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These are great! Somewhere between Hunky's fire alarm vignette and jwagner's chartered Bulgrian bus story I started laughing out loud and uncontrollably. Really! My youngest son once again came out of his room and asked if I was on the Fodor's site... <BR> <BR>My most memorable one goes back about 16 years. T & I were on our honeymoon in the Loire. I had been emboldened by my passable attempts at French during the first week of our trip. <BR> <BR>At a lovely little terrace restaurant, feeling quite pleased with myself at having mastered the subtleties of the wine list and the rather challenging menu all the way down to the cheese course, I proclaimed loudly and with several-glasses-of-champagne aplomb: Je suis terminée. <BR> <BR>Our fastidious Gallic waiter, who up to that point had been absolutely solicitous and charming, and without missing a beat, lapsed into impeccable Oxford-accented English and said: "Madam, I am so sorry. My very sincere and deep condolences." <BR> <BR>We all had a great laugh, and he and T began to chat it up in English. Eventually he joined us in an espresso. <BR> <BR>Well, that little humilliation proved to be motivational. I determined to master those pesky french verbs, and now I am truly emboldened. Nothing like a little more knowledge to get into dangerous territory....Will keep you posted.
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I minored in French in college and have a decent command of the language, but I am certainly far from bilingual. I stay away from all the complex tenses and the subjunctive if I can avoid it. <BR> <BR>Of course, when you don't know a word, a common mistake is to use a similar English word and put the French pronunciation on it, as in--oops--"Ou est l'exhibition?" Well, I thought i was asking "Where is the exhibition?"--meaning an art exhibit. Not quite I was asking, well, "exhibition" in French has to do what in English we call an exhibitionist. No wonder I got weird looks. The correct word, by the way is "exposition". I never forgot that one. <BR> <BR>What a thread! I laughed my head off at "rape on a plate". Too much.
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Rape on a Plate is my favorite psot, too! <BR> <BR>I've personally told Frech people that bread in China doesn't last long because it's not made with condoms (when, of course, I meant "preservatives"), my friend asked a clothing store for a recipie for her new trousers (instead of a receipt), describing a mutual friend as promiscuous instead of warm and friendly ("chalereux"), and introducing myself to someone on the phone by saying: "I'm the totally nude nanny" (saying "toute nue" for "new" instead of the correct "nouvelle"). <BR> <BR>Also, living in China, I've seen some really funny signs and menu items. They typically translate frog as "croaker," and it makes me giggle every time to see something like "Sauteed Croaker." My other favorite was "Alcoholic Shrimp" instead of drunken shrimp (served in alcohol). A lot of Chinese dishes have Chinese names that mean "Fragrant Beef" and are sometimes translated as "Smelly Beef."
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Lauren, if there were ever lingustic land mines, they're definitely in the subjonctiff. Agreed. All those <futs> and <fasses>! <BR> <BR>Andrea, you have some great cross-cultural stories. We occasionally see some funny menu item translations here in Hawaii, but nothing as good as "sauteed croaker"! Your nue/nouvelle sitter story is priceless.
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I have a couple: <BR> <BR>While studying in Mexico, an instructor convinced us that the Spanish word for chicken was actually "polla" (rather than pollo - mind you, this was after 6 years of study!). Of course, it was a practical joke, since the feminine form of pollo --polla-- was a slang term for the -ahem- male anatomy. <BR> <BR>Second, while studying in Spain, a fellow student asked for a "cona" (should have the tilde) de chocolate, rather than a "cono" de chocolate. The vendor laughed and corrected her. As it turned out, she asked for a chocolate (fill in the blank with the word for female genitalia). <BR> <BR>In both these cases, I don't know if people were putting us on, but given their reaction, I don't think they were.
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Great thread! to the top!!
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Pa'arriba.
