joan, believe me, there are thousands and thousands of strict parents out there. I see at least 300 or 400 sets a year. Many are out working night and day, have little time for travel, are working their butts off for huge tutitions and never have time to keystroke an internet keyboard.

padams421, you have said it much better than I.

If you support the child's housing, food costs, etc. not even speaking of car, insurance etc. and they are on your income tax- they are not independent nor emancipated.

I think it really hard to generalize teenagers. I travel extensively and my daughter (almost 19) has traveled with me since she was 8. I have upped her independence appropriately as she has matured. Our next trip to London she will stay a few of the nights at a good hostel. I am just down the street in a hotel and she will not have valuables with her but it will teach her how things work. We take things one step at a time.
I did get her and her 2 friends a room for New Years Eve but I had no fears. You see, some kids ARE trustworthy. My daughter would NEVER cave to peer pressure to get drunk or do drugs. It disgusts her. She has 2 best friends (who have also traveled with me) and they watched a Seinfeld CD once they were finished with New Years activities at the mall (dinner and movie)
Some parents are lucky... and CAN trust the kids.
But then again, Spring Break activities do not interest my daughter at all. I suppose I would be very worried if she were all gung-ho about going to Spring Break because WE ALL know what goes on there... if you do not know, order the video "Girls Gone Wild"

I haven't read all of the posts and my kids are little, but it wasn't that long ago (10 years) that I was in college myself. That said, if a "child" is 18 and going off to college, they are at the age that they should have been raised well enough to make good decisions. If they do make mistakes, they should have the opportunity to learn from them.

I'm sure there are conservative christian colleges out there that keep tabs on studens, but they are certainly the exception rather than the rule. I went to a school where all freshman were required to live in dorms, but there was certainly no checking in on students. You would be noticed if you went missing for days, but certainly not if you stayed out late partying! If you trust a child to go away to college and make the appropriate decisions to balance work and play, I don't see the harm in allowing them to take a trip with their high school friends before they all move on.

What about suggesting that your daughter take a trip somewhere other than the traditional beach places (if there are things to do other than drink and tan, even teenagers may end up doing them)? Spring break senior year 2 girlfriends and I went to DC. No problems at all getting hotel rooms, and it was a wonderful experience. Senior summer my boyfriend and I went to Paris. While we got into substantially more trouble, I wouldn't give up those memories for the world. Make your daughter responsible for the planning and financing of the trip (even if she is using money you give her, make sure she is responsible for the actual budgeting).

Honestly, I am not sure why this is such a huge deal. True, even (perhaps especially) if she is a "good kid" she may end up partying some, but the same is going to happen in college a few months later. At least in my experience, colleges do NOT have supervision. (our only rule - and this was at one of the top universities in the country, not a stereotypical
"party school" - was no kegs in the freshman dorms. And we pretty much ignored that too.)

Also, Heavens, you didn't say why your daughter abandoned her original London plan. If cost was the issue, be advised that students can often get great discounts for Europe travel. We booked all of our European flights in high school and college through services like Council Travel (just looked - they are currently offering London NY for $197 round trip - I am sure there are restrictions, but still pretty good) and youth hostels are a cheap, fun option...

Alot of hotels will let teenagers sign in with out an adult. I started to travel when I was 20 years old and my travel companion was my younger sister who was 17. We experienced so many different cultures that I would say it help make me the person I am today and that is a person with thirst to travel to many exotic destinations. Ever since that first trip at 20 I have taken at least one trip a year and I really dont think that I would have traveled as much as I do today if I did not get the chance to start when I was young. I agree with nytraveler that sheltering them will not make life any easier on them. Yes there are some good ADULTS out there at the age of 18. I was one of the few who was totally independent at the age of 17. After I graduated from HS I moved out and got my own apartment at the age of 17 and no my parents did not pay for it I did and I have been own my own since. If parents feel they raised there children right then they should trust there children can make the right decisions and if they make mistakes -which we ALL have done- they can learn from them. I think some parents wait to long to let there little birdies fly away from the nest. Heavens you do what feels right in your heart.

