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LOL Tomboy!!! You are correct, and then I received three letters asking me why I cancelled my internet service with them ;;)
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"Does anyone else get that blond jokes are not only racist but sexist?"
- Of course they are, but that's the point, and nobody but the literal-minded takes them seriously. That's the point of a joke, isn't it? My blonde wife enjoys them, but then she appreciates that jokes exist in a kind of parallel universe in which bizarre things unconnected to reality occur. (What's next? Will we have activists campaigning to ban the Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons because they encourage mistreatment of animals?) Anyway ... one St Patrick's Day a few years ago a Sydney radio station invited local Irish listeners to get their own back on their tormentors by phoning in any "Australian jokes" they wanted to share. I remember this one in particular: There's this English guy who's desperate to become Irish - not just an Irish citizen, but Irish to the core. He consults every authority he can find, to no effect, until a friend tells him about an eminent Harley Street brain surgeon who may be able to help. He secures a referral to him at the first opportunity. The surgeon explains that his desire is not at all unique, and in fact he can perform an operation that will have the desired effect. However, it will involve removal of one quarter of the patient's brain. The guy gives his consent with alacrity. "Whatever it takes, Doctor - I'm so desperate to be Irish, that's a small price to pay", he says with feeling. A few weeks later the deed is done, and the patient comes out of the anaesthetic in his hospital bed to see a rather glum-faced surgeon seated beside him. With some embarrassment, the surgeon explains that due to an error on the part of one of the junior surgeons assisting, not one quarter but three quarters of his brain has been removed. The patient is silent for a moment while this sinks in, then slowly exclaims "Fair dinkum?" This caller won the day's grand prize. |
Oh my, L84SKY! Indeed, I could have used a relative as the 'butt' of the joke - or myself as I am both blonde and female. Luckily, my self-esteem is healthy enough to allow me to enjoy blonde jokes (cute one, Neil) - p'haps 'twould be better if you literally 'lightened up'.LOL! |
llamalady, For quite awhile I was "blond" several years ago. I was teased with this joke. Q. Do you know why when the blonde opened up the refrigerator she stood there with the door open for an hour staring inside the fridge? A. Because the orange juice carton said concentrate!
Told to me by my neighbors fun 10 year old son. I loved it!! |
<i>Does anyone else get that blond jokes are not only racist but sexist?"</i>
No, but then I am a blonde LOL and female. Are there no blonde men? How sexist? |
ROTFL Scarlett! How perfect!! That was a good one.
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Okay, question asked; question answered. I still think that blonde jokes have merely replaced Polish jokes.
And Scarlett, when was the last time you heard a blond joke that wasn't about a woman? |
Oh sigh, does <i>everything have to be so serious</i>? Can't life be a bit of fun?
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Most jokes are about men anyway!
You know, they start with <i>This guy walks into a bar, or this guy went to the doctor</i>...or how about this one..... <i>How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.</i> They are JOKES ! The point is to laugh, not to take it personally. |
That reminds me - did you hear the one about the Polish blonde, the rabbi and the Christian Brother who ... no, better not.
Let's pick on someone else for a change and get closer to a European theme, albeit in questionable taste: Two gendarmes are strolling along the beachfront one summer evening when one stops, points and says "Do you see what I see?" His companion peers across the sand and sees what appears to be a couple making love. They descend upon them and the first gendarme says, "Right, you two - do you want to be charged for committing an act of public indecency? On your way!" The man gets to his feet and begins to protest bitterly at this infringement on a Frenchman's sacred liberty. Meanwhile the second gendarme has noticed that the woman hasn't moved. He examines her closely, stands and says, "M'sieur, you're in a great deal more trouble than mere public indecency. This woman appears to be deceased!" The man is gobsmacked. "Dead? Dead, did you say? My God ... I thought she was English!" |
Oh Neil, naughty Neil :D
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everybody who has posted here has obviously not a clue about forum posting etiquette. This is a forum for posting questions/reports about EUROPE. Please have a look at the following which should guide you
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/posting.php |
Scarlett, your sexism is a disgrace. Bad, bad girl.