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I thought of another one. <BR> <BR>This one is actually my favorite, since not only was it not MY mistake, but it was also quite flattering. <BR> <BR>When living in Paris, my friend and I (American) were having a drink at a cafe. We were speaking in French to one another, to the waiter, etc. There was a table of American tourists behind us - mostly people in their 30's, with one younger guy in his late teens or early 20's. <BR> <BR>They were all just soaking up the atmosphere and loving it. From their (LOUD) conversation we gathered that it was their first night in Paris. The younger guy had apparently been elected as the designated orderer since he spoke a little French. At the end of the night, the group left, and then when they were at the corner, he came back over to our table. "Excusez-moi, je voudais vous dire que nous sommes tres belle!" And ran off. <BR> <BR>("Pardon me - I just wanted to tell you that WE are very beautiful!")
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My husband can't remember names which has been very embarrassing to him as he always remembers people's faces. I suggested that when he hears a name, he think of something that relates to the person and/or name to help remind him. We were on a tour bus in Scotland & the tour guide, a huge Scotsman, announced to everyone that his name was Peter & he would be our guide for the day. On our first stop, as we were leaving the bus for tea, to my horror, my husband says, "See you later, Dick." <BR> <BR>On another trip, after a week in Hawaii, I was becoming accustomed to seeing & pronouncing Hawaiian words. We had just driven "the road to Hana" & stopped at a restaurant. I asked the waitress what the word "Ohnawlanee" meant. She looked puzzled & asked where I had seen that word. I replied, that every bridge we had gone over on the entire road had been called that. Turns out it was a reminder that we were crossing a "One Lane" bridge. Maybe we should just stay at home!
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Introducing an English aquaintance to an American aquaintance named Randy. <BR> <BR>Read: This is 'horny'.
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Telling my gendarme boyfriend in Paris walking along the river in August, 'Je suis chaud' instead of "j'ai chaud!"
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Second trip to Paris, dinner at very old, exquisite apartment (one with about a thousand rooms in it) off the Champs Elysées with parents of a young woman I'd met as a tourguide on trips I'd previously taken as chaperone with a school group. <BR> <BR>Hushed circumstances, lush dining room, maid with a bell to call her if we needed anything, many, many courses. I think we were into the second course of thrush pâté from Barcelonette when they asked if I was feeling ok (I'd arrive that morning from the USA). I said in my best French (at the time) that I was "très bien. Je souffre un peu de la décollétage, mais a part de ça, je vais bien'." Well, you could have cut the silence with a knife. I'd said that apart from my plunging neckline, I was OK, thank you. <BR> <BR>
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Last July me and my husband went to Europe, and we spent one night in Venice. We were looking for a place to have a dinner, and found a very nice "pizzeria", near Piazza San Marco. We don't speak Italian (but we were thinking that we could understand, since our mother tongue is Portuguese), but we understood from the menu in the wall that they sold "slices of pizza". My husband went to the cashier and ordered three pizzas, and the woman looked to him as if he was saying something terrible, and said that she wouldn't sell him three pizzas, that she would only sell two at most. He insisted and she was still looking surprised, but she agreed. So, we were waiting for the three "slices" of pizza, when suddenly a waiter starts to put one big pizza after another in our table, with an astonished face. Then we realize that instead of order three slices of pizza we had ordered three entire pizzas. And, of course, we realized why the woman didn't want to sell us more than two pizzas. While we were eating, after lots of laughs, the waiter was always with an eye in our table, trying to see if we were eating or not. For his surprise, we ate all three pizzas (delicious!). <BR>I guess that they have had lots of fun with the two hungry tourists. Anyway, we learned that we always have to ask first and order later, and never assume that we know other languages by trying to find similarity with our language. <BR> <BR>Débora and Alexandre
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Yeah! <BR>One of my favorite fun threads is back! <BR>St.Cirq, <BR> *very* funny! <BR>Debora and Alexandre, <BR>Portuguese is a very interesting language. <BR>Amazing you got through both those pizzas! <BR>I can NOT let my oldest child read your post, <BR>because I know he would attempt to order whole pizzas behind my back! <BR>]Pizza is his favorite food. <BR> <BR>Anymore language stories from all you spring travelers?
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Along the lines of 'baiser' is the verb to enjoy: jouir. <BR> <BR>However this is really only used to mean 'to come' (not in the 'arrival' sense of the word!) <BR> <BR>Some French friends cried with laughter reading my polite thank you letter explaining how much I'd 'enjoyed' the weekend at their house in Nantes . . . <BR> <BR>I think the language police have intentionally set these baiser and jouir landmines as a great joke!
