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Hey wait a minute Patrick- a woman whose husband dies on a golf course may have been a golf widow for years!
Now she finally gets a chuckle out of it. O:) Here's a website you may enjoy- "LaughLab was a huge scientific experiment to discover the world's funniest joke." http://www.laughlab.co.uk/ |
Wouldn't it be just simply marvy to travel with someone who is humor challenged?
I am so often, so misundertood... <GRIN> |
Smythe: I say, Webbley, passed by your house today.
Webbley: Thank you. |
Is that a Welsh joke?
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Well shame on me, but I love these jokes!! Thanks for starting the thread Ira, we all need a good laugh right now.
Regarding golfers; The weekly foursome were out on the course when on the bordering street a funeral procession drove by. One golfer took of his cap and put it over his heart. One of his golf buddies said "say Joe, that was very nice of you". Joe replied "well it was the least I could do, she was a darn good wife for 35 years". |
The Hotel Bill
A husband and wife are traveling by car a very long distance. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the manager. "Well, too bad", the man replies. "She was here, and you could have". BC |
OK, here is my contribution. And almost travel-related.
Did you hear, Federal Express and UPS are going to merge? The new company will be called FedUp. |
The Truth About Message Boards
Q: How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 1 to move it to the Lighting section 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 5 to flame the spell checkers 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp" 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, just to add "Me too" 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs" 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again |
With this inadequate message header, how is anybody supposed to have a clue that this thread contains a "<i>light bulb</i> joke?
;) Best wishes, Rex p.s. Ira's first post is still the best entry on the thread. |
Oh Scarlett, how sad but true and therefore very, very funny! :-D
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A pompous Southern minister was seated next to an attorney on a recent airline flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.
The attorney asks for a Gin and tonic, which is brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replies in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips! The attorney politely handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice." |
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea. Let's pretend we are married." "Why not," giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Get your own damn blanket." |
I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in a vomit bag.
After the plane landed, I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. She asked, "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?" I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids." |
There was a young lady, who was neither a brunette nor a redhead, who had recently inherited from her favorite uncle a bright red Ferrari F 40 that was in pristine condition. She had also inherited from that same uncle a large sum of money, so she decided to spend some of that money on a first class around the world sea voyage. Before she paid for that voyage, which would last for approximately six months, she went to her bank to borrow an amount of money that was equal to the cost of her voyage, and offered her Ferrari as collateral for that loan. Her banker agreed to accept the Ferrari as collateral, but only on the condition that it be warehoused by the bank in a secure location. The young lady agreed to the bankers’ terms, colleted her money, paid for her voyage, and took her trip. Six months later, when her trip was completed, she returned to the bank and wrote out a check to repay her loan plus the small amount of interest that had accrued. Her banker, who was puzzled by the young ladies behavior, asked her why she had borrowed money at interest to pay for her trip when she obviously had enough money to pay for the trip without having to borrow it from the bank. She replied that she borrowed the money because it was cheaper to pay the interest on the loan than it was to pay to have her Ferrari stored while she was on her voyage.
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OMG, love all the jokes, and I do mean all of them!!! PC or not!
And Scareltt, truth is stranger then fiction is it not. Your "joke" was unfortuntly so true", LOL. Good chuckles to everyone. |
Love your sense of humour Ira!! Enjoyed all the jokes but Ira and Scarlett 'take the cake'!!!! |
Patrick I agree...lighten up it is only humor and we all could sure use some now.
My DH is one of those that gets offended at ethnic or religious oriented jokes. So I change them all to Doctors, Lawyers and CPA's... I usually make the Lawyer the brunt of the joke... Did I mention DH is a lawyer. LOL FainaAgain... I'm going to have to tell my DH that one. I'm always on the lookout for good lawyer jokes. |
Areala, I work in a law firm. And this is what I want to say to you.
People shouldn't tell lawyers' jokes, because lawyers wouldn't understand them anyway, and the rest wouldn't think these are jokes. |
LOL Faina, sounds like my lawyer. He is a great lawyer, but does not have a sense of humor. BTW, have several lawyers in the family and doing a mental survey I believe 50% of them do have a sense of humor, as long as the joke isn't about lawyers!
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LoveItaly, I have a different impression - you should've read some of our e-mails! It's accountants who don't have sense of humor :))
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