I thought she was asking if they can book a hotel room ontheir own. I didn't see in any of her posts where she asked for anyone's approval or advice on if she should let them go.

Just a thought. Maybe you and another mom can go and you can rent a house and stay out of their hair.

I have found several large houses in the Scottdsale AZ area (www.vrbo.com/49218 and www.vrbo.com/44438 are just examples)and I am letting my kids pick which one to stay in for spring break next year when my son is a senior. They are all 4-5 bedroom homes with pools and game rooms, bbq pits and fire pits in the back yard. Some even have putting greens. One was built by a student of Frank Lloyd Wright and John Kennedy (and supposedly Marilyn Monroe with him) stayed there. There is great hiking and amazing shopping in the area and ASU is closeby if they want to get a look at the college scene. Check out www.vrbo.com for great rentals.

heavens stated: "I am thinking they need a chaperone, but not sure"

If that's not asking, I don't know what is.

Reads like a statement to me. "Do they need a chaperone?" would be a question. I read this as she has not yet decided if they will need a chaperone, and is checking her daughter's options.

Regarding hotels, some want 21 and over some don't, call ahead. If its not a typical Spring Break place, most hotels/motels would let them sign in themselves. Last time I heard when someone is 18 they are legally adults even though they can't gamble or drink (these activities don't mean anything good or meaningful anyway) so basically it would be very hard to tell a legal adult what to do.

I suggest that if heaven's daughter is mature enough, she should call hotels and ask if they will rent her and her friends a room. Then she will know, in fact if "they can book their own hotel".

It seems that some casinos require customers to be 21.
http://www.excalibur.com/faq.php

BTW, my 16 yr old checked into a Radisson on his own just before Christmas. I called ahead and asked if he would be able to do so before making ressies and paying in advance on expedia. That was okay with the hotel and they told me he might need to give a $25 cash deposit to cover incidentals. Then I called again the day he checked in to talk to the desk clerk to let them know he was coming. He did have to give the $25 deposit which was refunded when he checked out the next day.

amwosu, the question is when the mothers counted the rubbers, were there fewer the next time they counted?

I think that Heavens' questions are normal. She has a certain level of trust with her daughter and daughter's friends, and feels they should be able to take a trip together. At the same time, she's smart enough to know that even the best of kids can get into trouble. She's just trying to cover all the angles....give her a break!

It's a tough decision. When I was 17 and newly graduated from high school, my best friend and I took our graduation money and went to Florida. Alone. First time flying for both of us. I was June, not spring break!!! We spent a few days in Daytona Beach, and then found our way to the Greyhound Bus terminal and on to Disney for a few days. Neither one of us had ever traveled very far from the west side of Buffalo in our lives. But we were city girls, and nothing in our travels could have been worse than some of the things we put up with growing up in that neighborhood. Many kids today are brought up in safe suburban neighborhoods and I'm not sure they're ready for the real world at such a young age.

And at the time, 18 was legal drinking age in NY. My friend and I went to the travel agent ourselves and booked the trip...perhaps with our parents using their credit cards. I don't remember. A year later we took off for Hawaii together. (And many years later, our husbands and kids are best of friends)!

However, I find myself a parent of a 13 year old, and I really don't know what I would do if he was 17 or 18 and wanted to go away with friends. Although we still live in the city - better neighborhood - he's much more sheltered than I was. I probably wouldn't let him, but I'll have to wait and see how things turn out after he attends high school. We do family vacations together, and I will do my best to keep it going even when he's in college.

And agreeing with another poster, many parents see their kids off to college in another state at 17 or 18, so........

Use your best judgement, and remember....when you ask for opinions on a board like this, you're going to get opinions of all kinds.

Good luck!

They need a chaperone! My oldest son went to the Bahamas with his church youth group for his senior trip. Fully chaperoned at all times and still managed to get into a bit of trouble, LOL!

You should go with them, give them their space, but be there just to keep an eye on things. ***kim*** :)

Your killing me, Howard...do you have teenage children? I am thinking not. Now Howard, I really don't sound like the kind of Mom that would encourage my children to break the law, do I? Howard, come on,lighten up...