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These stories are too funny.. here's a couple more: <BR> <BR>When I arrived in London in January a few years ago to live for a few months, my friend took me out to shop for some household items to help move in, and so we were walking in the rain, and I stepped in a puddle and got the bottoms of my pant legs wet. Realizing this as we walked into the next store, I complained very loudly, "My pants are wet!" My friend came running over and told me to be quiet, and then explained that the British call pants "trousers," and "pants" are actually underwear.. <BR> <BR>My high school Japanese teacher was trying to explain the importance of pronunciation to us, and told us a story about a Japanese man who came to America, went to the mall, and asked at the information booth for a "laser." Perplexed, the staff checked several of the stores to no avail, and told him he might be able to find a laser at the state university, but what did he need a laser for? He looked at them, pointed at his face, and said, "To shave.." In other words, he was trying to say "razor", but because of his pronunciation, it was misunderstood as laser. <BR> <BR>Lastly, when I was growing up, we had a Filipino woman who babysat and cleaned the house, and she had a very strong accent. One day, she went up to my mother and said, "Please, ma'am, could you buy some more blades?" My mother was completely baffled, and so the woman said again, "I need more blades, yes?" My mother thought that the woman wanted to shave her legs or something, and so she asked, "Why do you need blades?" The woman gestured at the furniture and said "To clean the wood.." <BR> <BR>(She was referring to Pledge, the spray for dusting wood.)
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Just this morning, I spoke to the manager of one of the bed & breakfasts we will staying at while in England. <BR> <BR>He was telling me about the different things they offer - breakfast, courtesy taxi to train station, etc. Then he said, "I can also knock you up in the morning, free of charge, if you wish." <BR> <BR>haha, now he meant he could knock on uor door to wake us up in the morning, but in North America, it means something entirely different! :) <BR> <BR>Very funny. :)
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ttttttttttt<BR>ttt<BR>
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Why would he want to knock you up?<BR>
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topping for an oldie but goodie
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A friend told me that on their honeymoon, their first night in Paris, her husband took her to a romantic restaurant...candlelight, wine, wonderful food. You get the picture. When the waiter asked them toward the end of the meal (in French) if everything had been to their satisfaction, she looked up at him with starry eyes and said "Oui, je t'aime". The surprised look on his face and her husband laughing made her realize that she had just told the waiter that she loved him (not that she had enjoyed her dinner).
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I love cheese...my husband loved a brie type cheese with a layer of walnuts offered to us on an Air France flight to one of our trips to Paris. Day after day whenever we would see a Fromagerie we would enter, look and ask for a "Fromage du noir". We would get strange looks and it seemed no one had a cheese with nuts. After three days of this I looked up "nut" and foun that ,we had been asking for "cheese of the night".<BR>During a french exam, the professer looked over my shoulder to observe my translation. Noticing the scent of his cologne, I told him ""Il sente beaucoup."He cracked up and disturbed the class. i meant to tell him he smelled good, not a lot. To top it off, he told the class why he had cracked up. I could have died.
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A few years my daughter was attending trhe Sorbonne, and after a feww glasses of vin, I ordered a sorbonne instead of a sorbet.<BR><BR>My daughter also insists I orederd an umbrella at another resturant, though I have no recollection of this.
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I was describing my cute French tutor to my Quebec colleagues and used a phrase I'd learned in France: "beau gosse" (which means "cute/beautiful kid"). Apparently, in Quebec this means "nice package" (only much ruder). In the dubbed version of Ally McBeal I was watching in France, Ally repeatedly called the cute, singing young man who joined the show "nice package" (and she was not talking about his voice or his clothes).
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Emily, "cheese of the night" would be "fromage de la nuit." What you ordered was the "cheese of the black man."
