I think you will have a ball on this trip, and having a daughter who speaks fluent Italian is a HUGE help! My mom is counting on me for getting by with the French language. She has no idea just how bad I butcher that, lol!

Hi jg,

How good of you.

After 20 years of trying, I finally got my mother to go to Paris at age 88.

She loved it.

Some additional tips from my experience:

Your sister will probably not admit it when she gets tired. It will be up to you to plan for rest stops.

When walking up stairs, _you_ should stop for breaks.

Plan for pit stops hourly.

Take buses and cabs as much as possible.

Your sister might begin to wonder about how old you are getting, but do it anyway.

Enjoy your visit.

((I))

ira, thanks for the tips. It was inspiring to hear about your mother! Now, if I can just get her there! I'm afraid it's going to take a lot of convincing, but now I feel better armed with the advice and encouragement received here. Thanks to all. jg

I have emailed this thread to the same person who is an expert on this subject and posts on slowtrav.com. Hopefully she will be able to assist you.

I have traveled with my sister-in-law, who has severe arthritis in her knees and is in a lot of pain all the time. We were in London and Paris. The metro was impossible, going down stairs is agony for her. We found buses were a lot better, just a few steps to go up and down, and we also used cabs more that I would have under different circumstances. At that time my SIL would not use a wheel chair, and that certainly would have helped at some of the museums for example, where they were available. She would have been a lot less tired. As her problem has worsened, she has become more open to using a wheel chair in some cases.

My other question would be, could you leave your sister at some point, for example if she needed a nap or a rest in the afternoon, to see perhaps some additonal things on your own if you wanted to. It's just a different type of travel with someone who is not able to get around very well. I was in Paris last month, with a friend, and of course got out and about the city much more than when I was with my SIL.

Just to clarify, I do NOT regret going with her at all, I love her to death, but it was a different kind of experience. I think the big thing, as already mentioned, would be if your apartment has a lift depending on what floor you are on. I hope that whatever you sister's decision is, it makes for a happy trip for you, and perhaps BOTH of you.

Ordinarily I would say Rome is a walking city - but for someone with mobility problems I would sinple cab everywhere (easy to catch and inexepensive). This will let her save her energies for the places where she MUST walk.

Also - check with the various museums about wheelchair tours - even though she doesn't ordinarily use them - so her stamina isn;t taxed when unnecessary.

Jgarvey:

Never had a sister...you'd be the one I would choose! Tell your sister that I'm a 77-year old world traveler and I walk with a cane that the V.A. gave me for my bad knees(so thank you!). I strongly recommend that sis gets a cane..it takes the stress and load off of her feet, knees and hips. I can walk miles as long as I use it. The most recent visit to Rome was last year and I found it to be no problem anywhere...and we're planning nearly four weeks in China and Japan this coming spring. Please show this note to sis. Suggest you have a wheel chair waiting for her at the airport, for starters,and follow Ira's practical suggestions.. Good luck and a blessing to you for your kindness and dedication!

Stu T.

jgarvey, About ten years ago I started taking a folding walking cane with me on my travels. I'm 71. I find the cane gives me help walking on cobblestone and something to prop me up in long lines. My last trip to Ireland I took my own mattress pad. The rock hard mattresses in some places in Ireland are just too hard for me. I took a single memory- foam pad that folded up in a duffle bag. If the bed was too hard I'd make up the bed again with my pad. The duffle was light enough for me to carry. Tell your sister to take advantage of the wonderful offer her sister is making. I've had one of my sisters on a few trips with me and we have a ball talking, playing cards, and my sisters have always helped me out on these trips, scouting around to see if places are walkable for me and generally being wonderful little sisters. The same as you are! Kind Regards, Joan

Hi J.

I hope you can convince your sister to go with you; it would be a wonderful trip for all three.

I agree with Stu about taking a cane along. I have a knee problem and bought a collapsible walking/trekking pole (REI.com) that fit in my luggage for my last trip and found it helped a lot on stairs or steep hills. There was another woman using one. She was not old but had knee surgery.

I was in Italy two years ago and spent most of time on my own but joined a group in Florence and Rome. One woman, a lot younger than I am, walked with a cane and zipped right by me every day and there was a 60 something couple using the trekking poles. There was also a woman using a walker who went everywhere, but was just slower than most.

The cane or pole would take some of the pressure off her knee and will help on the one flight of stairs she'll be doing every day. It might ease her fear of falling too.

I don't recall seeing the motorized scooters anywhere and would be surprised if museums have them. I tend to think they would want someone pushing a wheelchair.

Someone suggested books, movies, etc. of Italy and I think that's a good idea.

I've traveled with friend who has stamina, pain, and balance problems resulting from a severe car accident. Our most recent trip was to Italy, including Rome. She always uses a cane in public, even though she could often get by without one.

