There's No Such Thing As The Greatest City In The World But, If There Was, It Would Probably Be New York City
 

We have just returned from our first visit to New York City, an unforgettable trip I�d like to share here.

A bit of background first. 4 of us made the trip � myself, my wife Liz, her brother Eddie & her sister Anne Marie. We�re from Glasgow in the West of Scotland & the trip was originally intended to be a girl�s shopping break to celebrate Anne Marie�s landmark birthday (it would be ungallant of me to give away her age, but she�s not 30 & she�s not 40). When Eddie & I got to hear about the plans, however, we asserted our superiority as Alpha males & begged & pleaded with them on bended knee to be allowed to accompany them.

We flew with Icelandair from Glasgow to JFK with a four hour layover in Iceland. One of the attractions of flying with Icelandair (apart from the reasonable fare � we�re Scottish remember) was that the price included a free trip to the Blue Lagoon thermal spa, a short drive from Keflavik airport. The airport is situated in the very south west corner of Iceland & in fact it could scarcely be closer to the USA & still be on Icelandic soil. Although we were shown an Icelandic Tourist Office video during the flight which featured rolling meadows & grazing ponies the landscape around the airport could not have been more different. There was hardly any grass or, indeed, flora or fauna of any kind to be seen & the overwhelming impression was one of a flat, black, rocky, moon-like surface, although mountains could be seen far off in the distance.

On negotiating our way outside the airport we found a bus waiting to take us & another few passengers to the Blue Lagoon. It was around a 20 minute drive from the airport & although initially the road cut past the outskirts of the town of Keflavik, we soon turned off on to a desolate looking road until, after a while, steam could be seen rising up in the distance. We drove on towards the steam & soon we were pulling up in the Blue Lagoon�s car park, which seemed pretty incongruous in such a remote looking area.

Both the return bus journey & the actual entry to the Blue Lagoon itself were free as part of Icelandair�s offer & so the only costs we incurred were for hiring towels which we paid for by credit card, although they would have accepted pounds sterling, US dollars or, of course, Icelandic kronur. It�s possible to rent swimming costumes too but we had no need as we had followed Icelandair�s advice & kept our swimming gear in our hand luggage. Eddie & I found the male changing rooms to be fairly typical of swimming pools anywhere else but Liz & Anne Marie were somewhat taken aback by the �frankness� of the women in the female changing rooms, who seemingly had no qualms in walking about naked. I suggested that they take a few photos when they went back in to get dressed (just to illustrate the point, you understand) but for some unaccountable reason they declined.

Having changed into our swimming gear & had a quick shower, Eddie & I emerged from the changing rooms out into the open air towards the water itself. Although the temperature gauge at the airport had shown the temperature as being Minus 3 degrees we hadn�t felt it to be particularly cold when we arrived. Take it from me, however, there is a world of difference between standing outside in sub-zero temperatures in a nice warm coat & scarf as opposed to wearing no more than a pair of swimming shorts. I am sure my knocking knees must have set off some sort of seismic counter at the Icelandic Geological Institute and it is quite possible that local emergency crews were put on standby at the prospect of what appeared to be an imminent earthquake. The temptation was to get into the steaming water as quickly as possible & Eddie did just that. Unfortunately for me, however, I had left my glasses in the changing room locker with my clothes & it was all I could do to see more than few inches in front of me, let alone negotiate my way to the water�s edge. Picking my way slowly, I looked down at my legs & realised why the place was known as the BLUE Lagoon. As frostbite set in I could hear Liz & Anne Marie roaring with laughter & so I followed their guffaws until I was able to discern their blurry forms though the steamy mist. Stepping into the water I found it to be blissfully warm & soon the blood had flowed back into my toes.

It was the most bizarre experience. While we stood in the water in our swimming gear the guards patrolled round the pool in puffy one-piece ski-suits, oversized caps with ear-flaps & large quilted gloves like oven-mitts � not exactly Pamela Anderson. I am sure that if they had had to enter the pool in an emergency it would have taken them half an hour to get undressed � either that or they would have sunk like a stone once they got into the water. There were troughs around the edges of the pool filled with white volcanic mud which is supposedly very good for your skin & we saw a number of strange looking creatures emerging through the steam wearing this mud as face- masks which just added to the surrealness. The water was wonderfully warm & in fact, in some areas, we actually turned back because it was getting uncomfortably hot.