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A Quebec friend of mine had her cousin visit for a couple of months so she could learn English. I invited her to dinner without her cousin (who speaks very good english) and she wanted to impress me with how much she had learned. The first thing she did was order a salad with the dressing "outside" (instead of on-the-side). <BR>But the most histerical time was when she and a neighbor of mine and I went drinking one night. My neighbor knows a little french but comes across like he know a whole lot more. Well, at about 1:00am and with a good buzz on by all, my neighbor begins bouncing a wadded up napkin on the back of his hand. [At this point I must tell you that the french word for "seal" (the animal) is "phoque" and pronounced very similar to "f---"]. Watching him bounce the napkin on the back of his hand she states "You are a good phoque". My neighbors face turns white and noticing the shock on his face she continues "Sorry, you are not a good phoque". I still laugh thinking about that night.
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My mother and I were driving from Paris to Normandy. We were hellishly lost in Caen and stopped at a gas station to get directions. I got stuck in the car (it was small) as I had parked too close to one of the gas tanks. Mom got out with her french translation book and went into the gas station. I had pointed her to the page that said, "I need directions to___" but somehow as she was getting out of the car, the page had flipped and she went into the gas station and all flustered said, in french (thinking she was saying, "I need directions to___") "I have to go to the bathroom!" and she said that phrase over and over in French and the two gas station attendent men just smiled at her and shook their heads. Finally, I came in, saw what had happened, and corrected the mistake. But, she and I laughed about it the entire way to Normandy!!! It was too funny!!
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I love this post and am glad to see it back.<BR><BR>On our first trip to italy, after checking in at a hotel ,<BR>I told them at the desk that<BR>"in due giorni, mia cucina arrivata "<BR>I got the strangest looks each time I mentioned it.<BR><BR>Finally after trying to figure the WHY of the odd looks,<BR>I realized I was telling them that<BR>"In two days my kitchen is arriving"<BR><BR>I used the word for Kitchen/ cucina instead of the word for Cousin/ cugina.<BR><BR>I went over to the desk <BR>and told the gentleman <BR>(in my beginner's italian)<BR> that I had made a mistake<BR>using the wrong word,<BR>and what I had meant to say.<BR><BR>He looked at me, smiled and said<BR>"Yes, we know you did"<BR>(made a mistake)<BR><BR>We laughed each time we ran into each other for the rest of our stay.<BR>
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I am from Russia, came to USA with very basic English and 8years wasted on Deutch. At one of a mexican cafe I asked waitress for a strip. My american friend was a little bit shocked :-), but waitress was not. She said OK and went somewhere.
Later we understood that she was mexican, and knew English not much better then me. |
The only thing that comes to mind now is "fried crap" on the menu at a restaurant in Bangkok. I know I have more stories, I just need to pick my brain a bit...
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Maybe someone actually said it at some time, but some Norwegians like to joke around with English speakers and say "I like to rape after a meal." ("rape" means to burp)
Oh those Vikings... |
This is so funny!
I first went to France when I was 16, in a school exchange. The family I was to live with went to meet me and explained that we were going to granny's, who baked the most delicious "gateau" (cake). Unfortunately, it sounds like "gato" (cat, in Spanish), so I was terrified I was going to live with a family of cat-eaters. A few years after that, I met an Argentinian boy, whom I introduced my friend Concha... and he looked at me in the most strange way. Later, I learnt that Concha, which is quite a usual name in Spain, is a very rude way to refer to feminine genitals in Argentina. Linda: "Embarazada" is not colloquial at all; it's the proper way of saying "pregnant" in Spanish. Hunkster: In Spain, you can ask for huevos in any shop. They are colloquial for testicles, but there won't be any misunderstanding. We do ask for them |
I went to the UK to see the sights and visit a friend. While dining in a restaraunt in Manchester we both said the same thing at the same time.
I remarked how we were seeing eye to eye and I held up my two fingers and went from my eyes to his eyes with this gesture. My friend got beet red and I realized what I had done- I gave him the equivalent of the middle finger. He said you do realize what you just did right? Talk about being mortified! I should have known better, even though it was funny there was definitely an uncomfortable moment of silence!:-) What an idiot! |
Just back from ten (wonderful!) days in France and made this delightful mistake. While in Bordeaux we had a popular aperitif, Lillet. Upon our return to Paris, at our favorite brasserie, I ordered, in my high school French, three Lillet. The waiter seemed confused/amused, which I attributed to my poor pronunciation. Upon his return he served us with three glasses of milk (le lait)! As you can guess, he took them away and, in good cheer, brought us three Kronenburgs.
