Why are so many kids picky eaters?
 

Lately, I've been reading posts about taking kids to France, Italy or wherever with the stated concern about dealing with kids who are "picky eaters." Why are so many kids "picky eaters?" Is it because in the US the kid menus consist of nothing more than spaghetti marinara, chicken fingers, pizza, hamburger, grilled cheese, and mac & cheese? If so, when are they old enough to go beyond those foods? Doesn't that limited choice and indulgence in that limited choice ensure that the kids will grow up to be picky eaters? After all, such a limited menu sends the message that we don't expect them to like more than junk food.

I have a 10-year old and just don't understand indulging the notion that a whole world of food is beyond the enjoyment of a child's palate. So, for those of you who have kids who are "picky eaters," how did they end up that way? What do you feed them? Have you actually tried serving them something to broaden their food perspectives?

Yes and the reply is usually along the lines of 'I don't like that', quite often before they've even tasted it.

Kids do not have sophisticated palates - that's something that develops later in life. Often much later for some people. I wouldn't get so bent out of shape about what they like. You don't think Italian kids eat spaghetti and pizza?

But why is a child allowed to say she doesn't like something she hasn't tasted?

My daughter's favorite soup has been hot and sour since she was about 5. Duck, salmon, and steaks would be her 3 favorite entrees following an app of mussels or manila clams. Now, she loves a good cheeseburger and pizza, but that is not the limit for her. How would she know whether she liked those things if she hadn't been exposed to them and asked to at least try?

Some expression about apples falling from trees, methinks. Nurture vs. nature, that sort of thing.

Everyone has the right to likes and dislikes. But many kids are fed almost exclusively on "kid's foods" - that's all the family eats - so they don;t have a chance to try and like - or dislike - other things.

Obviously infants and toddlers have different food requirement. But IMHO by the time a child is old enough to eat family meals (3 or so) they should be eating the same food as everyone else.

As for kids that are picky eaters - if you refuse to let them be picky they'll get hungry and start eating other things. That's not to say they can't have dislikes - but they have to be true, specific dislikes after they've eaten the food. (My parents simply fed us whatever they were eating - except liver - which neither my brother nor I would eat - and my father didn't like much either. My mother eventually gave up on it.)

Sorry - my mother did serve spaghetti but with a big salad that we ate too - but never mac and cheese. I never saw that until I got to middle school - and still don;t like it - although I'm a pasta fan. Way too gloppy. We would have pizza occasionally when we went out - but other than that had traditional meals - with meat, vegetables and potatoes or noodles or rice. And we did have to eat our veggies.

I think it's partly what you expose your kids to at an early age and partly just the kid's own tastebuds. My kids grew up spending their summers in France and Europe from the time they were infants and one of them to this day happily eats snails and foie gras and rabbit and duck and just about anything, and the other pretty much subsists on dairy products, fruits, cheese, and bread (good bread, though - she's a stickler for bread - and good cheese).

They also love pizza and pasta and grilled cheese and hamburgers and fried chicken and all the things typical American kids love. But it's well rounded out, and always was, with kale and brussels sprouts and rillettes and calamari and asparagus and soy milk and eggplant and Indian and Vietnamese and Chinese and many other ethnic cuisines.

I can't imagine a kid who won't even try something, though, or who says he/she doesn't like it without trying. That would have driven me nuts.

By the time my son was 3, he ate pretty much everything I did. I used to take him to the salad bar at Sizzle, hardly high cuisine, but it did let him experiment with the veggies in a low-stress way. My rule was always that you had to try something, but if you didn't like it, you didn't have to eat it. I didn't make it something to fight over. As a consequence, he would eat pretty much any vegetable - broccoli, spinach, brussels sprouts, beets - just didn't like orange squash, and considering what he would eat, I considered that reasonable enough.

