This thread is just too funny!

OK, the funniest travel story happened to a good friend of mine (I swear - it's really my friend). My friend, who is from the US, had been dating her boyfriend from the Dominican Republic for a couple of years when he brought her home to the Dominican Republic to meet his family. She doesn't speak much Spanish and his family doesn't speak much English. Understandibly, she was very nervous about meeting her boyfriend's family and wanted to make a good impression. After complimenting them in broken Spanish on a beautiful house, family, etc she found them looking at her quizically (sic). They asked her a few more questions in Spanish sounding rather confused, to which she kept nodding and smiling and saying "si, si" (sic?). Well, a couple of hours later when she and her boyfriend were getting ready to leave, the family began packing up their 2 cats for them to take with them. My poor embarrassed friend was told by her boyfriend that not only had she complimented the family cats so much she agreed to take them with her.

We get the giggles every time she talks about visiting the family. Needless to say, she has learned quite a bit of Spanish since then!! (and no, they didn't take the cats with them back to the US).

We were enjoying a quiet lunch on the patio of a small restaurant in Puerto Vallarta. This particular place featured tame parrots that would fly down to the tables for bits of food & attention. I was wearing a brightly decorated shirt & one of the birds took an interest in the "jewels" & came over to my place at the table. That parrot grabbed at a very painful & embarrassing spot & wouldn't turn loose no matter how loudly I screamed & swatted in protest. Of course, the other diners were all watching this battle while my husband & our waiter tried to rescue me from my determined opponent. Trying to explain the injury to my Doc, when we got back home to Texas, was even worse. He just kept saying, "You are kidding, aren't you"? It was one of those things that is only funny in retrospect.

1997-On London Bus #74. New cashmere coat with satin lining. Back seat with boyfriend. Bus stopped suddenly. Yours truly (aided by satin lining) shot like a bullet off the seat and completely UNDERNEATH the one in front. Wedged in tight. REAL tight. Couldn't breathe, but not from lack of room. Laughing too hard. Never wore coat on public transport again.

Skiing with my sister at a resort I cant remember, when it was time to exit the lift at the top of the hill, she was too chicken to get off, so she stayed on and the operator didnt catch it. She continued on through the little turnaround "house", while I watched in amazement and laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.

Waiting in CDG airport for my flight home, I have 4 Harrods Lager beers in my satchel. Thinking, "what the heck" I crack one open and there was so much pressure that there was a loud "pop" that sounded like a bullet. I thought sure that they were going to haul me off for questioning. Beer gushing everywhere, nobody flinched, I just sat there and drank.

Travdog--I laughed so hard I cried :-D

Last summer we stayed at the Westbury Hotel in Dublin where they serve a light continental breakfast each morning in the large lobby area adjacent to reception...in a sea of breakfast rolls stacked on a tray that was set on some sort of perch what were the odds that the one and only roll I removed would instantaneously send the entire tray crashing onto the marble floor? Anyone familiar with the game of Jenga? Dead silence in the lobby I was mortified with all eyes on me... by the time I reached my husband where he was sitting we looked at one another and couldn't stop laughing (as quietly as possible!)... five minutes later--voila--more rolls appear but this time in a basket.

For a winter vacation in Mexico, my cousin booked a hotel for new year's eve that was known for a wonderful fiesta. Asking about it when checking in that day, he was told "The forecast is for rain, so we had it last night."

While taking a bus from Prague to Brandys nad Labem, I was laughing to myself at how old the vehicle was. I mean this thing was like 20 years old, rusty, and made creaking sounds every time it turned. It was also a "double" bus, so was 2 busses linked together with a big old rusty piece in the middle. I was sitting in the second part of the bus, and kept thinking that our half was going to break away & be left behind whenever the driver made a turn.

About half way to our destination,and in front of a farm in the middle of nowhere, the darn thing broke down! The driver came over to me, and pulled out a toolbox, which happened to be under my feet, in a locked compartment. He took out a hammer, and started BANGING on some auto part at the front of the bus! Well, he did this for a half hour, all the time cursing & swearing in Czech! It was about 85 degrees out, and he was really sweating (even more than us!)Everyone else was calling their friends on their cell phones, and people were picking them up. Apparently, they knew how long this was going to take! After quite some time, the next bus on the run came & saved us. (The 5 people that were left!!) I kept saying to myself, "Someday I'm going to laugh at this!" So, 6 years later... :-)

Dcespedes,

Glad you enjoyed it. I liked yours, too.

