Manhattan..Gay Friendly Hotels.
 

These companion articles appeared in the Times yesterday. Most of the inns/hotels are appropriate for all adults, and several are in the moderate, even budget, price range:

http://travel.nytimes.com/2012/03/18...-been-out.html


New hotel in Hell's Kitchen, convenient to theatre: http://travel.nytimes.com/2012/03/18...tml?ref=travel

I honestly wasn't aware that any hotel in Manhattan wasn't "Gay friendly."

That was my thought in opening this. ;o)

Perhaps I am naive, but why does a hotel need to be "gay friendly"? Why can't 2 men or 2 women just check in and occupy a hotel room? Can they discriminate and not allow 2 same sex people to check into a room? How is that different from my adult daughter and I (also a female) checking into a room?

@LBloom: One reason is the more recent example of the B&B owners in England who refuse to rent to same-sex couples. They've been taken to court and are still unapologetic and profess they will not change their views.

I grant that it's not the same thing in NYC, but outside of big cities (and in some entire countries), it's not at all unusual to find hostile management in hotels who won't give "marital beds" to same-sex couples. You might also come across Evangelical Christian hotel and motel managers who do indeed have an axe to grind (as do some customers, to be fair). But some couples prefer to sleep together and don't appreciate it when management suggests they are just being silly. It's not at all the same situation when two same-sex friends are willing to share a double bed to save money. It becomes a point of both comfort and to some degree pride to be able to have the same experience as others without having to feel that one is a second-class citizen.

While I probably would probably never stay in a gay hotel, particularly not one that has a pulse-pounding disco on the ground floor underneath my room, some people (and the hotel in NYC appeals directly to single gay men in particular) like that kind of all-welcoming and open atmosphere. There are also gay hotels in Key West, Fort Lauderdale, Palm Springs, Prague, and Sao Paolo Brazil to name but a few. Some of these are sexually charged, but others aren't. They just offer a completely welcoming environment for (primarily) gay and sometimes lesbian travelers.

I think it's sometimes difficult for people to understand the appeal of specifically-oriented venue when virtually every place in the world is hetero-friendly. A lot of gay people are beyond that now and don't want that kind of ghetto-ized experience since the world is becoming more gay-friendly in general. But if you have been following the news in St. Petersburg, Russia, and several places in Eastern Europe recently, you'll see how the world isn't always so welcoming as one might expect. And it's not at all unusual to find religious front-desk staff who can be rude to same-sex couples when it becomes clear they are not just friends.

Since very few hetero couple climb all over each other in public I assume the same would be true for gay couples.

I took my daughter on a hiking trip a few years ago. Should the fact that she's a lot younger than me have raised any more eyebrows than had I taken my son on that trip?

Is inappropriate behavior any different for a hetero couple than for a gay couple? What is inappropriate behavior?

How would anybody know if they're a "couple" or just travelling together?

Doug:

Thank you for your well thought out and well-phrased response.

Not all gay hotels have pulse pounding disco. I stayed in a hotel in Tucson that had very loud music that was all hetero.

Sometimes minorities (and those of us who support them) want to patronize their businesses.

My ( female ) partner and I were clearly unwelcome at an inn on Sanibel Island , purportedly a gay friendly place, just two years ago.
How do I know this? The owner was all friendly, had quoted rates and offered to show me rooms until my partner came in. Suddenly all rooms were rented or "unavailable due to renovation"
When traveling we generally consult Purple roofs because we know our business is welcome.
Although we are not great fans of B&B's, if we do stay at one we prefer that there be other gay and lesbian couples there. It is just more comfortable.

jubilada,

I think that's what people don't understand. It's not like "pet friendly".

"Is inappropriate behavior any different for a hetero couple than for a gay couple? What is inappropriate behavior?"

Depends on the individual observing the behavior. Some people don't want to see a gay couple doing anything that a straight couple would do: hold hands, sit close to each other, peck on the cheek, give each other that look, talk/argue like an old married couple, etc...anything that might indicate they are a gay couple instead of just 2 people of the same sex.

"How would anybody know if they're a "couple" or just travelling together?" See above.

Some times gay couples (or singles) just want to go on vacation and get away from everything, including the occasional judgmental person. Hence the reason some might gravitate toward gay-owned or gay-friendly accomodations.

yes, suewoo, so true.

I think many well meaning people are unaware of how uncomfortable and sometimes unsafe life still can be for gay couples.

Thank you for educating me on this topic. My college age daughter and I travel often and have never had an issue asking for a room or getting 2 double beds. I would not want to be taken for a gay couple, not for the stigma but more because it would make us uncomfortable. It would not occur to me that hotels are discriminating in renting out rooms to same sex couples. I could understand loud music, public displays of affection, etc. which would be unwanted in a hetero couple (at least to me).

I would not want to be taken for a gay couple, not for the stigma

OH, PLEASE, LBloom...

Not for the stimga - it's nothing but stigma. And I'm sure there are places where gay couples behavingnormally (holding hands, are around shoulder etc) would get looks when a hetereo couple wouldn't.

The post above shows how deep (and unconscious) these feelings can be.