My sister, on the other hand, has always catered to her boys' tastes. They are both very proud of the long list of things they won't eat, including pretty much all vegetables. This was the first year she didn't make them hot dogs and mac 'n' cheese for Thanksgiving dinner, and they still made a great fuss over eating turkey, mashed potatoes and green beans - these boys are 10 and 12 years old! A couple years ago the younger one would eat nothing but cheese - just cheese - and grapes. So that's all she gave him! I guess her husband is no support, as he believes the boys will starve if they don't eat their dinner.

When I was a kid, if I didn't eat everything on my plate, I got it cold for the next meal. Nothing like cold oatmeal for lunch or cold tuna-noodle casserole for breakfast - when you didn't even like it when it was hot.

I generally assume that picky eaters get that way because they haven't been encouraged to try different foods.

I worry about it some with our kids - DH is much more likely to cater to their tastes, and not make things he knows they won't like (he does most of the cooking). When I cook, they eat what I make, and they seem to be fine with it. In terms of restaurants, neither kid really likes Thai food, but other than that, they'll eat any ethnic cuisine.

That being said, even though both kids are adventurous, there are things they won't eat. Anything in the squash family - DS says he'll throw up, though he'll have it mixed with other things. Funny, DH says the same thing about squash (hmmmmm). My son would eat almost anything else, including any meat (pigeon, sea snails, suckling pig, etc.), until he became vegetarian at the age of 12. Some people would call that being picky.

DD still eats some meat, but most meats she hates (including hamburgers and chicken fingers). I don't push her on this, because I never liked meat much, and pretty much hated it all as a kid - so I'm definitely playing out my childhood traumas in how I treat her! (As a family, we only eat meat for dinner about once a week.)

So I feel like DD's a bit picky, too, but not in the usual kid way. She'll at least try almost anything that's not meat, and was adventurous when we went to Italy this year. But now that I think about it, she's probably no pickier than some or most adult Americans, who wouldn't ever be willing to try some of the stuff that she eats and likes, or at least has tried.

My daughter (our oldest) has always been an adventurous eater. As a baby, she didn't care if she had breast milk or formula -- she was just happy to be fed. My son, on the other hand, was a picky eater from the start. He would only drink breast milk early on and I was really worried about what would happen when I went back to work. If my daughter had been our only child I would have said children just need to be exposed to different foods, etc. However, with two such different eaters in our household, I learned that some kids just have different palates. My son had strong food preferences all through his childhood but finally became more adventurous as a pre-teen.

I think StCirq nailed it - it's a combination of factors. I grew up before the days of convenience/fast food, surrounded by all kinds of food very well prepared but was an incredibly finicky eater from day one. Because I was the firstborn everyone hovered and nagged my mother into taking me to the pediatrician, who after several visits finally said something to the effect of "relax, if he's eating dirt it must be good dirt, because he is off the height and weight charts for his age," Fruit nor vegetable passed my lips, nor cold meat of any kind. I think I was the only kid in the neighborhood who would not eat a hot dog (except those awful red dyed ones at Yankee stadium.) Every day for years I carried peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my school lunch until I started to occasioanlly eat dry tuna on toast (mayonnaise gagged me) and broadening my palate was opting for peanut butter and marshmallow fluff. Hamburger or ground beef in any form was OK, but no steak or roast meat other than beef or turkey. Almost any kind of bread was OK, unless it had raisins. Pizza was an occasional treat and pasta was OK, but no topping on the pizza and only plain red sauce with the pasta with no chunks of anything.
We struggled through the "sit there until you eat it" and the "you'll get it for your next meal" to no avail. The classic "children are starving in China" guilt ploy was met with "so send this to them."
Whether psychological or physiological or both, my palae remained incredibly constricted for years. The first time I ate vegetables was in boot camp, when I was so hungry anything tasted good. Since then my palate (and waistline) have continued to expand.
Interestingly, my oldest niece was an equally picky eater and the maternal guilt and concern repeated. She is now a lovely and successful young woman whose palate has expanded since college.

