To those of you who have been following this thread with interest, I thought that you would like an update. DH is now on the email and phone every day begging me to come down and join him on the boat in the BVI at the end of this month. He is lonely and miserable without me. Ta da! Did many of you predict this? Anyway, maybe I will, and maybe I wont. This little experiment may turn out to be a very valuable experience indeed. Will keep you posted on my decision. No harm it letting him wait for a couple of days to receive my answer to this request.

Anyway, aside from that, we now turn to Rome, where he also now wants very much to join me for the last week. Maybe I will permit this, and maybe I won't. It all depends on if he is missing me enough to behave himself or not. I believe he is.

My request for assistance is this. If I do "invite" him to join me, I was thinking that it would be lovely for me to surprise him with an overnight trip from Rome to the Amalfi Coast. More than anything he loves a view of the water, being the sailor that he is and all. I have already contacted Le Sirene only to discover that they will not be open for guests until April.

If DH does come, he will be there during the 2nd week of March, my last week in Rome. Do any of you have any suggestions for another small, romantic(?) hotel or b&b on the coast that would be affordable (for one or two nights), with a nice view of the sea, and not too many stairs (my knee)?

Thanks in advance for your interest in this marital soap-opera related to spouse travel, and any suggestions about my request. Promise I will write a report and fill you in on all of the details (well, maybe not all). Thanks again for all of your help and interest. jg

in march you had better stick to Sorrento, there is more going on at that time of year, unless there is a special reason you want to stay in Praiano. If so, try the Onda Verde
http://www.ondaverde.it/welcoming.htm

SeaUrchin, that is such a beautiful place. Thanks for the link. View is just breathtakine. I am going to contact them and see if they are open in March and what there 2007 rates are. It looked reasonable at first, but then I saw that those amounts were per person in a double room. That could be pretty high. Anyway, it could also be worth it. The credit card is presently paid off.

OK, here's the scoop on the continuing drama. I will be flying down to Tortola on Wednesday to be with my DH. To those of you I-told-you-sos, you were right. Good outcome of this experiment in traveling is this: our discovery that we can't be apart for this long any more. In fact, he has decided to leave the boat in charter for now if we won't be using it "together" for extended trips. I can't withstand his pleas and begging any longer, so I let him make my reservations this morning for this Wednesday. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I believe we now have a new and fresh appreciation of each other, of how in love we still are, and vows to be kinder to each other, less complaining, more considerate, and more patient when we travel together. Time will tell. Will keep you up to date.

Oh, by the way, the link for the boat is bvi-sanctuary.com, in case you are interested in taking a look and seeing photos of us on past travels. At present DH does not take people out for day-trip excursions, only friends and family, but it does look like she is going to be available for charter again, now that we know he won't be going out on any more extended trips without his DW. Some lessons are just harder to learn than others!

BTW, too bad, sorry to disappoint all of you guys out there, but that is NOT ME in the bikini! I'm the one always trying to hide inside and under my big sarong. The girl with the big blond hair is our daugher, the one who is now in Rome teaching English. DH's two children from his first marriage are also aboard in many of these pictures. My DH is the one with the grey beard, the Ernest Hemingway-looking guy.

I know these pictures might make some of you drool with envy, but let me reassure you again: Living day and night on a sailboat is hard work and not all that glamorous. Women, especially, if this is something you ever want to think of trying, just ask me about the "real" things you are going to have to deal with everyday. Not always pretty!

SeaUrchin, forgot to ask. Before I contact that hotel, what is the difficulty of the walking level to get up and down and around? It looks scary steep to me, with the bum knee.
Would I be able to handle the many steps, and are there really many? jg

jgarvey, I just took a peek at your pics. You look as nice as you sound.

And I love your description of your dh: I've got an Ernest Hemingway-looking guy, too, though most people tell him he's a ringer for Phil Jackson (LA coach).
;)

Oh, forgot about the knee. There re ramps and I don't remember stairs. Try these hotels too, Tramonto del Oro and Tritone, I don't think they have stairs.

Look at Positano and Sorrento too.

Have fun!

Thanks, SeaUrchin, as you can tell from last post, I believe that DH and I are ready to make a new attempt to travel together and get along. He has had a true epiphany, and so have I. We like being together more than we like being apart, so I believe that we will approach this with a new spirit and dedication to making it work for the both of us.

Thanks to all married couples who have contributed wisdom and hope to this thread. jg

Lucie, my DH also gets the reaction, pretty often in fact, that he looks like Kenny Rogers (sp?), the singer. Whatever--he still looks good to me.

Hello jgarvey, I am so glad that things have worked out for the two of you. Sometimes couples go through difficult periods, it happens in the best of marriages.

Your website, oh how it makes me miss my boat! Thanks for sharing..but honestly, I soooo miss my boat!

