Will anyone here admit they have wouldn't want to travel alone or had a rotten time traveling alone?
 

O.K., maybe I am a little trollish but I'm also curious. Posters here only rave about their fabulous solo flings. Anyone admit they wouldn't want to go to Europe solo or, having taken the trip, admit to having a not so hot go of it?

Hi Lonewolf, <BR>Sure it's not as much fun for me alone. I travel alot for business, and often wish I could bring my husband and or daughter - mostly because the places I visit are just so nice I'd love to share the experience.... But I also make the most of my time alone and have never had a rotten time. Lily

It's all about trade-offs. What the "ravers" usually emphasize is the fresh perspective being alone brings, that they meet more people, that they see things they might otherwise have missed. All true. But the downsides of eating alone, not having someone to share your day with (either while it's happening or catching up later), and just general boredom if some aspect of your plans doesn't work out do influence your experience as well. <BR> <BR>But I think the truth of the matter is that a good trip is still good whether you're alone or with companions, and a bad trip is still bad! Therefore, I would take the position for myself to plan the trip most suitable to where I want to go-- solo if I feel comfortable and I doubt anyone else wants to do what I'm planning, with friends if we all share interests, and even on a tour if the area is hard to negotiate, or if a guide can really add value. It's all good!

Honestly? I have had wonderful travel companions, and I have had travel companions who made me WISH I was traveling alone. <BR> <BR>I've traveled alone a good deal, and just like anything, there are great times and the times you might feel a little lonely - but for the most part, you are SO BUSY doing & seeing stuff (and meeting new people) that those feelings quickly pass. <BR> <BR>and believe me, a fleeting feeling of being a little alone is so much more preferable to putting up with an inconsiderate pain in the ass. <BR> <BR>if you are contemplating going it alone for the first time - do it do it do it. I urge you to test yourself out. You will have a great time, and you will come out of the experience feeling so empowered, even any setbacks which may occur on the trip will sem insignificant later... <BR> <BR>seriously, bring up the thread on ROTTEN travel companions - there's a reason for that - it's tough spending that much undiluted time with one person! It takes an incredibly easygoing person to travel well with others. (good sport, etc etc.) <BR> <BR>curious to see what responses you get though... <BR> <BR>Beth

I haven't been to Europe alone, but I have done other traveling alone. I am an avid photographer, and taking photos is much easier alone. I also like to go to museums alone because it is easier to go at my own pace. For dining, sporting events, and many other experiences, I much prefer being with my wife or someone else. Eating alone feels strange if you are not used to it, and I find it harder to get a good table at popular spots.

I have tried it both ways. I think alone is better than going with people who make your life less than optimal. <BR>But going with a good companion is the best way. I have the best travel companion in existence, so I enjoy my trips. She is even funny when we are sloshing through the rain and sleet on a Swiss mountain trail.

My first two trips to Europe, in 1979 & 1980, were solo and, for the most part, I had a wonderful time. There were some "down" moments, but I definitely did <I>not</I> have a rotten time traveling alone. In fact, I found that traveling alone forced me to reach out and talk to other people. I also enjoyed the complete freedom to go and stay wherever I wanted. <BR> <BR>All subsequent trips (except for one 2-week trip to Paris & Nice in 1998) have been with a girlfriend and I've come to greatly prefer traveling and sharing experiences with someone I'm close to, even if it means some compromises on the complete freedom I had on my first two trips. (My solo trip in 1998 was fun during the day because I'd rented a car in Nice and had a great time driving to various hilltowns, but it was, alas, a bit lonely in the evenings without the smile, laughter, conversation, and loving arms of my girlfriend.)

Have to agree with Bob. Nothing worse than having a bad travel companion and you have spent ALL that money, not to mention your vacation time. Having said that, a great travel companion is one of life's true pleasures. The problem is, you do not know until you actually do it. A wonderful friend does not by definition make a good travel companion. <BR> <BR>When I travel alone, I try to schedule it so there is something going on I can participate in, maybe some sort of festival, for example. There, you will meet people with your interests. <BR> <BR>One other thing. When you travel alone, you really get to know yourself. Great for introspection and self awareness.

The only vacation time I wouldn't mind spending alone would be at a spa/ashram somewhere. I don't mind going to museums by myself, or even to movies. But I would rather starve than dine alone in a restaurant!

Ess, why don't you like to eat alone, <BR>just curious. Maybe I am odd, but <BR>if I am alone, I eat alone.