My best friend's daughter, who is now 23, was not a picky eater when she was little. We used to take her to lots of different restaurants here in L.A. and she ate everything from American food to Thai food to whatever else. She even liked hot and spicy. When my best friend and her husband used to take her to places around the world while on vacation, it wasn't a problem. And she started traveling internationally very young. Happy Travels!

It seems this thread should really be in the Lounge instead of the Europe Forum but in any case..

I was a picky eater way back before fast food was even a concept I hated most vegetables but after I was an adult I discovered that I hated vegetables because my mother boiled them to death so to speak inspite of of the fact she always had a vegetable garden. Once I experienced vegetable prepared properly I found I loved them.

And as a child I loved liver and onions, spinach and chard and lamb. Food most kids hate. I never had much of a sweet tooth and don't to this day. As a teen we didn't have pizza delivery but my aunt who I stayed with a lot would take me to Genova Deli in Oakland for pizza and we always ordered the pizza with anchovies which most people don't like. I loved the anchiovies!

Who knows why children, teens or adults like certain foods and dislike other other foods. To this day I hate green string beans, okra and eggplant. I love raw oysters and mussels which make some people shudder.

I only can conclude that we all have different taste buds and consequently like or dislike certain foods.

I think there are a lot of factors at play.

Certainly a BIG part is what the parents eat (how adventurous are they). My older son was eating Brie at 3 and both boys loved shrimp, crab, and crawfish as toddlers. Chinese/Thai food was always big as well. On the other hand, the rest of my husband's family is rather picky - nothing remotely spicy, several refuse to eat Chinese/Thai, and most have never had seafood that wasn't frozen.

I also believe kids go thru stages. As I said, my older one ate Brie at 3, refused to eat it at about 6, then started back again as a teenager. He has always liked shrimp, but now is not so keen on it. I'm not worried - there is too much New Orleans in the boy. He'll be back eating it at some point! ;)

My younger son was always "pickier" than the oldest, but he was also highly sensitive to many things. Bright sunlight and loud noises were hard on him. Certain fabric in clothing gave him major problems. And he didn't like the texture of some foods - especially beans. He's grown out of most of that now, but he still hates beans (as do I! :) )

During our years living/traveling overseas, we always encouraged (but never forced) the kids to try new things. There were times they wanted pasta or french fries or wiener schnitzl or pizza - that was fine. There were other times they had duck, oysters, grilled shrimp, salmon, Thai curry, etc.

Kids are kids. The trick is to know what to expect when traveling. The BIGGEST obstacle I faced on our vacations was DH.....who just couldn't get it thru his cute skull that young kids/teenagers (especially boys) need to eat SOMETHING every couple of hours. The "3 meals a day" concept just doesn't work. So - we learned to take "refreshment breaks" every 2-3 hours. DH and I would get a beer or a glass of wine (depending on where we were) and the boys would get a light snack. They were still hungry at dinner and all was well!

<<To this day I hate green string beans, okra and eggplant.>>

Oh LI! I bet you'd like MY okra and eggplant! Like many things - they just need to be cooked properly, and most places just don't! :)

(can't help you on the string beans - I hate them too!)

When my first son was a baby, I put chicken nuggets in a blender and fed them to him in his bottle. When he would point at a vegetable or piece of fruit, I would hand him a piece of candy. And once he got teeth, I tried to make sure to serve nothing but pasta with sauce out of a jar.

It worked! He's extremely picky, and I take all the credit! He eats only meat, pasta, bread, and some fruit, and I hardly ever have to cook anything from scratch for him.

It does not explain my younger son, who is growing up in the same house, who foregoes most meat (although he LOVES the fatty edge of the steak or the turkey skin, and any kind of sausage -- he's been eating salami for breakfast for a week now), eats spinach and salad like it's going out of style, especially if has blue cheese in it, and fights us for the tuna sushi.

Kids are all different. I refuse to take the blame for Thing 1, except to the extent that it may be genetic, because I was EXTREMELY picky until I got to college. The difference is that the things my parents did to get me to eat seem almost abusive to a lot of people now. And you know what - they did force me to eat a lot of things, but they did not force me to like them.