Best wishes to both of you, enjoy every precious moment.

LoveItaly, just a note to let you know that I have so appreciated your kind and supportive comments to me on this thread. I did not realize until I reviewed all the posts just now that you have lost your dear husband. That makes your remarks to me even more meaningful. Life is so short, and hearing your encouragement has played a part in helping me to feel that I am not making a mistake to go to him and the boat right now. He needs me; we need each other. Being on the boat for a short time is a small sacrifice to pay for the time we will be back together to renew our love and commitments to each other. All of this has been a very valuable life lesson. Thanks again for your kind support. I hope it has helped all the others here as well. jg

Oh jgarvey, if I in any way helped I am so glad. Yes dear one, life is short..enjoy your time together as it is precious. Hugs to you!!

I just had to tune in to another episode of "Another World With JGarvey."

JulieG's idea of maybe sailing in the Greek islands, and your idea of going down to the Amalfi Coast, seems to show promise as a compromise. Putting the boat in charter for awhile also seems a good idea. The idea of feeling trapped on board a boat seems to have depressed you as much as being trapped inland seems to have distressed him. It now seems it was never that you felt trapped with each other, only by the respective situations in which you found yourselves.

You are right, the relationships we have with our travelling companions are every bit as important as logistics, and much more challenging to resolve. Everyone needs a safety button to push while on vacation with someone, a kind of "In Case of Emergency Break Glass (or should that be, Inflate Rubber Raft)" plan.

Thanks for the update, even if it ruins the likelihood of a cliffhanger like "Who shot Jgarvey's husband" a la JR on Dallas.... ;)

After much pleading from my DH, I am leaving on Wednesday morning to join him for a little while on the boat. Right now, I really do think this is the best thing to do in the interests of our marriage. If you don't hear from me for awhile, then you know thi is where I will be.

I'm concerned anyway that this post is growing a bit too personal and tedious for many of you. So a break will be good for now. To all of you who have volunteered your support and concern, I thank you. I hope that this thread has been as helpful to others as it has been to me--for all who sympathize with the fact that the good relations with your traveling companion(s)is just as important as where you decide to sleep and eat.

Tomorrow I will have to throw all of my Carribean gear into a suitcase very fast. Thank goodness I have done this many times before. No time for even a decent haircut or pedicure, or to lose a few extra pounds before the swimsuit goes on. Most important thing--to go be with my husband who wants me there.

For all of you who have become interested in "Another World" with Jgarvey and her DH, I will fill you in with the next chapter when I return--or maybe even from the boat.

Until then, may you all keep the faith and do the work necessary to travel together and keep the loving alive. Your friend in Fodors, jg

SeaUrchin, I have contacted all of the hotels links that you so generously sent to me. Bad news: None are open until April 2007. Do I have any other options to surprise my DH with an unexpected and romantic two days anywhere on the Amalfi coast in mid-March), so he can have a view of his beloved water? I am starting to lose hope. jg

Ah, my little mermaid friend, I think you will have to try Sorrento. I know there are some open in Positano but I am not sure about stairs for you.
I will peek at Sorrento but I am online talking to a person at Lampsplus right now!

I have been married for 22 years. My husband's idea of a vacation was sitting on a boat in the sun day after day, sometimes going to the ocean. He wasn't into seeing different places, culture etc...

For a long time my girls and I took those type of vacations with him. But frankly, we never really had a good time because we weren't doing what we really wanted to do. So now my daughters and I vacation together. He stays home or goes to the lake and we are much happier that way.

I can't think of any married couples who think exactly alike and like ALL the same things. But denying yourself is wrong. Life can be short, so you should see the things YOU want to see while you still can. I may sound morbid, but I work in a hospital and see a lot and, I lost my mother a year and a half ago. She never got to see Europe, which is a shame. You shouldn't miss the things you want to see either!

"I'm concerned anyway that this post is growing a bit too personal and tedious for many of you."

Boy, you got that one right.

SeaUrchin, thanks for the new suggestions, but this time of year for Amalfi may just not work.

Ledhead, thanks for the supportive comments like yours that continually provide reinforcement that this is a topic that many have been interested in and have opinions on.

NorthShore, it's called free choice. Just stop reading. Obviously I realize that this is not a subject for all, but 99 posters indicate that it is a subject of interest to many.

"I'm concerned anyway that this post is growing a bit too personal and tedious for many of you."

For sure...

When you were fanticing about an Italian lover...

Could not be more obvious that you not only cannot travel together, but are also not "loving"...

Well, jgarvey, you wrote an interesting thread anyway and got a lot of people going along. cheerio.