Eeen, I just feel geeky sitting by myself in a restaurant like I've no friends. It makes me feel sorry for myself.

Mr. Lonewolf, it has been many years since I've travelled alone for a holiday but I am doing a trip sans children, husband or friends again this fall. Bits of my last solo trip were a tad rotten, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I believe your contacts with others are often more genuine when you're alone. Ess, I didn't like to eat alone either, so I didn't. I just ate at very casual places for lunch, picked up a sandwich at 3:00 or 4:00 and called it a day at that. Sure, I didn't have a great dining experience but on the bright side I saved myself a lot of money. Greg is right about the introspection and self-awareness. As I remember - and it's been a long time :) - the freedom of solo travel is unbeatable. And, btw, thanks to Beth, Elvira and you other female solo Fodor travellers for inspiration and encouragement.

Some time ago, I was in Italy on a protracted visit. Prior to leaving America for Italy, I had agreed to meet in Europe with a British gentleman for a tryst. Time went by in Italy pleasantly enough, but I hadn't heard from the man. I wired his office, telling him he needed to get in touch with me so we could agree in which city we'd meet. (We had decided to go to France.) Two days prior to leaving Italy, I received a letter from him, stating he would not be coming to Europe at all. I traveled to France on my own, would not call it a wasted trip, but did spend some time feeling quite sorry for myself. <BR> <BR>Sadder, But Probably No Wiser!

I greatly dislike traveling alone. Fortunately I've more often than not been able to travel with a wonderful companion, my spouse. <BR> <BR>I've taken many business trips though, and some have been delightful and some rotten ... in both cases because of companions. Much as I dislike traveling alone, alone is better, often, than beomg saddled with, for example, a loudmouthed chauvinist. One, as just one case, who mutters throughout the meal, "How can you eat that trash?".(Steak Tartare) Or who doesn't want to travel on the tram in Zürich because it will be full of ... foreigners (Swiss). <BR> <BR>

I have experienced travel both ways and have come home early and had great experiences in both situations. Solo travel is very liberating but the stress can be incredible especially when jet-lagged and in a foreign country where you cannot just spontaneoulsy communicate with somebody (when you really need the support!). I always find that a good test. But, being single, it is sooo difficult to find a suitable travelling companion and it is always a risk that there will be dissention of some sort along the way. I really want to go to Spain (my dream) and do not have a companion to do it with and I find it hard to get excited about going there solo again. I also realize that I almost have no choice if I want to experience it, a catch-22 if you will. It's all compromise but I think personality also plays a big role in solo travel. There certainly are down moments (that can seem to last gorever) but the good moments, wow! I also know that having decent accomodation is important to me, a hostel just isn't my style (I value my privacy), and solo travel can be very expensive due to the expense of accomodations. Such is life if you want to travel.

I travel alone a lot because I'm single and older so it's hard to find people who want to go the same places you do, when you do. I enjoy myself a lot and am very independent and have a lot of interests. I have never ever not gone out for dinner in the evening because of being alone, although I won't go to very expensive restaurants (I don't much anyway); I prefer casual cafes, bistros, etc when alone; sometimes I bring something to read (better in cafes), sometimes I just people watch. If it is an enclosed restaurant with not a lot to look at (and very low lighting) it can be a little boring sometimes. I mainly miss having someone to talk about the things you saw that day. Also, if things go wrong, it is much easier to handle and less stressful if you have a companion to share the burden with or at least commiserate with. Maybe I'm not as gregarious as some, probably not, but I think this idea that you meet so many people when on vacation is a bunch of hooey--you have some limited superficial conversations with a few people, but you don't make friends, etc, in my experience. It's not the same as really having something to talk to you know well. Let's face it, do you make friends and spend time with tourists where you live? I sure don't (and there are lots of tourists where I live in Wash DC). I really really do like the freedom of traveling alone, just love it -- I get up when I want, take as much time as I want hanging around cafes, etc; I know my interests are unique and would bore a lot of others and I don't like doing some things others really like (like going to monuments, etc; I am like David Sedaris, I think, I've been going to Paris about 15 years, including 2-3 times for long periods in school, and have never gone up in the Eiffel Tower and have no interest in doing that--however, I have spent one entire day going by train and then walking 6 km from the nearest station just to visit a small town where the home of the composer Maurice Ravel was (Montfort l'Amaury) because I adore him and his music and play it a lot so he means something to me. Most people would have no interest and would get bored by the time I want to spend going to concerts and local bookstores, etc. But you know what I find really pathetic -- when I am alone in a restaurant and having a nice dinner but maybe wishing I had someone to talk to and I see a couple at another table who ARE together (and probably married for years) and who barely speak to each other the entire evening because they have nothing to say to each other. This is much more common than you would think--now that is sad and lonely.

