Perhaps it is a cultural difference regarding priorities and where travel fits in.

The OP seemed very conflicted about the financial aspect of this trip. Of course, this wouldn't be near as much of an issue if she wasn't worrying about having a baby and the expense that children bring. But suggesting that money isn't important is disingenuous- money is very important if you're having a kid.

I frequently get this routine from my MIL. She would LOVE to have a grandchild (my DH is an only child). My husband and I are in our mid-20's and are nowhere near that stage in life. We always respond to her inquiries by saying that we don't want to have kids until we've traveled the world AND have a lot of cushion money saved up in case I decide I don't want to work as much after the baby is born. I think many mothers are surprised post-baby to find out that they in fact want to cut back on work. So if you're used to two professional salaries that could be problematic if you're not financially prepared for this possibility before the baby arrives.

I think the OP should go to Italy. She seems like she can afford it for 2 weeks. But completely throwing caution to the wind and having a baby don't go together. Suggesting that she shouldn't consider the financial aspects of the trip is not what she is asking for- if she wasn't worried about the money she wouldn't have stressed it in her question(s).

bradshawgirl, I am here to tell you that the decision to have a baby is NOT the end of your life, it's the beginning. I think maybe you feel like you need to travel because you're losing something you'll never get back again.

Actually, I sit here on New Year's even, home with hubby and young adult daughter who is home from college and wanted to have some friends over for New Year's. As she and friends are under 21, and hubby and I are not interested in running out and getting drunk, we are happy to stay home and "chaperone" the party. The point I'm trying to make is, you have plenty of time to travel ahead of you...traveling with kids of all ages is very very educational for them. It will change their lives, their vision of the world. However it is very difficult to travel with babies and toddlers, in my opinion. When I had 2 girls close together, 18 months apart, I found it impossible to enjoy travelling so we stayed home and took them to easy places in town for fun, like the beach. But once the youngest was about 5 years old, travelling was fun and adventurous once again.

Now I love to travel with my young adult son and daughters. We went to Italy in June 2004, Costa Rica in June 2005, and will go to Ireland in July 2006 although my son may not be able to make it on that trip but daughters will.

I'm just saying, you can travel, don't worry, life isn't over! It's true what people are saying, you might have to give up something else that your neighbors are spending their money on to afford travel. But think about it...when you have your child, and he/she is 21 years old, which do you think will seem most valuable in the memories and experience of that child...a remodelled house/new tile/better furniture...or travel, meeting people around the world, seeing a volcano in Costa Rica or Pompeii in Italy or the geysers in Yellowstone...I think you know the answer!

I do think you would enjoy a shorter trip WITH your hubby, instead of a longer trip to Italy on your own. Hubby and I only travel alone when we have special interests that we don't share...such as my hubby is a biologist and he once went to Africa on a trip which would have been too rugged for me, I was happy to encourage him to go, (as long as we have plenty of trips together!) But normally we would rather travel together.

Children do bring unforseen expenses. There will be things like orthodontics later... If your child has learning difficulties you might need to pay a tutor...

But travel can be very fun and educational. We handed the maps over to our kids as soon as they were ready and let them navigate for us...We all learn a little bit of a new language before we visit that country and try to practice it when we arrive.

Enjoy becoming a family of 3!

Agree with the philosophy that a baby is a beginning, but in a sense it is an end: your life will never be the same...and that is actually a wonderful, positive thing.

I have never looked back and regretted a day of marriage or a moment of parenthood and I feel it is all because I had done everything I wanted to (within reason) before I settled down. I didn't have to deal with a wandering eye or heart that longed to be in another life. As to money, is there ever enough for everything we want to do?

It is true that you can (and should) travel with children. For many, however, the distance and financial demands restrict the choice of travel. You tend to sacrifice your dream destination (i.e. Italy) for visiting out-of-state grandparents so they get to know their grandchildren, and spending $$ sending kids to specialized camps (soccer, leadership, etc), geography bee finals school-sponsored trips, the list becomes endless. Their travel needs become yours. Not that that is bad...to everything there is a time and place.

Took us 20 years to get back to France and it was so nice during that time to not say to yourself "could'a, should'a, would'a". Then there's my sister-in-law, whose only dream was to visit St. Mary's Glacier 500 miles from home. By the time she made the decision to go, she was too sick to travel. She died at 49 in her well maintained, paid-for house and plenty of money in the bank without ever having seen her dream. How sad.

Talk things over with your husband, make your decision and don't ever look back. But have a wonderful time doing whatever you decide!

15 years ago we were faced with the same decision. Someone who I really respect said to me, "In 25 years are you going to remember a fabulous trip or a new fence?" It put everything in perspective so my husband and I left on a fabulous 3 week trip to Europe (we went to Germany, Austria and Prague). We mixed our hotels between cheap B&B's and luxury places, took in the opera, drove all over and had an incredible time. Now 15 years later I look back at that time and am glad I did it because it brought my husband and I closer so that when our child arrived our marriage was even stronger to handle the trials and tribulations of parenting.
We did not get back to Europe until 2 years ago and we took the kids with us and had a magical trip..