After about an hour or so it was time to get changed & so we emerged gingerly from the pool & made for the sanctuary of the changing rooms as quickly as possible. The bus was waiting for us as we came out & off we headed back to the airport.

As our flight took off bound for JFK we could see the steam rising below & it was hard to imagine that only an hour or so previously we had been bathing right in the heart of it. The Blue Lagoon was a great way of breaking the journey & I would heartily recommend it. You can find out more at www.bluelagoon.com.

Still, Iceland & the Blue Lagoon was only a short break in our journey & we looked forward in anticipation to what New York City would bring.

More to follow�.

Hello JJBhoy, what an experience and yes the name Blue Lagoon does seem appropriate from your description. I can only imagine how wonderful the warm water felt.

I am so looking forward to the next installment of your trip report..wonder if NYC was prepared for you four Scots :-? LOL.

A great start! Written with such charm. I can't wait to hear about the rest of your adventures.

Oh, this IS good!! :D
Can't wait to hear more JJBhoy!!

<i> ( I think it is safe to say that New York City is the greatest city in the world ) :D</i>

After landing at JFK &amp; making its approach towards the terminal building our plane remained stationary for what seemed like ages. The pilot apologised for the delay but explained that as we were 20 minutes or so ahead of schedule, our gate was currently occupied by another aircraft. A perfectly reasonable excuse of course –or at least it would have been if I hadn’t been able to clearly see blazing flames not too far away &amp; thick black smoke billowing across the runway. It was impossible to tell if the fire was actually on the airport property or whether it was coming from somewhere outside – perhaps an industrial unit or the freeway. The pilot made absolutely no mention of the fire &amp; we never did find out what caused it but it made for a rather unsettling welcome to New York. Maybe it was just coincidence but it wasn’t until the fire had noticeably died down that our plane eventually docked at the gate &amp; we were allowed to disembark.

Having all visited the US previously, we had already had our retinas &amp; fingerprints scanned &amp; so we were able to get through customs relatively quickly &amp; it wasn’t long before we had collected our luggage &amp; found ourselves out at the taxi rank. Following advice given here we had decided that, with there being 4 of us, a taxi was the best way to reach Manhattan. It was around 7 p.m. on a Sunday evening in early March (Oscar night, actually) which I would guess is a relatively quiet time for arrivals
&amp; so there was no queue (sorry, line) for taxis (sorry, cabs). What is that saying about two nations divided by a common language?

Eddie had brought an outrageously large samsonite-type suitcase with him which we christened Big John. Honestly – it would have made more sense to have given Big John a seat on the plane &amp; checked Eddie into the hold. The taxi greeter took one look at Big John &amp; decided that a “normal” cab wouldn’t be up to the job so a larger vehicle (at home we would have called it a mini-van) was called into operation. After a short delay while the driver almost gave himself a coronary loading Big John &amp; the rest of our luggage into the trunk (there – getting the hang of it now) we found ourselves en route for Manhattan.

There was a thread here recently about “wow” moments in New York &amp; several Fodorites had mentioned their first sight of the spectacular skyline as they drove into Manhattan. For my part, however, I found the approach to the city just a wee bit less exciting than I had anticipated. Perhaps it was the route we had taken (via the Lincoln Tunnel) or maybe it was because I was worrying over how much of a tip the driver was going to expect for putting his life on the line during his 3 rounds, 2 falls or a submission match-up with Big John. Anyway, it wasn’t too long before the taxi pulled up outside our accommodation – the Best Western Hospitality House at E 49th &amp; Lexington. Even although we had taken an oversized cab we were still only charged the regular fixed fare from JFK to Manhattan (from memory $45?) which I reckoned was a very good deal. And the driver’s tip? Easy – “Don’t plant your tomatoes in the shade” (sorry – an old Scottish “joke”. And not a very good one at that).

