HELP!! HONEYMOON REGISTRIES...
 

Does anyone know of a travel agent or honeymoon registry service that does not charge the service fee to the gift givers and will do the travel booking for you?<BR>Thanks,<BR>Amy

Dearest Amy - <BR><BR>I must say that your request is in terrible taste. A honeymoon registry? Come on. If you can't afford to take a honeymoon on your own, postpone the homeymoon until you two can get away on your own dime. Makes me think that you are two kids who don't know any better - I hope I am right. I guess the suggestion to just go to Macy's or Burdine's and register for Waterford or Lenox formal china will fall on deaf ears. You probably eat on styrofoam plates you bought at Wal-Mart. I bet you would want to go to Walt Disney World or Myrtle Beach for your honeymoon. My husband and I married almost two years ago and would haven't had a guest in the ballroom if someone heard we wanted them to finance our honeymoon. Our east coast wedding cost $40K -- honeymoon only cost $7K for 2 weeks in the Caribbean. Grow up.<BR>

This is desperate. You also posted on the Europe forum. Your guests will also think this is a desperate attempt to ask for cash.

I hope some of her wedding guests visit Fodor's and recognize her name and email address.<BR><BR>I think I will copy and paste this thread on the AOL Wedding Message Boards and get this little skank some action!!!<BR><BR>

I see nothing wrong with this! Many couples have all the household items they need especially second brides or those of a mature age who are getting married. People will still want to ge tthe happy couple gifts regardless. Why get them anotehr candy dish/vase/ or knickknack when that is the last thing they need or have room for.<BR><BR>That being said I have an aunt who is looking into doing this through www.honeyluna.com. She is also talking to her local travel agent to see if she can just do it through her. She and her groom have already purchased their resort stay themselves. They are going to hawaii and are hoping to put things on the honeymoon registry like "dinenr for two at the Hula Grill" or "Snorkeling trip with X tour company" or "Couples Massage from X Hotel Spa" They never anticipated that guests would pay fot he whole honeymoon, but might want to purchase soem extras for them. They are also allowing guest to jsut contribute to a general fund if they want to as the coupel is waiting until closer to time to purchase the airline tickets. (BTW this is a 41 yo widow and a 40something yo widower who are getting married and combining households)

Hey Miss Manners (NOT):<BR>Even though I agree that Amy's idea is not good one, I've got to say that your reply is not only lacking in class and tact, but that it's probably not the best advertising for theknot.com If you actually work for their website you may want to think twice about what you say and how you represent yourself. If you're not from theknot.com I would suggest you put some serious thought into the repercussions of representing yourself as such.

HEY WOW - <BR><BR>Bite me.<BR><BR>Now, with that said.<BR><BR>IT IS A WEDDING -- NOT A THE GOD DAMN JERRY LEWIS TELETHON.<BR><BR>Say "your presence is our present" and if they insist on giving a gift - pick a charity (not yourselves) that is near and dear to you and your values and donate ot them (ASPCA, AIDS research, cancer research, Make A Wish, etc.)<BR><BR><BR><BR>

"Bite me." Very clever!<BR><BR>The charity suggestion? I like it.<BR><BR>But.<BR><BR>Why is it that I find it impossible to believe that someone who would post such vituperative messages would be capable of being altruistic enough to donate money to charity?

WOW - <BR><BR>I went to a wedding where the above suggestion was utilized by most of the attendees. We sent the checks to the charity (we sent to MakeAWish) directly in honor of the newlyweds. The charity acknowledged our gift to us and also to the couple.<BR><BR>Good night all.<BR>

Honey,<BR>Why don't you just charge your guests an entrance admission of $25.00 at the church for your fundraising tactics or pass the collection plate around when you're saying your i do's.<BR>My goodness, what are we coming to when we have to hint for cash? If you don't want your umpteenth punchbowl, then don't register for such items but to actually ASK for money to be applied toward your honeymoon is way beyond bad taste.<BR>Miss Manners, you're language deletes your valid points even though I agree with Ms. Manners premise.<BR>I work as a wedding coordinator in Chicago and even though this is becoming popular with many couples, it is not looked upon favorably by most of their guests. Whatever your guests choose to get you is their business and you will probably collect enough money to use for a honeymoon, furniture, etc. so let it be without registering for a trip. <BR>Maybe the real issue is to scale down the wedding by style or guest list to accomodate your budget.<BR><BR><BR>