I don;t want to beat a dead horse here - but am truly amazed at some of these posts.

The simple fact of life is that when young people go away to college they are living on their own - they drink (despite the law), experiment with drugs (despite the laws) and have sex with their girl or boyfriends (despite parental wishes).

This all happens in the dorms all the time. And anyone who thinks otherwise either has very bad - or selective memories - or went to college in the 50's - when things apparently were different.

And I'm not talking about bad kids. I'm talking about good, steady, responsible kids with great grades who are polite, kind, trustworthy etc.

This is simply the process. You cannot prevent it - any more than you can prevent the sun from rising (unless, I suppose you lock your kids in their rooms until they are about 50).

Hopefully you have raised them to be bascially sensible and have a strong sense of self - and self-preservation - and they will keep their partying under control. But to think it isn;t happening - just becasue they're going to classes to rather than on a "senior trip" is just silly.

This is an interesting post because it's such a tough question when and how to give your kids freedom. I think it really does just depend on the kid. When I was 17 (not that long ago, I'm 25 now) I went to Cancun with 4 friends. Cancun is a wild place, and we drank and kissed guys at clubs, but we never did anything stupid. In fact, we made a rule (not one imposed by our parents) that at night, we would all stick together. That means no one can go home with a random guy, no matter how cute he is, and that means that if someone wants to go home, we all go home. We took care of each other when some of us got sunburned or were hung over. In fact, some random guy who I talked to at a bar showed up drunk at my hotel later that night, and when we saw him, I told him to go away while all 4 of my friends stood close by to make sure he did what I said. So I think it depends a lot on your kids and their friends. Of course bad things can happen (like getting stalked by a drunk man), but if your kids' friends stick together and are smart enough to stay out of big trouble (like doing illegle things in a foreign country), they should be fine.

Wow, didn't know so many people had such strong opinions about senior trips.

My son will be taking a group senior trip to Europe in June with a high school history teacher. The teacher has strongly cautioned us he is Not a Chaperone, and that the kids are "legal" in Europe... that's fine by me.

Hey, they have to grow up sometime, and have a good time, too! We protect them a little too much, though understandibly so.
I can only hope my son will be a little less crazy and wiser than I was at 18!

I guess I didn't make my point well. The issue for me is not that my kids might try drugs, sex, and alcohol while on vacation. I'm pretty sure that will happen on any given night in h.s. and I am not wearing rose colored glasses in regard to that stuff. I'm not talking about experimentation. I am concerned solely about safety.

My concerns are about driving a car in a strange (as in new, not odd) city or country which I find difficult myself (you should have seen my trying to find the peripherique in Paris this summer)and not knowing the laws or getting into a situation they can't get out of.

When I was 20 I was in London by myself for a week and got into a scary situation with four men surrounding me in an empty train station. I realize that can happen even now but I feel like I am better equipped to handle that kind of problem if it happens and even better at foresight and prevention of those kinds of issues.

My parents were pretty strict when I was in high school. Because of that, I often had to sneak out of the house at night if I wanted to hang out with friends. I was a baaad girl. Even though I was top of my class, very involved in school sports, had a part-time job, and did volunteer work.

I told my parents many years later about the things I used to do. Some of the things they were shocked to hear about, and the rest they flat-out don't believe.

Never assume your kids are angels because they they're good students or seem responsible. No matter what though, you've got to set them free at some point.

My parents gave me a trip to Europe as a HS graduation gift, for maintaining straight A's throughout school. It was a group tour with other students, and we had several teacher chaperones. Boy, did I go nuts...it was my first time away without my parents! Over the course of two weeks, I drank a ton, got in a fight, snuck into an open window of a stranger's hotel room and stole some booze from their mini-bar, had a fling with a gorgeous man, and spent a night passed out in a public park. I'm sure many of us had these crazy "first time away from home" experiences, and we survived. And we have some great memories.