We were very pleased indeed that we chose the Hospitality House. To call it a “hotel” is a misnomer and in fact I don’t even think that it would qualify as a “suite-hotel” as there are no on-site bar or restaurant facilities (although there are two restaurants immediately adjacent next door). In effect you are renting a short-term apartment but there is a staffed reception area (albeit small), the apartment is cleaned daily &amp; your kitchen is also stocked daily with various staple essentials. Due to the make up of our party we needed three separate sleeping areas &amp; I had sought advice here previously when various suite-hotels &amp; apartment rental websites had been recommended. In fact, at one point in my planning I had reservations at both the Beekman Tower &amp; the Hotel Metro (where I had reserved a “family suite”) but the Hospitality House was very well reviewed on Trip Advisor &amp; the rate we were quoted on Best Western’s website was too good a deal to pass up;

http://book.bestwestern.com/bestwest...ode=33114#null

For $286 a night ($325 including taxes etc.) we had a two bedroom apartment with an additional sofa-bed in the lounge. Both bedrooms were very spacious, as were the lounge (which, in addition to the sofa bed also had a good sized dining table &amp; chairs), the bathroom (which had an excellent shower &amp; bathtub) &amp; the completely separate kitchen (which came complete with fridge, oven, microwave &amp; dishwasher). As I mentioned above the kitchen was restocked daily with milk, coffee, tea-bags, bagels, orange juice, fruit, breakfast cereals, butter &amp; jam – not a huge supply but enough to get us going in the morning before we went out for our “real” breakfast (of which more later). There was plenty of closet space &amp; a TV in each of the two bedrooms in addition to the set in the lounge.

We found the location to be excellent – within easy walking distance of Times Square, Grand Central, The Rockefeller Centre, St. Patrick’s Cathedral, Bloomingdales, Saks Fifth Ave., 51st Street subway station etc. etc. etc. The fact that that so many hotels (including the Waldorf Astoria) are in the immediate vicinity probably tells its own story about the location.

To be objective, however, there were a couple of negative points too. When I reserved the apartment online I had requested a room on a higher floor to try &amp; cut down the outside noise which, from what I can gather, seems to be pretty much inevitable in Manhattan. Best Western make it clear, however, that they can’t guarantee to meet such a request &amp; sure enough, when we checked in we were told we had been allocated an apartment on the second floor (which of course we would regard as being the first floor at home). The receptionist assured us that the apartment had recently been refurbished (which may well have been true) &amp; that it was nicer than those higher up (bear in mind that this is not a tall building – maybe only 7 or 8 floors). Nevertheless, Liz is a great believer in the adage that “if you don’t ask, you don’t get” &amp; she tried to gently persuade him to transfer us to a room higher up. My impression was that the guy genuinely didn’t have any other rooms available but a minor detail like that isn’t enough to stop my darling wife when she gets into full flow &amp; so she kept going on &amp; on. And on &amp; on. And on…..well, you get the picture. When eventually the guy had convinced her through his tears that he had nothing else available she relented &amp; left him there – a quivering wreck rocking slowly back &amp; forth on his chair sobbing “no more rooms…no more rooms” over &amp; over again. Having been married to Liz for over 20 years now I understood only too well the pain &amp; anguish he was going through &amp; so I discreetly slipped him the telephone number of a qualified counsellor before hastily gathering our luggage &amp; falling into line behind her as she strode purposefully into the lift.

Sorry – got a bit distracted there. The point is that we did find outside noise to be an issue at night. The service entrance to the Marriott Eastside is directly across the road from the bedrooms &amp; there was some noise from delivery &amp; garbage trucks. It didn’t cause us a major problem but if nigh-time noise irritates you unduly then you might want to bear it in mind. We also found the bedrooms to be too warm at night, even although it was very cold outside. Although the rooms had air-conditioning we found it too noisy &amp; so we just put up with the heat – not too much of a problem in early March, but how would we have coped in summer?

My other negatives are pretty minor &amp; the first is the lack of natural light in the lounge. There is only one smallish window in the lounge, which overlooks an airshaft (for want of a better term) and so we found the place to be rather dull. The walls are also painted a shade of olive green, which didn’t help matters any. I also thought that the chairs in the lounge were a bit dated looking.

