Does a wedding ring reduce harassment? (Italy, etc.)
 

I know this question might open the field for the jokers, but I'll take the risk anyway.

Does wearing a wedding risk reduce the risk of harassment or propositions in Italy or anywhere else for that matter?

I've not experienced this and not seen this to be a common problem for others, but if someone is going to harrass you, it's not likely that he will be looking at your hands.

From what I've heard, it encourages it !

If you are wearing a wedding ring but your husband is not travelling with you, then the ring means nothing to anyone inclined to harass you. I have found this to be true in many countries, including the US. In terms of harassment, I thought Istanbul was far worse than any part of Italy, or any other country I've ever been to.

From personal experience -- while traveling I've been approached more after I was married and wearing the wedding ring than before I was married. Go figure. A polite no thank you and than going back to what you were doing (reading, eatting, etc) while politely ignoring the attention has usually worked for me. (but keep in mind that I've traveled all around the US, Canada, & the Caribbean -- I can't speak for other areas)

I think you may be overintellectualizing this problem - unless by harasment you mean a little ogling - or a smile and a comment. (A pinch on a crowded bus is always a possibility - a good reason to avoid crowded buses - but this is possible anywhere in the world - and a good stamp on the offenders foot or an elbow in the ribs works just as well as it would in NYC I'm sure.)

Anything beyond that is extremely rare - and certainly men don;t wander down the street propositioning random women - unless you have indicated some definite interest in them.

The myth that Italian men have nothing better to do than "harass" or proposition North American woman is just that: a myth.

I really do wish that the myth were not constantly perpetuated in forums such as this one. Everyone reads the question; very few bother to read the replies that are almost unanimous in stating that the problem is a fictitious one.

Boy, I must be doing something wrong! I don't get harrassed. Maybe flirted with but what's so bad about that?

I wear a big shiny wedding ring and still get constantly pestered and chased and pursued in Europe by pretty buxom gals.

Then the alarm rings and I wake up to cold reality!

Just treat an advance like you would at home: accept it, ignore it, say no, say va via or hit him on the head with your purse.

Don't worry, they are not all wolves, darn!

I have never been to Italy, but I got so sick of French guys hitting on me in Paris, that I was going to try the fake wedding ring thing on this next trip. But you guys are saying that doesn't help at all?

Are you married? If yes, definitely wear it. As a happily single women I personally would not feel comfortable faking a wedding ring.

On my earliest trips to Mexico I lied in my bad Spanish to guys on the street saying my spouse was back at the hotel, but I stayed in the same neighborhood long enough the locals would later reply... "Funny I haven't seen him"!

And like Grasshopper, I have yet to be harassed in Europe.

Just got back from Italy and the only city I had a problem in was Italy. I am divorced but I heard that I should wear a ring, so I did. However, I found the men in Rome to be very bold. I got my backside smacked while on the pay phone one day and was fondled on the subway. However, the men are beautiful so.......

I am definitely happy single woman - and that's the exact point. I am not looking for a relationship, and casual flirting based on nothing but appearance bothers me, so I was thinking, whatever will cut down on guys talking to me like some sort of object is good. (I wore a ring on my left hand this summer working at the ice cream shop, because I worked by myself and I was sick of customers hanging around and flirting with me, especially the married men)
But, if it doesn't work in Europe, then I won't bother.

I haven't ever noticed it reducing the risk of flirty men, in any country! :)

It helps in Canada. I have a friend who started wearing one to and from work on the busses, and it greatly reduced the amount of guys trying to hit on her

In my considerable and not entirely happy experience, age is a far more effective deterrent than a wedding band. So just wait a bit, you'll become invisible.

"On the other hand...." you might try wearing a wedding band that has a cross embossed on it, which is what nuns in some orders wear......... ;-)

Wedding ring or no wedding ring, doesn't a grown woman know how to handle a man flirting with her?

It is interesting that some women here have few or no problems, and other posters have so much of it (unwanted attention from men)...

For those, I'd suggest thinking about how you present yourself. You can develop an air of disinterest and remain aloof in a way that discourages men without being rude.

It takes two to have a conversation.

Of course I know how to handle flirting - i dealt with it all the time in france. But if a ring will make it so that i don't have to as much, then i'd do it. Whatever make things easier!

suze, I sure agree with your comments. And again, any woman old enough to wear a wedding ring should be old enough or mature enough to know how to handle flirtations.

Also, IMHO, Italian men flirt w/o being serious. So relax.

I appreciate the thoughtful responses. Some of the responses border on insulting. I'm not sure why. Yes, I am married, but I don't generally wear a ring.

Well, then, that settles it. Take the ring and wear it when as an experiment for yourself. Let us know if it makes any difference on any given day.

Don't know which posts you consider insulting, but I bristled on your behalf at the ones implying that if you are harassed, it's your own fault. "Grown women" get hassled on the street in Italy and NYC even when -- and it's bothersome that I even have to qualify this -- they dress "appropriately", behave "modestly," and ignore the hasslers.

A woman (let's say under 55) traveling alone gets approached by the most surprising people under the most surprising circumstances -- and trust me, it's annoying, it's wearying, and it takes the fun out of traveling. And it usually has NOTHING to do with whether she seems to have encouraged or discouraged the attention.

