Not quite the same, but hilarious, anyway. On our last flight back from Heathrow, our seats were split slightly, <BR> because the rows were staggered. We had <BR> our toddler with us, so we decided to take turns, one would sit with him while <BR> the other sat 1 across/1 back. I took the first baby shift. <BR> <BR>Halfway home, we switched seats. The other seat was next to a large family party, with an elderly lady in the last seat. My husband had been attempting to reply to her friendly conversational gambits with every language he knew, but she was just looking at him oddly in response, and smiling a lot. He tried Spanish, French, German, even Italian; but she just kept smiling at him. I know <BR> a few other little bits of unusual languages, but not many, so I braced myself and sat down. She looked up, smiled, and began conversing with me in perfectly comprehensible English, but spoken with a heavy Glaswegian accent! She said she was so happy I'd sat down there, because "that young man was friendly, but he didn't speak English, and I so love meeting new people." <BR>I nearly exploded trying not to laugh! <BR>Needless to say, I still razz my <BR>spouse about that incident.

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Here's some gems concerning the difference between American & English "English" : <BR> <BR>There was an unforgettable episode of "Mork & Mindy" ( Robin Williams ) which featured a characte called Arnold Wanker. In England a "Wanker" is the equivalent of the American phrase "Jerk Off". <BR> <BR>Dudley Moore was being interviewed on American TV & was asked if he had any bad habits. Dudley, thinking of smoking, <BR>replied with something like "I'm not happy unless there's a fag in my mouth" <BR>( "Fag" Being English slang for cigarette ). <BR> <BR>Some people like to hang out little bags of food for wild birds in the winter. Here in the UK there is a company that makes them so you don't have to make them yourself. They call them "Fat Peckers".

Because these are all so much fun to read!

Funny how something that was started 2 1/2 years ago is still timelessly funny. <BR> <BR>I have three quick ones. The first is the same as Karen's above. My cousin is a Roman and speaks no English. His wife met him when she was a student on vacation and spoke no Italian. They hit it off and she moved there and they have been married for 25 years, so sometimes what you say isn't as important as how you convey meaning. Nevertheless, they were out grocery shopping with his father and she asked him to pass her some fiche (as Karen said, a rather un-ladylike euphism for a female body part) rather than figs. I am sure, since they were still telling the story 25 years later, that they all found it very amusing. <BR> <BR>Another one is more a matter of not always understanding foreign customs. My parents took us to Europe when we were quite young. My father was fairly unsophisticated and curious. So when he was in the bathtub in our hotel in Paris, he pulled the little cord hanging there. A few minutes later, an attractive, young housekeeper showed up and tried to convince my mother that there was someone in the bathroom that needed assistance. My mother told her she would take care of it and sent her on her way. <BR> <BR>Finally, as several people have pointed out, a very minor change in a word can make a big difference. Yesterday I was reading one of our fellow Fodorite's recommendation to someone to order grilled sword peach instead of sword fish. Could be tasty, I suppose, but probably not what he meant. <BR> <BR>ciao e grazie for the laughter! <BR>luigi

And what about those hilarious menu translations where the Restaurant owner thinks they have put the ( Usually English ) equivalent of the dish alongside their 'native' version ? <BR> <BR>In the South of France I once looked at a menu where the owner had done just that. It didn't take much brainpower to work out that "Moulds" was probably some sort of fungi. But what was I to make of "Rawness" ? Not to mention the unforgettable "Saucepan of the Sinners" !? As my French is nil does anyone have any idea what this last one was ? It's been tormenting me for years.

Several years ago, we made some experiments on mice in our lab. <BR>My boss (female and French speaking) had <BR>one escaped from the cage their mice were in. She asked us(in Dutch, a language she couldn't speak fluently) <BR>'Heeft U mijn muisje al gezien ?' <BR>(Have you seen my little mouse yet ?' <BR>We answered with a good laugh !

Oops. Explanation ? <BR>Muisje = common Dutch word for <BR>female private parts.

Very funny and educational! <BR>keep them coming

We were fortunate too have a Japanese exchange student at our house a couple years ago. One morning he ran into the living room with a wild look and shouted "The Cow Is HERE!".He is a softspoken young man so I was stunned.. until he led me to my front door where a cow was firmly standing. After we got help to round it back in the pen we laughed for a long time!

