Staying at a hotel or relatives
 

Ok if you were invited to stay at a relatives home instead of staying at a hotel would you? You dont know the relative at all. The hotel isnt that expensive and you can cut it and prefer your privacy instead of staying at the relatives house. What would you do? You are trying not to be rude. My thing is I rather do the hotel.

definitely a hotel, unless they have 10,000+ sqft home and you get the west wing.

We are going to Austria and will most likely be spending a night or two with relatives that I have never met. I am not sure if there is a hotel option nearby or not. I am hoping that someone speaks english in the house that I am in. I don't think it will be that bad.

Normally, I would choose the hotel option. It is much nicer to go back to the hotel to unwind. You can feel them out mentioning a hotel and see how they react. If it is one night, you can probably suck it up. If more than that, I would say you would like to make it easier for your relatives.

hotel, no contest!

How long of a visit are you talking about pgh? And I assume since you do not know the relative at all you have know idea what their accomodations are like. Personally, I would stay at a hotel..hopefully they have one somewhere in the vicinity of their home. And possible this relative invited you to stay with them out of politness but they could be relieved so to speak if you chose to stay in a hotel.

If you are talking about a one night stay and if you feel the relative really wants you to stay with then..well a one night stay isn't that big of a problem. But any longer than that, again I would stay at a hotel. Best regards.

hotel - no doubt about it!

Hotel - definitely!

"Oh, how kind of you to offer. But I have terrible insomnia (snoring, allergies, etc) and do so much better in a hotel."

Hotel no question about it.

Agree with Gail be very polite in your refusal. As LoveItaly said this may make it easier for your relative.

Sandy

Depending on when and where you are going - spend 1 or 2 nights with family and the rest at hotel. Tell them you want to stay closer to where the things you want to see before you leave are...or something to that affect.

hotel - in a heartbeat!

Hotel, hotel,hotel. Even if it's only for one night. Everyone is more comfortable, even the ones offering.

I would pick the hotel over a relatives home in almost all cases. I stayed once at my now SIL's apartment in Orlando. It was awful.

I would stay with the relative, so I could get to know them better. If they have offered to have you stay they obviously also want to visit and get to know you. DH and I have stayed with relatives and friends that we did not know all that well, and had a marvelous time and was so glad that we had accepted their gracious invitation.

Even when I visit relatives I know and LOVE, I prefer to stay in a hotel. I spend most of my waking hours with them and enjoy their complany, but I also like down time to myself.

How did this invite come about? Did they offer it directly to you or was there some go-between. I ask, because it goes to how comfortable they are with you staying with them! Are they doing this because some intermediary set it up?

Is this a vacation or some type of family gathering? Will you be able to spend some time with them, getting to know them a bit, without staying with them Then perhaps, next time you will be more informed and can decide ya or nay.

How big/small is there home? Will they have a guestroom for you or will you be on a couch with kids running all over you?

Also, you don't say if you are alone or will have your spouse or SO with you. What do they think/feel? Is it your relatives or theirs?

That asked -- no way would I stay with them. For your sake [and I suspect, theirs] don't do it. It could put a damper on your vacation [if it is indeed a vacation] or even worse, your relationship with your spouse. It is simply NOT worth it. Pay the money, get a hotel room.

Been there, done that.

Deb

I would stay at a hotel this time, though still get to know the relative better during your visit. Then maybe the next time. I've stayed with, and had people stay with me that I didn't know well. It's not a comfortable situation for anyone usually. I had one exception to that, but it doesn't happen often.

We were once invited to stay with strangers for a memorial of a loved one. Had no idea what their circumstance. Turned out they owned a 5500 acre ranch and we were guests to the most spacious guest suite imaginable.

If your gut says hotel, then go with your gut, but not knowing their circumstance could mean missing out on a n adventure.

When in doubt, blame your spouse. And let him blame you with his family!

If you don;t know the relative at all - definitely do the hotel. It's likely the relatives are perfectly pleasant (but everyone has their eccentricities) and it's kind of awkward staying in the house of people that are essentially strangers.

This is much easier to deal with than to agree to say there, then arrive and find you don't want to (several very large over friendly dogs? odd eating habits? different standards of cleanliness?).

We have friends we don;t stay with since they let their (long-haired) cats eat on the table with the people. (I'm a true animal lover and we have always treated our pets as family - but they don't sit on the table and eat with us. They ate on the floor in the kitchen - from their own dishes on their own little place mats. I just keep thinking of their loose hairs flying into the food.)

Oh god I hate staying at people's houses - even good friends.

You can almost certainly do a Priceline bid nearby. Go for it.

Your relatives will probably be relieved.

oh yuck! cat's eating on the table? with the people and guests? now that IS funny (& gross). and i'm a big cat lover.

George Bernard Shaw once said,"Staying at a relatives home is like a dead fish, after three days it smells".

This is fascinating.

My wife and I live in a desirable place (Nantucket) and have a nice comfortable, if not luxurious, house with four bedrooms and four baths.

One of our great pleasures in life is having people come to stay with us. A number of these have been cousins and other family members whom we have not known well, if at all. We have had a wonderful time with them, and they must have had a good time with us, since they have returned.

We have also had a number of business associates who have become friends by staying with us. Many of them have been Scottish or English where the tradition of staying with comparative strangers may be stronger.

