Do they Expect you to order wine??
 

I was beginning to think that they expect one to order wine at the restaurants in places like Fleur de lys. My husband and I don't drink alcohol anymore. I don't want to feel uncomfortable or make my husband feel uncomfortable. Do they expect it?

Of course not. Tell them you can't drink, it tends to make you stiff the waiter.

They'd like you to order wine and they probably believe your meal would be enhanced by a well-chosen wine, but you should never feel "expected" to get wine and I'd be surprised if that was their intention. Lots of people don't drink.

You need to have confidence and not be prepared to be a victim or "uncomfortable."

why would you care whatTHEY expect or do not expect. You are the patron and it is none of any ones business why you do not drink. Just say NO!

As an aside, we discovered when we were in Holland recently that (at one restaurant...the one where we asked) we would be given a pitcher of water and glasses for everyone at the table only if we all ordered at least one glass of wine. Otherwise, we would have to pay for the water.

"Just water, please".

-Bottled water or tap?

"Tap, thank you."((*))

Charming, Jed, but I also have found that some places in Europe charge for tap water.

"I also have found that some places in Europe charge for tap water."

Not just Europe!!

Here in the US the public is willing to pay billions of $US per year for bottled tap water (AquaFina, etc).

Yes, it is true that some brands of bottled water are merely tap water, but I meant LITERALLY tap water, not tap water that has been bottled.

OK, not about tap water. We are talking about wine.

Sometimes I order wine, sometimes I don't. I've never felt pressured in the slightest, even in the nicest restaurants.

I imagine that whatever the charge for tap water, it is less than wine. In any case my wife <i>always</i> needs water with her meals. ((*))

This is such a non-issue. Order what you want. Whether that is a glass or bottle of wine, or mineral water, or a soft drink, or iced tea, or just a plain ole glass of water.

In high-end restaurants I think it is appropriate to order a beverage you pay for... Sparkling/mineral water is a common choice.

I have to disagree that if I actually prefer a glass of iced tap water to any kind of bottled water (and I do) that I should be &quot;embarrassed&quot; or &quot;feel coerced&quot; into ordering bottled water instead just because I'm not ordering wine. I think that's as silly as my friend who won't park his car in valet unless it's just been washed. Who's to be impressed here?

If they have a policy to charge me for the tap water, so be it. I still want the tap water. I may decide later if the place was worth going back to or not.

Hi Guys,

I totally understand what the OP is getting at here. Actually less than 2 weeks ago I was in NYC at a restaurant called Becco with about 8 other people and we had just been at a wedding the night before so no one wanted to drink anything alcoholic because no one is a big drinker to begin with and we had all had our fare share the previous evening.
When the whole party declined the waiters offer for wine he made some kind of remark about how we wanted to drink &quot;jersey water&quot; and walked away.

I though that was ridiculous! I RARELY drink and I have never felt pressured or uncomfortable about it before until this incident. And I don't think that I should. Any waiter who behaves like that needs a lecture from him manager lol!!

Order what you want!!!! Don't worry about it!!

Layla %-

Yes, a bad reaction CAN happen from a rude and uneducated waiter.
Two friends of mine (one a self-proclaimed alcoholic who was struggling to stay on the wagon, and his date who is on medication and can't drink) went to the upscale Bice here in Naples. When the waiter asked &quot;can I bring you a cocktail or glass of wine?&quot;, they said &quot;we don't drink&quot; to which the waiter replied in a loud voice &quot;You don't drink, what's the matter with you?&quot; Hard to imagine, but true. If that should happen, report the server to the manager. It's inexcusable.

Layla, I would have immediately reported that waiter's comment to the manager. It is especially laughable and ironic in New York City, since you can't be the tap water there!

He would not get a tip from me to be sure.

Or they could have said &quot;It makes me vomit immediately.&quot;

Why I suggest ordering the fizzy bottled water is because it nicely fills that place in a restaurant meal, where others would be having wine. A bottle to open and share before the meal. It's a nice ritual. Something I just don't feel having tap water.

Thank you all very much. I really appreciate your input.

I wouldn't even say &quot;We don't drink&quot;. I'd just say &quot;No thanks, I'll have a club soda w/ a twist&quot; or what ever. Not that the waiter wasn't a real schmoe and should have been reported. But it is no one's business what one orders/why. They are there to serve you - not to discus personal info . . . . .

