Please help answer this non-travel question
 

My sister is having the christening of her new baby in two weeks.

What does one give as a gift on such occasions? Any suggestions? I haven't a clue what to get.

By the way, just to keep this remotely travel related, I'll be going to Las Vegas in 3 weeks, staying at the Mirage.

Hi al,
I have always given a Savings Bond. Good Luck at the Mirage.
Laura

I also always give a savings bond and some useless luxury thing the child can have forever. It is usually a silver cup or frame from Tiffany.

Give something lasting, when I was the godmother for my niece, I gave her a Hummel along with some religious children's story books. The Hummel was a baby in a basket with a lamb next to the basket. I have also given a Christmas ornament for another child's christening.

cash or savings bond.
enjoy vegas.

Along with that Savings Bond, give a beautiful white candle with a cross on it to be burned at the altar during baptism and then saved to to burned at the altar during confirmation.

i meant to add usually that money will go into investment fund for baby's college fund..which is really nice.

A savings bond is always appropriate and welcome. You could tuck it into a copy of Dr. Suess's "Oh the Places You Will Go" or a copy of the book "On the Day You Were Born" by Debra Frasier, or a children's Bible.

By the way if this is a Catholic ceremony, a blessed candle is incorporated into the ritual and given to the parents. The candle suggestion is lovely but you might want to check with the parents to see if it is appropriate for their church.

Along with everything else buy the baby their own passport case! ;)

For my niece's baptism, we gave a white Bible with her name engraved on it and also a silver cross that had a young girl praying on it--a wall hanging type of cross. I thought it was appropriate b/c my husband and I are a different denomination from our niece and her parents (so I wasn't totally sure myself what an appropriate gift would be) and my sister-in-law collects crosses.

Unfortunately, my sister's-in-law response when she opened it was a quiet, little "thanks" with no enthusiasm whatsoever. However, she went crazy over the little shoes her best friend brought for the kid. As you can probably tell, this hurt my feelings b/c I put quite a bit of thought into my gift ahead of time. This was very similiar to how our baby gift was accepted a few months before (again, a nice gift with LOTS of thought put into it), so I guess I should have expected rude behavior. Still hurts...Never got thank-you notes for any of those gifts. Can you tell I'm bitter (ha!)?

Just out of curiousity, how do others handle rude behavior like this? Do you ignore it and hope behavior improves later, stop giving gifts, say something??

You ignore the behavior and keep buying gifts the way you always have bought them. It isn't juniors fault mom and dad are not good receivers.

Hi GoTravel--you are SO right! I love giving gifts to both of my nieces and I can't stop doing for them b/c of their parents. I just got upset when I recalled my stories and needed to vent. Thanks for letting me!

In my family (Chinese-American) a 24 carat charm engraved with some good luck characters or the baby's zodiac animal is considered an appropriate gift. If you live near a Chinese jewelry store, they'll have lots of these items.

I do savings bonds a lot.Also something engraved is always nice.
I also do a special music box each year for my God daughter.

Lee4:
I thought your gift was perfect as long as it was tasteful and classy in style vs. tacky/cheesy. It sounded very nice. Maybe the problem is more the receiver than the gift.

Lee4, it was a religious event so the sister-in-law should have expected the niece to get religious gifts. It was a Baptism, not the kid's first birthday or anything.

It was a nice gift on your part.

Lee4
Playing Dr Phil here. Maybe it has nothing to do with the gift but a relionship problem. Where's your brother in all this? Did he say Thank you? Can you talk with him?

Lee4, I would not stop giving gifts, but I wouldn't put so much thought into them, since apparently your SIL has very different taste (as well as manners) from you. Especially for a religious gift for someone who's not in your own church/denomination it's very easy to go astray - perhaps the wrong translation of the Bible, or she thought the praying child was inappropriate on a cross, who knows! (She still shouldn't have been rude about it.) Certainly, a Chinese zodiac symbol would not be considered an appropriate baptism gift by most non-Chinese, it's a very culture-specific choice.

The savings bond or check in a nice card is never inappropriate.

Thank you all for you ideas. I like Bennie's idea (a bond tucked in a book or children's Bible) will probably go in that direction.

Al - if you go with a book, its a nice touch to write something on the inside front cover that references the occassion. Ie "To Collin, with love from Uncle AL on your Christening day. May God bless you each day as He has today" or whatever you are comfortable with. Its just nice to have it documented in the book who it is from and for what occassion the gift was given. My kids have some very nice books that have been given to tham and regretfully I can't remember who gave them or when.

great advice bennie! I was brought up to always send thankyou notes and always record the book giving on the jacket.

