Why can I not fall in love with Paris?
 

I've just come back from a couple of days in Paris and I've finally allowed myself to admit that I've never loved Paris and doubt I ever will.

To put it another way, I really enjoy going to Paris, but if someone (with an evidently incredible power over my life) told me tomorrow that I'd never be able to go back, I wouldn't actually be that bothered.

What does bother me is that I can't work out why. I've been literally dozens of times, from long stays to day trips, high end to low end and everything in between. I've done the big sights, the small sites and off the beaten track. Spring, summer, autumn and winter in every type of weather.

We even christened (well it was a parrainage republicain for any fellow heathens out there) our first-born child there - as his 'godmother' was living there at the time - but it just never gets its hooks into me the same way other cities do.

Am I a hopeless case or is there something I'm missing?

What can/should I do to change this? Or should I just accept that that's the way I've been wired?

I think you should live with it. I like Paris but LOVE all the little places we have found in France, I prefer the time that the French will give you to discuss things ourside Paris. I used to go on a lot of bike rides through the country and I've whiled away 15 minutes chatting to the baker or the cheesemonger talking about their products and discussing the political and industrial situation which is so rare in Paris. I also think the countryside of France is one of the inspirational things about the countryside, and apart from one little vinyard there is no wine made in Paris.

Paris, for me, is for the short stay and then get out and enjoy the real France.

Just because many do love Paris doesn't mean you have to as well. Everyone has their own tastes, likes and dislikes. So don't worry about it. I hope you DO find somewhere you love being.

I love Paris, but sigh for Italy. I'm in love with Italy. DH and I were starting to explore the more southern regions and, as bilboburgler above, I was sighing for those areas.

Where do you live now, Jay_G? Perhaps you're so happy there, everything else pales?

I have been to Paris so many times ( easy, living 3hr TGV ride away) and enjoy it a lot, museums, architecture, general atmosphere, food, shopping, etc but I'm not in love with it. But I don't ask myself why and I wonder why you have to. I do have a stronger feeling (close to love?) about Venice and Prague.

I've never been to Paris. I have no desire to go to Paris. I even turned down a free week in Paris.

So clearly not everyone can be enamoured of the city, and just as well too. There are plenty of other lovely cities, and even better lovely towns and villages in the world, just waiting to be discovered and loved by you, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

I wouldn't waste any time there if I felt as you do. Too many other cities out there and so little time.

Okay, so Paris doesn't grab you.

Have you been elsewhere in France, not in cities but in small towns and villages and rural areas? That's where we found our true love of France. Paris is fine and someday, when they'll no longer rent a car to us, we hope to stay in Paris again. But for the time being, we're in love with the quiet parts of France.

Is there any city or areas ( of France, Europe, or anywhere) you love?

You are not the only one JAY_G, my DH and my son both felt the same way although that they recognized that Paris is indeed a beautiful city.

At the other hand I was 18 the first time that I went to Paris and fell in love with that city ,of course Rome will always be my first love..

I feel the same way about London. Every time I go, I decide that I don't like it and I don't want to go back. But about every year or two, I go back anyway. I used to love Amsterdam, but now I feel about it the same way as London -- except that I return there less often now.

Thanks for all the responses.

I'll try and respond to the queries in no particular order;

I don't live anywhere particularly exciting (in Kent, about 20 mins train ride from London) so know it's not that.

I love France as a whole and have also travelled extensively throughout it, Europe and further afield. I love some other big, French cities (Lyon in particular), the rugged coastline of Brittany the sweeping hills of Provence and have a soft spot for odd little places as well, La Ciotat anyone?

But somehow Paris always leaves me slightly cold. The rest of my family loves it. My sister lived there for a year, which allowed me to explore it in greater depth and yet, it doesn't excite me as I know it does others.

I feel the same way about San Francisco. Seeing the Golden Gate bridge for the first time was one of my Taj Mahal moments (in that it more than lives up to expectations) but the rest of the city I can take or leave. I travel there (and to Paris) regularly on business so will go back, but don't feel the surge of excitement that others clearly do.

