I know what you're saying, and I didn't mean to sound as if I'm jumping on you, personally.

The restaurants I've mentioned were quite new and trendy, but not ones where booking ahead was essential. Now, having had these experiences, I know to ask a restaurant's policy on sharing meals before I even order. Haven't happened upon another restaurant with the 'charge 'em even if they don't order a separate meal' policy, but if I do, I won't eat there.

Unfortunately, most people probably don't even know such un-advertized policies exist, and won't know to ask, and some will probably have the unpleasant surprise on their bill at the end of the meal.

Clok:

It would seem to me that since you were the one who actually did the sharing in Italian restaurants, if it were rude you would be the one to know. So did you get any negative reactions, or not?

Personally, I don't share meals in Europe, because I assume that the restaurateur can fill my seat with someone who will order the full complement of dishes if I don't, and because it is customary for each person to order one of each part of the meal. I would expect the restaurant to be disappointed at the very least, and possibly upset, if I didn't follow the local customs.

That said, I have sat down at Italian restaurants with two children and asked "Is it ok if my husband and I order from the menu but my children each order just a pasta dish?" and been very happily obliged by waiters.

I think if you are going to bypass the usual ordering scenario in Italy, if you ask ahead of time and get approval, then whatever you order is just fine. If you just order essentially half of what the restaurant is expecting you to order, and share it, without asking, you may expect that whether or not the waiter expresses disapproval, when you leave they will talk about you disapprovingly. That may not bother you in the least, but it's the sort of thing that personally gives me bad dreams.

I'll answer your question on the assumption that a restaurant sees profitable customers as polite customers. Were you jeopardizing the restaurant's profit by your behaviour?

First, did your action increase the cost that your table represented to the restaurant, over and above, say, the cost of a single diner out eating alone who spent more on a per person basis, but the same amount overall?

If the restaurant has allocated its table space into tables with a minimum seating of two, and you sat at one of those tables and not a table for, say, four or six, and if you ordered at least what a single diner with a healthy appetite could be expected to eat, I don't see how the restaurant incurred higher costs from you than from a single diner out on his/her own. True, on a per person basis you as a couple are spending less than the single, but for a given total order the restaurant's costs are proportional to the type and amount of food used in the dishes, and to the amount of staff time involved in preparing and serving that food, not to the number of mouths and stomachs into which the food winds up.

Then there's the issue of profit margins. If things work in Italy the way they do in restaurants here, an antipasto might have a higher profit margin than a main dish, as might liqueurs or desserts. So if a couple orders 35 euro of liqueurs and desserts which they share, the restaurant might actually make as much profit as if they order 45 euro of main dishes, even if these are ordered and consumed separately. In other words, how the food is consumed is irrelevant.

So in short, if profit per table equals polite, then you're in the clear.

We were in Italy in September and fequently shared the main course and never had the least problem.

We told the waiter when ordered that we wanted to share and he would bring an additional plate:-B

I wouldn't share meals (other than little discreet samples of various dishes) in a formal, upscale restaurant, except maybe in a large group where it is understood that various dishes are being shared baquet style.

But in smaller, casual restaurants, I think it's probably acceptable, so long as it's done without making any special demands, such as for extra plates and utensils or special timing for serving each dish. I have done this only when each person orders different choices of the same courses, e.g., two people ordering two pasta dishes, or two ordering two different main courses. Then we might split each dish in order to have half portions of each, making space on our own plates for a taste of the other person's selection. It seems to me to be a reasonable thing to do and doesn't hurt the restaurant or cause the waiters any extra work. I do not feel obligated to order one of ALL the courses, and typically I might order either a pasta and a contorno (vegetable side dish or salad) or a main dish and a contorno; I don't order pasta plus a main dish, and I don't order dessert.

We should all be such good souls that the worst thing people can criticize behind our backs is our menu ordering and meal sharing etiquette.