With the possible exception of the noise issue, however, I would consider these criticisms to be nitpicking &amp; would have no hesitation in recommending the Hospitality House – particularly if you can pick up a similar rate to ours. If you can afford it, the likes of the Righa Royale &amp; some of the higher end Affinia properties may be that bit more luxurious but we felt that the Hospitality House represented excellent value for money &amp; we would be only too happy to stay there again.

More to follow…..

Jim

I'm hoping this was a long trip and you continue to include all the details! (I already foresee Big John's struggle home).

Lovely report so far!

Please tell me you tipped the cab driver?

I wish you could see me clapping and cheering (woo hoo!!!). Yes, NYC *IS* the greatest city in the universe. =D&gt;

I agree!

Very entertaining...but where's the rest ;)

JJBhoy

You must clear up the meaning of what you said was an old Scottish joke: Don't plant your tomatotes in the shade.

Good trip report - keep it coming.

Sandy

I'm loving this - can't wait to hear about the rest of the trip.

I guess jjboy was 'tipping' (ie advising) the cab driver not to '...plant tomatoes in the shade'.

I think the joke is something like this:

So a guy goes into a restaurant and gets the rudest, sloppiest service possible from the waiter. The guy puts up with it, then when the check gets slapped down, he pointedly lays down the exact amount, gets up and heads to the door.

As he gets his coat on at the door, the waiter runs up and says, &quot;Hey mac! What about my tip?!&quot;

The guy swings the front door open and, as he leaves, answers: &quot;You want a tip?! Here you go: Plant your crops early this year!&quot; And slams the door.

(Cue rim shot from the drummer.)

Glad you liked it.

But - there's no probably about it. And we usually say universe!

OK, I've now had a couple drinks with dinner, but I still read this twice. You landed at JFK and went into Manhattan by way of the Lincoln Tunnel? What am I missing here?
All else aside, I'd say you got an incredible ride at an amazing bargain for $45 if you went to New Jersey enroute to Manhattan! I'd say your driver deserved a big tip if he drove you that far.

LOL I was thinking the same thing Neo. I am enjoying this report. Love visitors impressions of the city I call home.

I love this trip report! Where is the rest? Very amusing and you still manage to provide useful info.

Perhaps that tunnel was the Queens-Midtown Tunnel ?

Oh, and I like Liz :D

Just a few points quickly before I go out to work;

Firstly - thanks very much for all of your kind remarks. They are very encouraging.

SandyBrit - someone once said (I can't remember if it was Jean Paul Sartre or Adam Sandler)that if you have to explain a joke, then it's not funny. Given that I already knew this one wasn't funny I suppose it was inevitable that I would have to explain it. As it happens both highflyer &amp; rjw_lgb_ca called it right.

Go Travel - Of course I gave the cab driver a proper tip - &quot;Don't wear white socks with black shoes.&quot; Really, don't worry, I tipped him with the generosity for which we Scots are world-renowned.

Neopolitan &amp; laartista - Mea Culpa. It was the Queens-Midtown. As usual Scarlett was correct although I have to say that I find her opinion of Liz somewhat worrying.

As for the rest of the report? Well, I'm afraid that it hasn't been written yet. I don't keep a journal or notes so I am having on rely on a series of rapidly blurring memories which may not all be 100% accurate. I will try to type up more today.

Thanks again.

Jim

Jim, please do post more - it's been informative AND funny so far!

&quot;someone once said (I can't remember if it was Jean Paul Sartre or Adam Sandler)that if you have to explain a joke, then it's not funny&quot; Thanks, you started my morning off with quite a laugh. :-)

Hi JJBhoy, I am so enjoying your report and your sense of humor. Regarding the tip I sure &quot;got it&quot;, could be because my dad was a Scot (raised in Australia) and that would have been the type of joke he would have told. But my mother, she never ever got a joke or a funny comment in her life LOL. Use to drive the family crazy.

And your wife, love her style, never take no for an answer. Well not at least until you know the NO is truly a NO. Good for her!!