Of course environment plays a role in this - have you ever seen a Japanese toddler attack a snack pack of nato beans? Man, I cannot get those things down, and I love most Japanese food. But I am willing to bet there are a few Japanese kids who don't like them, either.

Oh Grcxx3, your comment reminds me of our late MissJane aka JGarvey. She always told me when I came to Chicago (I so wish I could have done so) I would LOVE string beans that she put in her Bloody Mary's. I kept telling "no, I don't think so" but she said I would. I imagine, dear one, that I would like your eggplant (even though I hate it even when in Italy but don't tell anyone) and your okra..can it really be prepared without be slimy?

Kids become "picky eaters" because they've been accommodated by their parents.

Whatever happened to being served nothing else until the next meal? If that's all there is - they eat or go hungry?

My kid was fine until the relatives got hold of him. ("How dare you serve him whole wheat toast with no butter or jelly?", which, to him, was as good as cookies.)

When he didn't care much for vegetables, when preparing dinner, the vegetables were served first and, when he had to wait a while for the protein/starch parts of the meal, the vegetables disappeared!

And, when dining out, I never ordered for him from the kids' menu (hot dogs, chicken fingers, fries, spaghetti...), rather the diet plate with fruits, veggies, cottage cheese, maybe a burger with no bun.

Kids will eat just about anything when the alternative is to go hungry.

By the time my son was in school, the only thing (to my recollection) he didn't like and wouldn't eat was whipped cream. Go figure.

Though, once in a while, lack of cooking skills probably figures in. My two nieces wouldn't eat anything their mother prepared and would stare at it indefinitely (and were painfully thin), but at our house they'd gobble up anything I put in front of them.

Nowadays, another problem is Dining at a Table! When we took our daughter and her three boys to a restaurant for Mother's Day one year, they just would not stay in their chairs! No surprise, as at home, they were allowed to eat all over rather than at the table!

Same goes for manners. "Back in the day..." "restaurant manners" were required at home - all the time.

Another problem is parents who serve soda (rather than milk or water) with meals.

All in all, one of the very best ways to get a child to try something is to wait until they are very hungry and tell them, "You won't like this..."

One family member when coming to my mother's house for dinner when I was cooking there on vacation would always call and ask about the dishes to be served and would show up with boiled spaghetti for picky eater number two.

I always wished they'd send him over to Spain for a month one summer ...

I was a war child and if you didn't eat what was set before you, you literally went hungry.
We didn't snack between meals apart from eating fruit from the garden.

Barbara_in_FL

I warn you that some people will take you seriously ;-)
I was in a local delicatessen recently and a child of about 2 1/2 pulled at her mother's skirt and said, "My olives?"
Her mother bought her a small tub of olives and the child was eating them like sweets.

I still shudder at the memory that I went through an anti-shrimp phase for about two years, starting around age 8. What was I thinking?

My husband and I are adventurous eaters. My two kids are 14 and 16. One will try anything and everything, and goes out of his way to order, make or try different foods. When he was a little guy, he kept trying to grab the Chinese mustard at one meal. Maybe he was 2. I kept telling him it was hot and he wouldn't like it. He kept insisting, so I gave him a spoon with a tiny bit. Don't you know, he loved it and kept asking for more! Now he eats extremely hot sauce as a snack with a few chips. He has sushi almost every day after school as a snack.

The other child has definite likes and dislikes. He's never been catered to, as far as making separate meals, so he'll try a bit of everything and then eat what he likes from the meal. As he's gotten older, his tastes of expanded, but it's clear that he has certain likes and dislikes. I try to generally make meals he'll like when he's home and then things he doesn't care for when he's not here. Steak is his number one favorite.

My mother and father-in-law are not the least bit adventurous with their meals. The first time I made tacos for them, they ate them suspiciously. I consider it a triumph that DH went from that kind of childhood to meeting me and subsequently trying lots of new things and liking almost everything.