IMO in any &quot;decent&quot; restaurant they &quot;expect&quot; you to order whatever you want and they don't pressure you to do otherwise, period.

janice, I think I may have misquoted the actual words. I think the more logical was the frequently asked &quot;what are we drinking here&quot; to which my friends said &quot;actually we're NOT drinking&quot;. I think my friend was especially ticked because for him to say &quot;I'm not drinking&quot; was a big step forward and he didn't like the response. I agree, though, the waiter's rudeness could easily be ignored with &quot;just water thank you&quot;.

And back to the bottled water issue, I do understand that idea of &quot;filling the time&quot; with a bottle of fizzy water -- except for those of us who DESPISE fizzy waters.

You are under no obligation to order wine at Fleur de lys or any other restaurant.

Only tacky waiters ask if you want &quot;bottled&quot; or &quot;tap&quot; water--implying that you will make the latter choice if you are &quot;cheap.&quot;

Waiters with class say &quot;bottled&quot; or &quot;ice&quot; water?

behler: I doubt you will get anything but a polite reaction at an upscale restaurant like the Fleur de Lys (this is the one in San Francisco, is that right?), no matter what you say.

Just act naturally.

Not every table every night orders alcoholic drinks.

You can always say, with a smile, &quot;Not tonight, thank you. We've already had too much winetasting today/this trip/this week. Maybe next time.&quot;

Or you could say,&quot;Not tonight. However, I'd love to have a glass of orange juice.&quot; (Which I have ordered many a time while on a business trip with clients).

If you act natural and gracious, the waiter will merely take your order which is what he is there to do.

If, OTOH, you act stiff, unnatural, embarrassed, he'll think something is wrong with you or your order.

Otherwise, I've had waiters ask for my ID when I was in my 40's and, yes, I felt really flattered! :)

Order tap water .. no repercussions.

But if you don't order any alcohol at a nice restaurant, your service might suffer. It certainly <i>shouldn't</i>, but the reality is that, on a busy night, if 'the other' table is spending big money on booze, it will get more attention than your table will.

Like I said, that shouldn't be the case, but it's reality.

Gekko: I'd agree that the table that orders a lot of booze or a very expensive bottle of wine will get a lot of attention. After all, restaurants make more money off of booze than off of their food, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that the customers that help their bottom line the most will get a disproportionate share of attention.

But, I don't believe that was the OP's concern. It wasn't HOW MUCH waiter attention is given, it was about feeling embarrassed about not ordering any wine.

If this is the Fleur de Lys in San Francisco, I've been there with large parties and just one-on-one tete-a-tetes, I've brought my own wine and have ordered wine off of their wine list, at NO visit were the other guests with me nor I made to feel unwelcome or uncomfortable.

It's a very upscale restaurant, the staff is very professional. They WANT you to have a good time there and their attention is very discrete - even on a busy night.

I'll say again to the OP: act naturally and enjoy your evening there! It's a very romantic restaurant, just right for you and your husband! :)

&quot;<i>But if you don't order any alcohol at a nice restaurant, your service might suffer.</i>&quot;

Not of if it is a professionally run place. That is ridiculous IMHO. Maybe things are different in different parts of the country - but around here (even being on the edge of three major wine/grape growing regions) I have <u>never</u> noticed any difference ordering drinks or not ordering drinks.

And IF there was - the manager would know about it instantly

As a waiter, I can see what you mean. I mean, the reality is, the bigger the check, the bigger the potential tip. Not to mention the fact that the more buzzed you are, the more likely you are to tip well...:D

I waited tables in college, and I assure that the unfortunate reality is that, on a busy night, <b>a table that spends more gets more</b> (attention, that is, as well as comped desserts or whatever).

Like I said, it's not right, but it's reality.

I thought the OP was asking about posh, upscale fine dining. Sure - in a normal every day restaurant/road house/chain, the service can get snotty when you don't have a bar tab - that would still be unacceptable - but maybe understandable.

But at a fine restaurant that prides itself on its service - any inking of being slighted because of a drink order/non-order and the manager would be summoned to my table in a heartbeat.

I'd suggest that a &quot;fine restaurant,&quot; particularly here in NYC, would be the most likely to be less attentive to a table that does not order alcohol. (I've seen it firsthand at Le Cirque, for example.)

Of course, excellent service is relative -- the &quot;cheap&quot; table should receive fine service, but it may not get the same attention as its thirsty rival.

<i>Again</i>, I'm certainly not condoning such behavior, but it is reality, and it's not uncommon.

As a side note, I have it on good authority that many waiters will give you better service for simply not drinking alcohol than they will if you ask &quot;how much is your house wine by the glass?&quot;, especially if you THEN say, &quot;no thanks, I'll just have water&quot;.

Thank you, Patrick! LOL!