LOL
&quot;<i>....when she gets into full flow &amp; so she kept going on &amp; on. And on &amp; on....</i>
I don't know Jim, there is just something about Liz that is familiar :D

ttt - just because this is soooo good.
((S))((*))

LOL Scarlett, I was thinking the same thing. There was this time in Hawaii when we started to check in at the hotel we found out we were not going to get the ocean front room we had been assured of...well two hours later the Mgr. actually put us in an oceanfront suite...and ran the opposite way everytime he saw me for the next week. And my DH went to the bar while I had discussions with the desk clerk, the Sr. desk clerk, the Assistant Mgr and BINGO finally the Mgr.

Husbands should appreciate women like us. Honest JJBhoy, it is true!!

Who cares if your memory is blurring or not, just keep typing1
:-)

...LOL...&quot;Big John&quot; very funny!

What a great report!! :D

Who said men weren't observant about decor? 8-)

If you'd all been to the US before, Jim, where had you gone, if not to the greatest city in the world?

Before I go on, just to answer another couple of points raised earlier. We arrived in New York on the Sunday evening &amp; left on the Thursday evening so we had 3 full days &amp; the best part of a 4th. It still wasn’t nearly enough, however.

McLaurie – we have all been to Orlando, Florida on family holidays and in fact we made our third trip there last June (2005). In addition, Eddie had also been to Las Vegas and Liz &amp; Anne Marie had made a short 2 day trip to Niagara from Canada a few years ago. Incidentally, I would like to go on record to thank you for the wonderful information you provide here for visitors to NYC.

I really wasn’t sure how to approach the next part of the report. Up to now it has been written more or less chronologically but the problem is that we packed so much in to our visit that I honestly have a pretty poor grasp of the exact timeline – in other words what happened when. As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t keep a journal or any notes. In the circumstances I have tried to loosely group various aspects of the trip together but I hope I will be forgiven if I wander “off topic” from time to time. The more observant of you will have noticed that I am inclined to do that anyway!

I should say upfront that some of the things we did went flatly against advice often given here and so I fully expect to get flamed. Perhaps the most obvious example is;

FOOD

One of the problems about travelling in a group is that you have to make compromises &amp; eating out was probably the prime example of that during our trip. Whereas Anne Marie &amp; I are game to try almost anything, Liz &amp; Eddie are both naturally cautious travellers &amp; very much prefer the tried &amp; tested – particularly when it comes to restaurants. I had arrived in New York armed to the teeth with recommendations for restaurants scattered the length &amp; breadth of Manhattan but, in the event, we had dinner in chain restaurants within steps of Times Square on each of our first 3 evenings. Our litany of shame read….Olive Garden; Planet Hollywood; Hard Rock Caf&eacute;.

Look, I know…..the food is overpriced &amp; probably no better than you can find in other, less “touristy” parts of the city but Liz &amp; Eddie recognised the chain names from our Florida trips &amp; were happy to play it safe. As it happened I actually thought that the Olive Garden was OK but I would be perfectly happy if I never had to go to another Planet Hollywood or Hard Rock Caf&eacute; again. On our last evening we did manage to persuade them to eat in Carmine’s which, as far as I know, isn’t a chain although it is still on the threshold of Times Square. There was a lively atmosphere, huge portions &amp; much better value for money than the others but I can’t say that I was over-impressed by the food.

By &amp; large we had no language problems at all during our visit but Eddie ordering food was a constant source of amusement to the rest of us. Any ex-pat Scots reading this will no doubt remember a comedian at home named Stanley Baxter who used to have a very successful TV show in the 70’s &amp; 80’s. One of the most popular features on the show was a running sketch entitled “Parliamo Glesga” (“Glesga” being the local pronunciation of Glasgow) which was a spoof on those very stilted &amp; staged “teach yourself a foreign language” educational programmes. Stanley &amp; his sidekicks would act out a little play of everyday “Glesga” life in the local slang before stopping to “translate” what had been said into very formal English.

For example, Stanley would go into the local grocers &amp; say to the assistant, “Geeza punna burra furra murra” before looking the camera straight in the eye &amp; explaining in a very posh accent that he was enquiring as to whether it would be at all possible to purchase a pound of butter for his mother. Other “useful” words were;

“Scummindooninbuckets” – “My goodness it is raining heavily today!”