Great idea - try some of the wedding websites and post your question there where you won't get such obnoxious replies. Also look in the back of bridal magazines. As a recent bride - I know guests WANT an easy registry way to buy you something you want. I got asked about my registry before the invites were out. And no, I am not desperate and would never demand a gift of someone who came to my wedding - in fact, I refused to allow some guests to give gifts given their financial situation. That said - contributing to a honeymoon is a great idea, especially if you don't want useless china and duplicate appliances. You will always remember the wonderful trips you take together rather than a blender. isn't that what this website is all about? Maybe you could send out pictures of your travels with thank you cards.

I really don't have any problem with Amy's idea. Many couples now have on their registry lists things like buying shares of mutual funds and even things such as letting the wedding guests contribute to the downpayment on a new home. This is actually easier on the gift giver, as s/he can give more or less than intended, and there is no shopping involved.<BR><BR>There are still many gift givers that don't adhere to the registry list. I'd rather have a short list of items that I want, instead of having 12 food processors.<BR><BR>Amy, check The View's website on ABC -- they did a few shows on new innovative wedding gifts and things like contributions to the honeymoon, mutual funds and contributing toward the downpayment on a home were some of the topics covered.

Amy, a similar approach was taken by friends of my husband's who live in NYC. They don't have a lot of room for bunches of china and crystal, etc. So, they, through word of mouth, asked for gift certs and money so they could purchase the same things you mention. The key here is WORD OF MOUTH. Although I agree that it's nice to get things you want rather than things you don't (like the candy dish), there are good and bad ways of going about it. Yours is a bad one.

Miss Manners:<BR><BR>You are pretty damn funny. I had no idea what a honeymoon registry was but I am enlightened now.

Whenever I recieve a wedding invitation with a strongly worded suggestion for cash gifts only. I quickly oblige by having dinner at my favorite restaurant. I pay for it with the funds I would have been spending on a nice and returnable wedding gift. I am a firm believer that any invitation that actively suggest cash gets thrown in the trash, and I get a nice meal. This is the tackiest thing ever, and I don't want any part of it, and will probably never interact with tacky and cheap bride and groom again. This is wedding etiquette hell.....If you have to beg cash from your supposed guests then elope or do something on a smaller scale, instead of giving your guests something to snicker and snide about. I wonder how many of these people actually make money on this...well they would die before they got a penny of my money.

As the mother of a bride in her late twenties I have to reply to this. My daughter and her fiance have owned their own place (condo), furnished it, etc., over the last year. She is having a lovely wedding that will not be lacking in any little extras for the guests invited. She is registered at a couple of traditional places. That being said - she is also registered for gift certificates for her honeymoon through her travel agent. It is not a matter of being needy. Several guests - and not all of them young - want to give money, but like to have it go to a specific. Have times changed? I think so, and find nothing wrong with the changes. Those who don't wish to use this registry certainly don't have to, but for those (and there are many) who are grateful for the ease of it, it is a blessing.<BR><BR>I was brought up with "proper etiquette" and know all the rules. Personally I find many of the changes coming about refreshing.

I feel sorry for Miss Manners' husband! He should be cannonized.<BR><BR>Amy, search the board at Ultimatewedding.com and you may find teh answer to your question.

just an idea. i know of a couple who organised their own honeymoon(it was a world tour)and then made a list of expeiences for people to purchase.ie a meal for two at the best place in town ,a massage in a spa ,they also had some quite extreme one's like a bungge jump in australia and a visit to an orangutang orphanage.<BR>we bought them afternoon tea in someplace in NY cannot remember the name of it.when they came back they gave us a photo of them enjoying our purchase.

