Frank - thanks for that. I think that is what I have to keep in mind, and trust that all things will work out. Just been a wild ride since 2007.

I was looking forward to finishing school here in Orange County, staying in our home for the next 5 years and when daughter graduates moving forward.

I am trying to again not worry too much, as it is possible all this energy is for nothing - he may not even get offered the job. I was looking at houses in the plano area and they are interesting - it is funny how the decor even inside is SO different than if you were to look at houses here in OC *inside as well.

Hi MomDD,
I've always found new experiences and the opportunity for change to be exciting. Good luck to you and your family.

You're right starrs. I am wrong. I am desperately unhappy. Sorry to burden everyone.

who is soogies and why are you apologizing?

I'm very sorry too, soogies. I read your other thread (although I didn't post). I'm sorry you are going through the things you're dealing with right now. :-(

But, I promise you...there are people around you that would enjoy doing the things you would enjoy doing. Take a peek at the links to meetup groups. Maybe even sign up for a couple of them. You'll receive email notifications every week to amazing things people around you are doing - and would love to have someone new join them. It's not a singles scene. It's not about hook-ups. There are a lot of people who would love to see a certain movie or go to a certain event or see a show but their spouses/friends wouldn't be interested. So, join up with 2 to 12 (made up numbers) people that DO enjoy it and get out of the house, do things you like to do and maybe find new friendships. I'm busy a lot of the time with my "real life" but there are 3 to 5 meetup emails each week I receive doing things I like to do (which also happen to be the kinds of things I think you'd like to do).

Not slamming here in any way - just suggesting ideas.

nanabee on Jul 16, 10 at 8:32am

Hi MomDD,
I've always found new experiences and the opportunity for change to be exciting. Good luck to you and your family.>

Thank you Nanabee!

soogies, I've read some of your other threads and know you've got a lot of "stuff" going on right now in your life, and I'm guessing they get intermingled with one another, and the end result is a very unhappy you, for lots of reasons. Hopefully, one by one they will get sorted out and things will look up. My best to you, truly!

MomDD, let us know how it goes. I understand the approach avoidance conflict! It's hard to move <i>any</i> time, IMHO...easier when we and our children are young, and harder the older we and they become. Keep in mind that this does not have to be forever. If you don't like it, bide your time until your DH retires or something better comes along, then vamoose. I went kicking and screaming to TX, then kicking and screaming again when we were transferred out of TX to Savannah, then kicking and screaming once again when we were transferred from Tampa back to TX. I just hate moving, period! I hate leaving friends and comfort of the familiar for a new start. There's nothing easy about it, but it generally all works out and we find the good the area has to offer and are content. Good luck--it will work out for you!

Thank you OO. I do not see this as a forever move in anyway...

btw, where did you live in Tampa? I lived there for a season.

I live in the DFW area - love it - born and raised here - wouldn't think of living anywhere else. Yes, I can understand if you come from an area that has a lot of trees, a lot of hills, cooler weather, etc., then it may take some adjustment, but you know Texans are great people and Texas is a great place to live. It's not ALL about your surroundings, it's what you make out of it. If you're with people you love, then that's all that matters.

Dawn, I hope the job situation works out well for your family.

. <It's not ALL about your surroundings, it's what you make out of it. If you're with people you love, then that's all that matters.>

I keep repeating that Jill. ((F)) Over and over...

I think the hardest part is all the people I love here that I will be leaving. My closest friend has completely refused to even discuss it (not kidding).

I also keep thinking how wonderful it will be for dh to have the a job with a company that is stable again. We have lacked that for the last 3 years and it is not something we are use to.

MomDD, I completely understand about leaving the people you love in CA, I would feel the same way if I were looking at a cross country move. But as a Fodorite you already have friends who love you in TX. If you do come to TX I will make a special trip to the DFW area to meet you, whenever you are ready. Or you can come to Austin some weekend. I will hope and pray for the best outcome whatever that may be.

{{{{P-M}}}} That means so much to me. Thank you.

... and with DFW being a hub for American Airlines, it's easy to hop a plane and head back to CA for a visit, OR have your friends come visit in your new digs. :)

For a person that has moved a lots I can only say that a positive attitude toward a new location is the most important thing in helping you to get adjusted to a new Environment.

"Home is where your Heart is" has always been my Motto during my DH new Assignments around the World and believe me that at times wasn't easy but I did it with style,a smiling face and most of all a very positive attitude.

You are going to be fine in Dallas MOM.

For the other poster that seems so unhappy about living in Dallas because she missed the cultural life, I can only say that I grew up in one of the most beautiful historics, artistic city of the world, visited the most interesting museums in many countries that I called Home.

I survived because I never Whined about the Cultural things I was missing living here in the US or about how I hated to live in a certain place.
Remember that you are the Master of your own Happiness and of your well BEING , and nobody can do these things for you,but you..

That is the reason why having a Positive Attitude is so important, it makes our daily life so much easier.

GREAT post Kis. Thank you.

I found that a friendly smile, a positive attitude, a willingness to experience new things, and a great sense of humor - got me through many a tough transition.