As some have said, the cane offers moral as well as physical support. Perhaps more importantly, the cane is a signal to those around her that she might be physically unstable. Without the cane she has been knocked down by passersby or those people with backpacks who turn around without thinking about how mch the backpack sticks out--knocked her right over.

Allowing for brief rest periods and naptime is also crucial. And as someone said, my friend always believes she will be able to do more than she can. She'll suggest she's ready to walk all afternoon, but I'll plot a route that is circuitous but not too far afield. Then it's easy to return to the hotel when she inevitably tires.

Plan to go back to the apartment for a mid-day break. Tell her, that YOU are tired and YOU need a nap. Even if she's not taking naps now, on a trip she'll need them. Maybe she'll get worn-out by the end of the day, plan slow evenings.

Also, tell her, there are millions of people in Rome, they get old, sick and fragile, but still live their lives. And so will she, for a week.

And if this is for a week, maybe she needs more medications. I always take more on vacations.

Check out all mobility help: canes, folding canes, seat canes, folding chairs - see what is better for your sister.

Arrange for wheelchair assistance on flights, even though she doesn't normally use a wheelchair this will be a big help. It will mean that she doesn't have to stand around waiting in queues etc.
Also, I would take at least a fold up stick with you so that she can use one if she needs to do so.
Carolena

To Recent Posters: You are wonderful! I knew I could count on people like you, those who love to travel and encourage others to do the same. You all have given me some great ideas to pass on to her when I take up my campaign again. Now when she starts her litany of objections, I have some tried and true solutions to motivate her with.

To sum up some of your suggestions: Guided, personal tour (how 'bout a limo?) with driver, mucho taxis, short excursions, wheelchairs in big museums and definitely at airport, cane with folding seat (love that idea!), naps or rests during the day while my niece and I take in more sights, examples of others like herself or even worse off who have mustered their courage to do this--for the payoff of enlarging their lives and seeing more of the world while they still can. This one too--bonding and sharing quality time with her sister, her daughter, and her niece (my daughter who lives in Rome and speaks Italian fluently) all at the same time. This should do it, thanks to all of you! Unless she comes up with a new reason--like she might shoot her eye out! Will keep you all posted and up-to-date on this continuing saga. jg

I have mobilty issues and went to Italy
two years ago. My suggestions: a walking stick, knee braces, anti-imflammatories, and gel shoe inserts will make life a lot easier. I also went to physical therapy first for some professional advice. They recommended all those things and suggested the particular brace. They gave me exercises to do to help and suggested how to treat myself at the end of each day. Despite 3 knee surgeries, I had a fabulous trip and was very comfortable. But I agree with the earlier advice that you need to look out for your sister and schedule breaks. I was guilty of not saying I needed a break. Remember-going down hills is harder on the knees than going up! HAve a wonderful time!

Havepassport, thanks for your input. All of these messages are very encouraging to me as I hope they will be to her. In fact, my opinion is that her physical issues aren't really all that bad, and maybe even more manageable than yours. I think most of it is in her head. She has never traveled outside of USA, and I think it is all mostly about apprehensions and fears of the unknown--see the ones I mentioned above. I am prepared to do anything it takes to get her there and see to her enjoyment--including her own daughter and my daughter. I will be there for a month, so devoting one week to her total pleasure and comfort so that she can experience Rome would be the greatest joy for me. I am making one last attempt with her this weekend, armed with all of your wonderful anecdotes and experiences--not to mention the long list of practial accessories and tips. I would be willing to carry her there in my arms if I could! Bless you all. jg

I will cross my fingers and hope she says yes. A wonderful opportunity for her and I hope she doesn't pass it up. Please be sure to report back on her decision. If she says no, maybe we can do some more persuading.

What a wonderful loving sister you are! Perhaps, it has been mentioned already, but don't forget to think about jet lag if you are flying overseas> Give your sister some time to rest and get used to the time difference. Best wishes for a wonderful trip together. Lucky you to have a sister you want to travel with and be with!

joanna,
What a sweet sister you are!

My first visit to Italy, I was with my grandma, who was almost 80. It was very special. Grandma was honest about admitting when she was tired. Good thing, because my brother can walk 5 miles without blinking. So remind your daughter and niece, or just announce you're taking a break at the cafe.

You mention that your sister is religious. Are you Catholic? If so, you should know that the Church has a special parish for nearly every nationality, so that you will feel at ease in Rome. For Americans, there is Santa Susanna, run by the Paulists, with Mass in English and hymns American Catholics would know. Very nice people. It's possible they could help you find a wheelchair to rent or use for St. Peter's. It's a very big place.

http://www.santasusanna.org/ourChurch/ourChurch.html

For a private guide, we liked Dianna a lot. She is an American but really knows her stuff and is fun too. You would have to ask her if she could get a driver, as we didn't need one.http://www.rome-tours.com/index.shtml

There are also bus tours through Greenline and American Express, including a night tour my aunts took and loved. I don't have details though.