For Jef: <BR> <BR>Oops! <BR> <BR>is a slang expression and exclamation when one makes a small, insignificant mistake that is more funny than serious. <BR>

A bit more "AmerEnglish" for you.... <BR> <BR>From 'The Moon's a Balloon' by David Niven. <BR> <BR>Mr Niven was arranging an early morning date with a female freind. His friend expressed concern that she might not be able to get up so early in the morning. <BR>Using a common phrase that means very different things depending which side of the Atlantic you're on Mr Niven replied "That's OK, I'll come round and knock you up" ! <BR> <BR>Now here's a question for all you Spanish speakers out there: <BR> <BR>I can only speak 'un poco Espanol' but I possess a book of 'Colloquial Spanish' that asserts that certain very respectable words ( in Spain ) acquire very different meanings in certain parts of Latin America. For instance the verb 'Cojer' - 'to get' apparently means 'to f**k' in some SA places. It also states that the word for 'Glass' <BR>becomes 'Hubcap' & the word for a small <BR>packet ( such as a pack of cigarettes ) becomes a derogatory term for a male homosexual ! IE it would be possible to go into a bar & order "a hubcap of beer & a queer of cigarettes" ??? (apologies to any gay readers !). <BR> It also warns of going into a shop & asking for eggs 'Huevos' or milk 'Leche' as these are colloquialisms for 'Testicles' & 'Semen'. I would be interested to know if my book 'knows what it's talking about'.

Hello <BR> <BR>Reviving this one... <BR> <BR>"Saucepan of sinners" was probably Poele des Pecheurs... <BR> <BR>As one of the posters mentioned, fisher and sinner are almost the same except an accent so I assume when the restaurant owner translated he mistook the spellings in his native french and looked up the wrong one. <BR> <BR>I have also made some of the mistakes mentioned here. When my french exchange mother asked me why I wasnt eating much I also replied that I was pregnant, (I just said I was full!!!). I was 16 at the time, which is why she looked so shocked! <BR> <BR>My friend on the same trip asked for condoms to have with her toast at breakfast... <BR> <BR>The list goes on... <BR> <BR>I dont want to even think about the ones I missed!

I purchased a bottle of an Italian dessert jam. <BR>It says "Questo goloso dessert....e` una "Dolce Pausa" in ogni occasione!" <BR>Underneath it translates into German and English. <BR>The english reads "This greedy dessert" (which is correctly translated, <BR>But what is meant by a "greedy" dessert? <BR> <BR>Then it ends up stating "It's a "sweat break" in any occasion." <BR>Dolce means sweet, not sweat! <BR>I thought this was a cute mistake. <BR> <BR>God knows what kind of mistakes I will make when I attempt speaking italian next year on our vacation. <BR>Nancy <BR> <BR>

this one's for Hunky--it is true that in some Spanish-speaking countries, at least, "huevos" is a touchy word. I've been told not to use it. If you want to order them you say "scrambled", "fried" or whatever, but not the word itself. <BR> <BR>Of course, obscenities, like customs, vary from country to country. I know mostly about Chile. <BR>

I haven't actually done this one but read about it on a French slang page. <BR> <BR>If you say 'repetez, svp' (repeat please) wrongly, it can mean 'fart again, please'. Apparently 'peter' meants 'to fart'. Unfortunate for anyone of that name :)

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Here is a reminder to watch your sign language as well. A beefeater (guard) at the tower of London asked me how long I had been married. I raised my first 2 fingers to indicate 2 years. He did not look pleased. I then suddenly recalled that in the U.K. the first 2 fingers are equivalent to the middle finger in the U.S. I apologized and we got a good laugh out of it.