Once, I had a family with 3 children over for dinner. I couldn't believe it when the mother asked me to make 3 different versions of the pasta dish I was serving. One with everything, one without any added cheese and one without any vegetables. Yikes. I kind of had a little meltdown since that wasn't anything I ever did for my kids, but did it because she asked me to and that's the way she fixes things for her kids. I kept saying that I was mixing everything together and she kept saying "well, can't you make it this way for so and so and then this way for so and so and then this way for so and so?"

MissPrism on Jan 1, 10 at 2:51am
Barbara_in_FL

I warn you that some people will take you seriously
I was in a local delicatessen recently and a child of about 2 1/2 pulled at her mother's skirt and said, "My olives?"
Her mother bought her a small tub of olives and the child was eating them like sweets.


I used to get olives in my Easter basket when I was little. Much prefered them to candy. I find I'm picier now than when I was little. Then I'd eat kidneys , liver , head cheese, but not now!

I was a very picky eater as a child. I hated most vegetables, which considering that my mom usually heated up canned vegetables and that was the vegetable for the day, I can't say I blame myself.

Eventually I discovered real vegetables & have been a vegetarian for a long time. So I guess you could say I'm still a picky eater as I don't eat meat. But I love all sorts of ethnic food and eat a much wider variety of foods than my parents ever did. They thought Italian food was spicy!

Kids are born with certain personality quirks. Some are born shy, others are always extroverted. You can't turn a shy kid into an extrovert no matter what you do or how you may try to punish the kid. And some kids seem to be born as picky eaters. Those who haven't been a picky eater or haven't raised a picky eater may think it's easy to get kids to eat anything if you're enough of a disciplinarian - but it's not any easier than trying to get a shy kid to become an extrovert.

I should add that my son also was a picky eater and somehow managed to grow up to be a health 6 foot tall adult who know eats all sorts of foods.

I have read that it has to do, somewhat, with taste receptors. Some can taste certain chemicals and some can't.

Same for smell. That's why some people can smell what happens after you eat asparagus and others cannot.

Actually, kerouac, that unique olfactory experience is a metabolic phenomenon. Some people have the enzyme required to break down the asparaginine in the veggie and some don't. Those that do not are readily identifiable at the urinal.

Many children become picky eaters because their parents give in to temper tantrums and pouting. I once watched a friend make three different dinners for her daughter because she didn't like each of the previous choices (none of which were the entrees the rest of us were eating!). The child's entire food world is reduced to chicken nuggets and hot dogs. Parents think it's just easier to give into the child's demands, while in the long run it makes it more difficult for everyone in the family.

I have three now grown daughters, and we had a rule - this is dinner, if you don't like it then you will just have to go hungry. Just be thankful to God that you have good food to put in your stomach. When went to Italy when they were 14, 11, and 11, we had a a much more enjoyable time because they really enjoyed all of the Italian culture, including the food.

I agree with the "many factors" take on the situation.

My kids have always been "adventurous" eaters, never turning up their noses at anything, even when very small.

While I would like to smugly take credit for it, in all honesty I can't. They were born that way - food just wasn't an issue for them.

I know parents sometimes inadvertently contribute to food issues, but I don't believe that they create all of them. I've seen too many families where one child is incredibly picky while others aren't. Even among my own 7 siblings, I have just one sister who was an incredibly picky eater as a child. Nothing my parents tried worked with her. And believe me, with 8 children, my parents certainly did not have the time or inclination to cater to her. But she remained picky until she outgrew it as an adult.

I once read of some studies on children's taste buds that indicated that some of them are MUCH more sensitive to bitter tastes, for example, than most adults and even some other children are. So I think biology plays at least some role in food preferences.

Kids aren't the only picky eaters!

My grand daughter doesn`t even want her food to touch on the plate. She won`t try anything new. She will eat a few vegetables though. Her brother will eat anything put before him and they were raised the same, so who knows?