But if all these people followed the advice that most of you are giving, we would have missed out on a lot of pleasure and a lot of friendship.

More cynically, one of the few non-taxable advantages that rich people have over the not rich is knowing people they can stay with. Most people, going to London, agonize over the cost of a hotel. People who entertain a lot of others don't because you always have an invitation to "come stay with us next time you are in the UK." This is certainly not part of our reason for entertaining people, but we have definitely benefited from it many times.

If you are open to possibilities, you have a lot of possibilities. If you are worried about bad beds or cats that are too friendly, just limit your visit the first time.

But enjoy!

Ack?

Can mrlani and the viszla and I come visit rather than stay at the Boat Basinthis coming june or sept?

kidding, but refreshed by your response!

oh the possibilities, if one only opens themselves to what may be...

'lani

Ackislander -- LOL. I loved your post.

I forgot to say that I think there are definitely two different scenerios, and a vacation home is definitely a different ball game.

Indeed, we love renting an ocean or lake house with friends. And if we or they owned one we'd all be there together I'm sure. (Family works sometimes too.)

There's just something different about a "regular" house...

&quot;<i>they must have had a good time with us, since they have returned.&quot;</i>

Or maybe they liked having free board.

And who amongst us hasn't said, &quot;you must come here to ____ and stay with us,&quot; either not really meaning it or knowing that the offer is never going to be accepted?

I like having company but it is extra work. We have had friends come and bring their SO with them, and sometimes we don't know the SO. It is sometimes a challenge to get on famously with someone you don't know.

We were fortunate a few years back to be invited to stay with a high school friend [and his wife] of DH in ST. John, USVI. I had never met either of them. Another couple [whom I did know ] joined us; the husband also high school friend. It was nice to see the 3 high school buddys together.

The wife was most gracious, we got along well. We were their 23, 24, 25 and 26th visitor that winter! I didn't even think about that, but knew we wouldn't be able to avail ourselves again of such a nice offer.

Deb

To me this is a no-brainer for one resaon--pgh1974 said

&quot;The hotel isn't that expensive and you can cut it and prefer your privacy instead of staying at the relatives house. What would you do? You are trying not to be rude. My thing is I rather do the hotel. &quot;

He/she prefers a hotel!

Be perfectly gracious and say to the relative that you (or traveling partner, if you have one) have already made the arrangements this time, but you would like to get together for dinner/lunch/touring one day, whatever. If you get along with the relative, you can always say, I hope &quot;I'll be back another time&quot; and you may be invited back.

I have close relatives I adore, but would not stay with (because of allergies, not enough space for guests, incompatible schedules, etc)and relatives who I like and would/have stayed with.

Depends on the nature of the trip and the place you're going, too.
If you're going for a beach vacation, you still may not want to stay at the gorgeous suburban house of your favorite aunt.

Thanks for the replies. To answer some questions some posters asked we are staying for 3 nights 4 days. This will be me and my daughter. We are visiting my father that I havent seen in 30 years I am now in my mid 30's. They live in a small house. He is married with children. So I am very for the hotel. One poster said you spend the waking hours with them you need down time. (I totally agree) Also I dont think the wife is all that crazy about us.

pgh1974, I think in your case, you are very wise to stay at a hotel.

Even more so, now that you have added info -hotel! Is the purpose of this trip strictly to reaquaint or is there another purpose?

If you are wanting to renew the relationship with your father - staying at hotel and meet on neutral grounds is a good thing.

Maybe just meet for a short time with your father first, alone. Not his wife, his kids, not your daughter.

Depending on how that goes; add your daughter to the second meeting. Meeting his wife - maybe just her,you and your father alone , [but with you daughter may be easier and level the playing field]

Then add in their kids.

One step at a time and use your gut to decide if and when to add others into the mix.

Step mothers, step kids, half siblings - all can be tricky.

I wish you all the good luck in the world.

Really been there, done that.
Deb

Definitely do the hotel. Good luck with meeting your dad. I hope for a good meeting and a future friendship.
About the other wife and kids, I can only imagine they are older as well. So, there shouldn't be too many hard feelings depending on the circumstances of course.
But stay in the hotel and try and enjoy getting to know this man. I also agree that going solo may be best for the first meeting. Best wishes.

Debit NM we are trying to get to know each other being as the last time he seen me I was a preschooler. As far as meeting alone I dont see that happening.

Now that you have filled in the details, I would definitely not stay with your father and his wife. It could be very awkward.

Just find a gracious excuse. &quot;My daughter sleepwalks and I like her to be confined in a hotel room.&quot; I need to have my special equipment for my sleep apnea.&quot; I/we arise very early/sleep very late and often disturb people when I/we are houseguests.

(Just kidding...I have often wanted to tell the truth. I am NEVER comfortable sleeping in somebody else's house, except for a dear SIL and BIL, with whom we travel, as well.)

Hello pgh, under the circumstances you describe I too would stay at a hotel. And it sounds like that would work best for your father's wife from what you have said.

As far as inviting people to stay in my home I have never even invited someone for dinner unless I sincerely meant the invitation. I have a friend who I invited if it works out for her to stay with me in a few weeks. An invitation I sincerely meant.

I have some family members I do not want to stay with for various reasons. And other family members that I love to stay with. The same with friends. It does depend on so many situations doesn't it.

I hope the visit with your father goes well pgh. Best wishes to you and your daughter.