Here's some more AmerEnglish....... <BR> <BR>Thanks to the last Austin Powers movie most people in the US will be aware of what 'Shag' means in the UK. Well years before the movie I was reading one of those 'Success Manuals' & was reduced to tears when the author mentioned that he had earned money during high school by working at a golf club 'Shagging golf balls'. <BR> <BR>When driving in the UK, if a visitor from the US should encounter a sign that reads 'Refuse Tip', this does not mean that they should no longer accept gratuities for services rendered. It means they're approaching a Garbage Dump. <BR> <BR>In the UK a Rooster is referred to as a Cockerel, or more simply, a Cock. Here in the North of England this is used, mostly by older people, as a term of endearment, usually towards a child: <BR>'How are you today cock ?' etc. I play Guitar & at a gig once a drunken young French student asked us to play the French National Anthem. I replied 'sorry cock, we don't play that'. He looked drunkenly bemused for a second & then shouted 'Cock ?, Cock is Penis, YOU CALL ME PENIS !'.

Keep them coming! <BR>

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Here's one that is a little x-rated. <BR> <BR>My family hosted a foriegn exchange student one year from Denmark. He was fairly fluent in swedish, english, german and dutch besides his native Danish. But, He never let me forget his first day in the US with our family because my sister and I made fun of him saying three like "tree." we thought this was cute but he told us later that he would go up to his room and practice the "th" sound every night the first week he was there (Boy, I was sure mean at that age:). Don't worry, he got me back. <BR> <BR>A few years later, I traveled over to Europe and stayed with his family. We of course went out at night to the bars and clubs and when I inquired of him what "Cheers" was in Danish, he told me what it was (which I don't remember now) and I had no reason to think I was not raising my glass and toasting my danish counterparts. However, after a few nights of toasting and drinks, I got concerned becuase people were still laughing at the way I said it. Finally, one of his friend told me that I had been raising my glass and saying "Here's to having a threesome" or the french equivalent to 'menagez-trois" (sp?). So, I had made quite a fool of myself and he got me back for the torment I caused him! <BR> <BR>Cheers!

Thank you for adding to this post with your story on your danish friend. <BR>This has to be one of my favorite threads (lots of laughs, nothing mean spirited) <BR>Keep them coming to brighten up this <BR>gloomy, rainy, cold New England evening. <BR>nancy

A friend of mine arrived at a small hotel in France and found the sheets hadn't been changed. So she went down to reception and demanded that they changed the "drapeau" immediately. Not surprisingly she got a rather puzzled look as she had just demanded that they change the flag. The french for sheet is "drap" - close, but not close enough.

We've just returned from a FABULOUS holiday in Japan & whilst the people are the friendliest, politest I've ever met some of their 'English' did give me a chuckle. There's a room in Hakata train station with a sign over it proclaiming 'Excellent Room', on the door itself there is ornate gold lettering that says ( what else ) 'Excellent Room' - I popped my head round the door for a peek - it was excellent (!). Next to our hotel in Kyoto was a building that called itself 'Luminous Nose' ( I kid you not ! ). On the wall of our bathroom ( in Akita I think ) was a little notice which ( I think ! ) was asking people to ensure the bathroom door was closed when taking a shower or the steam might set the fire alarm off - what it ACTUALLY said was 'Please close a door or take bath, it's time to close a door or we will ring sound fire alarm'. <BR>We had a complimentary razor from another hotel who's packaging assured us that it was 'Good material for your fitness life'. At the Disney Ambassador Hotel in Tokyo ( hands up all those other people who didn't know Tokyo has a Disneyland ? - it's great ! ) I asked a gentleman if there was anywhere I could use the Internet. His answer was 'Problem being, no'.

If you've ever been to Spain and read the translations of menus, you will know that they are sometimes very funny. My favourite is this one. Small explanation first. Rape (pronounced rappy) is a kind of fish and a favourite way of cooking it is to grill it on a hotplate or griddle. In Spanish, this is called Rape a la Plancha. Someone had evidently used a dictionary to try to translate this, couldn't find rape so had left it in the original Spanish, and had found "plate" for griddle. So the dish got translated as Rape on the Plate!