I read an interesting comment one time about the difference between being alone and being lonely. It was something like: "Being alone is when it's by choice. Being lonely is when it's not by choice." <BR> <BR>Christina, interesting comment. I've noticed a lot of couples like that too. While I think your assumption that they have nothing to say to each other may, in some (perhaps many?) cases be correct, I also think there are some couples who just enjoy each other's company without wanting to, or needing to, talk very much.

I've travelled solo to foreign countries six or seven times. One thing I've noticed about couples and groups: the groups cling together, the couples are grasping hands. Perhaps they are scared silly to face the world alone.

I think it would be nice for everyone, married or attached to someone or not to try to do some things alone. Like the previous writer said, it seems like some people are afraid to face the world alone. I have traveled alone and have made some long term friendships with fellow travelers, who may have shared part of my trip with me, and <BR>then gone on their own way. <BR>If I see a woman (and I am one myself) <BR>eating alone, I don't think she is a <BR>geek, and if I am by myself or with <BR>someone I would be likely to start a <BR>conversation with her. Be Brave. <BR>

Well, while I understand gosolo's point, it may also be that one person's "grasping" hands is another person's <I>holding</I> hands. Personally, I love seeing people of any age holding hands. I usually assume this means they enjoy each other's touch and don't feel silly or embarrassed about displaying that in public.

Traveling alone means you never have to admit you had a rotten time! Seriously, though, it is like comparing apples to oranges. I agree with those who point out that a bad travel companion would be far worse than traveling alone. Most often, I travel with family or friends, but I've also traveled across the U.S., Canada and Europe on a solo basis. It's a great way to clear your head and to have a very different, introspective experience. It's very flexible, since there is no pressure or compromising involved. I get better pictures by myself. The day-to-day interactions with strangers take on more significance. It's cheaper to plan for one (if you are the one who generally pays for the entourage, which I am). Some people should probably never travel alone because they would hate it. For myself, I relish those opportunities and I plan them for precisely the special quality that traveling alone provides for me.

well said CAPO, I've been married 40 years and I still light up when david comes home. It is really lovely to reach out and touch the one you love when you are sharing a new experience. we don't need to talk or have otheres around, just knowing they are there is enough. I have no qualms about traveling or eating or anything else alone but it is more fun to share it with a person who likes to do also. I have friends whose husbands won't or don't want to travel and they sit at home and pine about the places they could go. I think I'd get up and go but fortunately I have a companion who is ready to go as long as I make the arrangements.

Since I did not marry until my early 30's, I had some years between my "commune years" and my marriage to live alone. <BR>I found I really enjoyed it. <BR>But, there were times it did get lonely. <BR>I never took a trip by myself though! <BR>Since my marriage is ending after our trip to Italy this month (family trip with children, etc), <BR>I thought that I would treat myself to a solo trip back to Italy, next spring. <BR>It will be my first year unmarried, and the year before my 50th B-day. <BR>I am a bit trepidatious! <BR>but also very excited and look forward to spending some time alone, in a beautiful , still foreign -to -me place. <BR>I take courage from all the solo travelers (esp. women) who post here! <BR> <BR>

<BR>Nancy:Don't worried, travel solo is great liberation,you would really enjoy it. Wish you an enjoyable trip this time too, even thouth it won't be easy. <BR> <BR>I have been travel solo (excepy once with my sister,to show her Paris and London) for 25 years, business and personal. unless with perfect companion (but, what's the definition of perfect??),I think travel alone is the only way to be able to relax completely-total freedom, no compromise. I remember years ago, I took a barge trip in Congnac area, there were another 4 couples on board (2 Franch,1 Australia,1 from States). At the beginning, I felt a bit sorry for myself being alone. But, not even half way, all the couples fought with each other,At the meals, I was the only person still talking to everyone. this cured me completely. <BR>Some postings above mentioning dislike eating alone, I am afraid I don't understand. Could someone please explain? I love good food, enjoy going to good restaurant for long meal ( Michelin starred if there was any around). and have never felt anything awkward or strange. I would really like to know the reason of aversion.