SeaUrchin, Hi girl.

djkbooks, if this thread is starting to bore you or make you think too much about me and my Italian lover, why don't you just turn to "Shoes for Women in Rome," or "Where to Get a Good Haircut in Paris" There are many more interesting threads on this forum than mine. Enjoy.

jg,
I think this was a very timely topic. My parents have this exact problem; my father flatly refuses to travel, so the solution is for my mom to travel with us or with her friends. They've been married 42 years strong. When she travels he stays home with his beloved dog and has his own 'vacation' from regular routine. She comes back happy and full of stories to share and they both appreciate each other all the more. What could be wrong with that?

I'm fortunate in that my DH and I like the same sort of trips and because he likes to "laze around" on holiday I schedule 'rest' days alternating with 'activity' days. Everyone stays happy. That is, until something goes wrong with the plans, which I am always responsible for drawing up and always want to be absolutely perfect. I used to get all bent, but my mom and DH have taught me to look at it as they do: it's enough that we're all here together in this beautiful place; everything doesn't have to go exactly as planned. So not being in total control has gradually become less desirable and not the be-all-end-all of a "perfect" trip, though as the planner I do feel responsible for making sure they have a good time. The most relaxing trips I've ever taken were those that were mostly planned for me or there literally wasn't anything to do but eat and lie in the sunshine. There's hope for your DH!

Since I'm the art major/history buff and he can't tell the Tiber from his tibia I'm not sure how he'll take the upcoming Italy trip. But I know he'll love the food and if he can't stand to see yet another church he can people-watch with my mom (a favorite activity) or do what he wants on his own, and that's okay.

Women practically live in the Constantly-Considering-Others-Needs minset our whole lives. What a gift to be able to put it aside sometimes and only worry about what you might want!

The planned rondezvous in Italy sounds wonderful. Surely there are some aspects you can leave for him to determine and thus be the captain of? Phase it out gently...!

The "it's all about me" factor has finally come out. But then again, that's what this thread was all about from the beginning. Soap opera time.

NorthShore, are you still reading this thread? You must need a chance for it to be all about the you factor. You have nothing to contribute, stop reading and get out.

Cupid, I loved what you wrote..very insightful. As a Type-A Planner myself I can relate.

JG, you needed to talk, and you found like-minded people to talk to on this particular subject. Your first line on this post indicated what was to come. Don't worry about anyone that is taking up space on this thread for no other reason than to drop rude notes.

If they want real drama, they should check out the LOUNGE..holy ____!

"You have nothing to contribute, stop reading and get out."

jgarvey

Sorry if I struck a nerve, but you did post on a public forum and invite comments. You can't demand that all the inputs to be 100% supportive of your position.

Instead of ordering people to stay out of "your thread", suggest you ignore any inputs that you disagree with or push your hot buttons.

My contribution: I agree with your earlier statement that you are providing way too much personal information. I also think this thread has slowily taken on somewhat of a soap opera character. I won't be offended if someone disagrees with that assessment. Such is life.

NS, My point is that you really aren't contributing any useful information to this thread, apparently just reading it all with some sort of perverse pleasure and not only insulting me but all of the other people who have found it beneficial. So, if it's bothering you all that much, I simply suggest the natural response--stop reading it and turn yourself toward some more intellectual pursuits. If there were no interest in this subject for many travelers, then it would not have taken off as it has. Obviously there is a need out there for people (especially women, it seems)to share their ideas and experiences about this aspect of travel. If it isn't your cup of tea, fine. Toss it out.

Upon reflection, please let me apologize for being too strident and a bit accusatory in my posts.

I did not realize how important this thread was to you. I will not step in the way of a woman in need trying so hard to improve her situation in life.

Best of luck to you in forging a better, brighter future. May happiness follow you all the rest of your days.

NS, thanks, now that is what I call being a really nice guy. Maybe you have just provided a nice title for this soap opera: "The Rest of My Days." I really do like the sound of that. From this point forward, I will just allow the other interested posters on this site respond to you.

BTW, now that you are going to have all of this extra time on your hands, you might want to check out the other threads I mentioned, maybe along with the ones about eating or not eating unpasteurized cheese, or old men flirting and pinching, or the sexiness of French women. Just have a good time, OK? It will make me feel better for "The Rest of My Day."

Just a quick note to let you all know that I am now on the boat with DH in the BVI. We are having a great time with family, and DH and I are enjoying being together after long separation. Of course, he is always happy and in a good mood when he is on his sailboat, so that spills over onto me. Nothing bad about that, I guess.

Another thanks to all who have participated in this engaging topic and leant their shared experiences, advice, and support. That really meant a lot to me. Thanks again.

Write soon if you have some more to share. I can receive and send messages from the boat, depending on the anchorage we are in. Today we had Pain Killers and a lovely time at White Bay Soggy Dollar Bar. Tonight we are anchored in Long Bay, having some rum punch, and getting ready to go out to dinner. Life is good.