I am wondering where some of you ever got the idea that Amy was going to include this information in her weding invitations! She never said this. I don't care what you register for even if you are asking poeple make charitable donationsa s Miss Manners suggested, none of this would ever be included in a mailing with the wedding invitations! That is poor taste. Maybe Amy is passing thi info about the honeymoon registry by word of mouth, how do you know she is not? FYI: I posted last neight saying my aunt was doing this but they are not referenceing this registry or any info period regarding gifts in their wedding invitations! If people ask her what she (which they are already starting to do) she tells them, "we don't really need anything but we are registered at X if you inist on getting us something" My mom and I are also planning to a do a small "shower" for her which would include some family as well as church members (she and mom are sisters adn go to the same church) When peole RSVP for the shower, we will tell them about the honeymoon registry, that doesn't mean we are ORDERING people to purchase from it, they can get whatever they want. How do you all (and especially the VERY rude Miss Manners) know that is not what Amy is doing?

I see nothing wrong with registering for a honeymoon. It is not different than registering for china and crystal. A distant cousin married last year and she and her husband both are MD's, didn't need a thing, so the wedding coordinator convinced them to register for the honeymoon. As far as Miss Manners goes, she needs to switch to Emily Post's book because the former is not doing her any good. I also agree with the above poster that no where did the OP say she was including this information on the invitiation.

notice Amy the troll hasn't responded???

Because of things like this, my wife and I usually decline wedding/reception invitations these days. In short, too many are tacky events with things like money dances, money trees, etc. We send a nice congratulatory note but no gift.

And because of that, Jim and his wife no longer have any friends.

Registries are what they are. How the happy couple uses them is what comes across as mannered or not. If the registry information is included with the invitation to the wedding it is beyond tacky. If the wedding guest is looking to send an appropriate gift, the guest contacts the bride's mother to inquire whether the couple is registered. At that time the guest will receive the information about the honeymoon registry and can do as they please. The groom's family would have this information as well. The bride and groom should not direct guests in how they should honor them. It's far too crass. It is not only the bride and groom who need lessons in manners it is also the guest who is clueless about how to get this information.

x makes a good point. I've never received a wedding invitation that contained any information about gifts in it, and that includes registry information. I've always contacted the bride/groom or their parents to find out if they're registered, or if they have any preferences. <BR><BR>And think about it--it a guest doesn't feel comfortable asking one of the above people about a registry, then he doesn't know the people well enough to be a guest!

I don't understand the problem some of you have with this... no, gifts are not expected but really, would you go to a wedding and NOT give the bride and groom something? (..and if yes, than shame on you, as weddings are so so expensive and many couples, myself included, now pay for their own). <BR><BR>And more to the point, would you not want the bride and groom to need/want what you give them? Or (Jim) are you one of those people who see weddings as a chance for free booze and food, rather than being thankful the bride and groom wanted you there enough to pay for your plate? (thus reciprocating with a gift that the couple WANTS?) When you give someone a birthday present, do you not attempt to find out or figure out what the person wants? I feel sorry for some of your loved ones... you must suck at holidays. <BR><BR>For those of you who gasped and complained about this great idea, you are clearly behind the times.. (I don't even think "theknot.com" trashes this idea these days)...This is a common thing now,for many many couples (from all social classes, Miss [Bad] Manners) As some here have pointed out, many couples already have all that household stuff for which they would otherwise register. Logically, it makes perfect sense. <BR><BR>And no (and this is for you "Miss Manners.. what a joke... try "There's a Huge Stick up my Big Fat Spoiled Ass" as a name next time ), i am not a wal-mart shopping, disney-going type of person.. i am a thirty one year old attorney who makes a VERY decent living and who drives a very nice car and lives in a very nice house (not that this matters to me but i am just pre-empting the obvious attacks from "Miss [bad] Manners" ]. And no, this is not something that I am doing either.. i just think there's nothing wrong with it at all. <BR><BR>By the way Miss [Bad] Manners... I live in the Northeast, and am well aware that it is expensive to pay for a wedding.. but anyone that would spend 40K on the event (whether it be your money, or more likely, your daddy's) is clearly a spoiled brat with no sense of a dollar.. nobody needs to spend that much on an affair and you should be ashamed of yourself for that. <BR><BR>Best wishes Amy, i hope your wedding and your honeymoon are wonderful. <BR><BR>