And, said by an indignant young female to a rakish young man at the local dance hall;

“Takyurhonaffmabum” - “Would you kindly please remove your hand from my posterior?”

I have a very broad Glasgow accent so whenever I travel (even if it’s just down to England) I always go to great pains to speak slowly &amp; enunciate my words as clearly as possible. Eddie, on the other hand, makes absolutely no concessions at all &amp; as a result no-one (and I mean NO-ONE) we met in New York had the remotest idea of anything that he said to them. Invariably, Liz would order her meal first and it was always the “safest” item on the menu – lasagne, for example, or spaghetti bolognese. Almost before the last syllable of the word “bolognese” had left her mouth, Eddie would chime in with “Allhuv’atanall”, which Stanley Baxter would have translated as “I would like to order the same meal as my friend, please”. Every time, they both ordered the same thing as each other and, sure as fate, every time, the waiter/waitress had absolutely no idea what Eddie had said. Wherever we went shopping we became accustomed to the sight of a bewildered store assistant looking blankly into the face of a red faced Scotsman desperately trying to get his point across. Eddie would ask a seemingly straightforward question, for example, “Excuse me – are these shoes available in a size 11?”, to which the assistant would smile weakly, disappear for a couple of minutes &amp; then triumphantly return carrying a tennis racket and a photograph of the Dalai Lama.

If there is one thing I could transport from New York back to Glasgow I think it might just be the deli’s. We made a point of getting up early each morning, around 7.30 a.m., making tea or coffee &amp; some toast &amp; then going out to have breakfast. We would just choose one at random and without exception they were all excellent, although I think our favourite was the one next door to the Tourist Information office on Seventh Avenue (sorry, don’t remember the name). We also got into the habit of stopping off for a nice warm bowl of soup each afternoon after a morning’s sightseeing in the cold weather. We simply don’t have anything to compare to them at home – I wish we did.

More to follow….

Jim

OMIGOD, Jim, I am weak with laughter, wiping the tears off my face and my husband is looking at me with a familiar blank look LOL.......

The tennis racket and the photo of the Dalai Lama did it :D

&quot;the assistant would smile weakly, disappear for a couple of minutes &amp; then triumphantly return carrying a tennis racket and a photograph of the Dalai Lama.&quot;

Oh, help!! I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. BTW, I had an aunt in Ireland with whom I believe I had this very same conversation. :-)

I came back looking for more of this report and am not disappointed! I don't know what you do for a living but consider writing a humor column somewhwere and we will all subscribe...hmmm a travel column and you can see the world on someone else's dollar!

I've been watching for updates on your trip report and look what I find. You are hilarious! Looking forward to more.

And if it's any consolation, we ate at Forrest Gump's in NYC. We were just all very tired and hungry and there it was.

Great report.

And, now I don't feel so bad for turning on the captions when I rented &quot;Trainspotting&quot;

I'm checking back tomorrow, hope there is more...I need a good laugh!

Once again – thanks for your supportive comments; ncgrrl - I needed the subtitles for Trainspotting too.

Since I mentioned the subject of shopping on my last post I may as well continue in that vein. Having visited Orlando, Florida on 3 previous occasions I think we had been somewhat spoiled in our expectations of bargain clothes prices in the US. It goes without saying that New York has an absolutely fantastic range of shopping &amp; it is also true that, in general, the prices here are cheaper there than at home. But for a few exceptions, however, we didn’t really find the level of fantastic bargains we had become accustomed to in Florida.

Before our trip, Anne Marie had heard some good reports about the Woodbury Common Discount Outlets, which are about an hour by bus from Manhattan and she &amp; Liz decided that they would like to pay a visit. Now, I like bargain shopping as much as the next man (assuming the next man is slightly overweight, balding &amp; has seen better days) but I wasn’t going to spend one of my few precious days in New York at a shopping mall. Eddie felt the same so it was agreed that we would have a day when we could all go our separate ways.