Poor clok, first you get busted for piling your appetizer dish sky high, then you share meals and wonder after you get home if it was rude.

It is no one's fault, it is called culture clash, your culture where people go to Soup Kitchens or whatever they are called and pile up as much food as they can eat, and the Euro culture which sees such behavior as rude (in finer restaurants).

Live and learn as they say, or in this case, travel and learn.

Amen, brother.

For god's sakes do not SHARE food in europe. It's just culturally wrong. People will stare and eye ball you whether you relize it or not. The waiter may be friendly and oblige to your request but in his head he's thinking "What's wrong with these barbaric amercans". It's not worth it trying to pick apart their reasoning for this, it's just a cultural difference and it is particulary offensive.
Same with with asking for your leftovers to go. JUST don't do it. I'm actually married to a european women and I asked her what the problem is with this. In my American way of thinking I see no reason to take home what I couldn't finish. I pay'd for it so it's mine. In europeans mind's it like showing that your very poor and you can't afford to purchase more food for yourself. Some restaurants may oblige but you WILL be stared at and looked down upon. ---This is just european ettiquite.

I agree with Jack. Sharing is rude and it looks cheap. If you want to do that sort of thing or you're not that hungry or whatever, best to go to a supermarket and then find a nice spot for a picnic.

Just to add to Jack's comments on European etiquette, a story appeared in the London papers a couple of days ago where a couple dined at Pétrus, one of the more expensive restaurants in London, and were charged £800 for a bottle of wine when they ordered one for approximately £130. The sommelier suggested something less 'fruity' and gave them the £800 one instead. They didn't realise until the bill arrived. The surprising thing was, they paid the bill! It was only after posting negative comments on a gourmet website that the restaurant was alerted and they were then offered a free meal or a refund (they took the free meal).

There is a certain type of person who would have complained vociferously and another type of person in this country who would blanche at the idea of causing a scene in a restaurant. The implication for them would have meant that they couldn't afford it and while it was the restaurant's mistake, they had consumed the wine and therefore should have paid for it. There is no right or wrong, it's just a question of differences and perceptions of etiquette. It's very shadowy, mysterious, seductive and interesting how people get these ideas and reinforce them. It's part of what is called 'culture'.

I personally would be too embarrassed to share a meal in Italy or anywhere for that matter. It would mean that I could not afford to eat a restaurant meal and I would look cheap. I have a north american accent and I just don't want to reinforce any negative stereotypes people may have. I wouldn't want anyone to think 'cheap yank'. I am also conscious of the fact that these people are running a business - whether or not it's a trattoria or a Michelin starred, I want to see what's on offer. I enjoy ordering separately to my partner and then seeing what arrives. Sometimes I might discreetly fork a piece of pasta. But I would never, never share.

It's funny how Americans can be considered both "cheap" (sharing meals) and "too generous" (big tippers). Europeans, make up your minds ;-0
(The new Tatler magazine has a funny article about Europeans learning to give bigger tips. Apparently it can be quite a painful lesson.)

Ordering one of everything and then sharing it between two people is a bit odd (even in the U.S., many restaurants have "extra plate" fees for this kind of meal sharing). Openly splitting the meal is quite different from simply tasting what the other person as eating. After all, it could turn out to be so good the other person would order their own portion.
Ann1, I would be VERY interested to know which restaurant in Brugge gave you such appalling service! After all, you ordered two meals, not one. The restaurant owner was a jerk.
As for desserts, all women know that it's much less fattening to eat from your partner's dessert (even if you eat almost the whole thing) than ordering your own.
Clok, next time go to Spain and stick to tapas bars.
Regarding restaurant problems, people who have bad service/food should voice complaints directly to the manager/owner. Don't swallow bad treatment meekly and then whinge endlessly to your date/relative/spouse. Aggravation should be shared with the aggravating party, not the other victim!

I pretty much agree with AllyPally and Jack. Different countries, different customs.