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Someone found this! and topped it. <BR>Topping again, anything new to add? <BR>

<BR> <BR>I am laughing really, really hard! I have nothing that can hold a candle to some of these stories... but once I did ask a cabbie for a recipe instead of a receipt ("recette," when I should have said "reçu"). He thought it was good for a laugh, anyway! <BR> <BR> - Quicksilver -

First of all, let me point out that I had to repeat German III in high school. I hated language class but had to take it to go to college. When I grew older, much older, I took a free trip to Germany and fell in love with the people and country. In fact, we visit as often as possible. One time we decided to eat at a rather fancy restaurant in our hotel (Usually we are the poster couple for budget travel). The waiter was very formal and German proper. I gave the usual "Guten Abend" and "Danke" replies to whatever he was saying and he finally said auf English "Your German accent is very good". Buoyed by his praise I ordered a nice Mosel in German. After we had eaten and drained our glasses, the waiter asked if he wanted more to drink. Stupid me, wishing to say, "Yes, we'll have another" replied "Ja, ein andere bite". The waiter got very flustered and called over the manager. I wasn't sure what they started jabbering about until the waiter brought over a brand new bottle. Apparently I said "I'd like an other" like the first bottle wasn't up to par. The waiter and manager finally figured it out too and then told me to speak English from then on. By the way, we didn't have to pay for that second bottle.

While in Japan I decided to show off to my japanese fluent brother-in-law with some of the simple phrases I had learned for my trip. I meant to ask the waitress for a little more tea (Mo scochi ocha o kudasai) but instead asked for "ochi" which I learned meant I was asking for a little more of this sh*t...very smooth of me. <BR> <BR>I have a pretty basic knowledge of American Sign Language and was introducing myself to a doctor who I knew was deaf. The sign for "to meet" is similar for the sign "to have sex with." Unfortunately, instead of telling her it was nice to meet her I told her "I had heard about her and it was nice to have sex with her". Yikes!

This is a bit risque. . . <BR> <BR>This past winter when I was in Paris, I was trying to use as much French as possible (which, is highly limited). I depended upon my phrase book for a lot. One night at dinner I was trying to tell the waiter that I was "full" and didn't want anymore food. I looked at him and said Je suis . . .He looked back with a bemused look and stared. I repeated it again (very proud that I was using French). He then took the guidebook and pointed out that the word I was saying was actually ABOVE the word for FULL and I was, in fact, saying "I was f---!" I was sooo embarrassed but he found it pretty funny. . .

to the top - - for linda (jreills)... <BR> <BR>Postscript: If this forum had an easier way to locate and direct readers to a specific (previous) posting by a unique identifier (timestamp), it would not be necessary to top (and repeat) information so tediously. This is my new crusade, and I am thinking about adding this postscript (when applicable) to every new reply I make here. If you agree with me, then please write to Danny Mangin or David Downing - - [email protected] - - and encourage them to move forward with this improvement (and any others they have up their sleeves) to this best-on-the-web travel forum! <BR>

Living in Paris, I met up with a former college classmate had seemed much more fluent in French than the rest of us because he had gone to Swiss boarding school. But at dinner that evening, he asked the waitress "Ou est la salle de bains? (literally bathroom, instead of "toilettes") She tartly replied, "Pourquoi? Vous voulez prendre un bain?" (Why? You want to take a bath?) <BR> <BR>A former student went to his Mormon mission in Mulhouse, and his new roommate had a terrible sore throat ("gorge") so the roommate asked him to go to the pharmacy and ask for some throat lozenges, which he assured him was "soutien-gorge." Needless to say, the druggist got a big laugh out of this young man asking him for a bra.

I had to laugh about the Hungarian "egeszseggedre" (=to your whole ass) vs "egessegedre" (=to your health). I'm taking Hungarian lessons and am returning to Hungary in May. So much for feeling even the slightest bit confident in what little I know. If your wondering the difference - "sz" sounds like "s" while "s" sounds like "sh". "Eg-es-sheg-ge-dre" vs "eg-esh-she-ge-dre"

In Schiphol International, the Netherlands,there are 2 PRINTED translations for the hi-tech toilet, one in Dutch, and one in English, for pushing the "flush" button. The person who wrote the sign was obviously Dutch. <BR>"press here for toilet cleaner" after about 2 minutes, I finally found out!

Toilet SEAT cleaner

Not European, but still funny example of "lost in the translation." At Narita Airport near Tokyo, there is a sign near a set of stairs that in Japanese clearly says "Authorized Personnel Only," the English translation, however, says "Concerned Persons Only."

For Hunky: Definitely do not order "huevos" to eat in Mexico. It is slang for testicles. Blanquillos is a commonly used euphemism in some places. "Cojones" refers to the same body part.