Eddie had been looking forward to seeing the USS Intrepid Sea, Air &amp; Space Museum so, bearing in mind his linguistic difficulties (see my previous post above) we walked him down to West 46th St. early on the Wednesday morning, pointed him in the right direction &amp; then told him to keep walking until he came to a big boat. I then walked with the girls down to the Port Authority building, where we barely got in the door before we were set upon by a swarm of sales agents all trying to sell us bus tickets to Woodbury Common. They seemed to assume that any female who entered the building was bound for a day’s shopping and of course, in our case, they were dead right. I saw the girls safely on to the bus &amp; then, after waving them off, I headed straight for the nearest whorehouse.

Nah…..of course I didn’t. I went exploring but will save that story for my next post.

When we met up later on Liz &amp; Anne Marie had done a fair amount of shopping, but nothing like the “credit card melt down” proportions I had expected. For instance, I can well remember Anne Marie buying 6 pairs of shoes in little more than an hour at the Orlando Premium Outlets on the last day of our 2005 visit (one pair of which consisted of 2 left feet – we had to take them back to the Liz Claiborne store at 10 p.m. the night before we flew home). They thought Woodbury Common was OK but the prices weren’t up to (or should that be “down to”) Orlando standards.

As we have two teenage boys at home who are VERY particular about their clothes we had to bring back plenty of presents for them &amp; most of this was done at two stores – Century 21 &amp; Bloomingdale’s. I’m afraid that we never found the time to visit either Macy’s or Saks (even though we passed by the latter every day) and I can’t even remember seeing either Barneys or Bergdorf Goodman. Century 21 turned out to be quite a success, although the crowds are such that is very much survival of the fittest – every man (or, more accurately, every woman) for him/herself. We were able to find some of the boys’ favoured labels at excellent prices (Energie &amp; Lindbergh Sports, for example) and we simply cut the Century 21 labels off &amp; stuck the clothes in Bloomingdale’s bags before handing them over. Presentation is everything.

Now… Bloomingdale’s….Our visit there was quite eventful &amp; perhaps even worthy of a trip report in its own right, so I hope you’ll bear with me.

I had read that if we took ID demonstrating we were visitors to their Customer Services we could get a card giving us a discount on most of our purchases. So, Liz &amp; I headed there immediately on our arrival &amp; sure enough we got our discount card. I can’t remember now exactly how much of a discount it was, but I think 11% - certainly well worth getting. While we were waiting in line at Customer Services we noticed a few of the people in front of us collecting black Bloomingdale’s shopping bags &amp; key rings &amp; so when we got served Liz asked about this. The assistant explained that, as discount card holders, we could claim a free gift for every $100 we spent. All we had to do was present our receipts at the end of our visit and so we thanked her for this information &amp; headed back to meet up with Anne Marie and Eddie &amp; do our shopping. A few hours later we sat in the Showtime Caf&eacute; on the 7th floor and on pooling our receipts we found that we had spent over $800. So, that equated to 8 free bags – perfect gifts for family &amp; friends back home.

In an attempt to curry favour with Liz (I had seriously upset her earlier at breakfast when I accidentally put 52 grains of sugar in her tea instead of her usual 51) I offered to take the receipts down to Customer Services while she &amp; the others finished their snacks. So I headed back down armed with our receipts but my journey downstairs was halted somewhat when I found that one of the “down” escalators was closed &amp; on looking down I saw a very curious sight. Lying spread out on the ground at the foot of the escalator was a very expensive looking fur coat – it looked rather like those chalked body outlines you see on TV detective programmes when there has been a murder. Standing around the coat were 3 Bloomingdale’s employees – 2 harassed looking female shop assistants &amp; one important looking man in a suit who was barking something into a walkie-talkie.

Ever since I have puzzled over what was going on. Had someone attempted to steal the fur coat? Maybe, but why didn’t the staff just pick it up &amp; why was it necessary to close down the escalator? Was there an extremely small old lady inside the coat who I hadn’t noticed? Maybe she was just so small &amp; frail that she had slipped imperceptibly through the 5mm gap between the stairs &amp; down into the escalator innards among all the cogs and gears. If so, what a horrible way to go. Of course, that’s just my theory. Maybe you have a better one.