Funniest part was that my boyfriend was reading the paper and it took him several seconds to notice my quick disappearance.

My husband really likes to buy little statues, busts etc when we go on vacation, and of course there were plenty when we went to Rome a couple of weeks ago. When we were in the Rome airport going through security/passport check on our way home, the guy was pretty hard to understand. I think he asked us if anyone had given us anything that could be used as a weapon, so I say no and am shaking my head. I look at my husband and can tell that he is very disturbed about something. The guy and I are both waiting for my husband to say no too. Suddenly, my husband blurts out,"I have statues!"
It was just so funny how confused the guy was. There was a long pause and then," You have statues?" Finally, he let us pass, shaking his head.
Apparently my husband thought that those statues could be pretty dangerous if we tried to take over the plane!

Sorry in advance, but there's no way this can be a one paragraph story.

I was working in London and I had to meet 3 important French executives at the airport and bring them back to the office in the City. I didn't speak a word of French, and they spoke very little English.

The ride back in the cab was just a lot of smiling, grunting and gesticulating, in place of actual language.

We got back to the office, a high rise. There were very steepstairs that wrapped around the elevator shaft (in other words, you could take the stairs which curved around and ended up on a landing in front of the elevator.)

When I started to fall, I was at the top of the stairs. Every time I was "...over heels" I caught a glimpse of 3 Frenchmen staring at me, mouths agape.

Once I rounded the corner (now, changed position and sliding on my stomach)I'd worked up quite a good momentum, and ended up (with a huge thud) in front of the elvevator. The guy I'd been flirting with for weeks was there and finally "noticed" me in a way I hadn't contemplated.

I was so embarrassed and my "primitive" mind must have taken over because for a split second, I decided to PLAY DEAD.

Now, had I been a rodent or something, this might have worked, and everyone would have backed off.

Let's just say that playing dead has the opposite effect on french businessmen, who became hysterical and thought I'd broken my neck. I then had to feign "coming back around after fainting."

Later that day, just for good measure, I decided to take the elevator and got stuck in it for an hour. Which I thought was perfect.

TravDog, That is just so funny. The poor guys must have been terrified! This is the best laugh I've ever had off this board!

Your other story reminded me of a packed transport bus at Heathrow I was once on. What is it with those slippery plastic seats? I slid right off the side, right into some fellow's crotch, and landed on by backside on the floor.

Most of the "funniest" things that happen to me while travelling, wouldn't translate well in print. But a couple key words to someone who shared the experience, and we're all on the floor all over again!

Dreamer, what is up with those London buses?

Actually, mine wasn't plastic (at least you have that excuse, right?)

Did the guy ask you for your number?

Travdog--again, here I am with the tears....what a funny, funny story--reminds me of Bridget Jones Diary :-D Thanks for posting the second story... makes me wonder, are there more? Don't hold back! :-)

Picture it: Place de Tetre, Monmarte 1999. My brother and I are wandering around and stopped to watch a group of mimes performing. At that time my brother was pretty heavy and had the perverbial "gut". One of the mimes came over and started pointing at his stomach,rubbing it, laughing etc. and making further fuss. Well, of course a crowd begain for form around this "scene". There were actually three mimes...all of a sudden one of them jumps on my brother's back and starts to climb him, like a tree. I am caught between being horrified and trying not to pee my pants. I just couldn't help laughing..dark humor I guess you'd call it. My brother is trying to shake the little sucker loose from his back so was kind of like twirling around in a circle...think of Curly Joe in the Three Stooges ..and going whoop!!!! whoop!!!! whoop!!!!! He eventually extricated the mime from his back to much merriment from the gathered crowd. We were back in Paris in 2002 and the was no way on Gods green earth he would go anywhere NEAR Monmartre!!!! He said he was NOT going through another one of those mime fields!!!! I told him it was just mime over matter and he told me to mime my own business!!!!!! To make matters worse during the mime attack, the poor guy was also having stomach problems and the only bathroom he could locate was of the turkish variety...but that's a whole other story..I personally have never run into one of those and when he told me what it was I figured I didn't have to use it...I have weak thighs and the image it brings to mind is just not very pretty. I think they need grab bars...I was thinking of that when I was watching the mens parallel bars during the Olympics....perfect!!!!!