Hey miss manners: <BR><BR>would you arrive at a birthday party empty-handed and say "My presence is your gift"? get over yourself. I doubt anyone in your life thinks YOUR presence is worth much of anything.<BR><BR>

Yeah I've gone to a couple of weddings and not given a gift. Once I travel halfway across the country, or even out of the country, to attend your wedding you've made it clear that my precense is more valuable to you than a gift. Or maybe you were hoping I'd skip the wedding and just send the gift ... ha I called your bluff then.

Dear Broke,<BR><BR>You are obviously broke in both your wallet and any social graces. The reason I had my wedding so far away was to get as far away from you as possible.

Well "broke"..<BR><BR>I feel bad for your friends. (Or then again, perhaps I should not jump to conclusions.. maybe you are just terrific company, and your presence really is that valuable.. but i doubt it) <BR><BR>I went to my good friends' wedding in Ireland from the US and would not have ever considered shafting her on the gift under any circumstance. I was honored to have been invited, and had a blast, which was worth the travel money i spent. I was pleased to give her the same gift I would have given to someone who's wedding was down the street from my house. <BR><BR>You probably leave cheap tips when dining out too. (your logic= "I spent so much on this great dinner... no need to tip!")

I think a lot of people have developed a certain attitude about weddings that may not have existed previously. The bad attitude on the part of the guest is due to brides and grooms who expect, and then judge the value of, the gift. The bride and groom have the attitude that they spent alot of money on their wedding so they "deserve" for guests to submit a gift that the bride and groom deem "acceptable". It is not possible for a guest to know the dollar amount the bride and groom spent on a wedding so it would be impossible for the guest to submit a dollar for dollar gift. Guests give gifts that they can afford. Brides and grooms should have wedding parties they can afford. Brides and grooms should remember that they are throwing a party for themselves and inviting intimates to join them in what they should believe is the celebration of their lives. The wedding is not an arrangement set up for brides and grooms to reap gits as rewards for finding their life mate. A bride should never think much less speak "I spent $$$ on each person and all I got from them was this sorry gift." Brides should humbly and graciously accept and acknowledge each gift regardless of what it's real or imagined value is. The sign of a truly mature bride is one who can do this while keeping in mind that every one of their guests is an individual with tasts that differ from her own. This is what a reurn counter is for.<BR><BR>I think every person invited to a wedding who receives an enclosure telling them where they can purchase just the right gift is annoyed at the presumption.

When my husband and I got married, we did so out of town at a resort hotel with about 75 friends and family members. Being that everyone traveled from out of town and paid their own hotel bill (groom and I paid for the reception), my groom and I requested no gifts and let this be known by our mothers. We did receive a few gifts but more importantly, the people we love most in the world were with us and that was the best gift of all.

No X, you are wrong.<BR><BR>First, as was pointed out earlier, most brides and grooms do not actualy insert the location of their registry with the wedding invitation.. most people use word of mouth. (and most guests, although doubtfully you) are courtious and interested enough in getting something NICE that they ASK where the couple is registered. <BR><BR>I would never be "annoyed at the presumption" that a couple would want me to get them something off of their registry. IN fact, I am very happy that, when I select a gift from that list, I KNOW they are going to love it. (that being said, it would be rude if all the gifts on the list were prohibitively expensive for the guests.. i do think the couple has an obligation to select items in all price ranges).... Plus I think it is easy for the guests as they don't have to think too hard about what to buy. <BR><BR>Yes I agree that people should give what they can afford but they should also remember that a wedding is a party to celebrate an event, just like an anniversary party or a birthday party.. Your presence is NOT your gift, even if you think you are top-notch cocktail party company. <BR> <BR>Personally, I try to gauge my gift by the type of affair, and even if I don't "cover" my plate, I feel good about my gift when I leave. That's what gift-giving is about. <BR><BR>