Anyway, I eventually got back down to Customer Services &amp; presented our receipts to the same assistant I had spoken to earlier. “You’ll find that they total $832”, I proclaimed proudly. “I’ll take 8 free bags, please”. She looked at me disapprovingly &amp; explained that it wasn’t quite as simple as that. Her story now was that we were only entitled to claim one free gift for each member of our party and not simply per $100 spent. “Oh, I see”, I replied, although I didn’t see at all – this definitely wasn’t what she had told Liz &amp; me earlier. My life slowly passed before my eyes as I pictured going back upstairs to Liz &amp; explaining that I had only got the 4 bags.

The conversation then proceeded along the following lines;

Bloomingdale’s Assistant – “So sir, how many people are in your party?”

JJBhoy (panicking) – “Er…8”.

B A – “8! Are you sure?”

JJB (a little more sure of myself now) – “Yes. Definitely 8”.

B A – “But there was only yourself and your wife earlier on!”

JJB (well, there’s no going back now) – “Yes, I know. The others were all upstairs shopping”.

B A – “I’m afraid that I will need a note of their full names &amp; addresses”.

JJB (confident &amp; self assured) – “No problem”.

I knew that she hadn’t asked the people in line before me for this information &amp; that she was just testing me out so, in addition to our own 4 names &amp; addresses I gave her the details for my mother, my sister &amp; Liz’s mother &amp; aunt. She wrote down every single detail on a sheet of paper &amp; then gave me the 8 bags. What’s more, God bless her, the smile never left her face throughout the whole process. I have no doubt that the sheet of paper went straight in the bin the minute I walked away.

Did I do wrong? Maybe – but would you have gone back to Liz &amp; explained why you were 4 bags short? Believe me, I was caught between a rock &amp; a hard place. Those who disapprove will be pleased to hear that we got our come-uppance when we got home to find that a Hugo Boss sweatshirt we had bought for one of the boys was too small.

We actually went on to spend another $300 but decided not to try &amp; claim any more bags. Eddie offered to go down to Customer Services and have a go and I was sorely tempted just to see how that conversation would turn out, but we already had one tennis racket &amp; photograph of the Dalai Lama. What was the point of getting any more? I thanked him for the offer but told him just to forget it.

But that’s not all.

We went to the male grooming section in Bloomingdale’s to buy after shave for our boys &amp; Eddie wandered off to see if he could find anything for his own son. Once we had completed our purchases we looked around but couldn’t see Eddie anywhere. We eventually found him having some sort of lotion rubbed into his cheeks by a glamorous looking sales assistant. He was doing his best to fend her off, but she just wasn’t taking no for an answer, although I suppose to be fair she had no idea what he was saying to her. We stood for a while enjoying the spectacle until eventually the laughter proved too much to bear and we stepped into rescue him (or her – not sure which). Eddie has quite a ruddy complexion &amp; he told us later that she had approached him with the memorable sales pitch; “Good morning, sir. Is it windy outside?” To me, that is tantamount to saying “Good morning, sir. My God, your skin is in one hell of a state”.

This section has gone on for far too long, so just a quick mention for two other places. The sales staff in Tiffany’s were absolutely charming. We went in for a quick look expecting to feel quite intimidated but they could not have been nicer. Even though it must have been perfectly obvious that we had no intention of buying anything they were friendly and happy to let us look around. We also liked Pier 17 at South Street Seaport. A good place to pick up inexpensive gifts for back home, a decent food court but, best of all, a fantastic view of the Brooklyn Bridge while you eat.

Still more to follow…

Jim

I think you were a perfect husband to make up to Liz for the gross oversugaring of her tea.
The mental picture of the frail old lady slipping through the cogs had me cackling , then questions were asked by my husband and now both of us are grinning like fools.
Jim, please, remember everything and make this last a very long time...Thank you, Scarlett ((F))
<i>If only we could have audio on here, I want to hear Eddie asking questions!</i>

This wins the &quot;funniest thing I've read this week&quot; award.

Great reading! I need to share this with my husband. He will be able to relate, I am sure:D