Hello--it's me again. Thanks to all of you who have replied regarding my family problem. Here's a little more information: these people are my husband's brother and the brother's wife--so talking to the brother is out for me. It's also out for my husband b/c his family does not talk about things like that--at all (and there's no way I'm pushing him on that)!

My husband is this little girl's godfather (even though we're not Catholic), and he wrote a very nice personal message inside the Bible and the card (a nice card that was very specific to this event and to the fact that she's his goddaughter). The cross was silver,very simple, tasteful, not too big, not cheesy at all. Even the part with the praying little girl was done simply and not some huge, noticeable-type of thing. Trust me on this--I hate gaudy, so I was very picky.

As for the bible, it was the King James Version. I also noticed that someone else gave our niece a bible too--also a white one. I'm not sure who this came from or what my SIL thought of it. I think duplicate gifts are fairly common where babies are concerned, but a bible for a religious event seemed very appropriate to me. I can't imagine that the Catholic/non-Catholic thing would matter with a KJV bible. If I'm wrong on that, please let me know!

What's funny is that on this same weekend, we had to celebrate Christmas with this part of the family, and my SIL did send a thank you note for the Christmas gifts. This is all very weird. I know that with new mothers, they are very sleep deprived and not quite themselves, so maybe that played into all of this.

One more thing (sorry this is so long--y'all know I like to talk/type!): we did not give a savings bond b/c we were not sure what an appropriate amount would be, we wanted something very personal, and also b/c my SIL has told me before that she thinks "gift certificate" type gifts are tacky b/c you know how much $$ the person spent (Our mother-in-law used to give the 2 of us gift certificates for various holidays/birthdays before she died. I loved them and my MIL always liked it if she got one too!). So, I felt funny about giving something with a specific dollar amount.

Thanks to all of you who let me vent and who responded. Good advice from you and you just made me feel a little better too!:)

"I can't imagine that the Catholic/non-Catholic thing would matter with a KJV bible. If I'm wrong on that, please let me know!"

Lee, I'm sorry but since you asked: The King James of the King James bible was the leader of the Church of England, not very long after King Henry VIII broke England off from the Catholic Church. (Six wives, no divorce, all that.) It was developed by Puritans and is not used in any Catholic churches. I'm afraid that in giving a King James, you made a rather political statement without intending to do so.

I don't really know much about christenings, but, in addition to a gift, it might be nice to give the baby something with his or her birthday on it, like the newspaper of the day the baby was born.

Lee4
Regarding the King James Bible.
Catholics use a translation with Deuterocanonicals/Apocrypha. These are books that were written between Malachi, the last book of the Old Testament and Matthew the first book of the New Testament. There are 15 books in between. I encourage you to live in forgivness. It hurts to feel your gift was not one of value but your inlaws are young. I was so judgemental when I was young...As we age we become so much more tolerant of others and their beliefs. Your SIL might of thought you should have given a Catholic Bible instead of a Protestant one. Who knows, just try and keep peace in your heart.

cd - what a beautiful response. And thank you for the education on the differences in the Bibles. I knew that Catholics do not use the King James version, but I did not know the rest of what you posted.

While we're on the subject of gifts, when you exchange Christmas gifts with your family in person, how many of you write thank you notes? After being married 10 years, my mother-in-law let it be known that we should be sending thank you notes for Christmas gifts (that we exchange in person). That's funny - we don't get thank you notes from her! My family has never sent each other thank you notes for Christmas gifts - it's not expected. I asked several other co-workers and friends and they said it's customary for shower gifts, wedding, graduation, etc., but they don't send thank-yous to their family for Christmas gifts either. What about you?

Just wanted to put this at the top to get some replies.

Rachelle, quick reply: I never sent Thank-u's to immediate family (Mom, Dad, Bro) but always to non-nuclear family if gifts were sent, or even given in person. However, being married now and off on my own, I now send thank-u's to my 'rents and bro even if I do see them because it's so special to get together now and after having a few large dinner parties/smaller holidays at my home I appreciate how much work, cooking, cleaning etc. goes into it! As for al, who originated this thread, yes, it was tacky of SIL (who IMHO sounds like a pill with her "G. Certificates are tacky" line) to not send a note, but I plan on following my folks' rule that if no thank-you is sent by the neices/nephews, no gift gets sent the next year. It's all about the manners, you know?? Good Luck!

Lee4 - its hard for me to image that someone would equate a savings bond with a gift certificate. A savings bond is a very traditional gift to give in these situations and assisting in a long term goal such as a college education is hardly on the same level as thinking that gift certificates are tacky because they are perceived to be given without the giver putting any thought or effort into their selection.