Just chiming in here to say I so agree with the comments, Dawn. And knowing that our kistmechimera is from one of the most beautiful cities in the world I can only imagine the culture shock of living elsewhere. Btw, you are home now I assume dear Kismetchimera.

I only moved 35 miles and the cultural difference plus the weather was a shock to me, Dawn. I miss being by the water which is what I had all of my life. The great majority here are to the far right politically unlike where I lived until I moved here. It took time to get adjusted but I first took note of how well mannered almost all the people are here and how there is not so much "rushing around". I will always be homesick for the SF/Bay Area but I am so happy to be in the same city as my daughter and son-in-law and I have made friends with people that have basically the same thoughts as I do. We are all from "elsewhere" so we are all missing where we use to live which spans from the SF/BayArea to S CA to the midwest to the East Coast but we all also appreciate the assests our city has such as a very low crime rate, friendly people, good streets, a great PD and FD, good doctors and hospitals etc. If you and your family end up moving to Texas I hope you find a niche too that will bring joy to your life. Best wishes.

Yes, I am at home now Love..I changed my plans the last minute and decided to come back home..
Augusto passed away Saturday the 2nd of July,his wife and daughter were by his bedside.
The church and funeral service was the next day and it was a lovely ceremony attended by so many people.

He lived in Pescara for over 40 years and spent most of his career,he was of the Arma of the Carabinieri, in that city.

5 retired Carabinieri in full uniforms holding the Italian flag, said their last goodbye to their former friend.

It was very touching.

I spent a week in Rome before returning to the US.

Sorry for having hijacked your post, MOM..

Dawn, I have moved in the past (some moves just within Southern CA and others to other states) and I have found that I do well as long as I move with a positive attitude and assure myself that I will like it in my new city. I am a joiner so get involved with organizations that I believe in and I quickly have made friends and I know you will too. You always have such a positive attitude and you have dealt with other things in your life that have not been easy, so I know you will do well. I have kept in touch with many of my friends from other cities and even from high school and college so you can keep up with friends even if you don't live near them. I love Facebook and e-mail as it has helped me stay more in their lives and when we do get together it seems like we have not skipped a beat. I laughed when you said you wondered what the thread would be like if Orange County was changed for Plano, TX. I am sure there would be lots and lots of negatives (as well as positives) as everyone likes something different and of course some people are just plain negative. I try to stay clear of them if I can. Have a great weekend and hope everything works out great.

Just a thought:

The top reason transfers within our company have not worked is personality conflict, but a close 2nd is when the spouse doesnt like the new city. Atop that, we had a gal(spouse of a VP) recently come into town that liked it too much. In two years she was running the local charity drives by working her tail off, the longtime spouses drove her husband out during the last downsize(I dont think he deserved, but was her success). Too bad, I thinked they really liked it here.

I would say 'fitting in' is the goal, not being too preoccupied with the move that you step on other toes. People get intimidated by new residents from CA

Don't you have a child at home? You may be interested in this article from the NYtimes about the long-term effects of moving on children:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/11/fa...ving.html?_r=1

I shifted a lot a a child, went to 7 different schools. I was a shy person and got to the stage where I didn't make a lot of friends because you were shifted away from them. Remember this was in the days before internet, facebook etc.

I actually made a promise to myself I wouldn't put my kids through that, and even though DH and I have lived in several houses in our married life, we stayed in the area so the children didn't shift schools.

I know it is hard if you have to shift to get a good job, and is probably one of the things you just have to do, but it can have a negative effect on children. On the other hand if the child is out-going, she/he will probably look on it as an adventure and love every minute of it.

<<Don't you have a child at home? You may be interested in this article from the NYtimes about the long-term effects of moving on children>>

Wow, trickiewoo, talk about putting a damper on things!

I would put myself in the "moved around a lot" category.......7 states, 11 different houses/apartments, and 6 different schools (beginning in Kdg) - all before the age of 12. Since then.....2 additional states, 12 different houses/apartment, and 2 additional countries on 2 differnt continents.

And my children have lived in 8 different houses/apartments, in 3 different states, in 3 different countries, on 3 different continents. And they've gone to 5 different schools (Kdg - 11th/12th).

I remember what my mother did to make my brother and I comfortable whenever we moved, and I applied those same tactics whenever we moved with our children. I've also watched lots of families move into a new location - some did well, others did not. And the MAIN factor determining how well a child adapted.....was how the MOM adapted.

If the mom is miserable, constantly complaining and moping and "missing" the previous location - then the children are miserable. But if the mom is upbeat, willing to explore the new location, making an effort to make friends, etc - then the children do just fine.

Yes, moving in high school (and even middle school) is not easy, but it is done all the time - and can be done quite successfully.

It's all in the attitude!

Losing a house, starving, or being without medical benefits is no picnic either.

Mom, hang in there. ((f))

<I know it is hard if you have to shift to get a good job, and is probably one of the things you just have to do, but it can have a negative effect on children. On the other hand if the child is out-going, she/he will probably look on it as an adventure and love every minute of it.>

I am all too well aware of the impact on children - I went to so many schools I really cannot even count - living in several different states between the time I was 9 and 16.