Dukey - I'll respond to your query individually because it sort of gets to the crux of the matter;

I never feel as though any trip to Paris is 'wasted' which is why I'm finding it so hard to reconcile my feelings on it. I will take my children there (again and again) because I know it is a great city, and know that their lives will be richer for having visited it (as will mine), but we've got places on our 'to do' list that I'm so much more excited about.

The funny thing about Paris is that for some reason I want to love it.

"Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses."
(Lao Tzu)

"The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that."
(Woody Allen)

Well I see nothing wrong with not being in love with Paris, I am of course, but I get that its not for everyone. Sometimes its quite simple, you may not be a "big city" person, so while recognizing some of the big city benefits like tons to see and do, you likely prefer smaller cities and towns for vacationing( your comment about San Fransico is a bit of a tip off).
I have similar issues with places like Rome, sorry, not in love, even after 3 visits, I just consider ok, even when blown away by the history and sites( and yes, I would go again, but its not a huge priority for me)

The one post I find odd is when somoene said they had never been , would never go, and even when offered a free trip , refused it .
I give everywhere a chance.. I never felt the pull to visit London, until about 10 years ago I was offered free accomadation for a week, so off I went, figuring well I.m not out much ( just airline ticket). Turns out I was wrong, I loved London
Same with Spain, absolutely no desire to go, finally went this year as my bf desperately wanted to visit it, and I allowed 6 days out of 26 days in Europe for the visit , once again, i was wrong, wish I had allowed alot more time, but interestly, I did not like Barcelona at all, but loved the small town we spent most of our visit in .

Don't beat yourself up, we all like different things, for different reasons.

Very apt stokebailey.

My problem is my heart wants to love Paris. Paris just won't let me.

I've had some of the most memorable moments of my life in that city.

Just last week, my night ended at about 3.30am, on the balcony of my hotel room, sharing bottles of red wine and eating Ferrero Rocher with a band from New York I'd met in a bar an hour prior.

These are the kinds of moments that even when they're happening, one knows that they're going to be memorable. The fact that it happened in Paris, makes the telling of the story more interesting but for me doesn't make it any more special. I'm just trying to work out why that is..

Hi Justine - it's funny but I do love big cities.

London and New York are some of my favourite places on earth and having visited many other large cities, I am in fact a city person and am as happy (if not happier) holidaying in amongst the dirt, grime and grit of a large city as I am in the country or on a beach in the Caribbean.

I realise this is turning into a public, group therapy session, but I'm grateful for the input!

Justine, I am not a city person, so wouldn't normally visit a city anyway. Paris just holds even less appeal for me than most cities I'm afraid.
I was given the choice of Paris or the Mozel. The Mozel won. And would every time given that choice.

I grew up in the suburbs of London, but never went into Town. New York is not on the wish list either, nor Berlin, or Rome. I did, reluctantly, go to Barcelona. Can't say I'd rush back there again either.

The fact that you travel to Paris regularly on business may well be a factor in your lack of love for it, and the same may be said for San Francisco.

Although this argument might be less powerful if you also travel regularly on business to New York, which you say you love.

We all have different likes or dislikes and thanks heaven we are not all made from the same mold otherwise life would have been boring.

Some people prefer to visit big cities while others feel more comfortable in smaller but cozier places.

I love big cities and keep going back to Paris, Madrid , Barcelona and Berlin.
Not to Rome or London,though.
Don't know why.

Nikki - I must say that this thought had crossed my mind, but as you'll see from my earlier post, I don't really see them as business trips, but as free holidays that I have to work during.

I'm lucky enough to work in the 'creative industries' and as such have a boss who (and concept of work which) probably doesn't fit the standard mould. For this last trip to Paris, we left the UK on Wednesday morning, had completed our 'business' by 2pm and from then on out went to lunch, went drinking, had dinner, drank some more, drank some more and then some more, before he flaked out.

