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- - manners (https://www.fodors.com/community/united-states/manners-121938/)

Amanda, IF you're legit (seems a troll to me), why have to had to go on and on AND ON about how well to do your in-laws are (their place in Manhatten while house in New Hampshire is being built), brother in laws place on Martha's Vineyard.....you graduating from Oxford.....met your husband on a cruise ship in S, Pacific.....BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!!!!!1 TROLL!!!!!!! I can't believe some people have actually taken the time to give legit answers to your question. Your husband is so busy he doesnt have time to instruct you in the area of manners.....blah blah blah. this thread is so funny it's pathetic.

this entire thread has been kept alive by the same person.

"...since most of the Zanzibaris are muslim". Hmmmm. If this is your home, wouldn't the correct statement be "most of US Zanzibaris"? You're visiting all these 'proper' people and you're worrying about fitting in and having the courage to speak up...having grown up as a plantation owner's daughter and having obtained a doctorate from a world class college within Oxford University? Did you take all your doctoral work in political science at Oxford in French? Seems your English (spelling) is rudimentary....more like that of a mischievious American junior high school student with a little too much time on his/her hands.

well mr. troll i am very sorry that you do not believe me, but i will try to clear up you questions. 1. i am from france i was not born i Zanzibar. so i look at the people from an outsiders point of view at times. also since i am not muslim it would have sounded not sounded quite right to put"i" in the sentence. 2. i included all the information because people asked for it. they wanted background information on my life to get a clearer picture of the situation. 3. i did not do my doctoral in french but as usuall in english i did not know that we had to be formal and use high vocabulary in this forum! 4. speaking out in front of people that are from your same culture and you are comfortable with and you do not care to impress is not the same as being in the spotlight at you inlawas home for the first time. either you are not married or have very laid back inlaws because this situation is very nerve racking. and by the way they are not builiding the house in NH it is already built and had been for years! amanda 2.

Even if this is a troll, there are a number of people who read this forum who could use some pointers. If you are upper-class European meeting uppser-class US, most of the people you meet will have more in common with you than either of you have with the "average" American. Whatever else you might say about the upper class, they seem to understand the essence of good manners is to make _other people_ comfortable -- not to use them as a weapon to judge other people. I am sure you will do quite well with the good manners you already have. You are who many East Coast people try to imitate. The "just sit and look pretty" comment is more typical of Midwesterners and Southerners. Northeastern women have a reputation for speaking their minds, which generally means they are disliked by much of the rest of the country. I'm sure that you know that Americans use their fork with tines up not down, and that they cut their food shifting the knife to their right hand (if right-handed) and then put the knife down and return the fork to their right hand. "Proper" New Englanders can be a bit reserved, but since most Americans strike Europeans as needing to be much more reserved, this will probably not be terribly obvious to you. As a Bostonian, I was raised never to talk about religion, never to talk about politics, and never to talk about money, as in who has any. You can probably talk about European politics but stay away from American politics -- it has become a contact sport in recent decades. Otherwise, by all means, children, literature, art, music, non-political news, and -- surprise -- about travel, travel, travel. Otherwise, yes, do notice what the women do -- if they seem to segregate themselves, or if the men wander off together, you are stuck in the "gilded ghetto" that seems to happen without any signals -- and even if you are more comfortable with your husband than with these strange women, I know from hard experience that if you insist on staying with the men while the women are in the kitchen or upstairs or outside, you will have instantly distanced yourself from both groups. Sad but true. (Also: New York is not part of New England.)

Amanda. Pardonnez-moi pour écrire içi en français, mais avec nôtre propre voyage en moins de 20 jours, j'embrace l'opportunite d'utilser la belle langue de vôtre pays. Et, comme vous pouvez noter, mon français c'est n'est pas parfait auusi. C'est difficile d'achever la precision linguistique dans une langue étrangere. Mais, je suis sure que tout le mond aux EU será fascinée avec vôtre histoire, etc. Et que vous n'aurez-pas aucun de problem en suivant l'avis de L, "to be yourself" ;) Bon voyage, et si vous voulez corresponder avec moi en français, s'il vous plait noter l'addresse en haut, je l'apprecie aussi. Bon Voyage et Ciao, (aloha L) kalena (dans an autre île tropical)

oo la la...pardonnez-moi, c'est "aussi" et "un".

Pris, As a southerner, I too was raised never to talk about religion, never to talk about politics, and never to talk about money, as in who has any. I was not raised to sit and look pretty nor is this "typical" of southerners. Women of the south also speak their minds. The difference is, it is done with a gentility that defies rudeness.

Amanda, you've come to the wrong website for advice on anything involving thought. Lets just look at one aspect: you have a doctorate, while many of the people who post here seem to me to have what I would have to call a "community college" perspective. I mean, one simply needs to look at their responses. Oh, there are a few exceptions, to be sure, those with a certain GED mentality in evidence. And others who seem to wish to help and by their words demonstrate intelligence. And then you have the genuine iditos who think troll at every opportunity ... they suffer from some form of diminished imagination (they can imgaine none different from themselves). If I were you, I'd follow L's advice (well, of course I would have to say that) and be yourself. I am certain you're a perfeclty charming person. Perhaps you may be shy, but I'd think you'll soon dampen that a bit, and then you can show the east side what you've got, which I'm certain is the genuine thing. Welcome to the USA. Have a wonderful trip. And ciao.

Leone, How did you guess from my post that I have a PhD? And did you also guess that although born in the Northeast, I have lived in the midwest and currently live in the south. Let me give you an illustration of what has impressed me as the difference among the three regions. Northeasterner: Oh, dear, that dress is just doesn't do you justice! Midwesterner: Well, that dress is certainly different. Southerner: My dear, that dress looks every bit as lovely on you today as it did five years ago. If you think the last one was more polite, read it again.

Sorry, Leone, I meant to be including Sal in my response. Forgive me.

Bonjour, Kalena ... your french was very nice indeed. And quite clear. And please understand that Leone was NOT speaking of people like you ... you have tried to help Amanda, and that is terrific. Leone applauds you!! Have a nice day, and I am certain Amanda will have a great trip because of your help. Ciao

I think Kalena busted you, amanda.

Pris, not to worry. Have a good one. Ciao. Leone.

I have to agree with Leone on this one. Some of you have such a narrow little egocentric attitude towards the world that it amazes me you even visit a travel website, since you don't seem the least bit interested in learning about different cultures and environments (most of you seem so bewildered that someone in this world may have actually grown up in a style other plain vanilla, middle class "North American"). You merely seem interested in accusing those with unique experiences as imposters and credit yourselves with the lame moniker of being a "troll-buster" which is not even original in and of itself. Yes, some people do have lives that are more interesting than yours. If you resent that, then go back to your weekly Monday morning jelly roll and stop harassing those who actually have questions to ask and information to share. amanda, please excuse some of these troll-like individuals on this site. most of us are genuinely interested and are here to help. :)

Oh, yeah. And "xxx" isn't lame?

Hey, Troll Buster, I think XXX's got your number. Folks fall back on "troll" when they've got nothing to say. XXX got 'ya redhanded. Ciao

troll buster, again, this just goes to prove my point. not even a spark of imagination in your reply. all we get from you is just an "oh, yeah?" where EVER did you get that one?

xxx and L, I think you've been had. Amanda was posting every few hours on this thread . . . until someone called her bluff on the details of her post. Then she disappeared. Don't feel bad. Lots of people fell for it. All in good fun, no?

This is hilarious. One of the better trolls we've had here. Like Kalena, it reminded me of our super-polite past troll, Mr. Armstrong Wong. And kudos to Kalena for beating the troll at its own game.