My first trip to Italy was by myself simply because I couldn't find anyone that wanted to go with me. It was the best vacation I ever had. Sure, I missed dining with someone at dinnertime. But the pluses far outweighed the minuses. I met a lovely couple from Austrailia while I was in Florence and we spent the day together at Siena and then had dinner. Another evening in Rome the waiter sat me at a table next to an American. Turns out he was from a city about 200 miles from me so we had dinner together and then went to a museum that was open late on Wednesdays. He had no idea it was open so came along. We had a great time. And then there were the 4 women I took the overnight train with from Naples to Venice - oh boy, we had quite the conversations - very little English spoken by them and very little Italian from me. I then met a couple in Cinque Terra that I noticed had a Rick Steves book like mine and had dinner with them and also ended up staying at the same B&B. Am I that outgoing? I don't know. I do know traveling by myself MADE me want to talk to strangers and strike up a conversation. I think if I had been with a companion, I might not have made the effort. I also had people mistaking me for being from Italy because I wasn't walking around speaking English so it was quite funny when someone would walk up to me and start asking me a question. My standard phrase, "Mi dispiace, non parlo Italiano" was used frequently.

After reading through the other posters here like Judy's, and also Kavey's on the holding hands thread, I'm going to do a good re-think on eating solo. And gosolo poster, I agree with Capo that your perception of travelling couples holding hands is more a matter of your perception. I did see a Rick Steves video awhile back in which he suggested that couples travelling together do take some half days or a day time apart to discover the travel destination on their own terms. However, I think most people do this naturally.

Judy, <BR>eleven! more days until we leave. <BR>gosh, the year seemed to crawl, and the last month is flying by. <BR>The eating thing; <BR>Could it be generational / cultural? <BR>I was taught that a lady never entered a bar type business on her own, as her intentions might be mistaken. <BR>Maybe some of that applies to eating establishments also? <BR>OR, could it be, that women were not supposed to go out unaccompanied at all? <BR>and we were only supposed to be out if we HAD a man to accomany us.! <BR>afterall, things have changed for women quite a bit in the last 40-80 yrs, and some attitudes linger on for a while. <BR>Now, I bet younger women would have very little probs eating out alone. <BR>Their self worth was not as tightly entwined with whether or not they "have" a man. <BR>Afterall, just think of the songs from the 1950's and the early-mid 60's!! <BR>Our trip will be spectacular! <BR>Thanks <BR> <BR>

Nancy, I went on my dream vacation by myself to Provence because my husband sings in a chorus and they exchange with other countries so we could not afford two vacations as his trips are on his own expense as it is not a professional group. I decided not to put my trip on hold any longer. Because I don't drive is maybe the reason I hesitated for so long. It turned out-I had a ball!!!I hung out one day with some French kids half my age who were visiting their friend in Avignon. I met a local woman in the post office who I now write and dine with once a year. I do not mind dining alone,my literary mentor being MFK Fisher. Everwhere I went people were most helpful. You really are treated the way you act. Have a wonderful time and don't hesitate to eat in the best restaurant alone...I hope you will read Fishers books. After her divorce she goes back to France and.......well read on!

<BR>Mimi: I am a fan of MFK Fisher too. I have read all her books. Have you read one of her story about eating in a obscure restaurant while doing a walking trip in Brittany? It is so funny!

About eating alone: <BR>This was told to me several years ago by a very learned and worldly person - he said that in his native France after WWII there were many, many solo women because their husbands had died in the war; they were viewed as semi-heroines and were accorded the proper respect as such, and not viewed as second-class citizens. A woman dining alone was seen, not as she couldn't GET a man, but that she had LOST one. <BR> <BR>I've never felt uncomfortable dining alone, and in France at least, I usually get put in the window ("see this is a nice place, SHE's eating here!"). In America, women have in years past been bad tippers, so waiters were never fond of seeing any of us without a man; with the tip included in most meal prices, that's never been an issue in Europe. Thankfully, the view has changed in America so that stigma is removed. <BR> <BR>When I travel alone, sometimes I see something and think "oh I wish my sister was here for that" or "I wish Rusty could hear that", but I've never felt lonely. When I travel with the Loons, I enjoy seeing things through their eyes and the replaying of events during the day; we have a storehouse of stories we retell each other and all Oldhand has to say is "paEALLa" and I'm doubled over with laughter. <BR> <BR>I wouldn't trade my solo travel nor my trips with the Loons for anything.