Are you confusing me with another poster? I never said you should not give a gift. Someone else said that their "presence" was present enough, not me. I was referring to the practice that has become quite common and that is including the registry information in the wedding invitation. Also the practice of judging the gift's value against the amount spent on the wedding party has become quite common. Registries are useful especially for those guests who are not as close to the the couple and want to give something appropriate. I think we can agree that the cost of a wedding has become outrageous. The bride who wants a big party and sitdown dinner is welcome to do so. When I get an invitation to this should I turn it down because I am not able to spend big bucks on a gift? I am quite certain that the couple is aware of my standard of living prior to inviting me so could not expect me to be able to match the dinner cost against the gift, dollar for dollar, so therefore should I not accept their invitation? This seems like a superficial way to establish relationships.

I don't see anything wrong with a honeymoon registry. I think that a couple who registers for a honeymoon should also register at a store so that the guests have a choice. Not everyone is comfortable with giving money or contributing to a fund. And as will all registries, the registry information should be spread by word of mouth. Any guest who is interested in buying off a registry will ask.

As I mentioned previously, I've never received an invitation that included any registry information, and don't think it's appropriate. The closest I've seen to that has been bridal shower invitations that will include the information, which I think is OK.<BR><BR>I also want to point out that in the case where a large number of guests will be coming from out of town, it is not unusual for there to be a dinner the night before for the guests (as part of the rehearsal dinner) as well as a brunch the morning after. And all this is in addition to the cost of the wedding. These events, in addition to providing a nice time to socialize, cut down on the cost the travelling guests would have to spend on meals. Sometimes, there is even transportation arranged for all the events.

I just wanted to let you all know that someone didn't say THEIR presence was someone's present.<BR><BR>She was relating an invitation story she received from someone who stated "your presence is our present". They go out like that to all guests when people do that.<BR><BR>

If someone sent out invitations that said "your presence is our present" they were in VERY poor taste. Any reference to presents including things like "no gifts please" or "in lieu of a gift, please make danation to AMke a Wish foundation" The word present or gift should should not be included in an invite period whether you are asking for gifts, telling people what to buy you or even telling them not ot buy you anything! This is in the Emily Post Wedding Etiquette guide. Personally, I have NEVER received a wedding invite that included registry information, who woul dseriously do that? It is fine to include it in the shower invite, but that is another story adn another reason.

Sadly, there are plenty of people who put registry information in with their wedding invitations. I guess that they just don't know any better or they don't care. <BR><BR>When I got married, the stores where I registered had registry cards and tried to give them to me several times so that I could put them in with the invitations. I declined the 1st couple times and then told the sales person that any mention of gifts with the invitation is not appropriate. It may be that people assume that because the store supplies them with registry cards, that putting them in with the invitations is appropriate - who knows? <BR><BR>I actually got a wedding invitation one time that had a card in it listing the stores where the couple was registered and stating that a money tree was available. I almost died! Like guests wouldn't already know that the the couple would be happy to receive cash!

The reason stores give you those registry cards is not for the wedding invites, but for the shower invites. I thought most people knew that. But you are right soem people I guess jsut don't care.<BR><BR>As I said before including registry cards or info in bridal/wedding shower invites is fine for 2 reasons. First presumably the couple or their parents are hosting/paying for the wedding so if they include mention of gifts it is very tacky and looks like they are begging for or expecting people to give them gifts. On the other hand, neither the couple nor their parents hosts the wedding/bridal shower. It is hosted by an extended family member or maid of honor, bridesamaids or friends of the bride. The couple is not hosting their own party to be greedy and get gifts. Also the whole point of a "shower" is to shower the bride with gifts and guests know they are supposed to bring them. The whole point of a wedding is NOT gifts but to celebrate the happy couple and offer congratulations. Many people congratulate them with a gift as ti is the norm these days but not neessary and certainly not the point of the wedding!