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These are so funny..nice to have a laugh early in the morning
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It happened in my native country of Kazakhstan. I was working as interpreter for some American doctors who came to read lectures. I never thought that American English is different from British English (this happened somewhere at the beginning of my career as an interpreter). So, we were in a conference hall of the hospital when one of the doctors said that she would like to use a bathroom. I thought that bathroom is for taking a bath. I told the personnel of the hospital that this lady wants to take a bath. It caused confusion and a little bit of panic. There were no bath tubs on the ground floor where the conference room was. Those that were on the first floor were not in good shape (don't forget this was in Kazakhstan- part of previous USSR). The only good bath tub was on the second floor. I told this doctor that the bathroom is on the second floor. She was surprized and asked whether there is any bathroom anywhere else. I told her "NO". The local nurses rushed to the bathroom on the second floor to prepare it for this doctor. When we came there, they were waiting with a towel. The doctor went to the bathroom and came out pretty soon. Local personnel was relieved that she changed her mind and did not take a bath.
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Here are mine, English and Spanish bloopers.
English is my first language so there is no excuse but... I had gotten a new job with a new company and big, big pay raise. The gentleman I was replacing was named Dan, the VP was named Dick. One day I consulted the VP Dick about something and went to relay the message to Dan. Very loudly I said, "Hey Dick, Dan says" I meant to say "Hey Dan, Dick says" Dan wasn't too forgiving. With Spanish here are two stories: 1.I went to a Methodist church service in Chichicastenango Guatemala. My father is a Methodist minister and I thought it would be nice to see a non-Catholic service. They were so welcoming at the church. Everyone rushed to share their bible and himnal. And, of course, wanted to talk to me after the service. I tried explaining that my father was a Methodist minister but most of the words in Spanish for minister carry the concept of a Catholic Priest. I tried ministro de la iglesia metodista, sacerdote, cura etc... They were horrified thinking I was fathered by a Catholic priest in violation of his vows. 2.Tortillera in Central America is the person who makes and sells tortillas. I was translating for a visiting businessman from Spain and he asked me where I learned Spanish. I mentioned the tortillera and he gave me a funny look. Turns out tortillera is the word, or sounds like the word, for Lesbian in Spain. And I kept telling him how we couldn't wait for the Lesbian to deliver the tortillas everyday for lunch. |
Policywonk: I didnt realise that sticking up two fingers was not perceived the same in USA - I have learnt something... So if I get annoyed with someone in US, I'll just 'flip the bird'! ;)
Must tell you about this one (fellow UK fodorites will find this funny!). My partner went to use the bathroom in Commander's Palace, New Orleans - a lovely upscale restaurant. He came out of there shaking with laughter. I asked him what was funny. He told me there was an advertisement on the wall in the Gents, which stated that Commander's Palace served food "seasoned with spunk!" Oh my! this is so rude, I can't translate unless you really want me to! Needless to say, we were pleased we hadnt seen the advert before eating - it would have put us off! :) :& |
Awesome thread!! Sure made for many good laughs :)
I have only one goof in English that I can think of - I was talking to the Kiwi guy that my family hosted for a year, and at one point I said that "with this device the sound is muffed", to which he chuckled and said I'd be better off saying "muffled". He told me he had made the same mistake once, apparently "muffed" has some kind of reference to the female genitalia, though I can't remember the exact meaning. My mum however made a really funny goof once, we still laugh about it to this day. She was talking to the French consul in Venice (she is the German consul) in French, and when the consul asked her what the family plans were for the winter holidays, my mum said "On va chier" ("We are going to take a sh*t") instead of "On va skier" ("We are going skiing"). In Italian, "to ski" is "sciare", and the "sc" sound is identical to the "ch" in French. Mind you, she speaks good French, so that made it even funnier! Luckily, the French consul politely made her realize what she just said and they both just laughed about it :) |
With a runny nose and down to my last tissue, I headed into a pharmacy in Sevilla to get more but I couldn't recall the word for tissue. Holding up my last tissue, I asked [in Spanish] "What do you call these?". The clerk very slowly and distinctly replied "KLEENEX'.
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