Anyone questioning whether WillTravel is adequately mature or knowledgable enough should have the experience a male friend of mine had. I was driving from NYC to Phila. in a small car carrying a load of his belongings that pretty much filled it up, so he had to kind of hunker down on a couch pillow in the well of the back seat, between the two front seats. He wasn't particularly visible to the cars and trucks passing by, and this was about 20 yrs. ago, so I wasn't a spring chicken but I still looked - um - "presentable" in my sunglasses and scarf. He was shocked at the attention and behavior of some of the male drivers, who either "flirted" with horns or hoots or waves or else indulged in some dangerously challenging driving, trapping me between two trucks or cutting me off and then grinning rather nastily. He told me he hadn't seen that before: "I never realized how differently men act toward women traveling alone." Yup.

So if WillTravel is looking for a device to reduce the likelihood of unwanted company or attention, no one should blame her.

No replies were meant to be insulting, but you have to allow a difference of opinions, please.

<A woman (let's say under 55) traveling alone gets approached by the most surprising people under the most surprising circumstances>

This has NOT been my experience as someone who has traveled solo a reasonable amount.

Secondly, I don't think the streets of Italy & truck drivers on the freeway in the U.S. is a fair comparison.

What do you term harassment? Is it attention from other people, I assume men? Are you very protective of your personal space?

If you are very uncomfortable you should try every avenue you can to avoid it. Wear your ring it might make you feel better.

Good luck and report back as I will be going over there soon.

I was never bothered on my trip to Italy. Maybe because I had my daughters with me. You can borrow one if you want - the 10 year old was lots of fun and never complained about anything.

Does this inquiry only relay to women? Some of those Italian woman can be rough sometimes!!! Mike

LOL barbmike!

You can borrow my Groucho disguise glasses with the nose and mustach hooked on!

That should do the trick!

OMG, this is getting to be so funny!
Thank you WillTravel, you knew it would happen :)
My 4 year old wore that Groucho mask to school one Halloween LOL

Scarlett, when my friend was picking me up at the Napoli airport he had said he might not recognize me, I had been gone so long.

Soooo, I did take my Groucho glasses and put them on when I came to the waiting area. I never did find out if he really didn't recognize me with them on or if he was mortified!! It was funny though.

Mike, I'm sure Degas can give you tips. He's good at fending off women.

Cassandra, I think you understand where I'm coming from.

This wedding ring idea is suggested all over the place and I've heard it for decades, but I've never had a clear sense (and still don't) if there's any merit to it. SeaUrchin, your scientific testing idea would suffer from too small a sample size ;-). In the absence of strong evidence, since I am always worried about losing things, I don't think I'll bring it. I'm wondering if a grandma-like headscarf might not be a bad idea, particularly since it will be winter anyway.

Failing that, I can always bring a Groucho mask too. My husband has one and has indeed used it for Halloween.

DEARs

The wedding ring will only make these men pant more. If you area single American, they know you can be satisfied any time you choose in our society. But if you are married, they feel you are more pent up with frustration from having the same old dish everynight. These men sense that in their pores, or simply believe we are all free-loving American cosmo woman underneath it all. Beware, for when these tigers see any opening, they move in for the kill! Don't make eye contact and cover up ladies!

PS. Suzie, not sure, but it does not sound like you would get too much attention anyway from men even if you left your garments off and roamed the streets.
Degas-glad to hear you are coming out finally.

WillTravel, that does bring up a rather unattractive picture, granny scarf with groucho mask! I think I can guarantee you will not get harassed! In fact I think people will give you a wide berth, lol, have fun.

Hi WillTravel,

I was in Italy for 2 weeks this past June on my honeymoon.
The wedding ring DID NOT deter brazen guys from hitting on me, even with my husband a few steps away! In all honesty, the attention level was the same as when I went with a female friend 2 years ago right after graduation.
What DID work was saying I was on my honeymoon.
I'd try that if you want an effective answer :-)

Most of the attention is light hearted. The responses I got were primarily sheepish grins and shrugs of the shoulders. It's not as if anyone ever truly harassed me (nor any other young woman I observed)

Why 'nellyanne' you surely do have amazing powers of perception, to know what a person looks like by what they post on the internet!

I just saw the post about Istanbul being difficult in terms of harassment. I spent a month in Israel in 1998 (I was 18) on a choir tour/volunteer work group. In Hebron (a primarily Arab area), an Arab man mistook my chaperone as my father and asked to purchase me for 10 CAMELS! We all agreed he was joking. My hair was highlighted back then and supposedly blonde, blue-eyed women are "in demand" over there. That is what we took away from it at least!

There are some blonde blue eyed women that post here that might like a trip to Turkey LOL
no no , not me!!! :D
I like the idea of the Groucho mask...that makes me giggle just at the thought..imagine the horror on some guys face when she turns and he sees her face :O

I rememeber the worst place for men hitting on me, was in Acapulco, geez, they wanted to date me, marry me, sell me and buy me LOL and I was with someone who was very very large and scary..(moral of the story)
nothing stops a man if he thinks he can score :D

This is the best thread I have read in a couple of weeks at least!!! LOL
:-S