One thing I learned in life in the past 15 years is that things just seem to happen at their own pace-we had a miscarriage before our son was born which then lengthen our "savings" period after the trip and that "things just seem to work out." We were like you, we had no credit card debit and of course the trip took a chunk of change but it all seemed to work out. Memories last a lifetime and in the end its not really the "stuff" you remember.

As far as traveling with kids, don't be discouraged. Like others said many of our early trips were to visit relatives, but with a little diliengence you can find bargains. We started our children traveling early in life (I think their first plane trips were at 3 months). Just be creative, always bring a change of clothing, water, food and toys on a plane and show tthem the love of travel.

Good luck, itsv

I forgot to mention, read this book, "A thousand nights in Venice" before you make your decision. (it might be a thousan days). This is the story of a woman who cast aside all reason and her comfortable american life for love and living in Venice. I think you might find it relevant.

We did something similar but more extreme.

My husband took an international assignement with his company and I quit my job knowing I would probably not be able to get work here in Brussels. We were worried about living on one income and considered not taking it because it meant literally a 50% reduction in income. We would not be able to save...especially if we wanted to travel which was on of the big reasons for pursuing such an opportunity.

We decided to go for it and are here in Brussels for two years. We are making sacrifices- traveling on a strict budget and a lot of pb&j during the week. But we have no debt (except for our home in the US which is now rental property) and do not plan to take on any.

I do not regret it one bit. When we get back in two years we will probably have to put off having children for a year or two so we can save for a little while...more pb&j and more sacrifices...but a small price to pay. No one can ever take away this wonderful life experience. And no regrets! I hated the thought of starting a family knowing that there were so many things I still wanted to see. And now someday I will be able to share these experiences with them.

I say go for it...but do it on a budget and be smart about it! And when you come back give yourself at little time to bounce back financially.

Good luck and let us know what you decide!

bradshawgirl, in your first post you said you can't afford a trip, it is an improbable concept, using a large amount of money, using up all your disposable income, and you would be taking an unpaid leave just before you return to start a family.

What does your husband say about this, does he have more say in this than Fodorites do?

luveurop

I agree with you.

And I've been to Italy and had a couple of babies.

If you can't affod the trip, you shouldn't do it.

But are you sure you can't afford it? What are your plans? My husband and I have yraveled for years, with wnd without our children (and now grandchild); pre and post children. We have never felt the need to stay in grand hotels but are very happy in BandBs and rented homes. We do eat very well but generally in neighborhoods rather than the multi starred tourist palaces. We plan carefully and do not go into debt for travel experiences, While I have traveled in the US, Europe and Asia by myself (and had great experiences), I have missed sharing them with my husband and/or children. I have never felt we were denying ourselves by keeping within our established budget. Rather, we enjoyed the planning required, the research, the special discoveries. The planning included how to afford the project. I am extremely adept at finding an airfare with an eye to monetary and time economy. I know all the rail websites in Western Europe. Travel forums like Fodor's are extremely helpful in finding destinations and facilities that ft within your dreams. We each pack one carry-on bag that we can handle by ourselves and live comfortably for however long our trip. Most recently these trips have not exceeded a week but we're not trying to see our world in one experience but rather wanting to learn from the cuurent excursion to make the next one more special. I think it is important to recognize that there can be another adventure. Do a little bit of your dream at a time. Our first trip with our first son was when he was 6 months old. He survived; we survived. And we did it again. Our first trip with our grandson was when he was 11 weekd old - he handled the trip better than his mom but it was also her first trip to Europe. His father(our son) was much more relaxed, I think because he had done a fair amount of international travel although not to the particular destination.

We find the people in Europe to be especially accomodating to young travellers. We worked to prepare the children for travel with clear expectations of behaviour.

What am I trying to tell you? Go for it if you are certain you can live with the end result.

well, but if they "really can't afford" it now (pre-baby) then they will never ever be able to afford it after baby. if they can swing it, then they should take it (although maybe a shorter trip - if it is your first trip overseas a month can be a long time and you might not feel like makin' babies after all that! haha)

if it's her dream to go, at least now it's within her grasp.

I cannot believe the number of folks who have so negatively dumped on you personally. Thankfully, there are others who seem more supportive and, much to your credit, you seem to have
taken all comments in good humor.

Nothing in life is guaranteed...not time, not riches (or return on investments!). Your own feelings about you and how you live your life, and your partner's feelings about you and your life together, are the most important things to consider. If you feel that you can afford the expense, and you both want the experience for whatever reason, then you should follow through. Your life may well be the better for it, and you may be able to share richer experiences with your children, and in the future maybe even take them to and guide them around the places you enjoyed before they were born.

It could be time to take all the "advice" you have been given, sit down with your loved one and come to a plan. The clock ticks and you need to start saving for the trip...or the tile. Whatever you do, do it for you and him, do it now, and love it!!!

"Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves"

nothing like a good Dorothy Parker quote!

That is a great quote flygirl! My new mantra, hehe.

liz