The next I heard from him was the following morning, when he sent me a text saying he'd woken up with his hotel room door wide open, fully clothed and a half finished drink on the bedside table.

We then reconvened, had lunch, then meandered back to the Eurotunnel (getting a speeding ticket en route) and back home to bed.

Again, a great couple of days but nothing that changed my feelings for Paris...

I love Paris and LOndon but Rome and Brussels left me cold! I think we just like what we like. I'm not sure why I love London so much - maybe all the Agatha Christie books I read, maybe because I love the theatre there and the shopping and tea; Paris I find beautiful and romantic.

Why does one fall in love with one person and not another? I first visited Paris when I was 20 years old - I did not fall in love then, I was in love with Montpellier at the time as I was studying there. But when I returned almost 30 years later I definitely fell in love, and continue to visit every chance I get. I think being able to speak French there is part of it. I fell in love with the French language and literature before I ever went to France. But really, there's just no accounting for tastes, as they say. (Not in love with London, New York or Madrid, but I love Barcelona too)

<i>a great couple of days but nothing that changed my feelings for Paris</i>

The activities described had little to do with Paris as such. Lunch and drinking could have taken place in London, Brussels, or any other major city (just for the presumably decent restaurant) in Europe.

As someone here said, you need to know the language, literature, and culture, plus perhaps you have never been in love or fallen in love in Paris !

Knowing the language or the literature of the country that you are visiting has nothing to do with likes or dislike of a city.
Both my son and DH always said that they found Paris a beautiful place but that the city left them cold.

Some people likes Paris but not Rome or viceversa..

We are all different..

Hi Bedar - I have a degree in French (language and literature) am married to Frenchwoman, am fluent in the language and travel to France a minimum of twice a year (and have been pretty much since the age of 8) so I know that's not the issue either.

As for falling in love in Paris, I've been in love many times in Paris (even if on some occasions it was only for one night) and am now happily in love every time I go there, so that's not it either.

Michael - I understand your point, but the difference between lunch on a terrace in Paris (which I, and I know many others, adore) certainly beats eating my usual lunch at a cafe 'round the corner from my office in London. Some people travel to Paris expressly to eat out and see the nightlife. I'm lucky enough to have someone pay me to do that (on expenses) yet I don't get that tingle down my spine about the city I'm in. The food yes, the people yes, but Paris? Not so much.

Don't worry about it. I asked the same about Ireland some time back - don't even like it, decided I never will. Feel the same about Barcelona and NYC. Hated NYC first couple of visits, then grew to love it, but after more travel, really can't stand it except in Spring. Some places hit you hard and stick - others not. Everything/place can't be special to everybody.

Why are you fighting this? We all have our likes and dislikes and just because most do love Paris doesn't mean you have to. I'm not crazy about San Francisco or Barcelona. Many absolutely love them.

I would go to Paris for every trip except I know I would miss Italy terribly. But I have no desire to return to Belgium or most of Germany. Scandinavia doesn't entice me.

I think cities are like everything else. Everyone doesn't love the same foods, etc. Stop worrying and start visiting the places you love or think you might enjoy.

Frankly, I think it is great not to love Paris or, like hetismij2, never wanting to set foot there. Paris has become overloaded with visitors in the last 20 years. Most people still find it totally appealing, but they have no idea how nice it was 20 or 30 years ago when you never had to stand in line at the Louvre or Notre Dame, when you could have the Luxembourg gardens to yourself on a rainy day and when any hotel you selected still had rooms available.

I do not want to drive anybody away from my city, but if the stampede would just slow down, everybody would be happier.

Too many visits, perhaps? Just another city, just another bar, just another dinner? I remember the first time I went to Europe, I was soooo excited about every little thing. Now, less.

Of course, I'm older now. Having traveled a bit, and experienced much over the ensuing years, I still have "WOW!" moments, but fewer. Takes more to impress me.