Patrick, here is the deal. We were talking about it this morning. I told her I was thinking about she and I going to NYC for her sr trip. Where we live, it is a right of passage, for the graduating sr. to go somewhere, usually with a couple of friends, or with a huge group, which I do not approve of. I have a story on that later. She told me a friend was talking to her about a cruise. I asked if she was old enough. She said that she is 18, I can go on my own. Got me to thinking, what exactly CAN an 18 year old do on their own these days. A friend of hers was going to have a birthday party at an Indian Casino where the Mom said they are old enough to, horrors, gamble. So, just collecting information.

When I was 18 I could walk into a bar and order a double scotch and soda. That, my friends, is a scary thought. The legal age of 18 was not good for me and my developing years.

OK, my OD is no saint, but she is very level headed and, in my opinion, deserves a reward for her hard work, high gpa, discipline and keeping very active in leadership groups, Bible studies, student govt, football team manager, on and on... These, I repeat, are very good kids, and there are MANY out there in the world, IMO. And that is good, no, great news.

OK, thanks the rest of you for info. Just wanting to see what options were open. They do not want to gamble, I just didn't know for sure. Most of your comments have been helpful. The non judgemental, wagging fingers posts really are not, IMO.

So, again, if anyone wants to elaborate, when was your first trip alone, how old were you and where did you go? Was it a success or disaster? Share if you want to reminisce...

This is so difficult (as parent of a college freshman). Many of us are sending them off to college, a rather unsupervised setting, in a few months. While they may be "adult" by age, my definition of adult includes being self-supporting, which most of them are not. But we need to give them progressivly more freedom.

That said, I was to all appearances, an extremely responsible HS senior - top 5% of my class, accepted at an elite college, never in any kind of trouble, multiple wholesome activities, never missed curfew, decent friends, etc. The stories I could tell you about my behavior at both church retreats and trips to friend's beach house could curl your hair.

Tough choices we need to make as parents - good luck with this one.

Actually, heavens, I do have a daughter was once a teenager. And, yes, we did "allow" and her cousin of the same age to go by themselves to Montreal (from the NYC area) when they were 16 or 17.
And, no, the subjects of liquor, drugs and gambling were never discussed.
And, in response to your question, I think you do sound like the kind of Mom who might encourage her children to break the law!

I am a parent of 3 teenagers (ok - 2 - one just turned 20). All of my girls are of the goody-two-shoe variety, lol. I doubt that they would get into any trouble on a trip, but I really wouldn't feel good about sending them off alone at the age of 18. While I am pretty confident that there wouldn't be any raging parties, my girls are almost naive about the real world. My 20 yo has definitely matured after 2.5 years of college/dorms, and she has traveled by herself to D.C., Chicago, and San Francisco. I trust her implicity, but I still worry about her riding the metro, taking a taxi to her hotel, etc. At 18 she was definitely too naive to travel alone, or even with a friend.

My friend's kids are of the more typical teenage variety. They would be partying hard, no doubt!

Working hard and getting good grades comes with it's own rewards - getting into the "right" college, pride in a job well done, scholarships and honors. You don't need to reward in addition to that. And just because it's a right of passage where you live doesn't mean you have to follow. JMO. But, that said, do what you think is right for your child. Assess her ability to get herself of sticky situations (lost wallet, creepy man following her, lost plane ticket etc.) Has she learned everything that she needs to know from you, or does she still rely on you for advice about how to handle problems? Only you can determine her street smarts. because unless she's spending some time at Disneyland, she'll need them.

I'm a little confused. If the kids are 18 and have their own money why shouldn't they go?

Obviously I know that packs of irresponsible teens is a bad idea - but what do you all think college is? Someone said that college is relatively unsupervised. I don;t know where that's the case. When I was in college - in excess of 25 years ago - it was completely unsupervised - you went wherever you wanted, did whatever you wanted , with whomever you wanted. And no one - but your roommates - would know if you were gone for days or weeks on end. There were two rules on campus: you must wear shoes in the cafeteria and firearms were not allowed. And I can;t imagine any supervision has been added in the meantime. So, unless they are going to some special church school - what supervision?