I think trickiewoo was just putting one more thing to look at on the table, but knowing Mom, her child would have been the first thing she considered.

And did you read the article? It said that some kids are "blissfully unaffected."

It is like divorce - not always what the kid would choose for themselves, but if handled correctly, any bad effects can be minimized.

seetheworld on Jul 16, 10 at 4:55pm

Losing a house, starving, or being without medical benefits is no picnic either.

Mom, hang in there. ((f))
****
No kidding right?

Frank - interesting - my Mom has moved a lot and said that is an issue about people coming from Ca. - good advice imo.

Yes, I know it is hard on children - goodness knows I know better than most and I too promised myself that I would never put my children through that. Ever. While we have moved homes we have not left the immediate area we live in and have roots here. We are well known in a positive sense in our church and our community.

I am pretty grumpy about moving but agree 100% that how I treat this will trickle down 100% to my children. I will take a leave from school to get the family settled and will not move right away - dh will most likely go ahead and make sure that this is going to work so to speak.

Least we forget that this is all IF he even gets the job - ;-).

I appreciate all the feedback - good and bad and advice as well.

Kis - I am sorry for your loss of course.

My DH was running the Grand Hyatt Tampa, Mom. It has a live-in arrangement and we had a casita on the grounds.

Moving is a fact of life with his company. We were fortunate to be in Dallas all the time the kids were growing up, but he was moving up ladders in various Hyatts there. At a certain point, if you stay with that company, you simply count on moving every few years...it's the only way you can advance. I enjoyed moving early on in his career, it was always sort of exciting to go on to different cities, but not so much now.

I was born and raised in one little town in MA. My Dad worked for GE and there were some transfers there. We could have moved to Rome, GA. I had no idea where Rome was...in Ga..., had never been south of Connecticut, but I was ready! LOL Some kids do quite well with it, and I agree so much with Grcxx3, parents attitude makes all the difference in the world in adjustment.

soogies, you have been on my mind. I was wondering, can you tell us anything that you do like about Dallas? Anything? BBQ? How they like to say, "thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu." (this was interesting to my husband when he first moved to Dallas). The gardens, the McMansions, the colleges, the Tex Mex? Something that you like?

Hugs to you soogies. I know it is difficult to live in a place where you are not happy. I have been there a few times. I lived in HI in my 20s and hated living in Honolulu. And everyone would say how I must LOVE living in Paradise. NO, didn't at all. I was young and should have appreciated it more. I then moved to NYC and was happy about that. More culture and entertainment. I hope you can move soon, if that is what you want.

Mom, I know it will work out for you. Sometimes it is the not knowing that kills us. LIMBO. I am finally out of limbo with my job situation and it feels like a rebirth. Let us know when you hear something.

Mom - There are several good nursing schools in the area. Texas Women's University (4 year) would be somewhat convenient for you with campuses in Dallas and Denton (north of Dallas ~35 miles).

http://www.twu.edu/nursing/

Dallas County Community College District has a 2-year Associate's Degree in nursing @ Brookhaven College.

http://www.dcccd.edu/Current+Student...ealth/Nursing/

Also, Baylor University has a campus just south of downtown Dallas.

Thank you Jill- I had looked into two of those but not Texas women's.

Thanks for thinking of me Heavens But I am really done with Texas. My best hope is to survive the long summer this year and plan for our apartment getaway next year.

Hi Dawn,
I've been reading but not posting...I think it's selfishly because the idea of moving stresses me out. OWJ2 is now "open to relocation" though at this point is completely academic because no interviews are set up outside of our area. We've come to realize that widening the search is necessary. Like you, I'm very happily rooted where I am and the thought of moving away from my life, my friends, my job, even OWJ2's family is scary. That said, we have to look at the big picture and do what's best for our family, even if that means starting over somewhere.

OWJ

Word on the street is that we will know next week... oh boy.

Soogies - if i come - you will have to come out with me. ((F))

Soogies--I hope you find what you are looking for. Good luck!

OWJ

OWJ - we were posting at the same time. It is REALLY hard to start to be "open" to relocation. Dh's recruiter and others have explained it makes him much more interesting to even get an interview. It is really stressful. More than I think I wanted to think about when I started this thread.

Things will work out as they should - if he gets the job - so be it. It has been almost 3 years now of him working "beneath" his level so to speak. We were happy when he landed his last contract and it lasted for over a year - so we are thankful for that time... ((L)) to you as well.

NEXT WEEK?? Whoa! Keep me posted.

I totally get the working 'beneath' his level. It's so hard and though my DH would not admit it, I know he feels he's not being a good provider and this job search has really affected his confidence in himself. He's doing the best he can...what more can one expect?

Dawn -

That was very sweet,. I appreciate the thought.

I know you will do just fine if you move here. You have a great spirit and bravery.

OWJ ; thanks.

<cat111719 on Jul 16, 10 at 5:00pm

I think trickiewoo was just putting one more thing to look at on the table, but knowing Mom, her child would have been the first thing she considered.>

Just seeing this - you are very kind and very right ((L)).