Just spent one day in Paris (last Tuesday) and loved nearly every moment of it, although it was just for a one-day layover before an early morning flight. Had a WOW moment in one room at the Marmottan, in a room full of Monet paintings. Stunning moment, just taking in all the colors and images for a moment, all the "Monet-ness" of it. The rest of the day was OK, lovely, lots of walking and bridges, and a nice dinner. But certainly not as thrilling as my very first visit.

I still try to find those WOW moments everywhere I go, even back in the States. It's important. Maybe I appreciate them more now, as they are fewer and farther between.

My home and birthplace is in Sonoma County, California, about one hour north of San Francisco. I vowed to myself when I was about 12 years old, that every single time I drive into SF from the north, I would take in the beautiful view of the GG Bridge and the skyline, and appreciate it. And I still do, and will, for as long as I can.

There's a city for everyone. Or not.

I love Paris, not as much as I love the whole of Germany.

Since you've been brave to mention Paris, I will say that one of the happiest moments of my trip to Italy was in the morning we left Rome.

It was just unappealing to me in almost every way, except for the sites. They were interesting but I've never felt more like saying, "thank God, that's off my travel list."

<<For this last trip to Paris, we left the UK on Wednesday morning, had completed our 'business' by 2pm and from then on out went to lunch, went drinking, had dinner, drank some more, drank some more and then some more, before he flaked out.>>

Maybe you need to change the way you approach and spend your time in the city.

You are who you are. Accept it.

I REALLY don't like Madrid. The first time I was there we tried to leave early we were so bored = and hot (98 in early May). Have been a couple of times since on business - and perfectly happy never to go again.

Why not just go places you enjoy more?

I do love Paris, but I get awfully tired of the white stucco which seems to be universal away from the facades of the building.

Jay_G, when I expressed a similar opinion to yours on San Francisco (also lots of stucco) I was savaged.

I don't particularly love Chianti but love the Val d'Orcia.

I like Sonoma m-u-c-h better than Napa. So it goes.

Thank god we don't all want to be in the same place at the same time or the whole world would be like Venice or Oxford Street.

Why do you want to love it? If it's not happening, it's not happening.

I went to Rome three times before I had even a glimmer of liking for it (love it now).

I drove from France down into Spain probably a half-dozen times and turned right back around after a couple of days because I just didn't "get it" on any level. I loathe, but can appreciate the offerings of, Madrid. I just can't connect with that city on any level.

I adore Morocco, can't stand Tunisia.

There are so many factors that influence our impressions, including totally fleeting ones related to what happens to us on any particular day in a place: the weather, how our plans worked out, the food we ate, the people we encountered...but for someone who speaks the language and has been there many, many times, and still isn't in love with the place, just consider it a platonic friend and move on. Surely, there IS some place you love.

Well Jay, sorry to say but it's over between us. I adore both Paris AND San Francisco. should I return the ring?

Kerouac, I have a picture of me at Versailles in 1975 or 76, in the Hall of Mirrors, and there is like maybe 6 or 7 other people in whole room... I look at those photos now and am amazed, ( I have a photo of my dad on the roof of Notre Dame in 1961,, years before they ever thought of safety netting, or fencing to keep morons off the roof line)..

Maybe you don't love it because you think you are supposed to. Like when every person tells you such-and-such is the BEST movie ever and you like it but it's just not all that.

I don't see why you feel like you have to love Paris, just because lots of other people do? Why does it matter?

When we visited, I found it nice and interesting and I was glad to have seen it, but I certainly didn't get this rush of "omg, I love and adore Paris cause its' the best and most fabulous city in Europe!" feeling that one often hears on travel forums. It just doesn't do it for me. Wouldn't mind going back, but I also don't care if we don't. It isn't high up on my places to visit again. Perfectly lovely city, but it doesn't hold a special place in my heart, and I don't care that it doesn't.

Would much rather go back to Rome, Edinburgh or Berlin. I do like and enjoy big cities, with Frankfurt being my favorite, though lots of people dislike it here. There is no rhyme or reason why a city worms its' way into your heart, but you don't have to apologize for it or "try" to love it.