Do have medical issues in hand if you do get her to travel. Insurance, location of doctors and hospitals covered under the insurance, emergency phone numbers, copies of prescriptions, cell phone that works in Italy and such.

You don't indicate (at least in this post, I gather you've made quite a few in your planning process) just when this trip is to be.....but I hope you are planning in enough time to GET your sister her passport?? And I wish you luck in actually getting her to make the trip - it sounds like it could end up being a wonderful experience for all of you.

I told her it would be smart of her to secure a passport even if she isn't going to come. EVERYONE should have a passport these days, even newborns. With the world situation being what it is today, who knows what could happen and you will need a passport to get out of or back into the country? And she lives in New Orleans--think about it. She laughed at me when I mentioned this, BTW. They (she and my niece) would not be coming to Rome until Feb.24th, and my niece's passport arrived within two weeks of her application. There is still time, and she could always pay the extra to expedite it more quickly.

5Alive, thanks for telling me about your grandmother, and thanks especially for the link to the private driver. I have actually made a list of all of the reasons and practical suggestions I have received on this forum. This weekend, I plan to try one more assault and remind her about how young, independent, and spunky she used to be. I'm just afraid that if she refuses this invitation, she will never feel inclined to accept another. On the other hand, if she does accept the challenge and enjoy herself, this might give her some self-confidence and motivate her to try it again. I would really love to also get her to Ireland! Our family heritage is Italian and Irish.

I'm also fearful that her daugher (my niece) is NOT encouraging her mother because she feel that this might spoil HER visit and she will just wind up being a caretaker for her mother. My brother-in-law is no help either. He takes care of her like she is an injured sparrow on a velvet pillow, and keeps expressing his fears and anxieties to her. What I think is that she needs to get away from this for awhile and regain some of her lost spirit and the people who try to convince her that she is too fragile to even consider this trip!

We are not talking here about a woman who is laid up in some sort of invalid condition in a hospital bed. She drives, dresses herself up to the nines every day, gets her hair and nails done every week, and goes to work every day as an interior decorator at a high-end furniture store, which also involves going to customers' homes as a consultant. Give me a break!

In spite of all of my time and yours on this site, I am feeling that I am up against a brick wall and that nothing I can do or say is going to work here. I can't ask for any more suggestions or advice than all of you have already so generously given. I have played all of my cards and even borrowed most of yours. As you can tell, I am not feeling very optimistic right now.

Will keep you advised about the next installment in this saga--which has almost become a personal cause for all of you as well. Much thanks for your kindness and concern. jg

I also have mobility issues like your sister. I was in Rome last year and getting around is difficult. I was able to hire a car and driver for 2 half days and that was wonderful. My husband is very helpful and we take taxi everywhere to save my strength. It's doable. Public transportation is impossible. So, if you can plan on taxis or car service she will love it. Plan on plenty of time in cafes people watching.

I would like to share a story with you about my family trip to 7 different countries of Europe over a 14 day time period. I went with my parents neither of which are in great shape. My father has parkinson's and between he and my mother they have 6 replaced joints. (both hip and knee) We had an awesome time. Sure there were times when it was harder for them than some of the other more moblie people on our trip, but we got through it and had a blast.
I think it comes down to whether your sister wants to go, not whether she can go.

When in Rome, do as the Romans. In your sister's case, a 74 year old Roman with some mobility problems who still is involved and enjoys life -there are plenty of them. From your description, she sounds like an involved vital person. As others have noted, there are plenty of accomodations that can be made.

Dear June, MagMonster and Basingstoke, thanks for the recent encouragement and tips. I actually did not call her today because I think I was a little reluctant to hear her final "no way." I am so uplifted and encouraged by all of your stories of success, either in being the senior traveler yourself or in being a companion to one. As I said before, I am willing to do whatever it takes and use all of the ammo that y'all have given to me to help me convince her that she can do this and will be happy if she does. I will keep reporting and let you know the final outcome. jg

jgarvey, How about copy, paste, & send the posts you want your sister to read. I've done this many times when there is something I want to be read by a friend or family member. Just the other day there was a mention of a performer in New Orleans who is a friend of my sister and I copied, pasted and sent via e-mail. I hate for your sister to miss out. Joan

Joanna -
A clarification, Dianna is a private guide, but I don't know if she has access to a private car. I would think so, but it wasn't what we needed so I didn't ask; we did a walking tour of the Colosseum and Forum.

It also occurred to me to mention that the Santa Susanna website lists the hospitals most American Expatriates go to if they need one (under "New Residents").

Finally if you're interested my trip report from my second trip (unfortunately I was not a Fodor's member yet when I went with my grandma):
http://www.fodors.com/forums/threads...live&fid=1

Still thinking about you. If it's meant to be I think it will happen.