I would hope that you won't hesitate to give the baby savings bonds in the future - they are probably the most thoughtful gift to give a child. Long after toys are broken and clothing is outgrown the savings bond will be used and the giver will be remembered. My dad gave all his grandchildren savings bonds on their birthdays, Christmas and Easter. He's passed away now but those bonds and the silly notes he wrote with them will give my kids a tie to their granddad that no toy could ever provide. And when they graduate from college, they will know that their grandfather helped make it happen.

Our family does not write thank-yous for Christmas gifts. Of course, it's customary for special events like a christening, graduation, confirmation, or wedding, but not for a yearly event like Christmas. That would seem like a lot of unnecessary writing and stamps (siblings to siblings, siblings to parents, parents to siblings...)
I think your MIL is being picky, and then on top of it she doesn't practice what she preaches?! Just ignore her.

Thanks for the replies regarding Catholics and the KJV bible. I honestly did not know that many Catholics do not use that version but discovered a little more about the subject myself last night by doing some research. It's always good to learn new things and I certainly never intended to offend.

I have never seen my SIL as being highly religious, so I still wonder if her behavior was more related to being "rude", as opposed to being "offended" by the bible. However, I'm more than willing to fix that if it turns out to be the case. I have to also admit that b/c I am protestant, there may be things about her denomination that I just don't know about or recognize b/c she practices differently from me.

As for thank you notes, I am one of those people who actually writes a note to ANYONE I receive a gift from--even if I opened it in front of them. This includes any relatives, parents, sibling, and friends at Christmas, birthdays, etc. This is not done by many people in my family, but SIL used to be fairly good about it herself. We were with her for Christmas, and she sent thank you notes for those gifts. She also sent a thank you note for her birthday gift, so I think that's why the baby gift and baptism gift omissions stood out so much.

As for savings bonds--bennie--I agree that these are not the same as gift certificates and your points are well made and taken. I still am not sure what an appropriate amount for such a gift would be--any suggestions?

CD--thanks for such a kind response and good explanation regarding Catholics/bibles. I am (somewhat) young myself and have probably let something upset me much more than it should have. SIL and I had been fairly close over the last few years, especially as we dealt with our MIL's illness and then death. However, within 2 months of our MIL dying, I felt that things changed between the two of us. I'm sure my hurt feelings reflect that, as well as my grief over my MIL's death. We'll get through it... Thanks to all for the free therapy!:)

Lee4
You're very welcome.

Lee4, when I read the part about your SIL being Catholic, I realized that giving a KJV bible was probably not right, given that King James would definitely not be Catholic.

So, I checked with my sister who said this about the gift: "that would be an insult". I'm not religious, but I could understand that reaction. Hopefully, SIL is not also Irish. Might be time to seek forgiveness. That might be a good place for you to start to repair the relationship.

"I have to also admit that b/c I am protestant, there may be things about her denomination that I just don't know about"

If you do try to smooth things out with SIL and talk about this, please do NOT refer to the Catholic Church as a "denomination" or you'll be worse off than when you started!

Back to the original question: When my son was born in 1986, the mother of my closest neighbor/friend gave us a bottle of Sherry, with a note saying that "it's a British tradition to give a baby a bottle of Sherry at his/her christening, to be opened on his/her 18th birthday . . ."

Unfortunately, I lost touch with the neighbor (and her mother) as we moved over the years, but we'll be thinking of them when we open that well-aged bottle in January, on Alex's 18th birthday. I wonder if it's drinkable???

Lee4 - I have 14 nieces and nephews and am godmother to 3 of them. The godchildren receive $200 bonds and the non-godchildren (that sounds horrible) get $100. I come from a family of 8 and all the aunts and uncles give the same gift to a new baby. Then when the child makes their First Communion they get the same gift and presumably when they recieve Confirmation (none are quite that old yet) they 'll get the same again. All in all it will add up to a fair amount of assistance for when the child goes to college.

Agree that you should never refer to the Catholic Church as a denomination and never ever give a Kings James Bible to an Irish Catholic. Particularly one who is aware of the history of England outlawing Catholicism in Ireland and forcing starving Irishmen and women to convert to the Anglican church in order to get a bowl of soup during the Famine.

bennie's right: The Irish, lacking in material goods, instead treasure their memories and their grudges. (I can say things like that, being a quarter Irish myself.)

He's also right in pointing out how handy it is to have a family tradition of what gift to give for a specific occasion. Perhaps the OP could consult with her SIL's family members for advice the next time a gift-giving occasion comes around.

Ooops, just noticed that bennie's a godmother, hence a "she". Sorry!

Any other comments regarding whether you send your family thank you notes for Christmas gifts?