OK, for the uninitiated, what or who are the Loons. There is a whole network <BR>of people out there, who are not on the <BR>inside track of your life. <BR>But seriously, I have never thought of a <BR>woman or man eating alone as strange or <BR>a "geek", in fact, a person eating alone <BR>seems more interesting. Whenever I eat <BR>alone at home or in Europe, I always get <BR>more attention. Maybe I have a friendly <BR>face.

I prefer to travel alone. Yes it can be lonely at times, but for me I am also one that has interests that my companions were not amused by. However my problem is finding suitable companions as a whole. My sister and I have come to an understanding after a few Ugly American fights in our hotel rooms. From now on we'd do our own thing if we felt safe going to the destination; otherwise it is compromise and endure. So we've continued to travel together and it has worked for us. My other companions from trips past were a nightmare. Thankfully my mindset was to ignore and enjoy as much as possible. Personally I'd recommend travel alone to Afganistan versus going with a companion that is a moron to your dream vacation. Having come back from my umpteenth stay in the UK with my latest companion, I vowed to him to never travel with him again, something that has helped end a 13 year friendship. His behavior was obnoxious. He preferred to sit up nights rereading sci-fi novels and then sleep in rather than get out and see the world. He saw two museums in one week--that was IT! He treated me like a tour guide rather than an active participant in the trip. I was so embarrassed by the way he dressed, the way he communicated with the locals, his loudness. It would have been horrible if I hadn't resolved to dump his sorry butt every morning and go off and find my own adventure. You need someone with your mindset, not someone posturing to get along with you and your ideas. Travel can make or break friendships/relationships. I can get along perfectly with someone at home, but if they act like the stereotypical tour bus tourist versus a seasoned traveler (even if its their first trip) drop them and save yourself, you will regret it otherwise.

Posters who spoke of author MFK Fisher - can you give some examples of what she has written. Sounds interesting. Thaks

Annette <BR> <BR>I am thrilled if my post and many others from the participants here give you more confidence to try again on the solo dining and therefore open yourself up to even more great experiences while travelling... <BR> <BR>I am not saying you wont find it a little unnerving the first couple of times, it is hard to break the habits we have and it is also hard to stop worrying about what others might be assuming about you... but you though a meal alone is very different to one with company it is a wonderful thing in its own right... <BR> <BR>In company you have the chance to share thoughts about the day and sometimes this can give you additional perspectives on what you have seen during the day, but alone you have the chance to really look at your surroundings and to either relax totally with a great book or to mingle with locals or other travellers nearby... <BR> <BR>

Re:MFK FISHER.For focusing on France,I recommend A Considerable Town, Two Towns in Provence, Map of another time, Long ago in France, and hard to find: THE BOSS DOG, about a maybe feral dog who roams all the cafes in Avignon, so if you have been there, you will feel the spirit on the place. Fisher lived there Other books about food she wrote were, a favorite, A Cordial water: Consiter The Oyster: How to cook a wolf: and so many more. I felt her presence as I dined alone for the first time at Train Bleu, as she would do before catching the train to Provence. I also stayed at the same hotel in Burgundy before I dicovered her and back again on our way south last year. And for the first time in my life I tasted thr blue trout she beautifully described.

More about MFK Fisher, Macmillan USA published a collection of her books about food :The art of eating. I think all the food lovers shall have one. Her books really show people how to appreciate different food and that is part of the fun from travel.

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Mimi, <BR>thanks! <BR>The Loons are a group of people Elvira travels with (I think) <BR>Very entertaining bunch , from reading her threads!

I've had good and bad trips travelling alone. The friendlier the people, the better the food, the better I speak the language, and the more fiscally secure I am, the better the time I have. Not being able to afford a hotel in a safe neighborhood, not eating much because nothing appeals, or being unable to find anyone willing to help me when I was lost or confused was hard to take on my own--although it probably wouldn't have been much fun with a companion, either. <BR>Germany on my own was miserable; Germany with friends was OK. <BR>France and Italy on my own were good, with friends were good, with my spouse were fabulous. <BR>I liked England on my own better than England with friends, for some reason.

<BR>Ionewolf, <BR>Have you traveled solo? Are you friendly, social, attractive? Why eat alone or visit sites alone if you don't want to? Meet others and go with them. When alone I tend to eat on the run which is a good thing as it gives me more time to see the sites. The only "rotten" travel, altho I wouldn't use that strong of a word, has been when I've done trips with several people. Too difficult and way too much time spent saying "Well what do you want to do or where does everyone want to eat?".