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A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks and could not come to an agreement. He would settle for any pickup truck, but his wife wanted something small and quick so she could get around town better. Everything that she looked at and liked was out of her price range.
Finally, in frustration, she said, "Look, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks. Surprise me with something that goes from 0 to 200 in 5 seconds of less..." For her birthday, he bought her a new bathroom scale. Funeral services are pending. |
"And Scarlett, when was the last time you heard a blond joke that wasn't about a woman."
Two blonde guys who work for the city were busily working along the sidewalk. Two old men sat on a bench and watched them. One blonde guy would carefully dig a hole while the other watched. Then the second blonde guy would carefully fill in the hole with the dirt. This went on and on, repeating the process about every 10 feet. Finally the old man on the bench couldn't stand it any longer. He went over and asked the guys what they were doing. "Planting trees" was the answer. "Huh? What trees". "Well, usually there are three of us, but the third guy is sick today. He's the one who is supposed to put the tree in the hole." |
A blonde guy walks into a bar and sits at the end of the bar. He notices an old bottle and picks it up. Immediately, a genie appears and tells him he can have anyh two wishes granted.
So the guy says "I've always yearned for a glass of beer that would always be full." His wish is granted and he downs the beer, whereupon it is immdeiately refilled. The genie says "Sir, you still have a wish left, what'll it be?" The guy says "Gee, that one worked so well, I'll have another just like it>" |
All my American friends please don't hate me for this one. But it is funny...
President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy". " No," said Bush, "that would be an accident." A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room went silent. No other children volunteered. The President searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs Bush was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," said the boy, "It has to be a tragedy,because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either". |
LOL fiona,
you should post your link on the US forum where there is a 'Constructive Criticism' post. It's perfect! |
This one is some what travel related - and just to say that I am Irish and can take a joke!
747 bound for Dublin is somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. Captain comes on the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are experiencing trouble with our number one engine and we will have to shut it down. No need for worry, however I'm afriad that this will add an hour on to our journey". Journey continues and a 10 minutes later the captain announces "Eh Ladies and Gentlemen I'm afriad that the problem has spread to our number two engine. We will have to shut that one down also. No need to worry though, we have four engines and can fly safely on the remaining two. However this will add a further hour to our journey" About 10 minutes later the passengers tense up as the Captain is heard nervously on the intercom once more "Ladies and Gentlemen, em... don't know how to break this to you all, but it appears that we have to shut down number three engine. Don't worry though, we can fly safely on just one engine, but we will be a further hour late arriving into Dublin". At this Seamus turns to his wife and says "Jaysus Mary hope to God nothin' happens to that last engine, or we'll be up here for ever." |
There is nothing like good jokes to start the day off! Thank you.
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Alya
have posted the link there. I just hope they have a better sense of humour than "Mucky" had here!! |
fiona, little Billy is a blonde too LOL
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Who would have imagined that the Blond Unification League (BUL) would rise so quickly in solidarity and stand so proudly for their right to known as "dumb"? I concede any further debate on the subject. BUL has forced me to consider that all humor really does have it's roots, no matter how sparse, in reality.
Thank you for the enlightenment. |
A thread like this gives you a pretty good idea about who you would want as a travel companion, and who you wouldn't.
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Fiona...this ones for you...lol
In a primary school classroom, the teacher notices a little puddle underneath Mary's chair. "Oh Mary!" says the teacher, "you should have put your hand up." "I did," Mary replied. "But it still trickled through my fingers." ;-) Muck |
:)
and I am a primary school teacher! |
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." |
Fiona.....I guessed...lol
;-) Muck |
L84SKY
<i>"Date: 09/26/2005, 01:21 pm Who would have imagined that the Blond Unification League (BUL) would rise so quickly in solidarity and stand so proudly for their right to known as "dumb"? I concede any further debate on the subject. BUL has forced me to consider that all humor really does have it's roots, no matter how sparse, in reality. Thank you for the enlightenment. "</i> You can think of it that way. I see you are more willing to insult blondes this way than in a joke. In my experience, people who are confident in their intelligence, looks, skills whatever, feel no need to look for insults or feel insecure..I am blonde, it is the color of my hair. It has nothing to do with my intelligence or how I think of brunettes or stupid people.. Which could cause a person to wonder what do stupid brunettes do for an excuse? lol You are welcome. |
Hey Scarlett.."what do stupid brunettes do for an excuse?"