They are now adults (or should be - and soon better be) let them live their lives!

The query was if hotels would take them. I think that's what we should be answering.

I don't really have anything to add, except the stories by gail and nytraveler sure made me remember some things that gave me a good laugh! I won't imcriminate myself...but suffice to say that my friends from college/ sorority sisters and I have lots of memories:D

Have fun planning the trip, one of the most fun parts IMO and let us know what you decide. Its a tough decision. I agree with the idea of progressively more independent travel as kids get older. My own kids are 14 and 16 and they fly alone and have traveled with groups from school since they were in the 5th grade. My oldest says he still wants to go skiing with us each year even in college. I don't plan on sending him to spring break every year of college. He is more likely to want tocome home and work that week anyway.

My first trip alone was to Paris for 10 days for spring break my sr year. The drinking age was 18 and we started on the plane. We drank our way through many expensive dinners and kept a bathtub filled with beer and ice on the top floor of our tiny hotel. Some got drunk and wandered the streets trying to buy pot with their limited French vocabulary. One particularly sheltered girl lost her virginity. The trip of a lifetime for a bunch of geeks. We didn't plan to party, it just happened. Only one person out of the eight of us was a partier at home. My parents were so naive.

Rent a car? Yes, but she's pay an arm and a leg for that as the rental agencies put in an additional charge for under 25. However, she may get lucky and find a decent price during some weeekdays off-season.

Gamble in Vegas? Absolutely not till she's 21. There is a way around. Let her go to an Indian casino, not sure about Nevada, but in California the legal gambling age for INDIAN casinos is 18.

My daughter went last summer with two friends to NYC - ages 19. The hotel room was prepaid with a credit card by one parent. I required my daughter to pay her own way for this trip, which in turn made her appreciate everything about it - and voila no trouble. That's what I recommend. And I think the numbers are important - any more than three and the partying can get out of hand quickly. I agree with nytraveler - once 18 you don't have the power to say no - especially if they plan and pay for it themselves. You've already done everything you can to help them make the right decisions. Interesting side note: On this trip, my daughter later confessed the third friend had contacted - and went out with - a complete stranger she had previously met on the Internet. The other two friends were furious - that act was the end of a long friendship. So good kids - in small numbers - will police themselves.

The liability laws are not what they were 10, 15, 25 years ago. That is why many aspects of this are totally different now.

The maturity levels of sheltered, suburban and rurally raised 18 year olds are uneven- and not what some here think they are. This is the population that I see every single day in my work. Great kids, and responsible for the most part, but as Buffalogirl said- they didn't see the things we saw and have fast "grow up- city smart" training time. These think that Survivor on tv is real danger, and that you pop back up like a cartoon character after the steamroller hits you. They are smarter in tech and IQ, but also extremely more niave, as they have been sheltered from many harsh realities. They have had someone putting a OSHA railing up for them everywhere, since they were born. Although a vast generalization and I'm sure there are exceptions (and the law is the law regardless)- nevertheless it is true by me.

I am an absolute Scrooge when it comes to these things. Did not let any of my children go on any rite of passage trips before about 20 to 21, and then it was on their ticket. And I have never funded a spring break trip either. We traveled as a family. I have spent too much time in ER's, clinics and at Crisis Center dispatching and talking to survivors- to not know what is going on out there. TOO much, and you don't want to know.

It often doesn't start as a wrong way turn, but things escalate. You should hear some of the "day after" stories I hear. Right now the U.of I. is starting a special program as their suicide rate has gotten to the point of noteability.

And not as they were in the past, even the looser colleges now have some supervisory policies. Gone are the days when you could go to Southern Illinois and lay in a trailer for a week with no one noticing. Too many people didn't get out of the trailer, so administrators have wised up somewhat with freshman/sophomore rulles and living arrangement restrictions.
The school I work for has immense numbers of rules. By 20 or 21 these same people can travel all they want and with school exchange programs/ jobs etc. But to be "free" time vacationers all alone at 18. Developmentally it is not a good idea.