O, Calvin he went to Paris <BR>to escape the scourge of Missouri <BR>it was not, he figgered <BR>possible to get chiggered <BR>on top of Eiffel, Tour d' <BR> <BR>(apologies to Calvin Trillin)

Lament of an apparently aging Fodors contributor, stung by impertinent youth: <BR> <BR>A student from Europe did jeer <BR>About taxes on Norweigan beer <BR>The thread caught my fancy <BR>And even if chancy <BR>For Al Clem's retort did I cheer. <BR> <BR>When limerick time did take five <BR>My mind did immed'tly derive <BR>A tune from the Beatles <BR>From a time when did needles <BR>On grooves in a record arrive. <BR> <BR>"Norwegian Wood" came to mind <BR>So slyly I paired up my find <BR>I thought it was clever <BR>I didn't fear ever <BR>I'd go over the head of my kind. <BR> <BR>A young Fodors reader then sended <BR>A message to me, quite offended <BR>The Beatles he knew of <BR>But Norway? No clue of <BR>The punning connection intended. <BR> <BR>So now I feeling quite old <BR>My time has elapsed so I'm told <BR>My ref'rences dated <BR>My fogeyhood fated <BR>My writing career I shall fold. <BR> <BR> <BR>

While reading Neal Sander's rhyme <BR>I'm laughing all of the time <BR>some of us got <BR>your joke on the spot <BR>so perhaps you're just in your prime!

Keep 'em coming Brian in Atlanta. I'm still chuckling over your 'Italy with your Aunts' one posted previously. <BR> <BR>Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap... <BR>

If the world was flat, and my teeth didn't fit, <BR>Would that mean I was a Brit? <BR> <BR>If you heard Martha my dear, and a Beatle girly, <BR>Where do they mention the swirly? <BR> <BR>If you forgot the washcloth, and you are in Europa, <BR>What will you do with the sopa? <BR> <BR>If standby is torture, and I'm a wheel in a cog, <BR>Would this be Amsterdam or Prague? <BR> <BR>Is it Isle de la Cite or Ill St. Louis, and if I don't know, <BR>Should I go? <BR> <BR>If you want to know, but won't ask the question, <BR>How will you find the Ascension? <BR> <BR>If it is not germain, but the answer is forty-two, <BR>Does that make the center the Louvre? <BR> <BR>If you were a Celt in a kilt, and pined for U.S., <BR>Gan aft aglay too-roo-loos? <BR> <BR>If you can't see L.A., then what do you call it, <BR>Could it be just dust from a comet? <BR> <BR>If you live in Tucson, then don't put us on son, <BR>Would you try some bull-fry for a lesson? <BR> <BR>If my mother was drunk, and my daddy was stoned, <BR>Would I be from El Cajon? <BR> <BR>If not last but least, and certainly in peace, <BR>I will go calmly to my rest in Niece. <BR> <BR>

All of the folks here at Fodor's <BR>With rhyming & aid, run their motors. <BR>Their wit is a feat; <BR>And advice can't be beat. <BR>So welcome, all you take-noters. <BR> <BR>The Fowlers - both - and other regs, <BR>Give helpful comments -- pos and negs. <BR>Now, profound poesy <BR>Makes this day rosy, <BR>And helps us steer clear of the dregs. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR>

All of the folks here at Fodor's <BR>With rhyming & aid, run their motors. <BR>Their wit is a feat; <BR>And advice can't be beat. <BR>So welcome, all you take-noters. <BR> <BR>The Fowlers - both - and other regs, <BR>Give helpful comments -- pos and negs. <BR>Now, profound poesy <BR>Makes this day rosy, <BR>And helps us steer clear of the dregs. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR>

In 'puter-land, few things are worse'n <BR>The oft-clicking, impatient person <BR>Who dumbly posts twice; <BR>It's really not nice, <BR>And sets other readers to cursin'!

Hi, Mom! <BR> <BR>There once was a lass named Marie <BR>Who had wanted to see Gay Paree. <BR>She came here to Fodor's <BR>To learn about odors <BR>That occur in the W.C. <BR> <BR>She also was thoroughly curious <BR>About rumors totally spurious, <BR>That an American wench <BR>Would be disdained by the French. <BR>If so, she'd be highly furious. <BR> <BR>She was a spectacular eyefull <BR>In her tight fitting, bright yellow pants. <BR>She drew many a glance <BR>From the manhood of France <BR>As she sashayed around the Tour Eiffel. <BR> <BR>She opted to stay on in France. <BR>There were only two French words she knew. <BR>She'd heard them before <BR>Each time that she wore <BR>The tight fitting bright yellow pants. <BR>Sacre bleu! <BR>

They stand on the train with clenched fists. <BR>Their fanny packs look like large cysts. <BR>They gawk and they gape <BR>Trying to get it all on tape. <BR>They’re the infamous daytrip tourists. <BR> <BR>Anyone know a good place <BR>For my roommate to put on her face? <BR>Cause checkout’s at noon, <BR>And that’s pretty soon <BR>So I don’t think we’ll make it at her pace. <BR>

Please forgive my poor tubby, hubby <BR>His whole life he's been kinda chubby <BR>He can't fit in his seat <BR>Cuz' he can't "Just not eat" <BR>You'd feel the same if it were Your Bubi!

C'mon..... there's more out there... <BR>

There once was a man forced to stay <BR>in a hotel with opulence grande <BR>But with the air unconditioned <BR>and his robe soon recinded <BR>He reported "...I still enjoyed breakfast next day." <BR> <BR>*** <BR> <BR>There once was a man not a girlie, <BR>Who genuinely thought he was early. <BR>But when he found, <BR>they had shut the door sound <BR>He cried, "this airline deserves a swirly." <BR> <BR>

Plane travel's plain awful it's clear <BR>From posts from all over on here. <BR>But what else can we do? <BR>Our choices are few. <BR>And the swim is a long one, I fear.

Well you all might think I'm being plain rude <BR>But really I'm just misunderstood <BR>My postings get you upset <BR>When they appear on the net <BR>And yes haggis in a tube is a food. <BR>

Ah, but Tony, Just think as word gets out, <BR>and you land in NY and there comes a shout: <BR>They'll assume you're a "Rube" <BR>And not 'spect yer great TUBE <BR>--(of haggis) - and jealously..pout! <BR> <BR>

Cheez, only a Scotsman could rhyme rude with misunderstood (well, maybe a Liverpudlian too). Tony, could you please post an audio of the following reading: <BR> <BR>"Ach, captain! I tried stuffin' a haggis in the warp drive, but she dint do a bit a good! <BR> <BR> <BR>Just kiddin' (there goes that tempo again. <BR> <BR>

The (I'm not a tourist I'm a) Traveler's Lament <BR> <BR>I've memorized many a French mot <BR>My manners are tres apropos <BR>My wardrobe is black <BR>And sans fanny pack <BR>But my accent is still CHI-CA-GO! <BR>

There once was a lad named cupid <BR>Who one day in Paris concluded <BR>Not an arrow would be shared <BR>'Cause the tourists were paired <BR>All saying, alas, I'm with stupid --&gt;

I’m thirsty in Paris but broke. <BR>On the terrace they want seven bucks for a Coke. <BR>I know that I should <BR>Go to the bar, and I would, <BR>But I can’t find it through all the smoke. <BR>