Was traveling in Turkey with some friends. We had stopped by shop to do a little window shopping. One of the shopkeepers came out to talk to us. He was absolutely delighted to discover we were English, he wanted to practice his English.
He asked us what we did. I said students. He asked another friend what she did. She answered student, too. He looked at her very surprised and blurted out she must be going to school for a very, very long time. She was so mad! We tried so hard not to laugh.

Sorry, meant to say we spoke English. We're Americans, not English.

I have three I remember . . .

First two happened by in 1992 when I was a student abroad in Toulon, France for 6 months. It was also my blond stage and in southern france (and italy which is my next story) they didn't seem to see a lot of blonds. Anyway, I'm on the train from Toulon to Paris to meet up with my parents when this middle eastern man who said he was a sheik, asked me if he could ask my parents for my hand in marriage. He promised 10 camels as a dowry! I swear I'm not making this up! He even showed "credentials" and everything! Needless to say, my dad loved telling everyone this story to my utter embarrassment and even asked my now husband when he asked my dad to marry me if my hubby could give something of similar value!

Second story is in italy, the town where you take the ferry to Greece. I was with a girlfriend (also a blond) and we were waiting for the night ferry, window shopping. All of a sudden, I hear a loud motorcycle, italian being yelled and then a hand on my rearend! This guy, on his motorcycle, gave my rear a smack as he drove by! I even had a perfect handprint bruise on my rear! Obviously not funny then, but amusing to think back now!

Finally, my first day in France, my host mother asked if I wanted seconds of dinner. I said, "non merci, je suis plein", thinking i said no thank you, I'm full when in reality I said no thank you, I'm pregnant!

ah, the old hand on the rear end experience. Darn, darn, darn!!!...I just waited a few years too long to get to Italy. I heard all those stories about Italian men years ago but alas, by the time I finally got to Italy, I'd be lucky if they'd bring me their laundry!!!!! Makes for great memories, doesn't it?

Out of Kleenex, but still having the wrapper from my pocket package, I was frustrated because I couldn"t remember the work for "tissue". I went into a store, held up my empty Kleenex package and said "What is the Spanish word for these?" the clerk very slowly and istinctly said "Kleenex ["Kleenay" actually, using the correct Spanish pronunciation..

Dcespedes,

Feel so fortunate to have found a kindred spirit. Give me your email and I'll send you some more as I remember them. Here's another to tide you over. London again, nothing funny happens in California.

Went to an Indian restaurant called Memsab, around the corner from our house.

We entered as a group of 3 men were leaving, laughing hysterically. Nobody else in the place. Indian gentleman in his 50's greeted us, gave us menus. Last we saw of a living creature for 20 minutes.

A petite 50-ish woman came out and said they were having a special buffet that night, and please "begin lining up in single file" (presumably behind each other) in the other room. There were empty chafing dishes/pots w/burners underneath. A few minutes later, a young 20-ish Indian man came out w/food & started to fill up the trays, very slowly. No eye contact, not a word spoken. When he finished, about five minutes later, I step up to the curry pot and hand him my plate.

He stared at me for a moment. With no expression, he looked down in deep, deep thought at the dish of curry he was about to serve from and stared at it for (no exaggeration) at least a full minute. He then turned, again with no expression, and left, walking back into the kitchen.

My husband and I practically melted into the floor with hysterical laughter. If we'd only known what was coming. He returned several minutes later, wearing A DIFFERENT COLOR SHIRT and carrying the largest wooden spoon I have ever seen in my entire life.

We recovered and were in mid-dinner & i made the comment that it was unusually quiet. A blood-curdling scream came from the kitchen and a small child ran out, tore throught the dining room and was headed straight for the door when group of women ran out and grabbed her, carrying her back to the kitchen. Immediately, the loudest Indian music imagineable started up, and continued until we had paid and were leaving. As soon as we were off the doorstep, the music stopped and we looked back through the window to see about nine people staring at us from the kitchen. They saw us and ducked down under the little porthole window in the kitchen doors.

The doors only went 1/2 way to the floor, so now we had a view of legs from the knees down.

We were 1/2 way down the block when the music started again. My husband laughed so hard I thought he was going to rupture something.