I lost my mom a few years ago on December 1 and can understand her feelings. This will be the last of the "first times" she will have to endure but the holidays are really tough.

I know the months leading up to the anniversary were really difficult. We chose to help others that needed help since my mom was very charitable and we knew it was something she would have wanted.

We did a lot of little things, but perhaps she could consider helping a family financially who would not be able to afford a Christmas for their children. Could she talk with someone at her church or local school and see if someone needs help?

I know it is not a trip, but perhaps a different focus could help her when she realizes what she had done to help someone, especially if she can pick out some small gifts and she can recall during the tough times how happy someone is because of her.

One thing that might need to be considered .. I don't know but people have said it to me ..
We lived in Buenos Aires for years and came back to live in the US because our son got married and moved back to the US from abroad with his lovely wife.
When the news of a baby coming was announced, my husband decided we should move back to the US.
I was not ready to leave Argentina but there were no good choices.

We arrived in the US in March .. the baby was born in July .. my husband suddenly died in Oct.

I have this terrible longing to go back where I was happy , to Buenos Aires.
Everything that happened in this house is a bad memory.
I might go back to BA and just miss him more or be miserable.
It is impossible to figure that out ... and even more so for someone else.

I wish your mom well ... it is hard. It is exhausting and sometimes you just don't even want to move ... grief weighs quite a lot.
Be patient with her .. there is no timeline for grief .. I wish you well too ~

Scarlett, I hope you can go back to Buenos Aires. At least for a visit to see how it feels to you. sincerely, Suze

Thank you, everyone, for your kind, thoughtful and compassionate words. There are a lot of things to consider here, both tangible and intangible.
There's no tried and true solution here, but there is love. With love, we will all get through it. Scarlett, I feel for you. I think as suze says, at least a visit to BA, to see how you feel, take it in steps....
Thank you...

My mother has decided to visit people - people she has known in the past but have disappeared, into nursing homes, what have you, this Christmas.
She wants to repay some of the debt she's feeling, and give back. It is probably the best thing she could have dreamed of doing, and she came up with it on her own.
I am sure my father would be so proud of her. He would have perhaps suggested this himself.
I'm not so sure that she didn't get some help from him from above, she talks to him, and she feels he's there listening.
That, plus she's smart.
She's sweet, kind, smart - so many things, and I love her.
Thank you everyone.
Of course we'll all be there for her, looking after her and keeping in touch, stopping in, etc.
She has to do this on her own. I'm glad she's finding her way. It's very difficult, but she's one strong beautiful woman. I'm so proud of her.

<i>Of course we'll all be there for her, looking after her and keeping in touch, stopping in, etc.
She has to do this on her own. I'm glad she's finding her way. It's very difficult, but she's one strong beautiful woman. I'm so proud of her.</i>

This is a send up, right?

<people she has known in the past but have disappeared, into nursing homes, what have you>
Huh?

Sounds like she found a great solution to her dilemma, teadrinker.

That's quite a plan and a blessed one. They will share their memories.

I think that is a wonderful idea.....happy holidays to you, to her and to the entire family.

I hope she at least gives the disappeared a heads up before she arrives.

This is a send up, right?>>

even if you thought that, why post it? I don't think that it is, but if it's a send up, so what?

and if it isn't, you've just given huge offence to someone who is clearly struggling almost as much as her mother is with this.

I think it is a lovely resolution for the situation. As usual around here, I have no idea why people are questioning your sincerity or being so negative about your post.

Wonderful plan.

Well, I learned a new phrase, "send up"...I had to google to know the meaning.

Geez, newbe, what is WITH you.

LOL, the star polishers are out in force! You guys do know that the elf on a shelf isn't real, right?

We look to you and obxgurl to tell us what's real. Thanks for always setting us straight.

every man find dream in Christmas

susie, I googled but still made no sense to me.