For those of you who might think suzanne or the rest of us "baaad girls" are trying to impress anyone, I think we're just offering a cautionary tale.

BTW, I bet some of you would be really fun to travel with! I can't get any of my girlfriends to even stay out past about 10pm when we go on girl weekends together. Such a bummer for me.

Part of the difficulty we parents have now is that most of us can remember with horrible clarity all the stupid things we did as teenagers/young adults. Now that we're older and hopefully wiser, we try to make sure that our own kids don't do the things we did, but do the thngs we've been telling them their whole lives.

"Now that we're older and hopefully wiser, we try to make sure that our own kids don't do the things we did, but do the thngs we've been telling them their whole lives."

Aahhh... The dream of every parent. If it didn't work for your parents, what reason do have to think it will work for you? From my observations, wisdom isn't something that's taught, but rather learned from an accumulation of experiences.

Wow - this is an interesting thread. There are many different schools of thought, not surprising because we are of different geographic locations, ages, genders, and personal experiences. It's always good to consider what others think about something controversial. And as in life, we can take all of this information and make our own personal decision. I think that those who thought that the senior trip was a bad idea were just concerned about safety, which is was being a parent is all about. On the other hand, others were concerned about not letting a child develop into an adult, which is another thing about parenting that is really hard to do. Letting go is tough. It would be interesting to find out what eventually happens.

I guess none of you watch MTV but Las Vegas IS a spring break destination and MTV will air the partying from there as well as from Cancun, South Padre, and all the other popular spring break areas. Las Vegas IS a party town! The hotel rules are different in resort areas than they are other places and are also different during spring break months. I found this out a few years ago when I was trying to book a hotel in South Padre and all the hotels had age limits and large deposits required - as much as $500. If you were under a certain age you were required to wear a wrist band during your stay.

I'm a very liberal parent but think it's different with daughters than sons. I would worry about a girls safety much more than a boys.

Nytraveler - The laws and rules are changing on college campuses - especially state schools where they are concerned about liability. In KY there was a freshman girl raped and set on fire in her dorm and as a result several of the state schools are going back to single sex freshman dorms. Any visitors must leave a picture ID with the desk. My daughter goes to a private school in Cambridge, MA and there aren't any rules. Her school dorms are coed right down to the showers and bathrooms. You do have to be buzzed into her dorm but no one keeps track of whether you are there or not or if someone stays over.

Don;t misunderstand me - I'm all for greater security for the safety of the students. But some people here seem to be confusing security (desireable in any residence - college or not) with parenting activities. I'm not aware of anyplace where universities are reverting to treating students as children - and monitoring their friends or activities.

And if there were - I would really question if this is the correct function of a univeristy - which after all is to offer higher education to young adults - not serve as babysitters.

(I know this is a hobbyhorse of mine - but one of my responsabilities is to hire and supervise juniors for a potential executive track. And the number of "adults" in their early 20s - university graduates - supposedly well educated and reasonably sophisticated - that are completely immature and irresponsible - expecting to be spoon fed as if they were 10 year olds - and barely have the social skills of my cats - is truly staggering. And over the past 10 years the situation has become increasingly difficult.

Somewhere these young people appear to have lost at least 5/6 years of expected maturity - and when I see some of these posts - I think I understand why. It's really sad - because its having a serious retarding effect on the development - career and emotional - of the poor kids involved.)

I think you hit the nail on the head, nytraveler...

I disagree with the overprotective parents who assert that the notion of a senior trip is a "baaaaad idea" If you're afraid that your sons or daughters will be influenced by peers, chances are that they already have been. Why not live life while you're young? After all, in the end, it's all about the story. Besides, this post wasn't about offering soccer-mom parenting advice to somebody you don't know, it was about answering specific questions.

Can they book their own hotel? Yes, if 18.
Rental Car? No. 21 year olds can't.
Cruise Alone? Depends on the liner.
Gamble in Vegas? No.
Drink? Not in the states, legally that is. But I'm sure they'll do it anyways.