This is an interesting thread. I'd bet my dinner that most of the comments are made by people who are not currently raising small children. My son (4) would live off fruits, vegetables, bread and cheese if I let him. We eat as a family and he has to try everything but we never force him to clean his plate. If I know that he actually likes the food but is just acting out he has to eat 4 bites.

Current child rearing thought is that as long as children are within healthy height and weight ranges food shouldn't be forced on them. Many adults and young adults have food issues. Some people believe that a cause of that is not having control over what they ate while growing up.

I think it's like any aspect of parenting. It's my job to provide interesting opportunities, give some encouragement, and then step back to let him make his own choices. And just like parenting, I hope no one is watching us for an hour at a restaurant and then making assumptions about the rest of our lives.

Seamus, I read a scientific study where people were paid to whiff the product of both types of people, and it all smelled the same to them. The people who don't smell it just can't smell it, but it is there.

It is also interesting to note that the body produces that odor long before the asparagus has even made any progress in the digestive tract. The moment the body knows that asparagus has been ingested, some strange chemical factory goes to work elsewhere and can produce, yes, "asparagus pee" within 30 minutes.

DH is always grumbling that DS is so picky.

further discussion reveals that DS's dislikes are very close to DH's when he was roughly the same age, with some of mine thrown in for good measure.

DD on the other hand will eat most things.

I pride myself that that's because of her sensible mother; DS's fads and fancies are ones he was born with!

Well as a kid, I only ate meat, would tolerate one potato and that was it. I lived on oranges mainly. When I got married I started eating vegetables in small quantities. I don't like salads very much, and if I was brave enough I would order dessert as the entree when I went out to dinner. (The only time I have dessert by the way).

Because their parents give the food choices to the kids instead of telling them to eat what is on their plates.
If a child in our house didn't eat what was being served for dinner, they could go to bed hungry.

Well then, how do you explain "picky eater" adults? Supposedly mature folks who are unreasonably afraid to try new or what they perceive as exotic things.

I'm more understanding of a child being shy about trying something they don't know, that looks or smells weird, or has a creepy texture.

What about adults with a long list of what they don't like, won't eat, never tried (and I'm not talking food allergies or being vegan or something specific like that)?

An article about this Cornell University study on taste sensitivity was in the NYT several years ago.
http://www.tastescience.com/research.html

<i>What is taste sensitivity?

Taste sensitivity refers to the intensity with which you perceive tastes and flavors. People with high taste sensitivity experience tastes, and usually smells, too, as being very strong. They are also able to distinguish individual flavors in a mixture very well. For people with low taste sensitivity, tastes, smells, and flavors are not as strong, and they come as a "package deal.".... ... We have found that children are more sensitive than their parents ...this may explain why many children are often picky eaters! Here is a graph showing the differences between children ages 3-5 years and their parents in their mean responses to PROP. The vertical scale shows the intensity of the response - the higher the number, the more intense the response. ... </i>

Which confirms my experience that parental attitudes about food are not as determinative as we might think.
My mother was an amazing cook, exposed us to and encouraged us to eat everything.
I am (and pretty much always have been) a horribly picky eater.
My son is unafraid to try anything.

One of my grandson's almost gagged if he was told to eat potatoes no matter how they were prepared. But he did and still does love Sushi and lives in rice. I bought him a rice cooker as a housewarming present when he went out on his own and he uses it almost every day. Uhm, no actually he doesn't live "in" rice, lol, he lives on rice..guess you could say the rice lives in him. He can eat it three time a day.

And his mother, my daughter, could have mashed potatoes and gravy three times a day although she likes rice also. And as a child and to this day she would rather have cocktail onions than chocolate (well except for chocolate covered cherries). When she was around two years of age a big treat was to let her eat a lemon, skin and all! She was never all that interested in desserts and still isn't.

Just the smell of cinnamon makes my son-in-law feel nauseated.

People are people and we all react differently to different foods obviously. And I feel gaggy if I happen to eat something with cilantro in it which I found out on Fodor's many others have the same problem.

I so agree with your comments, LucieV.