In France, for example, some places won't mind you sharing, but others will certainly think you are being cheap or trying to avoid paying for two meals or starters or whatever.

There are exceptions to the rule. My BF and I have often opted to share a dessert after ordering a starter and main course each and have never been refused in France. But what I usually do is let him order the dessert, decline a dessert myself, and then ask sweetly for an extra spoon when it arrives. Never fails!!

In my (limited) experience in Italy, you can happily share side dishes, perhaps even antipasti, maybe dessert. But generally not the primi and secondi piatti.

In any case, I would never dream of sharing a main course, probably not even a starter.

If I'm not hungry enough to eat a full restaurant meal when on holiday, I tend to opt for a salad or sandwich at a café. You can usually tell pretty easily which are the full 3-course restaurants and which are the casual eateries.

Jack 31 - "Same with with asking for your leftovers to go. JUST don't do it"

I've lived in Germany for three years now and more than once have left a restaurant with a doggie bag because the waiter or owner insisted I take the leftovers home. I don't normally want to, but haven't wanted to offend anyone by refusing. I've also seen many of our German friends take leftovers home, so I don't think it's universally rude thing to do. Come to think of it, it's happened to me in Switzerland and Prague too.

I'm curious about this; the portion sizes in the US are so much bigger than in Europe; what do you do when you eat out at at home? Order one meal for three people? As for sharing in Europe; absolutely fine for dessert, everyone does it. When I'm not very hungry, I sometimes order two starters; no problem at all. I always try whatever my husband is eating. But ordering one main course for two people is just not done in my opinion.

<...that the restaurateur can fill my seat with someone who will order the full complement of dishes if I don't...>
I don't quite understand the issue. This would mean the same as if you can't stay in a restaurant on a last cup of coffee and eventually a pousse café as long as you wish. We in Belgium do have that habit of spending hours for dinner, even when we don't order a full meal. And we have never been chased away!
I hate restaurants who do 2 servings for dinner. I'm glad we don't have many of these.
I think for a good restaurateur it's obvious that, for dinner, guests stay the whole evening and not every guest will eat a full meal.

BTilke, I should clarify my 'cheap' remarks - they are purely personal. 99% of the time I have been treated graciously when I've travelled. There have been a few minor incidents where my nationality has been thrown back at my face, simply because of the way I speak. I know I shouldn't be sensitive but I am. The longer I live in Europe, the less I feel 'anything' and am coming very close to not identifying with any nationality. I find the Olympics particularly hard - I don't know who to cheer for anymore.

But because of the way that I speak, I feel that I am an ambassador for the U.S. and Canada (have lived in both). People usually can't tell the two accents apart. I feel that the way I behave reflects on my fellow Americans/Canadians. I want to do the best I can. Sharing food in restaurants is just something that I don't see a lot of my European pals doing. It is considered odd and something practised mainly by Americans/Canadians. Can't speak for the other colonies. Will speak to the Australian BF tonight...

Just like the "should I wear jeans?" question, this has gotten way out of hand! If you want to share food and the restaurant seems OK with it, then do it. Yes, I'm sure there might be someone, somewhere who will have a problem with it, but so what.

Geez, it isn't a life-or-death choice we're talking about here!

Hi clok,

"Sharing" is rude only when the other person(s) at the table doesn't(don't) invite it.

Betty, are any of the questions on this board life or death?

So, ira, you gonna finish that chocolate mousse, or are you just gonna let it go to waste? : - )

This is funny because there are two issues here. Splitting orders in a restaurant and sharing food in a restaurant.
My wife's family is in the restaurant business and they HATE it when people spilt orders. They had one couple that split a glass of wine, split a salad, split an entree, split a dessert and you guessed it wanted to split a cup of coffee!
Sharing food in a restaurant is another story. When you go out to eat with my in-laws you better be prepared to share your food. Culminating with passing the desserts all around the table like a gigantic revolving Lazy Susan.
JoeG