Would you say you woudn't wnat to be taken for Italian? Or Jewish? Or whatever?

I say: Come to Provincetown. It's the most open, accepting, tolerant place for anyone with an open mind (and heart) to vacation. And this acceptance is not a cerebral exercise...it just 'is'.

OUT NYC best boutique just opened Village also many great places.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.../ou...-_n_1353115.ht...

"I would not want to be taken for a gay couple, not for the stigma but more because it would make us uncomfortable."

Wow, frankly I wish it WERE for the stigma -- which can be real and insulting -- rather than because you are uncomfortable with the thought of being taken for a (GASP!) gay couple. Nothing worse than that, is there?

While it seems the travel world has become more accepting -- I'll admit to numerous embarrassing moments as my life partner and I have checked into hotels over the years. "Oh, there must have been a mistake here, it shows a request for a king bed, but I'll change that to two beds for you." "I'm sorry, we can't rent a room with one bed to two men."

NeoPatrick: I'm sorry that happened to you. People are jerks sometimes. That'll never change.

Interesting thread. My partner and I (we’re two men -- 55 and 59) have traveled extensively and stayed in a wide variety of lodgings without ever encountering a problem or feeling uncomfortable or unwelcome. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to stay at a gay-friendly or gay hotel in NYC – or any other major U.S. city. I assume they’d all be used to gay couples.

However … when we book lodgings in an intimate setting – such as a B&B or an apartment attached to the owner’s home, I do send an email in advance and to let them know that we’re a male couple—and that we want to be certain there will not be a problem with that. We have invariably gotten very kind responses stating that it’s not an issue.

I’ve been luckier than NeoPatrick. On several occasions we’ve been offered two beds—as if we’d mistakenly booked a king or queen bed, but when we’ve declined being switched to two beds, it was fine. Depending on the vibe I get, I might add, “We’ve been sharing a bed for eighteen years.”

A couple of years ago in Australia we checked into a motel in the Grampians. The very elderly gentleman behind the front desk simply could not seem to grasp that we actually wanted one bed. When we assured him that this was our preference he seemed a bit befuddled—but we certainly felt comfortable.

We once stayed in a Los Angeles gay guesthouse. From the website, we surmised that there was a secluded clothing optional sundeck. Imagine our surprise when breakfast was served by a stark naked man! My clothing is NOT optional--and I'm sure that those in vicinity are quite grateful for this ;-).

For a romantic anniversary trip it can be nice to be in an environment where we don’t have to worry that touching each others’ hand or a peck on the cheek might offend someone. But generally, we choose a hotel—not a “gay” hotel.

We’re leaving for NYC tomorrow—and I’m sure no one will blink when we check in at the Flatotel.

Did i read it wrong or was LBloom saying she didn't want to be taken for a gay couple because she was with her daughter? My son and I would also say "ick" if someone mistook us for a hetero couple...

Songdoc, nice post. By the way, the one time I specifically remember being told there was no way they could rent a room with one bed to two men was actually in Salt Lake City. It was a very fancy hotel right across from the Temple, and I learned that the hotel was owned by the "head of the Morman church" -- so maybe that helps clarify it.

And funny you mention Australia. Traveling through South Australia, we did get one of those "oh there must have been a mistake as we reserved a king room" comments. We quickly told them that's what we preferred and I assumed they knew what we meant, but when we got to the room, it was indeed a twin bedded room. We let it go and decided not to make an issue.

My son and I would also say "ick" if someone mistook us for a hetero couple...
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AtlTravelr: Why would either of you give a rat's a** what strangers (or anyone, for that matter) thought of you?? The idea that anyone would be concerned about random opinions makes me feel 'ick'.

I had that experience once: "Oh I didn't realize the booking was for two men. I'll get a twin-bedded room ready."

It was at the Chateau de Boussac and we were (paying) guests of the Marquis and Marquise de Longueil.

The poor Marquise ran off to make up the room herself. I longed to say "It's OK, it's cool" but I didn't want to discombobulate her further. They were lovely people BTW: I think they just assumed we were straight.

I did have an odd and unsavoury experience once, in Normandy. The English host in this B&B was faultlessly correct with us. But while he was serving breakfast, I heard him discussing us (in French) with an employee: "Naturally, they're homosexuals. Now, that's nothing to me but... well, you know. I didn't realize, until they drove up, that..."

He KNEW we were within earshot and he KNEW I spoke fluent French. A weird passive-aggressive gesture.

Running into overt bigotry is always unpleasant - no matter the type of bigotry and no matter if you do or don;t belong to the group being discriminated against. (If a hotel insisted an interracial couple take a room with separate beds you would probably get headlines in the paper and a big fat lawsuit.) But, sadly, some people still feel that there are groups they can malign.

I can understand some people preferring to stay at a lodging where they know they will be welcome.

I am hetero female and I stayed for 9 nights at a nice hotel that caters to gay men in Boston recently. The Chandler Inn. It had really awesome rates of just under $100 a night in January and is right btwn. Back Bay and the South End, perfect location for walking, eating, shopping, etc. And big plus for me is that it is next to the Boston Animal Rescue league so I go to go in and see the animals a few times.