They bleach their hair blonde! ;;) |
Please don't flame me.
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line ... just one guy in front of me. The guy in front of me was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated ... He asked the teller, "why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo yen - today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller says, "fluctuations" The Asian guy says, "fluc you white guys too!" |
Somebody comlained about the lack of sexist jokes? Here is one:
Question: What is the smartest thing a man can say? Answer: My wife says... |
After sharing a night of passion and other things with a beautiful young woman, the guy leans towards her and gently asks 'am I the first man you ever made love to?" The beautiful young girl studies his face and says....you could be, your face is familiar!
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Time to resurrect this thread. This one was told to me by a colleague, himself a former Australian Army major. Any errors of terminology are mine.
In the closing years of the 19th century young Carruthers receives his commission and sets sail to join his regiment as a subaltern at a hill fort on the North West Frontier. On arrival he reports to the OC, who jerks awake to glower at the raw recruit. “Carruthers, is it? Well, jolly good. Welcome, and all that. Pretty quiet here, of course, since we put down the hill tribes. Not a place for the ladies either, but we try to have an active social life anyway, something different every night of the week. What’s today? Tuesday? Jolly good night to arrive, actually – drinks in the mess, a few mess games, everybody gets thoroughly blotto. Good show.” Carruthers looks uncomfortable. “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I should tell you that my father is a country vicar – rather Low Church, actually - and I’ve promised him that I won’t touch strong drink while I’m out here…” The Major recoils in shock. “Good Lord. No drink at all? Well, if you must, Carruthers, if you must. Never mind, there’s always Wednesday night. Card night. Chaps have a few drinks in the mess, get a bit blotto – you can pass on that if you must – then settle down to a few games and a few wagers.” Carruthers begins to look distressed. “Sir, I don’t wish to be thought a wet blanket, but I promised…” The Major snorts. “Don’t tell me, Carruthers, don’t tell me. No gambling either? Well, surely the old man couldn’t object to a healthy lad indulging in a bit of hanky-panky, could he?” The OC leers horribly. “Thursday night’s the ticket, lad – chaps ride have a few drinks, then down to a certain establishment in the native village where the young gels will show you some tricks you won’t learn back in Blighty, what!” Carruthers looks downcast. “Sir, I’m sorry, but really, I’d rather not.” By now the Major has run out of patience. “Oh, don’t tell me – no playing footsie with loose women either. Good Lord, lad, is there ANY bloody thing you can do?” Suddenly he looks thoughtfully at the wretched boy and says “I say, Carruthers - you’re not by any chance one of thos... homosexual ... chappies, are you?” Startled, Carruthers exclaims in horror “Good Lord, no, sir, absolutely not – it’s nothing like that! I have no such inclinations, none whatever!!!” The Major grunts. “H'm. I see. Well, you won’t enjoy Friday night, then.” |
OH Neil, that is good, LOL!!! Leave it to you. :D
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The world's shortest fairy tale.
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said, "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and traveled extensively, went shopping, dancing, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook and farted whenever she wanted. The end. |
That reminds me of the princess sitting by her pond when a frog jumped up on her lap. He told her he was a handsome prince enchanted by a wicket witch and if she'd kiss him he would be restored to his gorgeous self. He went on, I'll take you as my wife and we will live in my huge castle with my mother. You can cook my favorite dishes and do my wash.
That night this beautiful princess sat down to dine and as she took the first bite of her frog's legs, she chuckled to herself, "No F*****way! |
Hi LoveItaly! Nice to have you back...
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Frog and prince? And that reminds me of the old man who found a frog by the road. He picked it up and was startled when it spoke to him: "If you will kiss me I will turn into a beautiful princess and make love to you." The man put the frog into his pocket and the frog shouted, "Didn't you hear what I said?" "Sure," said the man, "but at my age I'd rather have a talking frog!"
ozarksbill |
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