Top Signs You're At A Bad Motel
 

1. The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Kennedy has died.

2. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.

3. The "magic fingers vibration" is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic.

4. There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow.

5. The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes.

6. You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it.

7. There's a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers.

8.The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you.

9. The Only TV station you can get is a porno channel with Roseanne on it.

10. The wake up call comes courtesy of police helicopter.

There is broken glass in the baby crib. This really happened to us!

Flashing neon lights advertising HOT WATER

When your cat doesn't want to sleep on the bed (another true story)!

When they advise you NOT to drink the hotel water (at the only vacant hotel in Rock Springs, WY in the mid '70's). Even as a kid, I was horrified--and my poor mother...

1. When the front desk clerk has no teeth.

2. When you're up all night listening to the drug deals going on in the adjacent alley.

PS, don't stay in Marina, CA!

1. When the front door, showing signs of being kicked in, is held shut with a bungy cord.
2. When the closet has a rat trap in it.
3. "Swimming" beach is filled with tiny jellyfish.
(all true - place in Marathon, FL)

We saw what looked like a bullet hole in the wall in a really crappy Las Vegas motel.
We arrived in Las Vegas a day eariler than planned and figured we stay a night some place cheap before checking into Baley's. That was when Baley's was one of the nicer places on the strip.
We always laugh about our night there. Thank God we survived. I think we heard a pimp collecting some money from one of his employees during the night.
We were young and dumb at the time with no kids, so we weren't as concerned about safety. I'm sure it's been torn down by now.

When there's awful smelling air fresheners in three corners of the room and they still smell better than whatever smell they're trying to cover up! (Geneva, Swizterland)

You are gang tackled by the insects in the bathroom.

You find a whiskey bottle, mostly full, lying on the bed.

When Norman Bates checks you in!

When the first thing you see in the room is a GIANT can of Raid on the dresser. True - Pioneer Inn, Lahaina

* When you can't get any "cold" water in your hotel bathroom, only hot or warm.
* When you can't take a bath before you go out to a party because the plumber has to come up and fix the problem.
* When you come home from a party and the carpet is soaked near the bathroom (but your too tired to change rooms).
* When you turn down the thermostat and the sound of the AC wakes you up, constantly.
* When you wake up and 5 am and want to take a pill and there is still no cold water to drink.

All this happened in our hotel room last Saturday night in San Diego. The desk guy comped our parking fee though...

LOL,
When your Pup doesn't want to sleep on the bed ((&))
When you are afraid to step on that stain at the foot of the bed. ( where are the chalk marks???)

True !!

M t l

When the maid steals some of your makeup, then the management refuses to believe you when you complain.

When the local police warn you that if you smell an ammonia smell in the hall, it's someone cooking methamphetamine and you need to give them a call!

When the hotel bar is full of transvestites attending a convention.

(These ALL happened to me in Abilene, TX!)

Between the curtains, the bedspreads, and the wallpaper, there are 5 different floral patterns in the room at once!!
(Marlin, TX)

when the sheets are hard.

When the desk clerk tells you they change the sheets daily--from one room to the next. :o

OK, I made that one up. But the following is true:

A few years ago I checked into a hotel in Minsk, Belarus. As soon as we got into the room, we saw roaches scattering in the bathroom. We stomped as many as we could, then called the desk to complain and ask for a room change. The clerk said the other rooms will be the same, so if we've already killed the roaches in that room, it's just as well that we stay there. I was with a tour on this trip so changing hotels was not an option. :&

Thank God we were only in Minsk for one night.

* The shower head produces exactly three streams in three different directions (none of them down).

* The mold in the shower stall is so green and so rampant, the idea of stepping one foot in there without clothes on makes your skin crawl.

* There are cobwebs large enough to capture a rat in 2 of the 4 corners.

* The other two corners are heavily water-stained and moldy.

True story. Thankfully, I've forgotten the name of the motel, but it was in Groton, CT.