The hotel has a gay bar attached to the lobby. I went in to get a glass of vino to take up to the rom the first night, not intending to stick around. I started talking to a guy at the bar, and he bought me a 2nd glass of vino.

If the place is a nice hotel and has good rates and location, who cares what else. I can't imagine avoiding a gay-friendly hotel. I wonder if any gay-friendly hotels do not let heteros stay? Anyone heard of that?

Songdoc, LOL about the naked man at breakfast. That would bother me whether it was a man or a woman, I am just not into public nudity and certainly not at breakfast. You kind of think they'd mention that on their guesthouse website, "Enjoy a lovely homemade (bare a**) breakfast" or something similar.

Sausage for breakfast?

""Enjoy a lovely homemade (bare a**) breakfast" or something similar."

I was careful not to order an assparagus omelet -- or any hot cross buns. hehehe.

On supposedly gay friendly Sanibel Island an innkeeper withdrew her enthusiastic offer to show me a room when my ( also female partner) arrived. i was really stunned. Since then we have been more cautious about small hotels.

It's a big world and it takes all kind to make it go around. Not everyone has the same views or tolerance. iIm OK with that fact and barring physical harm I've always just let go the behavior of the occasional innkeeper. My partner and I have travelled around the world and the only two awkward moments we have had are in our favorite country; France. Once we were offered an upgrade to a two bedroom suite at no extra charge. The no extra charge part was because I explained we were school teachers on holiday and had a tight budget.... my partner almost wet himself. The second time an older woman insisted on two rooms at opposite ends of the hall in the near empty Inn (again no charge it was a "misunderstanding in how she understood the reservation"...her words). Her 20 something daughter checked us into our rooms, handed me my key and a second key to my partners room...LOL

POMAH: If you're not gay, you probably don't know what "gay UNfriendly" feels like.

Most of us choose to go only where we're welcome. We certainly want to know before we walk into a place whether we'll feel comfortable there ...or not.

In NYC, one can probably assume there will be no problem. Elsewhere, it's not sthg you can take for granted.

I won't comment on your hostile tone, except to say that it's rather puzzling.

tedgale, it looks like the editors thought the tone was hostile too! I didn't read that thread, but it's not unusual for homophobes to rant that homosexuals are not discriminated against. How would they know? Oh, because they themselves discriminate against homosexuals?

Do gay friendly hotels have better food? Might consider them next time if so. :)

I see my post was removed. Fine.
Oh, and now I see I am being called a "homophobe". Ok, awesome.
I did raise valid points, first being define "gay friendly" hotel, 2nd, do non-gays have a right to stay in a gay hotel. 3rd, how does one go about proving one is gay in order to get into a gay hotel, when registering say thru a website?

You register though a peephole. :)

And there's a secret handshake.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

POMAH: I didn't see your post, but I'll assume you ask out of ignorance, and not trying to be a smart-alec.

1) A gay-friendly hotel: (1) the front desk staff does not refuse to register a same-sex couple into the same room, or into a room with only one bed; (2) the hotel staff does not make hostile or snide remarks when checking such a couple in, or when providing normal hotel services. Instead they treat the couple as they would a heterosexual couple -- professionally and courteously. Even if that couple is holding hands.

2) Some hotels target their advertising to gay clients, but they will register anyone who wants to stay there. I (part of a heterosexual couple) have stayed in such a hotel, and nothing remarkable happened. The food was ok.

3) I doubt that a hotel that requires ``proof of gayness'' of its guests could survive. And yes, this question has a whiff of deliberate obtuseness and hostility about it: if you meant it as a joke it apparently wasn't received that way.

Pomah, who called you a homophobe -- or was that post removed as well? I mentioned homophobes, but it had no reference to you or your post, since I never even had the opportunity to read it, nor did I even know that it might have anything to do with claiming gays aren't discriminated against. Did it? If you saw yourself in my post, then it's your call, not mine!

But now that I see your most recent post, I see you apparently haven't even read all the posts above. I have never heard of a gay-friendly or even a "gay" hotel (whatever that is) denying a non-gay person the right to stay there. Nor have I ever heard of any establishment including "gay" bars to prove that anyone must be gay to get in. Where did such ideas come from? The fact is that you will usually find places catering to mostly gays far more open minded than those who specifically try to reject gays. While no one has called you a homophobe, your knowledge or understanding of how the gay world works is at best non-existent. Perhaps that's the way you'd like to keep it.

And you asked someone to define "gay friendly" hotel, OK I'll do that. It's a hotel that is friendly to gays. Is that such a hard concept to understand? Surely you've heard of "family friendly" hotels and restaurants-- where people with children will feel welcome? Well, clearly those hotels or restaurants that specify no one under 16 is allowed to eat or stay there would NOT be family friendly. Any hotel or restaurant that refuses admission to a couple because they are gay or which would refuse to let a gay couple have one bed would NOT be gay-friendly. Is that clear yet?

Your comment was deleted for a reason. Please don't repost your disingenuous nonsense.